


Close Encounters of the Idiot Kind

by TrashqueenofAngmar91



Series: Of Irk and Earth [1]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alien/Human Relationships, All of the episodes are part of the story’s canon, And neither does Reader, Angst, Blood and Violence, Conspiracies, Drinking, Enter the Florpus didn’t occur, F/M, Fluff and Angst, In which Membrane tries to be a better dad, In which the Irken Empire is in a civil war and the Tallest flee for their lives, I’ll try to make Red and Purple BAMFs, I’m in the “Miyuki was a chill mom but could annihilate you if need be” school of learning, Lard Nar had a crush on Tallest Miyuki, Major AU, OC alien races, Original Character Death(s), Purple doesn’t know how to handle feelings, Purple is a shit stain, Reader has a dog and a rabbit, Reader in SPAAAAAAACCCCCEEEE, Reader is a human woman, Reader is a park ranger, Red and Purple are Bros/Best Friends, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tags will be added as the story goes along, That’s how they’ll be portrayed in my fic, The Resisty Resisting Against the Irken Empire (Invader Zim), They’re still lazy goobers but you’ll get wrecked if you push them too much, Wilderness, Xenophilia, area 51, headcanons galore, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2020-11-08 16:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 130,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20838209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashqueenofAngmar91/pseuds/TrashqueenofAngmar91
Summary: All it took was a crash landing in a part of the nature preserve and state park you lived in and patrolled. Now you find yourself dealing with a rather spoiled and bossy alien ruler that is marooned on Earth. And from what it looks like, he’s not getting out of your hair anytime soon.*Holy shit, 10,000 views??? Thank you guys so much! You’re the best!*





	1. First Contact

**Author's Note:**

> This should be interesting... been a fan of Invader Zim my whole life but never contributed to the fandom in any way. But I wish to change that now and hopefully it’s a decent addition.
> 
> The reader will most likely remained unnamed but I may change my mind further down the road. The reason why? The whole “y/n” inserts in the body of the story can get distracting. I know it’s supposed to help with immersion and what not but that’s just my opinion. 
> 
> I’m also doing this because there needs to be more Tallest/Reader stuff. Even though they’re pretty much idiotic frat boys, we still love Red and Purple. They deserve some love. I intend to try to do that in this story.
> 
> Hopefully you guys enjoy this! Thanks for reading!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hate being rudely awakened.

Close Encounters of the Idiot Kind

Chapter 1 First Contact

THUMP.

The dull but loud noise echoed through the totally silent cabin.

The sound stirred you but it was an all too familiar one. It happened every once in awhile and was no major concern to you. You rolled your eyes beneath their lids and you sleepily turned over onto your side.

You half mumbled and half yelled something incoherent at the source of the racket, hoping she would hear you. It was in the middle of the night and you had no desire to glance at your clock to see what time it was.

THUMP.

You growled beneath the sheets of your bed. Grudgingly, you poked your head out from underneath the warm cocoon of covers. Then you opened your eyes and caught sight of your digital alarm clock. You blinked your eyes, still more asleep than awake.

"It's three thirty in the goddamn morning..!" you grumbled. "Go back to bed, Baby! This is ridiculous…"

Sometimes she heeded your drowsy requests. Other times, she wouldn't and would persist with stomping until you came up to her. You honestly hoped that this was one of those times she would leave you be and let you sleep.

THUMP.

"You little shit," you muttered. "I'm gonna turn you into a pair of mittens."

Surrendering to the demands of your pampered pet, you sat up. You were reluctant to get out of your warm, comfortable bed at this hour but Baby was giving you no choice tonight. The sooner you dealt with this, the sooner you'd get back to bed and salvaging a few more hours of sleep.

You threw your covers off and instantly you were met with the chilly air of the cabin you lived in. You slid out of your bed and groaned as you felt your knee pop whenever you stood up and made your way to the door.

"If you want blueberries, you can forget it," you called out to her. "You're definitely not getting treats after pulling this crap."

As soon as you opened up the bedroom door, she stomped again. Baby also grunted rather loudly, conveying her displeasure at whatever was going on. Despite being a rabbit, she was pretty vocal. Sometimes it startled you whenever she grunted or snorted even in the simple act of eating or seeking attention from you.

Her cage was down the hallway and around the corner. As you drew closer to her enclosure, you could hear her digging frantically and pouncing about in her enclosure. She sounded panic. When the loudness and urgency of her racket finally registered to you, that's when all the anger you had towards her instantly melted away.

"Baby, what's up?" you said, your voice still groggy and addled by sleep.

The large, mixed rabbit stomped again for the umpteenth time and she got up on her hind legs, trying to reach you. You put your hand against the bars of her cage, wanting her to sniff you and let her know you were there. Baby seemed placated for a moment but she quickly bolted to the other side of her cage and pounded her back feet on the bottom of it once again.

Something wasn't right.

You slowly stood up, looking around the darkened living room. Your eyes had already adjusted to the dark but you still studied your surroundings, trying to see if anything was out of place. All seemed calm and nothing looked like it was out of place. Visually, all was well.

But your other senses knew something was wrong.

You couldn't hear the soft noise of the crickets outside. Everything was totally silent.

Then something else occurred to you. Your other housemate was nowhere to be found.

"Bambi!" you whispered loudly. "C'mere!"

Your dog was nowhere to be found. The large mutt never wandered too far and you kept him indoors during the evening. The last thing you needed was him bolting after deer or some other animal in the middle of the night.

With each second that ticked by, it made you feel all the more uneasy and wary. Something was wrong.

"Bambi!" you called out again, this time a little louder.

When you said his name a second time, you heard him from the kitchen. You hustled to said location, eager to get to the bottom of whatever was going on.

Upon entering the kitchen, you could see him sitting down. The large, Rottweiler-Bernese Mountain dog mix was staring intently at the door leading out to the modest deck that overlooked the surrounding area. Bambi was growling quietly and a small stream of saliva was pouring from the corner of his mouth. Something was freaking him out.

"Bambi," you whispered. You knelt down but kept your distance, not wanting to startle him while he was so on edge. "What's wrong?"

The mutt rotated between growling and whining, belying his fear but also trying to assert his role as protector of the abode. Some hair was sticking up on his haunches, further revealing his emotions. Your normally relaxed, friendly yet cautious dog was acting like a terrified puppy.

You have never seen him act this way before. And that's when you started to become afraid as well.

The various possible scenarios ran through your head. Perhaps it was a bear roaming about, trying to eat as much as it could before it could begin its hibernation in a few weeks. Perhaps some poachers were prowling around outside your property. You had found activity of them and you had sabotaged some of their traps plenty of times before.

But these didn't seem right. Bambi was familiar with bears although he wasn't dumb enough to outright challenge one. He was more than aware of their scent and the noises they made. The mutt also was all too aware of people. He met many folks over the years, consisting mainly of passing hikers and rangers. It was simply unlike him to be so afraid and defensive of a person.

"You stay right there," you instructed your dog.

You backed out of the kitchen and ran back to your bedroom. Time was of the essence and you needed to be prepared.

You knelt down beside your bed and hastily fished out a long carrying case from underneath it. You unzipped it and pulled out the twelve gauge shotgun that was contained within it. A few shells were also in the container and you carefully loaded your firearm. The ammunition fluidly slid into the chamber and you remembered to make sure the safety was on. You had no desire to shoot until you knew what was going on. It was a mistake you had avoided and still wanted to keep that way.

Then you fished around your bedside nightstand, looking for your headlight. As much as you would look like a dweeb with the device on your forehead, you wanted both of your hands on the shotgun.

A few seconds later you found the device and strapped it to your head. After testing that the light was bright and powerful, you grabbed your gun and made your way out of the bedroom.

You spun around upon remembering you had needed your cell phone. Luckily, it was sitting next to your alarm clock and your hand slapped down on it. Then you chucked it into your pocket and finally exited the room.

Baby was still huddled in a corner and Bambi was most likely still in the kitchen where you left him. Both of them were still scared out of their wits. You were going to try your best to make that terror go away despite your own mounting doubt and worry.

You made your way to the front door and found yourself hesitating for a moment. But you gathered your courage and unlocked it. If it was a poacher, by God, you were going to rip into them. They weren't going to linger in your zone if you had any say in the matter. You took your job quite seriously.

Your hand rested on the door knob and turned it. Then you pushed the door open, exposing yourself to the crisp and dark autumn night.

As soon as the door opened, you heard Bambi scamper out of the kitchen. He nearly ran into the back of your legs and you turned to face him.

"Bambi, stay," you said in an authoritative and calm tone. "You're scared so you stay behind. God, I almost wish it’s a bear…"

The mix whined loudly and watched as you passed beneath the doorframe. He bounded in place and barked, wanting you to come back in. You hushed him and walked the few steps from the front porch to the top of the wooden stairs.

The stairs lightly creaked beneath you and your boots trod upon the dry, shriveled, dead leaves at your feet. The smell of autumn was strong in the air. The crickets were still silent. Clouds danced across the inky sky, covering the waxing crescent moon in a veil. Despite the stillness, there was a faint breeze and you could've sworn you got a smell of something…acrid.

As your eyes further adjusted to the darkness, you swore you something upon the ridge some miles away. There was a reddish orange glow and it was flickering gently. In fact, it was reminiscent of a flame. That was not a designated camping zone.

Your eyes widened as you continued to stare at the suspected fire on the ridge. Perhaps it was a plane crash. You might've not heard it but your keen animals most likely did. Maybe the racket had spooked them. It suddenly made perfect sense to you.

"Oh my God," you breathed, feeling the color leaving your face.

If it was a plane, there were possibly survivors. Or if it was the worst case, there were casualties. This was beyond your power and job description. You had to wait for the authorities.

With one hand clasping your shotgun to your chest, you used your free one to grasp your cell phone. Though the reception could be spotty every once in awhile, luck was on your side this time.

As you were about to dial for emergency services, you nearly dropped your phone. Bambi let out the most chilling, deep, awful howl you've ever heard him release. You visibly shook at the noise and your heart pounded rapidly in your chest.

Something felt terribly, terribly wrong. You could feel it in your very marrow. Your animals knew something you didn't and that scared you to death. He was warning you and he wanted you back in the house.

Then he started to bark ferociously. Bambi sounded as if he turned into some sort of hellhound. His barks were deep, threatening and you thought you could feel them rattle the very bones in your body from the intensity.

Slowly, you began to walk backwards. Your head was on a swivel, carefully surveying the clearing your house was situated on and the forest that surrounded it. You would not make any quick movements to alert whatever the Hell was hanging around. Though you had no idea what was happening and you were petrified, you wanted to act as calmly as possible.

"Bambi," you said. You wanted your voice to be clear and concise but it came out as a whisper. Even you couldn't deny to yourself how freaked out you were. "I'm coming, take it easy..!”

When you looked dead ahead at the tree line, something stuck out to you. It was something that wasn't there seconds ago. Your headlight shone on a figure that was leaning against one of the tree trunks that stood about a hundred and fifty feet away. You could feel the color leave your face and your fingers hung loosely. Even from afar, you could see this…thing all too clearly.

Bambi's insistent and wild barking seemed to have gone muted as you stared at the figure dead ahead. Nothing else seemed to exist to you as you gazed at the object. Your eyes were enormously wide and you found it difficult to even breathe.

There was this exceptionally tall, painfully thin creature standing right before you. Its skin had an unmistakable green tint to it and its large, luminous eyes were colored purple. The suit it wore was purple as well and it appeared as if it was dirty and torn in some places. It looked like four, long, spindly, mechanical limbs sprouted from its back. The metal appendages seemed to support its sagging, weary-looking frame.

You forgot you were still barely holding onto your shotgun. But shooting this creature was the least of your worries. All that mattered was getting away from it as quickly as possible.

Without a word, you turned and bolted back to your house, running faster than you ever had in your entire life. You'd get inside, hunker down with your animals, call the authorities and not leave until someone showed up. At this point, you'd leave nothing to chance.

To your horror, you could hear scuttling and the subtle tapping of its artificial limbs as it started to chase you. The shuffling of the dead leaves grew louder as it got closer. Bambi had moved from his spot in the doorway and was on top of the stairs now, still barking away, his jaws foaming and his teeth ready to crush and tear.

"Bambi, get in!" you screamed.

The dog ran back inside as you drew closer, waiting for you to enter. You could've sworn you could feel the creature breathing down your neck but you made it to your front door before it could intercept you. With all your strength and speed, you slammed the door shut and locked it, almost rattling your whole house in the process. There was an audible thud against the door as the figure had undoubtedly crashed against it and was unable to stop in enough time.

Bambi threw his weight against the door, snarling and barking away as he sought to drive off the intruder. You turned off the safety mechanism on your shotgun and you pumped it.

"Bambi, come!" you commanded. "Come here!"

The Rottweiler mix pawed at the base of the doorframe for a few more seconds but gave up his attack and went to your side. He stood behind you, growling and snarling.

Your gun was aimed directly at your door. Although you didn't want to blow your door off its hinges, if this thing was going to come in through that way, you were going to shove it back out at pointblank range. Yes, you were mortified by this turn of events but you weren't going to curl up and surrender. How dare this thing harass your pets and charge after you.

You nearly opened fire when you heard a knocking at your door. You yelped loudly at the noise and your frame trembled like a leaf in a windstorm.

"You, Earth creature!"

Your mouth gaped when you actually understood this thing. It was directly addressing you. You had no idea how to react and for a moment, you almost lowered your firearm.

You could see and hear the thing rattle your door knob. That action snapped you back to reality. You weren't going to be lured in or deceived somehow, someway.

"Get out of here!" you retorted. "Get out or I'll pump you full of lead!"

"Open this door now!" the voice insisted.

"What the Hell are you?! What are you doing here?! What're you doing skulking around in the middle of the night?!"

"I refuse to be kept out here in the wilderness like this! I'm not an animal! I command you to let me in! Do it, she-beast, or I'll be very upset!"

"I don't take orders from you!"

The rattling at your door stopped and you could hear the artificial limbs click and clack against the side of your house. You stared up at the ceiling, disbelieving this thing scaled up to your roof in no time at all. Bambi snarled and paced about angrily. Baby was huddled in a corner beneath the wooden box she loved to hide under.

"Let's make a deal, Human harpy!" the entity called out. "You left your communication device outside and I have it now."

Your stomach dropped into your feet and you felt as if you were going to puke. Panic and anxiety churned in your guts and you felt far more vulnerable and helpless than you did before. How could you be so stupid as to leave your phone outside? You must've dropped or forgotten it while you were busy with running away from this creature.

"I will return your device to you if you allow me in," it continued. "If you refuse, I'm going to cut the power to your dwelling and you can sit in the dark."

"You can't threaten me!" you argued, aiming your gun at the ceiling. "If you think you can come in here, you're mistaken! My dog doesn't like you and I will let him tear you to pieces!"

You could hear it groan loudly in disappointment and frustration. Seconds later, the nightlights you had on fizzled out.

A colorful curse slipped from your mouth and you tried in vain to turn your living room lights on. You flicked the switch numerous times but to your horror, you were without power. Now you couldn't even use your landline to call for help.

"This can't be happening…" you muttered to yourself. "Oh my God, this can't be real..!"

The tapping resumed and you could hear the thing scale down your cabin again. Bambi growled loudly as it loomed outside your door once more.

"Let's try this again." The voice, which you began to believe was masculine, albeit a bit soft and higher pitched, sounded sickeningly sweet. "Are you still there?"

"You better believe it," you snapped. "I ain't afraid of the dark."

"One way or another, I am getting in. Now it all depends on how you want this to go. Am I going to have to smash one of the windows or break your door down?"

"You threaten me and ignore my questions and you expect me to let you into my place? You're as stupid as you are crazy."

"I'd say you're the dumb one considering you won't let me in. But fine, I'll at least explain myself. If I am to come in, I don't want my shelter damaged too much anyway. My ship crashed a ways from here and I'm trying to lay low. Your house was the closest one to me so I want to come in for some shelter because I refuse to remain out here like some filthy animal!"

This thing was an alien..?

It made total sense now. The crash was this visitor's ship and he certainly didn't look like an inhabitant of Earth. This marooned alien was now threatening you and you had no way to call for help. He more than likely had technology on hand that would make short work of you in an instant. The odds were definitely not in your favor tonight.

It was too much for you to process and it happened way too quickly for your liking. As much as you didn't want to deal with this voyager, neither did you want him to destroy your house or possibly kill your pets if it came down to it. You hated it but you'd have to deal with him for now. You had to give in and share your home with him.

"Hello?" his tone was insistent and impatient. "Are you stupid and deaf?"

"Do not make me reconsider this," you warned him. "I'm letting you in only because I don't want you trashing my home."

"Sheesh, it's about time! Open up! And put that gun down too!"

You grimaced but you complied with him. Carefully, you set your shotgun down.

"Let me unlock the door and when I tell you to come in, come in," you instructed. "I have to hold my dog back so he doesn't turn you into a chew toy."

"Alright, alright just hurry up!" he demanded.

You stepped forward and unlocked the door. Then you took the few steps back and grasped onto Bambi's collar. He was one hundred and forty pounds of muscle and fur and you hoped you would truly be able to restrain him if he lunged at the alien.

"Come in!" you signaled.

You tightened your grip on your dog and knelt down. You whispered comfortingly to him and kept close to Bambi, wanting to reassure and calm him. He wasn't happy at all with this turn of events but you would do what you could do to control him.

Your doorknob turned and the door creaked open rather loudly. Within no time, your eyes fell upon the familiar figure you saw at the tree line.

As soon as you saw him, the mechanical limbs somehow seemed to fold up and retract into his back. His large, purple eyes appeared to gleam even in the darkness. There was a snide, bratty smile on his face and you didn't notice the two black antennae on the back of his head until that moment. Now that he was so close, you finally realized how tall he really was. He seemed to tower over you and that sent a chill down your spine.

"You should feel honored, Earthling," he said in a haughty tone. "Not many aliens receive a Tallest as a guest in their pitiful and filthy home!"


	2. The Emperor and the Peasant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you struggle to accept the reality of your situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys thanks for all the comments, bookmarks and kudos! I’m a bit surprised. Hopefully it remains good and it keeps you all interested.
> 
> Have nothing really to say before this chapter so please enjoy the update!

Chapter 2 The Emperor and the Peasant

Bambi was not amused in the slightest bit. To further display his irritation and fury, he lunged at the visitor, almost ripping your arm out of its socket in the process. Perhaps if you were less fit, that would've happened and Bambi would be tossing this creature around like a rag doll. Amazingly, you held onto the huge dog, your determination and adrenaline keeping him restrained for the moment. If he attempted to get at the alien again, who knew if you'd be lucky enough to hold him back a second time.

The green humanoid seemed a bit intimidated by the obvious aggression Bambi was expressing. You could see that his purple eyes were widened larger than earlier and he seemed to inch past him. Bambi's eyes pinned on the alien's thin frame, refusing to look away for an instant.

"Can't you control that ugly beast?!" the alien griped.

"Genius, why do you think I told you to come in when I told you so?" you practically snarled back at him. "My dog has never dealt with an alien before, albeit a rude one at that."

You pulled Bambi closer to your frame and sat down on the couch behind you. Firmly but gently, you pulled the mutt more towards you and pressed your knees against his sides, forbidding further movement. Your arms wrapped around his neck, rubbing him and getting him to calm down. For the sake and safety of your animals, you'd deal with this.

"Your home is small!" he whined.

"If you don't like it, you're free to leave," you retorted. "You should've listened to me when I told you to take a hike earlier!"

"I'm not leaving!" He folded his arms across his chest. There was a pouting sort of expression to his face. "Like I said earlier, your house is closest to where I crash landed and I'd prefer to not stay outside if I can."

"Then I suggest you get comfy and be thankful."

The alien blinked and backed up. He continued to do so until his back collided with the object behind him. His fingers came into contact with a row of bars and his fingertips brushed against the smooth, skinny metal.

You watched as he turned around to face Baby's cage. He peered into her enclosure and to your surprise, she was out. She was as still as a stone and her large, dark eyes were focused on the stranger lingering by her cage.

In an instant, she grunted loudly and leapt forward, biting one of his fingers. After that, she stomped and retreated to her sanctuary in the corner of her habitat. Apparently, she was as equally displeased with this visitor as her canine sibling was.

If things weren't so serious, you would've bursted out laughing at what just happened. A part of you felt some sadistic form of satisfaction seeing the alien cry out in pain and alarm and waved his hand in some vain effort to rid himself of the pain. It served him right for being an insufferable ass right off the bat.

"What is wrong with these Earth beasts?!" he complained. "You're their master, control them!"

"I'd bite you too if I was a rabbit and some freak from another planet was outside of my cage!" you replied.

"Just so you know, she-beast, I am an Irken!"

"Did you just call me 'she-beast'?"

"I'll keep calling you a 'she-beast' if you keep calling me a 'freak'. Then again, I can't give you any guarantees, Earthling. You are a lower life form after all." He had a cheeky grin on his face as he addressed you. "So what's it gonna be?"

If you hadn't been holding your dog back, you probably would've punched him so hard, you would've snapped his neck. In that instant, you were awfully tempted to release Bambi and let him do the deed. But you exercised greater personal strength and managed to resist the temptation. You reminded yourself that this whole situation was temporary…God willing.

"Okay, look," you sighed. Bambi wriggled around in your grasp still, his noise having lessened considerably but still remaining defensive and unhappy. "You're my guest. Take a seat. I'm doing this for you so I'd like you to do something for me in return."

"Man, you're so demanding!" he sighed in a frustrated way.

"Listen up, princess, you're really trying my patience!" you growled.

"'Princess'?"

The offended and self conscious look on his face was more than worth it. Inwardly, you smiled and relished in this. If he was going to call you names, you could return the favor just as well.

"Yes," you emphasized. "You sure act like one!"

"For your information, I'm a male and I'm more like an emperor!" he corrected you, his tone sounding peeved. "I am the ruler of the vast and powerful Irken Empire!"

If this was the case, you seriously were not impressed. It was hard to believe that he was in control of anything from what you had noticed so far. Maybe he was the emperor of space divas.

"Okay, well, pardon me," you said bluntly.

"You may call me, My Tallest!" he remarked. He straightened himself to his full height and held his head up high.

"…you've got to have an actual name."

"I do."

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"I'm not used to this since this is so degrading." He huffed indignantly. "Everyone calls me 'My Tallest'."

"You're staying in my house and I want your real name. I'm not one of your subjects so I'm not calling you by your title. So…name, please."

The Tallest grimaced at your tenacity. As time wore on, he grew weary and only wanted to settle into the shelter he had and figure out what to do from there. In the meantime, he would cave in to your demands.

"Purple," he said.

Pft. You could've guessed that on your own. You half expected his name to be something ridiculous and exotic along the lines of Galaxhar, Emprosius or Quazrok. Or Princess.

"Okay, Purple," you said, easily memorizing his name.

"Now you give me yours," he said.

And so you did.

"Now, let's try to be levelheaded and responsible adults," you said.

You noticed Bambi became more at ease and accepting of the Irken ruler's presence. The dog was of course reluctant that this thing was in his house but he had calmed down considerably. If you remained calm and even toned, it would serve to placate him even more. If Purple was going to remain with you longer than a day or so, you wanted to make sure Bambi wouldn't kill him when you weren't around to restrain him.

"I've got plenty of questions," you elaborated.

"Well, sure you do," Purple stated. "How often do you Earthlings see someone from outside of your world? Your planet is pretty much in backwater territory. I'm sure it must be difficult for you to understand."

"No, not necessarily." You bit back a smart reply. "I've always believed there was something out there. With the universe being as big as it is, it'd be stupid if absolutely nothing existed outside of Earth. It's literally impossible for us to be the only life. It's a no brainer and not that hard to comprehend."

"Oh, you have no idea what's out there…"

He finally took a seat in your recliner. A smile cracked across his face as he relaxed on the plush, cushioned seat and got comfortable. You groaned internally as he claimed your chair but you weren't going to harp on that too much for now. You needed answers.

Now that some of your irritation, fear, desperation and anger dissipated, you finally took in the fact you had a real live alien in your house. You found yourself staring at him, a little astonished as the reality sunk in more and more. What was unfolding was either someone's deepest nightmare or greatest dream.

"Right…" You stroked Bambi's head soothingly. "What brings you here? What is an alien ruler doing on some supposedly hick planet?"

Purple's antennae twitched. His eyes narrowed momentarily and he seemed to be deep in thought. You remained silent, not wanting to goad him for the moment. You were very much curious as to what he was doing here. You'd shut up and cooperate.

"I'm on the run," he revealed after a few moments of silence. "I had to flee here for my own good. It was either that or risk having those stupid Resisty knuckleheads getting my hide!"

"So, who are they?" you pressed. "Traitors? Rebels? People who opposed your empire?"

His eyes narrowed even more so than they did earlier. His lips curled back, revealing his sharp, segmented teeth. The very recollection boiled his blood and his clawed fingers dug into the seat's armrests.

"All of the above," he dourly commented.

You had to admit, his anger made you uncomfortable. If you were being honest with yourself, you'd see that it even scared you a bit. You could feel and hear his emotions all too easily. Those few words seemed to speak volumes.

Bambi growled lowly, sensing the tension and leaning against you. The dog hopped up onto your lap, laying across it. You grimaced at the weight but were merely happy he was settling down at long last. You continued to keep a hand around his collar to be on the safe side.

"I came here because I know they wouldn't think about coming here," he resumed. "As a Tallest, I'm a very influential and powerful figure. I'm one of the main targets for enemies of the Irken Empire."

"So you're worried about getting assassinated pretty much," you deduced. "I get it. But why are you being targeted? Is it because your people made too many enemies?"

"…you could say that."

"Sounds like the Roman Empire…"

"The what..?"

"The Roman Empire. It was an empire of a civilization that existed on my planet many years ago. It was literally so big that after time, it just collapsed. It fell due to invaders and having too many enemies from all sorts of other nations. That and there was corruption, greed, laziness and some other factors but that's the gist of it."

"The only reason why I'm telling you these things is so that you stop pestering me. And as I'm sure you realize, I need shelter in the meantime. I need to lay low and make sure I'm not found. Your isolation and primitive dwelling will only make it safer for me and harder for any assassins to track me down."

"Does anyone possibly know where you've gone?"

"There was Red, my co-Tallest…"

Oh God. There were two of these obnoxious emperors?

"But we dropped communications with each other some months ago. I haven't spoken to him since and I've been on my own. I have no idea where he is or if he's still alive."

There was an unmistakable hint of concern in his voice. Actually, it caught you off guard. For an instant, he didn't seem like he was the selfish alien you nearly shot not too long ago. A surge of pity filled you.

"You're a refugee," you said. "I appreciate you explaining this all to me. It makes sense…"

"I'm hungry!" he cut in. "What do you have to eat?"

You weren't expecting that. What did aliens eat? What could you give him? Would he spontaneously combust if you tried to give him pretzels?

"Uh, well…" you said sheepishly. "I don't think I'm properly equipped for unexpected guests of the extraterrestrial kind…"

"You have any chips?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. "Taquitos? Soda? Donuts? Chocolate?"

How was this possible..?

"I have some chocolate in my fridge," you said. Despite having it, you were still reluctant to feed him it.

"Get it for me!" he commanded.

"I'm sorry, I think you'll have to do it on your own."

"What did you say?"

"I've calmed my dog and I don't want to move. He might get mad and he might try to attack you again."

It looked like he was seriously evaluating your claim. There was some snide sarcasm in your voice but you also spoke the truth. You knew that he was aware your words were double edged. Bambi was content on your lap and wanted him to remain complacent for as long as possible.

"Fine," he drawled, looking quite annoyed. "Where's a service drone when you really need one?"

"Sorry, Purple, but I do my own work here. You'll have to follow my example if you're going to stay here."

"Obviously, you're too poor and lowly to have servants of your own." His tone was catty. Then he pulled out your phone from within his robes. "Take it back."

He tossed it to you and you luckily managed to catch it. Concerned, you checked it over, making sure it was in ship shape.

"The kitchen is off to the right," you said, checking the time on the clock. It was almost four in the morning. "Help yourself to whatever you need."

He gave you no reply and went to the directed area. You cringed as you realized you were going to have to get up after all. He was indeed from another planet and it was more than likely he didn't know anything about his surroundings. You'd have to end up babysitting an adult alien.

"Bambi, move," you said softly, squirming beneath the mass of the dog.

He was unwilling to budge, wanting you to remain on the couch. As you persisted, he grunted and gave in to your demand. Bambi leapt off the couch, permitting you to stand back up.

"Be nice," you firmly commanded him.

His large head was turned to the kitchen and you could see that he was still quite unsettled. But he could sense your acceptance with the situation and that calmed him in return. Still, he was cautious and would watch this visitor. He refused to trust the Irken.

You could hear a crash coming from your kitchen and you bolted to that room. The room was quite dark since the power outage and you had no idea what had caused the racket.

As soon as you walked in, you could hear your boots trample in something wet. Swearing under your breath, you turned on your flashlight and beheld your spilled fruit juice. The container was wide open and tilted onto its side in the refrigerator, a waterfall of the juice spilling from it and running over the floor.

"Hey!" you cried.

Hastily, you righted the bottle up in its correct position and put the cap back on.

"It smelled gross," he said.

"If you don't like it, don't let it go to waste," you chastised him. You grabbed some paper towels and started cleaning up the mess he made. "I drink this every morning!"

You could hear him chewing on something loudly. You shone the light on him, watching him shove a whole candy bar into his mouth as if it was nothing.

"Got anything else?" he talked while his mouth was still full.

"You literally came at the worst time," you sighed. "I was going to get groceries either tomorrow or the next day. I need to stock up on a lot of things."

"If that's the case, I'll make a list of things you can get for me."

"How the hell can you eat chocolate? I thought it'd be toxic for you..?"

He shrugged and swallowed it down. Then he turned and started rummaging through your cabinets for more food.

"My diet consists of sugars and carbohydrates," he said. "And lots of it. I hope your job pays you well, Earth woman. I eat a lot and yet I can still maintain this thin and handsome frame!"

If your eyes rolled any harder back into your skull, you'd see your brain. What the Hell did you get yourself into?

"Fantastic," you muttered under your breath. "Goddamn freeloader."

You could hear the crinkle of a bag and you tried to ignore it, preferring to let him feed and pretend he wasn't even there. But you paused when you heard the crinkling sounding more insistent and intentional. Still, you disregarded it, wanting to clean up your kitchen.

When he cleared his throat loudly, you finally acknowledged him. Purple was holding up a bag of chocolate cake mix and was staring back at you expectantly. You only stared back at him, sensing what was on his mind.

"I am not making a cake for you at four AM," you said.

"Yes, you are," he argued.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Why? You have to!"

"Because I need have more important things to do!"

"Like what?"

You felt as if you were going to have an aneurysm.

"I had to clean up the mess that you created," you said, your patience drastically melting away. "I have to report your crash to the authorities and remove it from the land. That is going to take all damn day! My boss and the authorities are going to question me and ask me as much as they can about the situation. They're gonna know it's a vehicle of some sort and they're gonna realize it's not from this planet. Potentially, this is a very hairy situation. Do you understand me?"

"It can't be that bad!" He waved a hand dismissively.

"You dense idiot, if they figure out I'm hiding something or withholding information of some sort, they're gonna come into my house and find you. And let me tell you, if they find you, it's game over for the both of us. They'll probably throw me in jail and you'll be hauled off to some secret government stronghold and dissect you or question you or something along those lines. Whatever it is, I guarantee, it won't end well for you."

He went silent at your words. The cake mix that was in his other hand slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor.

"Okay…" he said, sounding a bit anxious. "Cake can wait. I'll just eat some of these cookies I found."

"I suggest you hide in my guest bedroom and stay in there until I come back in for the day," you said. "Don't make a peep, don't leave the house and stay away from the window, for the love of God. No one can know you're here."

"Don't worry, I don't want your fellow, primitive, savage, stink-beasts catching wind of me!"

"Then you'll do as I tell you."

He was displeased with that but he knew it was true. There was a bounty on his head and many across the universe were more than happy to track him down and bring him in, dead or alive, for their generous rewards. Though Purple had no desire to admit it, not even to himself, but he was now more vulnerable than he ever was in his entire life. As much as he hated it, he'd have to trust and rely upon this Earthling for now. In the meantime, he'd have to bide his time and wait. That was the only choice he had. As far as he knew, he still wanted to live.

"Fine," he sneered.

"Good," you replied with an equal amount of vitriol in your voice. "Oh and that's right, I gotta get the power company to fix my line too! Everything in my fridge is going to spoil! This is the start of a perfect day!"

You left the kitchen, preferring to not interact with the Tallest anymore. It would feel good to get out of your cabin and be away from him for some time. Already, he was turning into the worst houseguest you've ever had.

You grabbed your cell phone and walked out onto your front porch. Bambi was close to follow you and you were relieved he was sticking close and choosing to not attack the Irken.

You walked out into the open, still spotting the fire on the ridge. Luckily, it didn't seem to be spreading or growing since you first caught sight of it. Mentally, you cursed yourself, knowing you should've reported this far earlier but you were legitimately preoccupied until that moment.

You brought up your contacts list and sought out your superior officer's phone number. You only hoped he was awake by now.

The phone only rang two times before you heard the man's voice. You breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're up early," he said. He sounded like he was in a good mood.

"Morning, Ted," you replied. "Sorry to bug you but I have to report an incident in my zone."

"What happened? Is everything alright?"

"I'm standing on my property and looking at the ridge. I see a fire. I don't think it's some hikers camping there, Ted. I think something might've crashed there. You gotta call the emergency services and see what's going on."

You could hear some silence on his end, knowing this surprised him. The quiet made you increasingly nervous with the looming situation. You had no idea what the future had in store and that actually mortified you.

"Okay, let me get some folks up to the site," the senior ranger decided after a few moments of silence. "Get dressed, grab your ATV and meet me at the start of the Coronary Trail. Just be careful and have your wits about you."


	3. Pieces on the Board

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things only become more complicated for everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the love! I’m awfully flattered to be honest and I’m glad y’all like it as much as you do. Hopefully this story will stay nice, fresh and good. 
> 
> As for this chapter... I’m a bit unsure with it. Things pick up and are made a little more clear as to what else is exactly going on. Way more characters are in this one too. It’s more about plot being put into motion and things of that nature. So if it’s boring, sorry. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 3 Pieces on the Board

"What you saw was an experimental, crashed drone from another country. That was what you saw, nothing more, nothing less. There's nothing else to elaborate on or comment on further. Have I made myself perfectly clear, Miss?"

Numbly, you nodded your head at the agent's not too thinly veiled threat. There was nothing else you could say about the matter at hand. You wanted this to be done and over with.

It was all a crock of shit, a lie, a ruse, a cover up. You heard your fair share of stories about government conspiracies and the claims of people who said they were in the middle of them. Once upon a time, they were the same folks you labeled as mentally ill paranoiacs. You didn't realize until this moment that you were the star of your very own conspiracy tale. Now you'd be the crazy one.

"I want to hear you say that you understand me," the burly, somber agent retorted.

"I understand perfectly, sir," you answered, feeling breathless and all too intimidated.

Honestly, the experience was jarring and unsettling. By the time Ted got a hold of the local authorities, it took no time at all for those men to call in the "other" folks. No sooner than two hours after you and Ted made it to the crash site, the federal authorities arrived and had taken total control of the situation.

You were thoroughly questioned and interviewed about the matter. You cooperated with them, not daring to anger or inconvenience any of them. These were agents that you had no intention of tangling with. They were way out of your league and you didn't want to end up being detained for any reason. Technically, you told them the whole truth and nothing but the truth. They never mentioned anything about extraterrestrials or strange life forms but everyone at the site knew what exactly happened.

You provided your account and Ted gave his as well. The agents seemed pleased with how things were recorded and collected. Your boss got the exact same talk as did some of your fellow rangers that showed up at the scene. You were all briefed and specifically instructed to keep your mouths shut and be satisfied with the answer you were given. The official report was that a foreign, experimental drone suffered a power failure and crash landed in Red Leaf State Park. It was to be seized by the government, stored in a warehouse and "returned" to the nation it originated from.

The heavy, deep whirring of the blades resonated above your head. Military grade helicopters patrolled the skies over the state park, surveying the area and looking for any more fragments or evidence of the crash. Some of those choppers had been rigged up to Purple's cruiser and covered his craft with layers of concealing tarps. Carefully and slowly, the helicopters lifted the alien vehicle from the small, smoldering crater it was embedded in.

"_Jesus H. Christ… This can't be real. Is this what I think it is..?_"

Your boss was a gruff and serious fellow. You'd never forget the way he uttered those words when he came upon the crater that cradled the shuttle. Nothing really shook him but you heard genuine fear in his voice for the first time. The fifty-something year old man was shocked and at a loss for words. Both of you knew what you were looking at and you were more than aware of what was on hand.

Even after he called in the appropriate personnel to deal with this situation, Ted was silent and shaken. It seemed as if his understanding of the world was turned upside down. He paced about relentlessly and he barely spoke a word to you for the entire time. He was far too lost in his mind and trying to actually believe that this was really happening.

All of you knew for a fact that this wasn't a drone. Your colleagues and boss weren't so easily fooled as well. But in order to avoid the attention of the federal agents, you and your fellow rangers knew what needed to be done. None of you were keen on bringing down the wrath of the government upon yourselves if you could avoid it.

"That's a drone..?" Kendra asked, quirking an eyebrow. Your neighbor and fellow park ranger wasn't convinced. "Looks pretty, uh, high-tech to me."

"Kendra, none of this happened," Zack retorted. He was disbelieving of everything as well but he would just go along with the ruse. "I mean, we don't know what other countries are cooking up. What do we know?"

You barely paid any head to Kendra and Zack's bickering as you watched the choppers carry off Purple's shuttle. Lord only knew where it was going and you sure as Hell knew they weren't going to surrender it. They were going to experiment, study and reverse engineer this thing. It was as simple as that. It was doomed to become extremely classified information.

But what the federal authorities didn't know was that you had the most important piece of the puzzle in your very cabin. Inwardly, you smirked at the knowledge, feeling some sort of satisfaction with pulling the wool over their eyes. But at the back of your mind, you had a hunch that they knew there had to have been a pilot. Said pilot was totally unaccounted for and nowhere to be seen…

"Alright, folks," Ted announced, raising his voice. "We're done here with this. Let's move along and at least get some of our daily patrols done. Our schedules and duties will resume normally tomorrow." He turned to you. "And I've called the power company, they'll have a truck up at your cabin tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, Ted," you huffed. Everything in your fridge was undoubtedly spoiled now but luckily there wasn't much in there to begin with. "Luckily the fire place will keep my cabin warm til the power kicks back on."

"You're lucky it's not winter." Then he redirected his attention to the other rangers. "Let's keep our mouths sealed, okay? Nothing happened. And if we get any visitors or anyone else asking about what happened, we're telling them what we were told. Are we all on the same page?"

Kendra looked rather upset and unwilling to come to terms with things. Meanwhile, Zack only nodded his head.

"Kendra, come on," you gently encouraged her. "We know… But we have to."

"This is bullshit," she huffed in disgust and then briskly walked away.

The blonde ranger made her way to her ATV and started it up, making her way back to her assigned sector. The vehicle peeled down the maintenance road, ripping up dirt and leaves as she stormed off.

"I really hope she doesn't open her mouth too much," Ted groaned in frustration. "That's only gonna be a headache for us in the future."

"No need to worry, I'll try to talk to her," Zack promised.

"One more thing…" He spoke lowly and kept his eyes pinned on you and Zack. "We have to be extremely vigilant. We have to be on the lookout for anything…weird. The agents told me it was quite possible that there was a pilot in that vehicle. Nothing was recovered but that doesn't mean it's gone."

"Like what? Crop circles? Animal mutilations?"

Ted eyed his junior ranger warningly. But if this all was truly real, then there was an alien possibly out and about. He felt like an idiot for doing this but he found himself nodding at Zack's assumptions.

"Anything out of the ordinary," Ted reiterated. "You'll know it when you see it I'm sure. Report it to me. As the senior ranger, I have to report it back to them if we come across anything." His voice went lower. "And you know they're gonna be prowling around here for a bit just to make sure things are…clear. So look alive and be alert, you two." Ted set a hand on Zack's shoulder. "Be sure to forward that info to Kendra, please."

Dread pooled in your stomach and anxiety steadily began to tighten its grip on you. Now you were in the midst of this and it just got that much harder to get out of. He was trapped on Earth without his vehicle and you were harboring someone your nation would love to get a hold of.

(…)

The ride back to your cabin was an uncomfortable one. You had driven on the various paths, trails and roads plenty of times but never before had you been so tense and nervous in your own woods. You swore you could feel invisible eyes on you and you felt almost paranoid. The quicker you could get back home, the better.

While you were out of your residence, you confined Purple to your guest bedroom. The Tallest was extremely displeased with this but you argued to him that it was to save his own neck. After some bickering and promises on your part, he finally agreed but was still peeved and reluctant with being relegated to one room for an undisclosed amount of time. When he was enclosed in the bedroom, he went in with literally all the junk food you had left in your pantry and cabinets. Which wasn't much to begin with…

Ahead of you was the clearing your cabin was situated in. You sped up and veered off the path and towards your home.

"_God, please, let everyone be alive…_"

You slowed your quad down and directed it towards the shed you stored it in. Then you parked it inside the small structure, turned off the ignition and closed it up for the night.

Quickly, you walked to the cabin, fumbling with your keys in the process. You could hear your dog barking as he undoubtedly heard and smelled your approach. Hearing his noise was reassuring and it let you know he was still alive. But whether he got a hold of Purple and mangled him beyond recognition was something you had no idea about just yet.

You stuck the keys in the door and hastily opened it up. As soon as the door was partly opened, Bambi stuck his muzzle through the crack and the rest of his body came barreling out.

"I'm happy to see you too, you big goober," you smiled, feeling some relief wash over you.

His tail was wagging vigorously and it almost looked as if he was smiling. Seeing him like that made the whole situation a little easier to deal with. You pet him, wanting to soothe him and settle down.

"I don't see alien blood smeared all over you," you muttered. "That's…encouraging."

You entered the cabin, Bambi following right behind you. As soon as you walked in, you stepped into the living room and caught sight of Baby's enclosure. The rabbit was idly eating away at her pellets in her food dish, looking mellow but perpetually grumpy as she always did.

At least your animals were alive.

Cautiously, you closed the door behind you. As nonchalantly as possible, you pulled your curtains across the large window in your living room. There was no way anyone could find out. Government agents be damned.

"Hey, Purple!" you called out. "The coast is clear!"

Almost instantly, you heard the door to his room open up.

"That was way too long!" he bemoaned.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't do a thing about it," you rolled your eyes. "By the way, you're really marooned on Earth now. They came and took your ship."

Purple appeared around the corner, warranting a warning stomp from Baby at the same time. He ignored the creature, disliking her and still disbelieving she had the gall and audacity to bite his finger. He'd keep his distance from the small but bold rabbit.

"Fantastic," he said in a rather neutral tone.

"I thought you'd be more upset," you remarked.

"Well, I don't want to be here to begin with but I've got no choice. Yet I guess it's nice because that just means evidence of my presence has been swept away. Any Resisty forces will have a harder time locating me. So, yes and no…"

You knelt down in front of your fireplace and loaded it up with tinder. There was a definite chill in the air and it would get even more noticeable when the night would creep in a few hours later.

"Listen to me," you said as you turned your head to look at him. "You don't exist. You're not supposed to be here. I had to lie to my own country today and I feel horrible about it. But I'm not an asshole and I'm going to keep you here because you needed help."

"Good, you know your priorities, Human," he smirked.

"I didn't realize 'thank you' was that hard to say in your species." You scoffed and lit a match. Then you gently lit the tinder, wanting the fire to ignite and grow. "But I'm sure those agents will be in the woods and sticking around for a bit to make sure they didn't overlook anything. So I suggest that you still lay low."

"I'm not being imprisoned in that room again! I didn't like it!"

"What appeals to you more? Life or death?"

"Well, duh, life!"

"Okay, just checking…"

The flames flickered brighter and grew larger. You smiled as the logs finally caught. You'd sleep in a warm house tonight even without your power.

Purple took a seat closest to the hearth and stretched his long, lanky form out, looking much like a cat. He smiled at the warmth that began to radiate from the fireplace. His antennae twitched about in a contented manner. The Irken leader looked quite comfortable and you hoped this would keep him compliant and appeased for now.

His mannerisms would've almost been adorable to you if you hadn't already decided that he was an asshole. It was obnoxious more than anything else.

"When is your power going to come back on?" he asked, his eyes transfixed by the dancing of the flames.

"Tomorrow," you replied.

"That's too long!"

"If you hadn't been a jerk and cut it to begin with, this wouldn't be an issue."

"I had to get you to let me in somehow. And it worked. When are you going to get more food for me?"

"When the power gets back on, your Majesty."

"It's 'my Tallest'."

"Whatever."

"I'll provide you with the list of food and snacks I want and you can go get them tomorrow."

"I have a job, you know."

"That's right, I forgot about that…" He eyed you inquisitively. "What exactly do you do?"

"I'm a park ranger. The place you landed in is a large state park and nature preserve. My job is to patrol my assigned sector of the park and make sure things are alright. It mostly consists of studying and surveying the local flora and fauna, making sure hikers and campers are safe, monitor for signs of poachers and a few other little things here and there."

"Sounds boring."

"I love the outdoors and nature so it's perfect for me. It's clean, quiet, peaceful, private… I can't stand the urban sprawl anyway. Never cared for it…"

"What do you do for entertainment? How did you not go insane?"

He truly sounded curious and intrigued by your preferences. It occurred to you that it was possibly likely that there was no such thing as a ranger where he came from. Maybe everything was super industrialized and there wasn't a speck of nature as unbelievable as the concept seemed to you. Maybe this whole thing was completely foreign to him. Maybe he couldn't ever understand it.

"I hike, read a book, watch TV, play video games…" you said.

"You've got video games?!" Purple almost yelled.

His antennae were nearly erect at that mention. A bright smile flashed across his face and hope was twinkling in his violet orbs.

"Yes," you said with a smile of your own. Then you frowned heavily, turning the tables on his joy. "But you need electricity to play them."

Purple was crestfallen and his smile shattered instantly. He grunted unhappily and rolled over onto his side, his back facing you. The Irken leader was upset and couldn't bear to look at you for the moment.

"You're no fun at all, Human!" he complained. "I was thinking about making you one of my personal servants once I'd regain power but you're such a party pooper!"

You could care less.

(Planet Yutus – homeworld of the Yuti. Located ten thousand light years from Earth)

Lard Nar couldn't help the chill that coursed down his back. He managed to straighten his posture and hold his head up high. Though the sharp, scrutinizing gazes of the Yuti warriors were cutting him to ribbons figuratively, he managed to ignore them for now. Tried as he did to totally disregard them, it was far easier said than done. Their steely and fierce demeanors were rumors that had been proven to be true.

Despite the fact that the Yuti had allied their planet and people with the Resisty amidst this galactic conflict, the Vortian couldn't help the fact that they intimidated him. Even the other members of his crew privately voiced their fears and concerns. Yet Lard Nar would remind them that they were lucky to have them on their side. They were fortunate that the views of the Yuti had changed over time and were all too willing to assist them in combating the Irken Empire. They were happier to have the avian aliens as allies than enemies.

Besides, the Resisty needed all the help they could get.

Lard Nar was stopped just outside of the arboreal building that had been constructed out of a mesh of metal and wooden matter. Before the entrance to the meeting hall stood a small Yuti warrior. Remembering to show respect and not risk offending the diminutive creature before him, he gave it a polite bow. The Yuti returned the gesture to him, its dark brown eyes nearly beaming in amusement.

"Welcome, Lard Nar," the Yuti, a female warrior, greeted him. "Welcome, friend and brother in arms."

"Greetings, Chief Naver of the Sittaci tribe," he returned. "I am happy to be welcomed into your wings."

The memorization and reciting had paid off so far. Before this meeting, he was strictly advised to properly study the customs of the natives. They were easy to offend and reluctant to forgive. The Yuti were usually quick tempered and it didn't help that they were a war-like species. As far as he was concerned, he wanted to remain on their good side and not risk losing their assistance.

Naver seemed to appreciate his words and her green feathers ruffled in excitement. Her large, iron-tipped beak clicked happily and wasn't poised to rip his throat out.

"An enemy of the enemy is our friend," she said. "We have been expecting you."

"I-Indeed you have!" he replied. "Here I am. I guess that Commander Lyn is inside?"

"She is. She has been eager to talk with you. Now, time is valuable. Enter."

The bright green, bird-alien stepped aside, allowing Lard Nar entry. He couldn't deny that he felt wary of even walking by the leader of the Sittaci. He had heard his fair share of anecdotes about Chief Naver and every one of them were bloody and fearsome. There was a reason why she was the ruler of her tribe. The chiefdoms were only to be earned by the worthiest and strongest of their respective lineages and she had proven her power and defended her throne time and time again.

To be on the safe side, Lard Nar bowed to Naver again. This time, she returned the bow to him. Apparently, she viewed him as a confidant and equal. He granted her respect and so she gave him hers in return. So far, so good.

Phew.

The automatic door parted as he drew closer. He entered the hall and the door shut behind him as he went in further.

It took him no time at all to see the figure standing at the opposite end of the room. Their back was facing him and they seemed completely oblivious to his presence. They were rather invested in studying a star map, zooming in and out of certain locations and planets. Data, statistics and graphs scrolled up and down on the far left side of the large, holographic map.

He cleared his throat loudly, hoping to get their attention.

"Is that you, Lard Nar?"

The voice was so soft that he almost didn't hear them at first. They didn't turn to face him but at least they were receptive to him. He could see the spider webbing cracks and heavy scrapes that ran along the white and pink device that was fused onto their back. The Vortian internally cringed at the damage, suspecting that it had to have been painful if not uncomfortable.

"Yes," he answered. "We need to talk, Lyn."

"Of course," they retorted.

At last, the figure turned to properly address him.

The person was a tall, thin, female Irken. She was taller than Lard Nar was but she was no Tallest either. There were scars that ran along the right side of her chin and on her left cheek. Lyn's large, bright eyes were colored a light blue hue, almost looking cyan. Her left antenna had almost been completely severed, resulting in nothing more than a jagged stump sticking an inch out of her cranium. The Irken's right one was perfectly intact and curled, giving further hint to her gender. The clothes she wore were akin to the typical Invader garb but were colored dark blue and silver. Around each of her wrists was one golden bracelet.

"So," she said, idly twirling the bracelets, "whatever is on your mind?"

Lyn left her maps and charts for now and approached her commanding officer. She strode up to the tinier alien, her posture straight and proud.

"The Empire is still going strong even without its leaders," Lard Nar revealed. "I thought their morale would've taken a beating with their disappearance. It's a bit worrying in all honesty."

"Yes and no," Lyn said. "Yes, the loyal ones love their Tallest. But what runs deeper than their devotion is their inability and unwillingness to surrender. It is ingrained and encoded in every single Irken's PAK. It's what they're literally programmed to do. Unless they're defective, they have no choice but to obey."

"But do you think that they will…tucker out? Do you think they'll lose steam?"

"Look at me, Lard Nar. I haven't lost my steam. Neither will they. We Irken are infamously stubborn. If they surrender, they lose. They lose their purpose. They need a purpose. Those without a fitting purpose or don't fit into the grand scheme of things are labeled as defective. And those defectives are culled."

"I see."

At last, Lyn made it to his side. It was so silent that he could hear the slight humming of her PAK.

"Because they will never capitulate, you must force them to do so," she said. "When I say that, you must kill them."

She was blunt but he also respected that. That was one of the reasons why he had accepted her into his ranks. That and a traitor of the enemy's ranks was an extremely valuable commodity in any war.

"The Tallest are still gone," he said. "We lost track of both of them… I can't believe those two bumbling idiots have managed to escape us."

"One way or another, they will be weeded out," she promised. "Don't worry, Lard Nar. We have a few things in our favor. The Irken Empire is embroiled in a brutal civil war and the Resisty's ranks have been supplemented with many defective and rebel Irken soldiers. The Empire hasn't been this vulnerable in many, many years. It has many enemies from the inside and outside so this was a storm that has been brewing for a very long time. Victory is guaranteed if you ask me."

"What do you suggest in the meantime?"

"A war of attrition. We must tire them out, deplete snack stockpiles and kill as many soldiers as we can before they can grow more."

Admittedly, Lard Nar felt a little unsettled by her and how she spoke so callously. She had willingly forsaken her race and was more than ready to commit atrocities against them. Lyn was cold and methodical with the subject of the war and dismantling the Empire from the inside. He had no doubts that she had severed all loyalties and ties to the entity she once faithfully served. She had turned her back on her people and was willing to do what was necessary to achieve her goal.

"I don't want to risk too many casualties of my own troops," he argued. "I want to see the Empire crash and burn as much as you do but that's where we differ, Lyn. I don't want to throw lives away."

"That's the reality of war, sir," she asserted, narrowing her eyes. "And I'm advising you in this way because I know these troops. I was once one of them."

"Perhaps we can force Rarl Kove to surrender…"

"I disagree."

"He is leading the loyalist forces with the absence of the Tallest."

"And I am the figure head of the Irken insurrection. I will personally deal with Rarl when I get a hold of him. His destruction will make things all the easier."

"We'll keep searching for the Tallest in the meantime. I intend to…borrow some of your Yuti warriors to help in the search effort."

"Fine. May I suggest you take some warriors from the Aquila and Corvidii tribes?"

In general, all of the intelligent, sapient inhabitants of Yutus were called the Yuti. The Yuti were divided into different subgroups and subspecies and they had formed their own tribes. There were four main tribes that were called the Aquila, the Corvidii, the Gruid and the Sittaci. These groups competed amongst each other for territory, resources and other commodities. For the most part, they were all war-like and fierce but they had distinct physical and cultural differences amongst their own nations as well.

"The Aquila are brave and hardy and they are the fiercest soldiers this planet has to offer," Lyn explained, folding her arms across her chest. "The Corvidii are stealthy and masters of subterfuge. Both should help you in locating and subduing the Tallest. In fact, you may be able to take a few Sittaci warriors too. They're the smallest of the Yuti but equally as fearsome as their larger brethren. Don't let their smallness fool you. Naver is the prime example of Sittaci pride and might."

"Trust me, I know," Lard Nar smiled nervously. "I've heard about the rumors. Naver's reputation precedes her. It seems like the Yuti are reluctant to trust us."

"Naver will be pleased to hear those words." The female Irken smiled. "Yet the Yuti have learned their lesson with trusting an outside entity. Don't take it personally. They thought the Empire would appreciate and respect their contributions. They were wrong and so was I."

The male Vortian wouldn't press into matters further. Although Lyn had proved to be a valuable asset and advisor in the war effort so far, some blaring realities remained. They were things he couldn't ignore for too long. Not only that, they were way too obvious. He would only admit to his closest comrades that the defective, female Irken freaked him out at times.

"Any suggestions as to where we should look for the Tallest next?" he asked.

Lyn raised an arm, gesturing to the star map she was previously studying. She made her way back to the display and Lard Nar followed her.

"You've checked Foodcourtia," she said. "You've scrounged through the planetary wheat fields of Glutose. You've delved deep into the sugar mines of Sucra and found nothing. The Empire is crumbling and they know this. Like the cowards they are, they fled because they knew the odds weren't in their favor. Their truth worth and colors were revealed."

"Then we have to check other obvious planets," Lard Nar deduced. "They could've gone to planets like Resortia. They are very lazy and pampered. They'd want to have some sort of luxury or pleasure wherever they go no matter the circumstances."

"I agree. But unfortunately the universe is so large." Lyn scowled. "As much as it pains me to admit it, I think the Empire will be destroyed before they will be. They could be anywhere and we simply don't have the resources and forces to search for them nonstop. While we send out some troops to track the Tallest, in the meantime, I suggest we whittle away at the loyalist forces. Then we go for the Control Brains themselves."

"That makes sense. Your input and insight is very much appreciated, Commander Lyn."

"No, the pleasure is all mine, Lard Nar. Really, you have no idea."

He didn't want to know.

"I'll be keeping in touch with you," he remarked.

"Of course," Lyn said, turning her back to him and returning to her previous task. "Let me know of your next move against the Empire. It is crumbling further and further with each day that goes by."

The Vortian said nothing else to her. He only turned on his heels and walked out of the meeting hall.

Lyn disregarded the smaller life form and stared blankly at the star map. She was alone once more, her only company being her thoughts and her charts. The silence was nearly deafening but she didn't mind it. Sometimes, she needed it to be totally quiet. It helped her.

Absentmindedly, she twirled one of the bracelets, admiring the feeling of the cool element against her light green skin. Her remaining antenna twitched and she lowered her head, her eyes shutting momentarily. She stood unmoving in the dim room, bathed by the soft, blue glow given off from the chart.

"_Merit determines all. I will make it so._"

A large, toothy smile cracked across her previously placid features.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Yuti warrior featured in this chapter? The chief? She’s based off a peach-faced lovebird if anyone’s interested. All future characters from that race will be modeled after a real life species because I’m a nerd.


	4. Freak on a Leash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you go grocery shopping with an alien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kudos/bookmarks/comments! Hope you guys like this one! Trying to keep things funny and fresh. And of course, as always, Purple is a terrible person LOL.

Chapter 4 Freak on a Leash

(the next morning)

"That must've been one hell of a squirrel to bite through your power line so cleanly!"

"I know, right? I don't think I'd want to tangle with something like that. It's bad news."

"Well, hopefully it doesn't come back and decides to chew on it again. I got it all fixed. I put this chew deterrent on the line too to make sure."

"Thanks, Ken. I appreciate you coming out here to fix it."

"Sure, no problem! It's my job after all."

So far, so good. Purple stayed in his room while the power guy came to remedy the situation. The Irken remained far from any window so Ken wouldn't possibly get a glimpse of him. That was the last thing you needed to have happen.

You returned from your morning patrol and all seemed well and easy. You didn't see any glimpses of any government agents but that didn't necessarily mean they were absent. Ted's warnings constantly circulated inside your head and it made you anxious and on edge. Clean up crews were still at the ridge and they would most likely remain there for a few days at the very least. You were given an update to not go up to that area until the agents had evacuated that area. No doubt they were scrounging about for any bits of extraterrestrial technology or traces that might've been left behind. As far as you were concerned, you were going to stay away and not risk getting in trouble.

For the Tallest's own safety, he'd probably have to be relegated to your cabin for a few weeks. He'd probably end up contracting cabin fever but you'd tie him down if you had to. He couldn't risk cover being blown. You couldn't risk getting yourself thrown into prison and charged with perjury, withholding information from a federal agent, or some other grievous offense.

"By the way," Ken said as he came down the ladder, "did you see the fireball last yesterday?"

That was your cue.

"Yeah, I was there at the crash site," you said, keeping the conversation nonchalant and definitely not suspicious. "It was a downed drone from another country."

"Really?" the man asked. He raised a dark and heavy brow. "A drone?"

"Yeah. It was an experimental drone. I could hardly believe it myself."

"That explains why army trucks and helicopters were flying over and driving through town almost all day yesterday. Must be some super serious and secret business."

"It got confiscated and it's gonna be returned to its home country. Honestly, I'm not too impressed."

"Still, must've been a neat thing to see. Stuff of that type doesn't happen too often up around here… Well besides the occasional Bigfoot sightings but that's it I guess."

"Red Leaf has its share of stories and legends but this is definitely the most exciting thing that has happened in awhile."

Ken grunted in agreement and retracted his metal ladder once he was finished with being on your roof. His work was completed and all he had to do was clean up and head out. You'd wait til he was gone and then move onto the next phase of your plan.

Last night, you ended up falling asleep on the couch. The fire that was once roaring had devolved into glowing embers that still gave off a tiny bit of heat. You were unsure when it happened exactly but you woke up with Bambi on the floor and Baby nestled away in her beloved box. Purple was nowhere to be seen, having moved to his bedroom to lay on the bed like the pampered and regal creature that he was.

After the little spat you two had about video games, he ignored you for the rest of the night. You returned the courtesy to him and ended up reading a book until you passed out at some point. Luckily, you woke up alive and you supposed that he hadn't killed you in your sleep for slighting him. Honestly, you were a bit proud of yourself for surviving with him in your house for twenty four hours.

One day down, an "x" amount more to go.

"Alright, everything's all good to go," he reported.

"Thanks again, Ken," you smiled. "You're a lifesaver."

"Don't sweat it. Take care."

He hopped into his pickup truck and drove down the gravel maintenance road that led to your cabin. You watched as Ken disappeared down the path, making sure he was gone and out of sight.

Satisfied, you turned on your heels and walked up onto your porch. Bambi was idly gnawing away on a knuckle bone, completely disinterested in the world around him. He acknowledged you with a few wags of his tail as you walked past him and into your cabin.

"You have your list ready?" you called out to your houseguest.

"Yeah," Purple answered. You could hear the door to his room creak open. Then he reappeared, deeming that the coast was clear. "I thought he was going to fall through the roof for a second!"

"No, you're fine… So your list?"

"I have it. But I'm having second thoughts about it."

"Okay?"

"I'm going with you."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"You're an alien, you're gonna get caught! This is not negotiable!"

"I'm going because I have a means to blend in with your primitive people." He turned to the side, gesturing to the device fused to his back. "See this thing? It's a PAK and it's full of all sorts of neat gadgets. It's kinda like a Human Australian Army Knife."

"…you mean Swiss."

"Yeah, whatever."

"So that explains those metal arms I saw coming out of your back…" Admittedly, you were rather curious over the contraption he had. You assumed it had to be important. "So what else does that thing have?"

"Being a Tallest, I have some extra upgrades and perks that the normal PAK doesn't have. One of those things is a holographic projector that can make a very convincing disguise."

Oh Hell…

"Wait, you can look like a person?" you assumed.

"Prepare to be amazed, you cave woman," he grinned largely.

You would've slapped him for that insult but any anger you had was melted away when you saw his figure distort and reshape. You could hear a humming coming from his PAK as it generated this disguise he spoke of.

It took no time at all to cloak his Irken shape completely. What stood before you was indeed very convincing and legitimate. It could fool anyone quite easily.

He took the shape of an Earthling but only you knew the true nature of this. He donned the appearance of a rather tall, slightly pale and thin man with combed over, short, light brown hair. His irises were colored purple and his smile was large and toothy. His pants consisted of black jeans and on his torso he wore a purple turtleneck. The shoes he displayed were black combat boots.

"Pretty cool, huh?" he grinned impishly. While his outward appearance changed, his voice was still identical. "It comes in handy when you have to blend in with the disgusting natives."

It was pretty amazing, you had to admit it. But you refused to make your awe known, not wanting to cave in and have the topic go awry. It was clear that out of the two of you, you had to be the smart and more mature individual.

"How foolproof is this?" you pressed, still wanting to make sure he wouldn't end up condemning you both. "I'm super fascinated by your makeover but we can't let our cover get blown."

"As long as I don't get wet, it should be fine."

"Well, there's supposed to be no rain today so I guess we're okay…"

"I'm doing this because I want to make sure you don't forget anything. Besides, I want to pick what they have to offer."

"Okay, fine… But please, don't make my bill astronomical. And stick close to me. Don't wander off and don't act like a weirdo. Remember, we have a charade we have to keep up."

"Blah, blah, blah, I know!" He cackled. "You're so strict! Take a chill pill! Let your hair down as you Earthlings say. When I finally leave this cursed planet, I'll have taught you the true meaning of fun!"

You were done arguing with this dense creature. Though he wanted to remain undercover, to you, it felt as if he had no real concept of it at the same time. Now you caught yourself wondering if you would survive his tenure in your home.

"Let's go…" you said, grabbing your vehicle's keys that hung up on the wall by your door.

Purple seemed all too pleased and cheeky with this turn of events. He kept close to you, his smile still huge and quite smug. It almost was like he thrived off of your reluctance and whittling patience.

He followed you as you made your way to your pickup truck in the driveway. You tried to ignore him, pretending as if he wasn't breathing down your neck.

"Besides," he continued, "isn't it a good idea for me to accompany you so I can observe and learn more about your kind? It'd be smart for me to study so I can blend in all the better."

"Whatever floats your boat, Purple," you said tiredly. "Hop into the passenger's seat."

"When will you let me drive this thing?"

"Never."

"Give it time, woman."

"Keep telling yourself that."

You climbed into the driver's seat and he slid into the passenger's side a few seconds later. You stuck your keys into the ignition and the truck rumbled to life.

"Buckle up," you commanded him.

"Why?" he argued.

"Because it's a safety precaution and I could get in trouble if the police drive by and see you're not buckled. Stop arguing with every little thing I ask of you!"

You ignored the sigh from him as he unhappily strapped himself into his seat. You buckled yourself and started down the road.

All you wanted was for this grocery run to be quick, painless and smooth. But deep inside, you knew it was probably going to be anything but that.

(the town of Red Leaf, twenty five minutes later)

The town that was situated some miles away from Red Leaf State Park was a quiet but still prosperous settlement. It was a peaceful, rural area that was surrounded by farms and woodlands. The speck of civilization boasted a small hotel, a few restaurants and bars, a drive-in movie theater, two shopping centers and a nice little residential section. Almost all the residents of the town knew each other and were friendly to one other but kept to themselves for the most part. While they valued the company of their neighbors, they also liked their privacy and serenity.

Tourists, hiking enthusiasts and other outdoorsmen were often flocking to the area year round to visit the park. It wasn't uncommon to see folks from neighboring states show up out of the blue and stick around for a few days in either the hotel or in one of the camping areas.

During this particular time of the year, in fall, it was common for hikers and campers to arrive and get their last bit of fun in before winter would arrive. Winter often hosted skiers and snowboarders but the park wasn't preferably notable for these particular sports. Spring brought back many hikers, picnickers, fishermen and other hobbyists. Summer was the peak season for visitors and this was the most popular time for camping, hiking and swimming in one of the various lakes that dotted the landscape in the park.

However, there was an unusual tourist visiting Red Leaf currently. And he had no interest or desire to admire his surroundings or partake in any sort of past time. Unless if it was eating or being a slob in general.

Dread pooled in your guts as you drove up to the local supermarket. This was something you had no wish to complete but it needed done no matter what.

"Everything is so primitive," Purple observed. "Zim wasn't kidding when he said this planet was so…inferior."

"Who?" you asked, raising your eyebrow.

"Ugh, don't even get me started. Never mind. Should've never said that name to begin with."

You pulled into a parking spot and shut the truck's engine off. Then you slid out, waiting for your guest to join you.

"Alright," you said, "let's try to make this as quick and as painless as possible, okay?"

"We're not leaving until I get everything I need," he said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Are they things you actually need or things you want? There's a difference, you know."

"Things I need!"

You didn't believe it but you didn't argue with him. You only prayed he would maybe stick around for a little bit and then vanish, presumably having departed to reclaim his power. He'd be gone and you'd never have to deal with him again. Anymore, this felt like a mistake that was going to snowball out of control.

You walked up to the entrance of the store, trying to look as calm as possible. He still kept close to you. You hoped you wouldn't run into anyone you knew. Last thing you wanted was to be seen with him. It didn't occur to you until then that you needed to come up with a convincing story for his existence and subsequent lodging with you.

"How good of an actor are you?" you asked. You grabbed a cart and entered the store.

"Perfect!" he beamed. "What's on your mind, Earth harpy?"

"Wanna be my cousin that dropped out of college and is living with me until he gets his life together?"

The confusion and befuddlement that flashed across his face was instantaneous and obvious.

"…what?" he said, his eyes widened.

"Let's drop it until we get back to my place," you sighed and waved your hand dismissively. "Forget what I said. Let's focus on getting the food we need. Grab whatever you want and throw it into the cart."

His head twisted from left to right, obviously curious and a perhaps a little flustered with all the choices he had at his disposal. Stacks upon stacks of items filled the aisles and shelves, beckoning him.

"Right…" Purple muttered. "First things first… Chips!"

Luckily there was a display rack with a nice discount on the chips he was eyeing up. You were pretty grateful for that. He ended up throwing four party size bags of potato chips in. You eyes widened slightly, a bit curious as to how he wasn't a few hundred pounds overweight.

"Come on, what're you waiting for?" he called to you.

He was already making a bee-line to the next aisle that appealed to his appalling palate. You could've sworn you heard him hiss quietly at the shelves loaded with healthy fruits and vegetables. Purple didn't bother to look at that section and opted to skip it altogether.

"You know, I'm shopping for myself too!" you said to him.

"But I'm your guest," he reminded you. His voice sounded repulsively sweet.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm not living off of potato chips for a month."

"I won't let you because they're mine anyway. Let me get my things first and then you can get your inferior foods."

"Alright, alright…"

You could feel and see the eyes of the fellow shoppers fall on you. This was one of the last things you wanted. You'd comply with him in the meantime in order to avoid a scene.

With a triumphant grin, he turned on his heels and walked down the aisle. Grudgingly you followed him, muttering curses and burning a hole in the back of his head with your angered glare.

The amount of junk food he tossed into the cart was simply atrocious. Only five minutes had gone by and your cart was full to bursting. Packets of cookies and candies of all varieties and flavors were added to the inventory. He chose the cereal with sugar levels that you were sure would rot the teeth out of your skull. Liters of soda were tossed into the cart, all different flavors and colors. Looking at all this food made you want to puke.

Truthfully, you liked to indulge in some junk food. But being forced to be his personal buggy slave and pushing his food around almost made you want to swear it off for the rest of your life. It was almost sacrilegious.

"How can you eat this?" you whispered to him.

"Irken biology," he replied smugly. "We can eat these foods without consequence. Meanwhile, you dirt-apes can’t handle it…" He cackled. "How sad."

"What can't you eat?"

"Milk, beans, meat… I'm not going anywhere near that one section with that green food, I feel like my squeedly-spooch is gonna empty itself all over the place!"

"Then how're you going to eat cereal without milk if you can't have it?"

"Simple! I'll use soda instead of milk! I already thought about it."

Just thinking about that felt as if you became diabetic in that very instant.

"Gross but okay," you sighed.

"Excuse me."

Both of you were snapped back to the real world when you heard the voice. You could barely see the head of a child that almost stood as tall as the cart. It was a little boy and his arms were folded behind his back. The kid looked sheepish and he swayed back and forth on the tips of his toes.

"You grabbed the last of the Chocolate Lava Flow cookies," he said, his voice tiny and shy. "They're my favorite and my mom promised me I could get some if I got an 'A' on my spelling test. I did! But there are no more left…"

"Take a hike, you hideous munchkin!" Purple snapped. He snatched up the cookies and clasped the package to his chest possessively. His eyes were narrowed and he turned to the side, trying to hide them from the boy. "'Finders keepers, loser weepers' as you heathens say!"

Your jaw dropped, astonished by his vicious and rude behavior. You could only gape back at him for a few seconds before raw anger overcame you.

"Give them to me, NOW," you snarled.

"No, I got them first!" he griped.

"NOW, you useless, greedy pig!"

There was a brief kerfuffle as you attempted to pry the cookies from his grasp. He held onto them with all his might, unwilling to part with the treat. Your eyes were stern and furious and you didn't break your stare with him, fully intending to intimidate him and hoping to use that tactic to your advantage. You were unfazed as he growled at your persistence and tried to twist the trunk of his body to shake you off. Yet you held firm and didn't give up.

Whenever you forcefully stomped on one of his feet, he finally relinquished the item. Purple cried out in pain and hopped about on his other foot while attempting to shake off the pain. His eyes shut tightly and he moaned loudly.   
  


“That was my foot!” Purple complained. 

Pretending as if nothing happened, you seized the cookies and turned to the kid. There were some tears in his eyes but upon seeing your victory, his sadness melted away.

"Here you go, sweetie," you smiled. "Congrats on your test too. I'm sure your mom is very proud of you."

"Thanks a bunch, lady!" the overjoyed youth said.

He bounded off, undoubtedly to go reunite with his guardian.

"What was that about!?" Purple whined.

"Listen to me, you anorexic twig," you snarled.

You strode up to him, backing him up against one of the shelves. Your chest pressed up against his and you fearlessly leered back at him. Forcefully, you pinned him, refusing to let him back off or brush the incident off.

"You can boss me around because I'm an adult and I can take it to a certain extent," you said in a low tone. "But when an adult picks on kids and acts like an insufferable asshole to them, that's when I get pissed. That was a harmless kid. I don't care who you are, you don't do that. Step off, you bully."

The shock and surprise was way too obvious on his face. Purple was angered and offended as well and couldn't believe this Earthling had the nerve to lecture him. He was a Tallest and no one had the right to manhandle and terrorize him like this, especially this inferior creature he was lodging with.

"Who do you think you are?" he countered. "How dare you talk to me like this!"

You turned around and grabbed a bottle of chocolate syrup off the shelf. Then you shoved it into his hands.

"There, something to replace your stupid cookies," you remarked. "You can slather whatever you want with that stuff. It's right up your alley. It's sloppy and gets everywhere, just like you."

Purple examined the item, his eyes eagerly looking it over. He hummed quietly and after a minute, he tossed it into the cart.

"This is good enough," he replied. "Sounds tasty." His eyes narrowed into a hard leer and he straightened himself up to his full height. "And I suggest you learn to treat your future overlord better." A cruel, toothy grin appeared on his face. "When this mess is all said and done with my empire, I may come back and you won't be happy when I do. You literally have no idea what I'm capable of. If you love your planet, you will behave."

Something about how he said those words made you very, very uncomfortable. You could feel an inkling of anxiety creep into you but you ignored it. You remained steadfast in front of him. You wouldn't buckle.

"I'll keep it in mind," you retorted. "Now, if you don't mind, it's my turn to get my food."

(forty five minutes later.)

The bill from the grocery store hurt you. A lot.

It easily cost you a few hundred dollars but it would shut him up and appease him. He'd be quiet and well fed and you hoped that meant it would make your life that much easier. And hopefully, he'd be off to whatever galaxy he came from and never come back. If he did return, this time, you'd be sure to shoot him.

As much as you wanted to go back home and put your ridiculous amount of goods away, you still had one more stop to make.

"Stay in the truck," you instructed him as you pulled the keys out of the ignition. "I'm going in to get some more food for myself."

"What is this place?" he asked. He read the name of the establishment. “'Coo-la-kee?"

"It's a bakery. Now stay, please."

You didn't bother to stick around to hear what more he might have to say. The only thing you cared about getting was fresh bread and pastries.

As soon as you entered the building, you were met with the lovely aroma of bread, cookies, macaroons, cakes and other culinary delights. You sighed happily at the smell, feeling some of your tension melt away instantly. It almost felt as if the grocery run was just a bad dream you were going to forget about by tomorrow.

When you entered, the sound of a bell jingled. With the arrival of a customer, one of the workers came from the kitchen to greet you.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Colacci," you grinned at the business owner.

"Afternoon," the short, elderly Croatian lady replied. "What will you have today, _mala_?"

"Oh, well let's see what you have!"

You looked through the glass display cases, seeing the selection for the day. Honestly, everything looked wonderful and delectable. Everything was fresh and made from scratch. There wasn't anything you had that you disliked from the bakery.

"Can I have some bagels, please?" you asked.

"_Da_," she nodded. "And you need cookies for puppy?"

"Sure… I think he really deserves it. Thank you!"

"I make some just for him, he is good boy!"

Her accent was thick and her English was broken but you understood her well enough. She was a gruff but also sweet old lady and you never had any issues with her. According to her employees, she was boisterous especially when slivovitz was thrown into the mix of things but for the most part, Mrs. Colacci was a good citizen.

You heard the chime of the bell behind you but ignored it for the moment, still trying to figure out what more you were going to pick out. The footsteps of the customer came closer and you looked over your shoulder, curious to see who stepped in.

"What're you doing here?!" you half hissed and half whispered at the new patron.

"When you mentioned a bakery, I knew I couldn't resist," the disguised Tallest smiled cheekily. "I am a connoisseur of sweets and snacks after all!"

"You're gonna use soda to replace milk for cereal, you have no taste or class."

"I do have taste! You're just jealous you didn't think of…"

The words that came out of his mouth came out as a garbled mess. His eyes widened enormously and he almost literally crawled to one particular display case. His face pressed up against the glass and it looked as if a waterfall of saliva was pouring from his mouth already.

"No, no, no!" you muttered and hustled over to his side.

You quickly hauled him back up onto his feet but it was too late as there was already a mess all over the glass. Luckily it kept the menagerie of donuts underneath safe from him. For now.

"I must have them!" he said in a desperate, needy voice. "These are my favorite snacks in the whole universe!"

"You have donuts where you come from?" You asked him that question but honestly, you shouldn't have been so surprised.

You could hear Mrs. Colacci laugh loudly and she approached the counter where the two of you were. She leaned on it and smiled. Normally, she was appalled by filth but she was more amused by the gentleman's reaction to her donuts more than anything else.

"Honey, you can have all of donuts if you want!" she chortled.

NO.

"No, no that's not necessary!" you said hastily, shaking your head. "We'll just take a dozen!"

"Let him have them!" the old woman asserted. "I don't sell them like I used to and I don't want them wasted. I give you discount!"

Stars seemed like they appeared in Purple's eyes. An impossibly huge smile shone on his face and he loudly squealed in delight. He placed both hands on his cheeks, holding them and gushing happily. He looked happier than a kid in a candy store at this point.

"Thank you, donut-witch!" he said gleefully. "I will take all of them!"

"You welcome, honey!" Mrs. Colacci beamed. "What's your name?"

"I'm Purple!" He yanked you over to his side and held you in a crushing embrace. Your cheek was roughly pressed up against his and you could hardly breathe as he held you in an iron grip. "She's my cousin so I'm staying with her for a bit!" He was playing along with the charade now that it was more exciting and beneficial. "I'll be sure to come by and buy more of your delicious donuts!"

"You welcome anytime, honey! I make some just for you! You tell me what you like and I make some more!"

Great. This freak was obsessed with donuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes the old lady is supposed to have bad grammar/broken English. That’s intentional. Thanks for reading!


	5. Sweet Tooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things seem to become even more complicated than what you had once assumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love as always people! Hopefully shit stays good and engaging for you all! This one is probably my favorite chapter so far...you’ll probably see as to why. Enjoy!

Chapter 5 Sweet Tooth

Admittedly, you felt pretty accomplished. Your power was restored, your food was restocked and no one suspected your "cousin" was an alien. So far, so good.

The only downside of it all was that you threw a few hundred dollars down the drain just to keep him happy and satisfied. For now, everything was right as rain. And you hoped it would remain that way for a good, long while. You needed it.

Your truck was filled with donut crumbs and sticky streaks from the glaze or powder that covered the treats. As much as you wanted to rip into Purple for trashing the interior, you shut your mouth, only wanting to get him back to your house and hidden away. The sooner you'd get him out and give you some personal space, the better off you'd both be.

Bambi and Baby were still a bit perturbed and upset by his reappearance but upon seeing you calm and accepting, they relaxed somewhat. Despite your calmness, they could also sense the smoldering anger in you and steered clear. Bambi had retreated to your bedroom and Baby sought refuge under her box with her favorite corn husk toy. You appreciated their thoughtfulness in giving you a wide berth. They were more considerate and aware than your guest was. There was a chance they were probably smarter than he was now that you thought about it.

As soon as you threw your vehicle into park, Purple clambered out of his seat while holding one of the boxes of donuts. He said nothing to you or made no offer to help you out with the all the bags full of groceries. He only walked over to the front door of your cabin, looking back at you expectantly all the while he pigged out on the donuts. There wasn't a shred of chivalry or an inkling of gentlemanly conduct in his body. Just another thing you found deplorable about him.

Giving him the silent treatment, you let him into your home and chose to ignore him while you were preoccupied with your duties. You unloaded your truck, put away all the food and swept out the inside of your vehicle. You refused to rest until you were done with those tasks. You needed to take out your frustration and disgust on something. Busying yourself was the most logical thing to do aside from shoving those donuts he loved so much up his ass.

"Disgusting," you cursed when a jug of milk nearly exploded on the ground when it tumbled out of a bag.

"Ungrateful," you muttered as you shoved the multitude of junk food into your now overstuffed cabinets.

"Selfish," you snarled as you scrubbed at a stubborn streak of glazing embedded into the leather.

"Ridiculous," you sighed as you sucked up the donut crumbs that littered the cab floor with a vacuum.

There were a million words you could use to describe Purple. Nine hundred ninety nine thousand and nine hundred ninety nine of those words were damning. The sole word that wasn't negative? That was you feeling generous. But if you could pick one positive trait to assign to him, it would be…

"Mother fucker," you swore under your breath as you finally finished your tasks.

This wasn't how you wanted to spend your day. But this was beyond your control. For now, you'd have to make do with whatever you were given. Taking it one day at a time was the only option you had. With the Irken ruler in your life, you had no choice.

"There you are!" he said, acknowledging you when you entered the building. "What took you so long?"

There was a smart ass remark on the tip of your tongue but you decided against saying it. Instead, you chose to ignore him and walked into the kitchen. You made a beeline to the refrigerator and opened up the freezer. Somehow, you managed to shove in a gallon of you favorite flavor of ice cream despite all the contents that were crammed into the small space.

You heard him call your name but you ignored him again. For now, you wanted to pretend like he wasn't even in your living room. Talking to him was the last thing you wanted to do.

You grabbed a tiny remote on top of your refrigerator and pointed it at the small boom box that sat on your table. You pressed a few buttons on the control and set it down. Music began to play and you began to dance subtly to the beat.

While you moved to the rhythm, you got out a bowl and began to serve yourself some ice cream.

"_We're talking away, I don't know what to say, I'm to say I'll say it anyway!_" you sang rather loudly, attempting to drown out his voice as he called for you again. "_Today's another day to find you, shying away! I'll be coming for your love, okay? Take on me! Take on me! I'll be gone in a day or two..!_"

You grabbed the chocolate syrup and poured a generous helping of it over your liberally sized bowl of ice cream. To go the extra mile, you grabbed a bag of chocolate chips from your fridge and poured some into the bowl.

Death by chocolate and 80's music sounded lovely to you.

You leaned against your counter, still half swaying to the music and spooning a decadent bite into your mouth. A moan of delight came from you as you ate it. It was like a chocolate orgasm. It probably was the unhealthiest thing you've eaten in awhile but it was irresistibly delicious as well. If it went straight to your hips, then that was problem for future you.

"EARTH HARPY!" your guest practically screamed.

"WHAT?!" you snapped back at him, nearly throwing your bowl of ice cream at him in the process.

The both of you stared back at each other, the song still playing. You glowered at him unhappily, demanding an answer to his persistent interruptions.

"Video games," he said. "Show me how to turn them on. I can't figure out your primitive system."

You scooped up some more ice cream and shoved it into your mouth. Angrily, you swallowed the spoonful and pushed past him, making your way to the living room.

"That music is awful, it's giving me a headache," he complained. "Turn it off or turn it down!"

"And you call me a fun sucker," you snapped back at him. You knelt down and turned on your gaming console for him. "Would my Tallest like to play a certain game? While I'm at it, do I have to pre-chew your food and change your diaper?"

"Eww, no. I'm not sharing my food with you."

"Pick a game, please."

Purple looked over the small collection you had amassed. There was an assortment of genres and types you had, ranging from first person shooters, fighting games, strategy and role playing games among other things. His huge eyes studied each cover and read the description on the back of the case, trying to figure out what he liked the most.

"This one," he plucked up and extended it to you. "I get to shoot things and blow things up, right?"

"'Nova Battles'?" you said. "It's fun but it's hard as hell mainly because it's a multiplayer game and I suck at online games."

"It takes place in space and different planets." He smiled largely. "Do I get to take over them?"

"No, you go to battlefields on those different planets and fight the enemy team. The point is to eliminate the enemy."

"I choose this!"

"This shit is hard."

"Well that's sad and unfortunate because I know I will excel at this. Now put it in!"

Inwardly, you smiled. You'd get to see him rage quit and throw a fit over losing and getting killed by campers and other unsavory characters. Oh, you'd have to see this. Watching him struggle and get frustrated would be so wonderful.

"Coming right up," you smiled.

You slid the disc into the console and the title screen popped up. You handed him the controller and he yanked it out of your hands eagerly.

"This should be easy enough!" Purple grinned. His antennae twitched in delight and anticipation. "I went through so many battle simulations back in my Academy days so this'll be a piece of cake."

"You were training to be a soldier?" you asked, a bit astonished.

"Oh, yeah! Before I became a Tallest, I was one of the most elite soldiers in the Irken Armada. I'm pretty good with weapons and I have great aim. I can definitely hold my own if I absolutely have to." He narrowed his eyes into a suspicious and scrutinizing gaze. "What, did you think I was a totally helpless damsel in distress?"

"…I'm not gonna answer that."

"Then don't. No need to show me the controls. I'll figure it out on my own as I play. I prefer it like that."

"I think that's a bad idea."

"You're questioning my skills and capabilities!?"

"This is a multiplayer game. That means you'll be facing other players like you from all over the world."

"Good! I'll give them a nice dose of Irken superiority and might! They will know the wrath of Almighty Tallest Purple!"

"…have at it then. I warned you."

You set him up with exactly what he wanted and found an available match for him. For a moment, you almost forgot about your ice cream and took another mouthful of it. Then you retreated up to the couch, sitting up on it and away from him.

The Irken lounged on the floor, presumably getting into a position that would make him most comfortable for this session. A competitive gleam shone in his purple eyes and he tightened his hold on the controller. He laughed softly and his noise slowly grew louder.

"I guess that's one thing I miss about being a soldier," he said. "The chaos and the rush of the battle was a heck of a thing! Now others do that for me."

You looked over to Baby's cage when you heard her shuffle about inside it. You smiled when you saw her standing up on her hind legs and staring expectantly at the door, hinting that she wanted to be let out.

"You feeling okay enough to come out now, stinker?" you called to her.

You walked over to her side and unlocked the door, inviting her to come out.

Purple's head twisted to your direction as soon as he heard the metal door open up. His eyes widened when he saw the mixed rabbit clamber out of her habitat and make a dash for him. The Tallest leapt up and threw himself backwards onto the couch, being sure to keep all his limbs and appendages away from the floor where the bunny lurked.

"Why did you do that?!" he demanded.

"Bunnies can't spend their whole lives in cages," you smirked. "It's not healthy for them and this is her home too."

"I don't like her! She bit me!"

"Because you got too close to her cage. She's territorial and you scared her."

Baby snorted loudly and stomped her back legs, displaying her mutual dislike for the Irken leader. She dashed off into a corner of the living room, taking cover from him for the time being.

"I'm not leaving this couch until you put that beast back," Purple remarked.

"Fine," you replied. "I thought you'd be scared of the huge dog, not the stubborn rabbit."

"The dog never bit me."

"Yet."

He snorted unhappily and went back to perusing the weapons, perks and costumes he could equip.

Although he was unpleasant and spoiled, you still were rather curious about him. It wasn't everyday that one came face to face with an alien; an alien overlord at that. Despite the fact he disgusted and infuriated you, there was a lot you wanted to ask him. If he was staying under your roof, you wanted to pick at his brain and try to understand what he was exactly. Not only that, by talking to him, you'd be able to figure out what was going on outside of Earth.

"I…" you cleared your throat, a bit unsure of where to start. "I have some questions. I'd like to know a thing or two."

"I'll answer them," he answered without looking back at you. He had finally spawned in was testing the movements and buttons of his character, getting a feel of things. "I just hope your inferior mind can take in all the information I have!"

"So, you're a warrior society? I guess that's a safe assumption?"

"Correct! The ultimate goal of the Irken Empire is complete universal domination. This mission has been ongoing for thousands of years and it will continue for many more years, Earth harpy. Every Irken has their specific job they must perform to ensure the smooth running of the Empire."

"From what you told me the other day, your empire must be big enough if it warranted this conflict you spoke of…"

"They're just a bunch of sorry losers!" He was hardly fazed as he was "quick scoped" by an enemy player. Purple simply changed weapons for his character and respawned. "It was because of the civil war that Red and I had to disappear. No one could be trusted after what happened."

"And this Red guy..?"

"He's my fellow Tallest. We grew up together and we've been always been each other's rivals and…" He shrugged his shoulders. "Friends, I guess. Irkens don't really have friends but our relationship is like that. We were always neck and neck with our heights too. One week, he'd have a growth spurt then I would be right behind him and it would rotate like that a lot. I was taller than him at one point then he'd be taller than me. Then it got to a point where we both stopped growing and it was decided we'd both become the leaders of our race."

"So your people don't come in peace…"

"Ha! No. Good one though."

This was not good. An intergalactic superpower like this was not something to be brushed off. Sooner or later, these aliens would end up on Earth and you were pretty certain your fellow Earthlings wouldn't be able to survive or combat them. They wouldn't stand a chance. But since Purple was now here in hiding, it'd be entirely possible he'd return with his forces and raze the planet or enslave your species. Last time you checked, you didn't want that to happen. Earth already had a hundred problems and a ruthless, expansive alien empire didn't need to be the one hundred and first problem.

And they didn't really believe in the concept of friendships..?

You'd thought you'd be satisfied with some of the answers you got. Instead, you were only more curious and had even more questions than you had earlier. Each and every single one of them needed to be enlightened.

You were drawn out of your inner reflections when he hooted in triumph.

"Ah, this long range rifle is wonderful!" he crooned. "This was my favorite gun to use back then… I was the best sniper in my class."

"Beginner's luck," you noted, seeing he made his first kill.

"No, it's pure skill and Irken instincts. There is a reason why we are the dominant species."

He made no move to hide his agenda either. He told you everything you asked of him which in all honesty, shocked you. Purple was either so overconfident and sure of himself or he was pitifully dull-witted. Or maybe it was a combination of all of those traits. Although he said he was in hiding, he made no effort to hide his title from you. Instead, he went on to abuse it, wanting you to be his servant in his exile.

This was all way more complex and wild than you originally perceived. You had a literal emperor sitting on your couch, playing video games and acting like nothing bugged him. He was in charge of this massive entity that spanned God only knew how many planets. There was a civil war tearing said empire apart and he had to flee or potentially die.

If he regained his throne, he'd continue his people's objectives and carry on with universal conquest. He might very well come back to Earth and assimilate it. You weren't going to forget that threat in the grocery store. This was a very real, scary possibility. Everything you held near and dear to you would be destroyed before you knew it.

Anxiously, you glanced at your shotgun that was leaning against the wall, just below your thermostat. Maybe you really should've shot him when you first saw him. Maybe you'd be doing your planet and the whole universe a favor.

"_No, I gotta think this through more,_" you told yourself.

Perhaps you could barter or negotiate with him if it came down to it. As much as it made you cringe and flail about on the inside, maybe you could kiss up to him. Maybe you could get on his good side so you and your species wouldn't be exterminated. You would only do it for the good of your home.

"By the way," he said, shattering the awkward silence that prevailed in the living room, "those were the best donuts I ever had. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not eat every single one in the vehicle. I'd be disappointed if I ate them all then and left none for myself for later. That donut-witch has my seal of approval."

"Uh, that's good!" you said a little too quickly. "Good!"

For a second he glanced over his shoulder to look at you. Purple definitely noticed your tone and one of his antenna pricked upwards.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "You sound weird."

"Nothing," you replied, trying to sound more casual and relaxed.

"Do you Earthlings need to drink water or eat some fruit or something to calm down?"

"I'm fine, don't worry."

Purple allowed himself to be killed by a grenade in the game and set the controller aside. Then he turned to you, facing you fully. He rested his chin in one of his clawed hands. A tiny smile cracked across his face and his stare persisted.

"You're lying," he asserted.

"I'm not!" you growled.

"Irken are very good at perceiving things. Our senses are pretty keen."

"The hell are you on about?"

"You're scared."

He didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know your mindset was vulnerable and confused at this point. Weakness was the last thing you needed to show in front of the conquering, merciless soldier. He'd exploit it and you'd be outmaneuvered before you could even try to come up with a quick plan.

"No," you said, shaking your head.

"Yes," he grinned, placing a fingertip under your chin and forcing you to maintain eye contact with him. "Look… What's that one Earth phrase? 'You can't bullshit a bullshiter.'?"

"…yes."

"So stop it. Listen to me very closely. Sometimes, we ally ourselves with other species if it's beneficial for us. Now, we have known about Earth for awhile and we actually have an Invader on your planet. He's been here for awhile."

Now you were about to panic. Your eyes were hugely widened. Your heart rate began to climb. The fact that there was some sort of invader on Earth thoroughly petrified you.

How long were they here for? Why hadn't Purple touched base with or resided with this being?

"Oh, relax, he's totally incompetent," Purple said dismissively. "Red and I sent him here awhile back as a joke just to get him out of our way. All of Zim's plans fail and your planet is fine. The only reason why I'm on the same planet with him is because no one would think to look for me here!"

That still didn't sit well with you. It placated you a little bit but it still wigged you out. The Irken Empire was already quite familiar with Earth if that was the case. They knew enough about your planet and it was probably ripe for exploitation.

"Because of Zim," he continued, "we know a thing or two about Earth. Red and I came to realize the planet is actually pretty useful. So you're lucky!"

"How so?" you asked, swallowing roughly.

"Sweets are very important to any Irken's diet as I'm sure you know by now. That old hag's donuts are the best I ever had and I still have yet to eat more sweets this planet has to offer. I'm willing to spare this planet because of that. When I regain my power, Earth will become an ally of the Empire and your people won't be wiped out. We do need Human bakers after all!" He chuckled. "And I don't care what Red says either, Earth is mine and he won't be able to argue with me! I'll show him it'll be the best idea I ever had! So whaddaya think? Pretty brilliant, right?"

You thought you'd have time to process and reflect on all of this. Now it looked like Purple claimed Earth as his own private bakery. Now he was talking about making it his own. It sounded pretty much like a forced alliance (or annexation) but you tried to look on the bright side. At least Earth and its people would be safe. All they had to do was provide their alien superiors with delicious goodies.

Yet the nagging, dark thoughts persisted…

"I'm not sure if I can trust you," you said.

"You should!" he chirped. "After all, you have no choice but to do so."

Ah. He was also intimidating if it called for it.

"Oh, God…" you murmured.

"Oh, come on!" he said. "It'll be fun! Earth will be a favored planet. You should be honored and flattered! Do you know how many planets have wanted to ally themselves with us?"

"A lot, I'm sure…"

"Exactly! So, be happy. I would like to go back to that bakery and sample what more that hag has to offer. But in the meantime, I'll eat what's here."

Purple drew his finger away from beneath your chin. He turned his back to you and resumed his previous task of gaming. It was as if nothing had even happened.

You had plenty more questions for him but at this point, you were confused and frazzled beyond belief. Those things you wanted to ask him could wait until later. The phantom sensation of his fingertips under your chin lingered and your cheeks felt hot at that. That was totally unwarranted and you didn't even realize what happened until he drew his hand away. You'd be sure to tell him Earthling females were…very sensitive to touching.

All you could do was sit on the couch and watch as he actually did a very decent effort for a first timer. Your brain was frazzled and you tried to forget all about what just happened. You wanted to pretend as if it didn't exist. He outmaneuvered you before you could do the same to him. He already decided what he wanted to do and now you had to consider and prepare for what the future likely held.

Earth's fate was already decided and its leaders didn't even know it. Even if they did, chances were, they wouldn't be able to argue against it. They'd probably get vaporized if they had a thing or two to say about it. The planet's future was held in the hands of this immature, gluttonous brat.

Earth was screwed. All because of donuts…

(…)

"Agent Mothman, here's the data."

"Thanks, Agent Darkbootie."

"It seems that there was heavy military activity centralized along this area here."

The only light that shone in the room was the luminescence created from a computer screen. A boy sat before the display, his spectacled eyes studying the information his fellow agent forwarded to him. The image of the map was zoomed in on, magnifying the targeted area further. His stare narrowed, his suspicions already running wild. Paranoia began to gnaw at him.

"What do you think it is?" Dib asked.

"The official report is that a foreign drone crash landed in Red Leaf State Park," the man said. "The observatory two hundred miles away from the site reported seeing a large fireball entering Earth's atmosphere and heading towards the crash site. It traced the trajectory of the object and it was indeed observed coming from space. It wasn't in our atmosphere nor is it a satellite. My personal speculation? It's not a drone. This may very well be a cover up. I do think a more proper investigation is needed."

"Aliens?!"

"Mmm, maybe. It's certainly within the realm of possibility."

"Then I'll be more than happy to investigate it!"

"Very good, Agent Mothman. Be sure to carefully catalog everything you find. Being thorough is key. But also be aware, there are still some government agents and military personnel combing the site and surveying it. You don't want to get caught. Things could get very hairy."

"I'll be sure to document as I can, Darkbootie. I won't let you down. Mothman is on the case!"

The silhouetted figure of Dib's fellow agent nodded in understanding. He would surely convince his other colleagues in the Swollen Eyeball network about the very real alien threat that was always looming about.

"Then it's decided, this case is yours, Agent Mothman," the elder agent said. "Good luck. Darkbootie, out."

The feed was cut and Dib was left alone with the data and images Darkbootie left him. Deep inside, he had a strong hunch what this was. The young boy was absolutely convinced this was an alien vessel that crash landed on Earth. If an extraterrestrial vehicle had smashed into the ground, there was a very likely chance there was a pilot. And yet Darkbootie spoke nothing of anything being found aside from this "drone". It was possible that maybe the government had seized the entity already. But it was also possible it survived and ran off. It was on Earth, hiding and who knew what was on its mind.

"Maybe it's one of Zim's little friends," Dib's muttered to himself. "There was that whole thing with Tak but she hated him… Still had to stop her from destroying the Earth. But there's definitely more of those green creeps out there. I can't take any chances just in case if they try to team up with Zim. I have to find them before he does!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, “Nova Battles” is definitely a rip off/cameo of Star Wars.


	6. Burying the Hatchet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of you realize you need to unite to survive the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love everyone! And sorry for the delay, I wanted to work on some other writing projects I'm in the midst of. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter up more quickly. Please read and enjoy!

Chapter 6 Burying the Hatchet

(one day later)

Everything seemed alright despite how quiet things were.

During this time of the year, the deer population's rut was going on. Before the crash landing, you were seeing fresh deer rubs on tree trunks everywhere, a dead giveaway of males making their territorial claims. You've heard them snorting and locking antlers with each other even from a distance. You also saw some bucks fight a few times during your patrols. It was all normal though despite it being a bit intense and even cruel at times to watch them. They were still animals and they did what they did. They couldn't help it.

On this day however, it seemed as if the local deer kept a low profile. Undoubtedly, they were spooked by Purple's arrival and the presence of the government agents in the woods. It was possible they migrated to another area of the park that was less trafficked and more secluded. Once normalcy returned to this sector, they would return to their previous ranges and resume their lives as if nothing happened.

In fact, you noticed the presence of many other animals were scant. The forest was silent and its residents were quite elusive on this day. Even the common squirrels and chipmunks seemed as if they had vanished overnight. During your whole patrol, you only noticed a hawk flying overhead, a single rabbit that quickly retreated into its burrow and the fleeing form of a coyote.

It wasn't necessarily unexpected but it still crept you out. The presence of the animals assured you, letting you knew all was well. But the lack of the fauna gave you chills. You knew why they hid but it still unnerved you pretty thoroughly.

The rest of your daily patrol was uneventful. There were no signs of poachers. The trails were clear and unobstructed for any visitors. Everything was normal aside from the obvious observations.

You parked your quad in a grove of pine trees, hoping it would provide you with some cover. You climbed halfway up one of the smaller ones, trying to camouflage yourself beneath their thick and concealing branches. With your binoculars, you tried to spy on the ridge where the Tallest landed a few days earlier. It was a bit difficult to do since you sought cover under the pine branches but you opted to not risk being seen. You had no desire to be caught and end up being detained.

You were still restricted from patrolling that area until further notice but you couldn't contain your curiosity. You had no idea how long this would go on but you hoped the authorities would hurry up and leave. It was likely they'd be meticulous and remove everything but you hoped they'd miss something and leave it behind. You could seize it and bring it back to Purple. Perhaps he could enlighten you on it.

Ah, yes… There was also the loser who was crashing with you.

From the time he first turned on your gaming system yesterday afternoon, he was still playing. You went to bed and when you woke up, he was still playing the same game. An odd mixture of fascination and disgust stirred in you at the same time. You admired his dedication and skill but we're repulsed by his sheer laziness. It also was nice that he unlocked quite a few things for you and your kill-death ratio was looking very, very immaculate.

When you left to start your ranger duties for the day, he was still playing. There was a healthy chance he'd be playing on again. It was likely he would outlast the machine and the console would crash and burn before he would. Now you were starting to believe Irken endurance wasn't a bunch of bullshit after all.

Beneath the obsession with sugary junk food and video games, you knew there was a very legitimate threat. His true colors were all too intimidating and it freaked you out. You almost wished he was completely stupid and brain dead. He knew he had power and he had every intention to use and abuse it in the future. Purple was surprisingly calculating and perceptive.

Essentially, he was an enemy the Earth didn't know it had. Sure, he acted like a prima-donna and you sometimes forgot that he had another side to him. But there was so much more to him and what he could do. You underestimated him and you genuinely had no idea what to do now.

"Oh God, I'm so in for it now," you muttered to yourself.

It was hard to try to see anything through the concealing conifers. You could make out the shapes of trucks and SUVs parked on the ridge but that was all that you could discern. The agents were still there.

Hastily, you clambered out of your hiding spot when you heard the familiar roar of an ATV engine coming your way. Your footing nearly caused you to fall to the ground but you caught yourself at the last moment. You couldn't let anyone know you had been trying to spy on things.

They were coming down the trail at a decent pace, coercing you to stow away your binoculars in your backpack to look as unsuspicious as possible. You took out your notebook and pen, trying to make it seem as if you were writing down your observations and findings for the day. The less inconspicuous, the better. You had to act natural and not shady at all.

Patiently, you waited as the sound of the engine grew louder. You looked down the hill, seeing who was approaching. You blinked in surprise upon seeing it was one of your coworkers.

"Kendra, the Hell are you doing here?" you mumbled.

The blonde ranger locked eyes with you and waved to you. You waved back, acknowledging her. You felt like you could lower your guard with her.

A minute later, she pulled up beside you. She turned off her ATV and hopped off, making her way to your side.

"Hey, Kendra," you said, giving her a small smile, "what's up?"

"I have to talk to someone about this," she said, not even bothering to greet you back. You could easily pick up on the stress in her voice. "Zack tried to convince me but I told him to shove off."

"You talking about the crash?"

"Yes." The twenty five year old woman huffed and folded her arms across her chest. "Please agree with me, hon. That wasn't a drone, was it?"

You loathed being put on spot about this. Your coworker couldn't be led on to believe that the shuttle's pilot was being sheltered under your roof. No one could find out about it.

"Kendra, I really don't know if I wanna talk about this," you confessed, rubbing your temple.

"You saw it!" she persisted. "We all saw it! That asshole agent threatened us to keep our mouths shut! That wasn't a drone, there's no way it was! I'm not an astronaut or engineer or whatever but I know what I saw!"

"You gotta lower your voice, we can't let anyone know we're chatting about it."

Kendra looked guilty and wary for a moment. She briefly surveyed her surroundings and shook her head.

"That was a goddamn spaceship," she asserted. "That came from outer space."

"Look, we have to keep this between ourselves and no one else," you said.

"So you agree with me?"

"We were told to not to discuss these things with anyone. This is all strictly off record, do you understand me?"

"Of course!"

"Yeah… That wasn't a drone. It couldn't be a drone."

"Oh my God, you have no idea how happy I am to hear you agree with me!" There was elation in her tone. "It's like a cinderblock was lifted off my chest!"

"I don't know what we saw but I have a strong hunch it's not from this planet."

"It's an alien spaceship! I think it was manned."

"I mean, maybe… Maybe it was an alien drone or probe or something. I think that's possible too. What makes you think it had a pilot?"

"I saw some of those creep agents seizing my trap cams."

Your blood ran cold at those words. You tried so hard to keep a façade up but your jaw dropped in terror.

Every ranger had trap cams posted in their respective zones. It was to survey wildlife and keep an eye out for potential poacher activity. They were posted mainly along game trails and some other areas. It never occurred to you until Kendra revealed that information that maybe Purple had been spotted by one of those devices. One of them could very well have a snapshot of him stored away in its memory chip.

"I talked to the guy who was ransacking my device," she explained, oblivious to your mounting horror. "Apparently, they don't need our permission to retrieve and review our game cameras. I asked him what they needed it for and they said they were gonna crack down on poacher activity while they were in the area. God, can you believe the nerve of these clowns?! How stupid do they think I am? They're checking to see if E.T. got caught on my cameras! I think they wanna find it before it can phone home!"

This was really, really bad.

"And when did this happen?" you asked.

"Yesterday," she retorted. "Did you check yours?"

"No. I only check them once every few days, it totally slipped my mind!"

"Don't be surprised if you go check yours and you can't find them. I told Ted what happened too and he knew about it. They forced him to give up the coordinates for them and they seized them. He's as powerless as we are!"

Chances were, they confiscated all the devices and were reviewing any footage or photos that had been caught. They were really cracking down on this whole incident and taking this very seriously. They knew the truth of the matter and they knew it wasn't a foreign drone. They had their suspicions and they believed an alien survived and escaped into the woods. They were actively looking for him.

"They're looking for an alien I think," Kendra lowered her voice. "They know something's up. That thing landed in your zone… Did you hear or see anything?"

"No," you said. "I woke up because the crash scared my dog and rabbit. I went out, saw the fire and called Ted and that's what happened. I didn't see anything else."

"And even if they find something on those cameras, they won't tell us. The only way we'll know for sure is if we find it dead or something. I hope we find it before they do!"

Oh, she had no idea.

"So, what do we do?" you asked, deciding to play dumb and go along with your charade.

"Keep an eye out for anything weird," she said. "I know I sure will!"

"Same here. I just want these guys out of our woods. They're disturbing the wildlife anyway. I just want things to be normal again."

"Hon, shit's never gonna be normal again. There's a goddamn alien in the woods."

This was not good.

(two hours later)

He was in the exact same spot where you left him. He was still sitting on the couch in the same position. He had been playing Nova Battles for over twenty four hours. How your game system didn't explode or catch on fire by now was utterly beyond you.

You entered your home after wrapping up with your shift and were immediately met with the sight. Luckily, everything seemed to be intact but Purple seemingly hadn't budged. While you were happy he was content enough to still be playing it and thus occupying him, it also worried and disgusted you. How could he do that?

"Please tell me you took a break at some point," you said, inching your way closer to his side.

As you got closer, you could see the smears, stains and other unsanitary marks on his robes. There were even multiple cups and glasses on your coffee table all filled with different types of sodas. Half eaten and shredded bags of potato chips and other snacks were strewn about on your floor.

This guy made a pig look like a neat freak.

"You are gonna clean this up, right?" you suggested, your eyes hardening into a leer. "This is beyond gross!"

"I'm trying to concentrate!" he snapped. "This is a tie breaker!"

"Hurry up, we have important things to discuss!"

"Sit down and wait!"

You growled impatiently and waited for him to finish up.

Purple hooted in triumph about two minutes later and tossed the controller aside. He chuckled loudly and rested his hands behind his head, looking entirely pleased with himself.

"Good match," he retorted smugly. "Of course, I won, so it was perfect."

"Yeah, that's great," you rolled your eyes. "Discussion time, now!"

"Fine… What is it?"

You just couldn't understand how uncaring and oblivious he seemed to be. He might've fled his position of power to save his own skin but on the other side of the coin, he seemed also totally indifferent. Honestly, you didn't know how this infuriating creature was still alive.

"Okay, let me try to explain this…" you started. "It's part of my job to monitor the local wildlife. To help make my job a little easier, a ranger puts up trap cams in random locations. These cameras are automatically triggered when something walks close by them. The government seized my cameras and my coworkers' as well."

"So that means..?" he asked, inspecting the tips of his claws and looking entirely disinterested.

"You might've tripped one of my cameras at some point. You might've had an image taken of you, Purple."

That got his attention in an instant. His eyes widened and he frowned, looking concerned and a bit vulnerable you divulged. It was nice to know he wasn't completely oblivious to his livelihood.

"That's…" he said. "That's not good."

"Nope, it ain't," you answered. "My coworker told me these things. And frankly, we may be in trouble if you've been caught on one of my cameras. They're gonna come here and question me. Even if we manage to dodge the bullet by some freak chance, you also have to worry about my coworker."

"Why?"

"Because she's absolutely convinced you're still here and she's right. Kendra knows what she saw when she saw your wrecked shuttle. She knows an alien escaped and ran off into the woods. She'll be on the lookout for you. If she manages to find out about your existence, I can't tell you what may happen."

"How about we just abduct her and take out her brain and replace it with a roach's?"

"No!"

"Why? It'd be kinda funny!"

"Because I like her and that's wrong!"

"But we wouldn't have to worry about her foiling our plans!"

"Look, the most pressing matter is my government suspecting you're here. They will do far worse things to you than Kendra will. They'll interrogate you, dissect you or God knows what."

His lower lip jutted out slightly and he averted his gaze for a few moments. Purple looked a little upset with your news.

"What if they do come here looking for me?" he asked.

You really had no idea how to reply to that. A part of you felt bad for him while another fragment of you felt pleased he was going through this. This was karma coming back at him for being a huge dickwad. Fortunately for Purple, you were more kind than mean.

"Look…" you sighed heavily. "I already told them I know nothing. They took my statement. I told you I would shelter and I'll do that. I'm gonna shelter you as much as I can. You have to help me, help you, okay? When I'm telling you to do something, I'm telling you to do it for your own good. I'm not doing it to be a huge bitch. I'm trying to help you."

Honestly, you were unsure if you should be harboring and helping a horrible, tyrannical creature like him. His people were rebelling against him and they probably had a great and viable reason to do so. He was probably a terrible person but you had no idea of the scope of what he had done. You could only speculate for as long as you worked with what he divulged to you.

"I know it's a lot for you to understand to take in," you continued. "And staying on this planet and adapting to everything is culture shock to you. But trust me. I'm gonna try to keep your skin safe along with mine."

He smiled. His antennae twitched and his grin turned cheeky and arrogant.

"You'd betray your own kind for me?" he said sweetly. "That says a lot about you."

"No, I just want to help people," you said. Technically, he was correct from a certain point of view. You really were betraying your own race. "You're a refugee and I know what they'll do to you if they get their hands on you. You don't deserve that fate. That's why I'm helping you."

"And if you shelter me and protect me while I remain on Earth, I will reward you. Remember how I said Earth will become allied with the Irken Empire? I'll make sure you answer only to me. I'll make sure you and the donut-witch are my personal servants!"

"Sounds great..."

"See! It's not so bad! Earthlings are useful! Just do as I say and everything will be okay!"

"Y'know, Earthlings are stubborn and a lot of them won't be happy about someone taking them over. A lot of them are probably going to try to resist you."

Purple could only shrug.

"Too bad," he said. "They don't have a say in the matter. They should be happy I'm not gonna blow up their planet."

You only sighed heavily. You were gonna be one of those unhappy folks if he ever went forward with all this stuff. He had no right to make all these decisions and choices. It angered you but you forced yourself to let it go for now. He was indeed a threat. But you also didn't want to end up doing something you might seriously regret. 

"So, in short, you have to trust me," you explained. "Can you please do that? We both have to trust ourselves and cooperate if we're going to avoid being found out. Let's try to start out on a better foot. What do you say?"

Humans were very confusing creatures, that much Purple realized so far. The one who was sheltering him was no exception. He infuriated her and the Irken had to admit he found it entertaining. And now she was reaching out to him like this, pleading for his cooperation and effort. It was a strange thing indeed.

As far as he was concerned, he had every intention to remain alive. He was going to reclaim his power and punish those who had defied and betrayed him and his co-Tallest. Purple was going to make sure of that. He wanted his revenge.

Most importantly, he wanted her dead. Everything was her fault.

It hurt his Irken pride to rely upon this Earthling for sanctuary. But he knew he was being hunted and he needed to lay low. He managed to retain some information about Earth from what he remembered from Zim's rants, raves and observations. Yet actually staying on Earth and blending in was a whole new challenge. This was on a different level.

He needed this ranger to be his guide and protector for now. He hated the reality but he knew it was one he had to deal with if he wanted a chance to rule again. He would rather take a risk with her than instead of crashing with Zim at his base. That was something he absolutely refused to even joke about. 

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "I know. You're my best chance at getting what I want. We do need each other. I don't want to end up having my squeedily spooch ripped out by your leaders. I can take care of myself but I know I have to be careful. You make plenty of sense, Earth woman!"

"Thanks," you smiled. Genuinely, you were relieved. "I'm glad we're on the same page. Now can I ask you to do a favor for me?"

"Which is..?"

You gestured to the unholy amount of filth that was in your living room. Purple sighed loudly, sounding like a teenaged boy who was ordered to do his chores or risk an ass-whooping.

"Okay," he said, "but you have to help me!"

"Fair enough," you chuckled. "Baby steps."

(…)

Lyn's eyes grew wider as she studied the small, shining gems before her. A smile was on her face and she ran her fingers through the crystals and precious minerals, loving the feel of them. Their luminosity reflected off her bright eyes, entrancing the female Irken.

"These were seized from a passing freighter," the soldier explained. "We've confiscated them as per your orders, Commander."

"And you've done excellently, Bik," Lyn replied to her subordinate. "You see, since I've defected and forsaken the Empire, I was granted more…freedom of thought and peace of mind. I guess this is what other species call a 'hobby'. I love collecting and observing gems."

Like Lyn, Bik was also an Irken rebel. He was once a janitorial drone and had forsaken his assigning. He had grown sick of the menial and humdrum duties he was given. Simply put, he wanted more in his life and held his nation in contempt for giving him such a fate. It also didn't help that he was rather short and was often forced to clean up after the messes left behind by the taller, higher class Irken.

"I never really had much of a…hobby either," the tiny, green eyed Irken shrugged. "Although I do like sabotaging and hotwiring ships." He cackled. "That's been a bit fun to do since I've joined the Resisty and became an infiltrator."

"And don't you feel better doing what you want?" the taller Irken smiled. "Don't you feel happier? There's no risk being terminated for daring to have likes and interests that the Empire would view as trivial."

"Sure. I mean, who wouldn't like their freedom?"

Lyn's smile softened further and her remaining antenna twitched happily. It was true. Her freedom and abandonment of her mission was the best thing that ever happened to her. She didn't miss the past at all. Neither would she ever return to it.

"My favorite gems are diamonds, sapphires and emeralds," Lyn sighed. "They're such calming and priceless things… Their colors are so beautiful." Delicately, she picked up a sapphire amidst the pile and turned it over in her hand, noting it and appreciating its deep, serene hue. "Naturally, these gems are created under drastic circumstances over many years under a planet's crust. Look how they emerged so beautifully after that stress, pressure and time. It's humbling really."

"Lard Nar says we have to turn them over so we can use these gems to fund the Resisty further," Bik noted. "He said that every gem counts."

"I know."

Bik swallowed nervously at the unexpected edge in her tone. He watched as Lyn sifted through the container of gems. The smaller Irken wouldn't dare try to upset her. As far as he was concerned, he still loved life. Every time he glanced at her bracelets, he could feel his squeedily-spooch clench in nausea.

"Commander Lyn?" he started.

"Yes, Bik?" the female alien said without looking back at him.

"Those bracelets around your wrists…" He folded his hands together. "Is that story true?"

Lyn glanced at her jewelry. She smiled at them and chuckled gently.

"Indeed," she confirmed. "They're my greatest trophies and pride for that matter."

Bik had a feeling that was the case. He was more than aware of the story that surrounded the bracelets she wore. Everyone in the Irken Empire knew about it. Though they looked simple enough, they were quite controversial and infamous. In fact, their creation signaled Lyn's abandonment of her duties and the beginning of her treason.

A sour, heavy frown then formed on Lyn's face as she plucked up one of the gems from the mass. Her eyes had almost evolved into slits and her stare was as cold and hard as the shiny rocks she coveted.

"Though there are some gems I am not fond of," she remarked.

Bik noticed the small amethyst shard in the palm of her gloved hand. He was silent, afraid to even move or speak for fear of angering her further.

"Such an ugly color," Lyn sniffed indignantly.

"I mean…" Bik hesitated. "It's okay… It's alright, I guess."

"I hate it. Lard Nar can make do without this one." Carelessly, she tossed the amethyst aside, not concerned where it had fallen or what had become of it. "Can you please contact him and let him know we'll send these over to him?"

"Sure, right away, Commander Lyn."

Bik was simply happy to get away from the taller Irken. He bounded off to go contact his superior and be rid of Lyn's presence.

Lyn's head was turned downwards, surveying the collection. Hissing quietly to herself, she isolated and tossed aside a few more amethyst pieces. She would have none of them. They needed to be purged. They served no use.

A flash of a new color temporarily halted her and she almost dropped the container on the floor. Her eyes widened and Lyn delicately sorted through the gems. Her movements slowed and they were almost cautious.

The gem lain before her, unveiled and marvelous. It was a rather large but stunning and lustrous ruby. The rebel leader was enchanted by the treasure and she scooped it up into both of her hands. She never blinked and she continued to gaze into the red prisms. The universe almost seemed like it no longer existed around her. Her whole life was encapsulated within this precious mineral and she was remembering it all.

There was the blood, sweat and fruits of her labor. She thought she had value. She thought she was appreciated or better yet, even respected. She was convinced that good and wonderful things would come to those who waited. Her hard work, profound loyalty and steep sacrifices would reward her handsomely.

She received nothing but a hurtful hollowness.

"I wasted enough of my life on you," she icily stated.

Her whole body trembled and she strode over to the air lock. Lyn shoved the ruby into the chamber and sealed it, preparing it for the void. Then she slammed her hand on the ejection mechanism, nearly crushing the panel in the process.

She watched as the ruby was sucked out into the expanse of space. Her eyes lingered on it, watching as the red object floated out of view.

"What a horrible color…"


	7. Insert Bar Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants entertainment? He'll get entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy God this thing is long but I had fun writing it. Hope you guys are prepared for a nice long chapter! Apologies for the long wait but I was actually kinda stuck on this part but it’s done. It’s very chaotic and weird but it was a blast to write. Read on and enjoy, everyone~

Chapter 7 Insert Bar Joke

(three days later)

"Bambi, come!"

The big mutt dutifully answered your call and he entered the cabin. His big, brown eyes looked back at you innocently and he sat down on the carpet. He gazed at you expectantly, eyeing the bag of dog cookies you had in your hand. Bambi let out a brief bark, raising one of his paws and panting happily, savoring the treat to come.

"You did your business for the night, mister?" you said. "You're all done going potty?"

Bambi barked again, his tail wagging faster. If anything fragile was by that tail, it would've been easily knocked onto the floor and shattered. He was a large dog and he didn't know his own strength at times.

"Good job, boy!" you praised, giving him a tender smile.

You grabbed one of the cookies and held it in your hand. Then you knelt down and outstretched your palm, beckoning him to take it. Bambi gingerly took the treat and happily munched on it, his tail never stopping. Bits of cookie fell to the floor but they were quickly licked up by the dog seconds later.

Bambi raised his ears briefly when Baby bounded over to investigate him. Both dog and bunny greeted each other peacefully, sniffing one another and pressing their snouts together. Then they both went their separate ways, Bambi retreating to the kitchen to chew on a bone and Baby to lounge by the warmth of the fire place.

You counted yourself lucky that both of your pets got along well with one another. You adopted Bambi from a shelter when he was a puppy and you ended up getting Baby from the same shelter a few months later. They were both young when you took them in and the two grew up together. In the beginning, you had to monitor them to make sure one wouldn't hurt the other. Despite Bambi's size, he was very gentle with other animals and would rather cuddle with them instead of rip them to shreds. Baby was more rambunctious and ornery on the other end but she tolerated her larger sibling most of the time.

You locked the door, preparing to settle down for the night. It was pitch dark and cold outside. If you could avoid going out, you'd prefer it. From what you heard on the news, there was a chance of frost accumulating overnight. It looked like you were going to keep your fire going on all night.

Behind you, you could hear the sound of your guest channel surfing. One show would play for a few seconds before it would fail to catch his interest and then he'd move on to the next station. From what it sounded like, he was stuck between the sports and history channels, trying to find something to entertain him.

"These shows are garbage!" he complained. "How do you put up with these?"

You turned around, seeing Purple looking a bit peeved and frustrated. The clicker was clenched tightly in his clawed, long fingers. His eyes were narrowed and he gave the television an annoyed glare.

"That's why I sometimes won't turn on my TV for a few days," you remarked. "Or I watch movies if I'm feeling really desperate."

"Ugh, this is painful!" the Irken sighed. "Seriously, if I'm staying here, we have to find some other forms of entertainment! I got sick of the video games after awhile too. Is there any place we can go to?"

"I'd prefer to stay home tonight, it's dark and cold and I want to camp by the fire."

"Come on! We can go into the town and see if there's something to do!"

Since the both of you decided to behave more civilly with one another, things calmed down slightly. There was a bit of an improvement but Purple's natural demeanor still annoyed you at times. You couldn't take the ass out of the asshole totally and you saw you'd have to live with it. Whining and complaining wouldn't change anything and you knew it. You'd have to take whatever lemons life threw at you and try to make the best lemonade possible out of them.

A few days passed and nothing remarkable happened. Purple primarily frequented the living room, kitchen and his bedroom. He also started to get a little stir crazy and you had no desire to deal with an alien who was catching cabin fever. It was a recipe for disaster and you didn't want to risk seeing something like this. In the worst case scenario, the both of you would end up being discovered.

"Earth woman, please!" he begged. "My PAK will malfunction and my brain will rot if I don't do something!"

You moaned out loud and rested a palm against your forehead.

"Purple, please," you pleaded in return. "It was a long day at work for me and I'd like to sleep in and do nothing…"

"You're off tomorrow, right?" he asked.

"Well, yeah."

"Let's go out and do something, it's not like you have to work tomorrow. Let's go have some fun!"

You realized you weren't going to win this fight. It was only seven o'clock and you weren't going to listen to him whine for a few more hours. In order to give yourself some peace, you had to appease him.

"Okay, fine," you said, sighing in defeat.

"Yay!" he beamed happily, his eyes lighting up like Christmas bulbs.

"But I get to choose where we go."

"It better be someplace fun!"

"I think you'll enjoy it. It's called a bar."

"Hey, I've heard of that before… It's where Humans go to get drunk and make complete fools of themselves." His grin turned huge. "I like the way you think, let's go now!"

"You're gonna put on your disguise, right?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I will!"

"Good. I'm just checking."

"Now, this is what I call fun." He rubbed his hands together, cackling evilly as he did so. "It'll be entertaining to see these beasts stumble about and vomit on each other!"

"It's a Friday night so there will be a lot of people there, Purple. We can't draw too much attention to ourselves, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it!"

"Okay. It's settled. Let me get some more appropriate clothes on and we'll go."

"Hurry up! Don't take too long!"

You rolled your eyes and hustled out of the living room. All you cared about now was getting out of the house for a bit and entertain the exiled Tallest. Anymore, you began to realize that if he was happy, you were also happy. If he wasn't appeased, he'd let it be known and he'd heckle and pester you until his needs were met. At the back of your head, you still hoped he'd leave at any minute.

(One hour later)

As expected, the bar was bustling and busy. The one you decided to frequent, The Honey Pot, was one of the more popular drinking holes in Red Leaf and it was usually occupied by tourists and locals alike. It also functioned as a small restaurant but this establishment was primarily known and praised for its spirits collection and bar food. On the weekend, this business was particularly busy and even more so during the summer and fall months when tourists were visiting in heavier numbers.

While you felt a bit claustrophobic being in this place, it also worked to your advantage. With so many patrons, hopefully Purple wouldn't be as noticeable. Everyone would be focused on watching one of the multiple TVs that hung from the ceiling, downing their shots or chatting merrily with their friends. Perhaps you and your Irken guest would be able to find a little oasis of peace and not draw attention to yourselves.

His disguise was still as convincing as ever. Granted that some drunkard didn't spill his drink all over him, his holographic trick wouldn't be revealed. To play it safe and avoid any mishaps, you settled on a table nestled in a corner away from the bar. It'd be best to keep him away from any fellow Humans for as long as possible.

"I want the nachos," he said as he looked over the menu.

"Didn't you just eat an entire chocolate cake three hours ago?" you asked.

"Yeah but I want to try their nachos! They're slathered in cheese and they sound so good!"

"I forgot you have tapeworms…"

"No parasites could survive an Irken's squeedily-spooch! Don't make me laugh! We're not bothered by such nasty things!"

"If you're getting nachos, then I'll settle for some French fries and cheese sauce."

"I'll have an order of those too."

"Okay. Throw that onto my bill as well…"

A waitress came over to your table, smiling away and ready to take your order. Internally, you cringed and hoped all would go well. God, you hoped he wouldn't make this awkward or suspicious.

"Hey, guys, welcome!" she said. Her voice was raised, undoubtedly trying to match the level of the patrons and televisions so she could be heard. "Sorry for the wait, it's a bit packed here as you can tell."

"Oh, it's okay, we don't mind," you said, smiling at her.

"My name is Sammy and I'll be taking care of you guys tonight. Are you ready to order?"

"Yes, Sammy, I am!" Purple grinned cheekily. "Can I get an order of the extra large portion of the nachos? And I'll take an extra large portion of the fries too. And let them swim in that precious cheese sauce!"

"Wow, you guys must be hungry!"

"Ha, they're mine!"

For a second, Sammy looked shocked at his claim but she quickly dropped it.

"And you, honey, do you want anything?" she asked you.

"A medium portion of cheese fries, please," you said, annunciating your "please" in front of Purple.

"Any drinks?"

"Can I have some water? I'm the designated driver."

"Let me have the…" Purple squinted at the menu selection, reading the entry. "I'll have the 'Slutty Chocolate Mudslide'. That sounds delicious!"

Oh my God…

"Okay!" Sammy said, writing everything down on her notepad. "Give me a few minutes, I'll be back with your drinks! Thanks for your patience!"

The brunette waitress hustled off but didn't go far as she was hailed by another table.

Your jaw was dropped and you turned your head to Purple. He wore a rather satisfied, smug smile on his face. It seemed like he had no idea what he was getting himself into.

"Did you just order an alcoholic beverage?" you asked, wanting to make sure this really was happening.

"It's got chocolate and cookie crumbles in it!" he grinned away. He opened up the menu, turning to the spirits section to review what he selected. "Melted candy bar, cookie bits and chocolate liquor and…voh-dka?… It sounds amazing! What's voh-dka?"

"Purple, it's pronounced 'vodka' and it's one of the strongest drinks on this planet. Do you have alcoholic drinks where you come from? Are you sure this isn't gonna kill you?"

"Oh, sure! I've tried it before but I didn't like it! I never bothered to try it again after that. But this! This sounds perfect! I'll drink twenty of these things!"

"You'd probably be dead after the seventh one!"

"As if! Irkens aren't lightweights. It'll take a bit to make me feel anything! We're built for endurance unlike you filthy beasts!"

"But you have no idea how you'll react to this…" You lowered your voice, remembering you wanted this to be low key and not draw any attention. There was a chance no one noticed you but that inkling of paranoia wasn't going to leave you be. "Please, you have to be responsible. I really don't think you should drink this."

"I'm an adult!" He scoffed and crossed his arms. "I don't have to listen to you. It has chocolate and cookies in it, I must try this concoction! I'd be insane if I didn't give it a try!"

You weren't going to stop him because you knew it would probably get a few pairs of eyes looking at you. He did have a rather loud voice and it could be high pitched in certain instances. Those traits would really get some attention drawn, especially if he was having a fit and fighting with you over this issue. You had no choice but to quietly allow this and pray nothing horrible would come about.

"Alright, fine," you exhaled. "I'm not pushing it anymore."

"Why don't you get yourself something to drink while you're at it?" he suggested. "Maybe you'd be more fun if you had something."

You shot him a withering glare.

"Drinking and driving is illegal," you retorted. "So I have to be dry. And I forbid you to drive my truck so I especially have to be sober."

"That's a stupid law," he sniffed. "Just have one or two, no one will know."

"No. I'd get into a lot of trouble if I were to get caught by a cop. And because I work at a state park, I have to have a clean record. I could get fired and I would lose my house. So, no. Stop trying to be an enabler."

Purple only rolled his eyes. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his legs.

"You take your job so seriously," he said. "How'd you get it?"

"My grandfather was a naturalist and my dad was a ranger too," you answered. "I guess you can say that nature runs in my family. It seemed right for me to become a ranger and look after the flora and fauna."

"Where is your family? I know humans have them."

"Had."

Your conversation was interrupted when Sammy came back with your chosen drinks. The chocolaty alcoholic beverage was set in front of Purple and the water was placed before you. The Tallest squirmed happily in his seat, even squealing in joy for as long as he looked at it. Admittedly, it did look amazing. You were tempted to sneak a sip in but you knew he would probably bite your jugular out if you tried a stunt like that.

"Thank you!" you told the waitress.

"No problem!" she smiled. "The food will be out soon enough."

She was off again before you knew it.

"Purple…" you said warningly.

"Yes?" he asked, his smile huge. His hands came around the drinking vessel, brining it closer to him.

"Go easy. You're a skinny guy so this stuff will hit you like a ton of bricks. And with you being what you are, I can't begin to imagine what this will do to you…"

"What are you, some sort of expert on the matter?"

"No but I'm sure I've drunken way more than you have. You don't want to drink this stuff on an empty stomach too, it hits you that much harder. You have to sip leisurely, take your time and…"

He didn't give a shit for what you had to say. Your advice was unceremoniously thrown out the window and straight into a flaming dumpster. Hastily, he lifted it up to his mouth and began to gulp it down. Purple greedily downed the drink much to your horror and chagrin. He was absolutely insane.

All you could do was stare back at him, your eyes widened and disbelieving he had done this. It was like talking to a brick wall.

"Oh, mother of God," you mumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose.

Somehow, he managed to down the entire drink without taking a breath. It took about a minute but it was done. Purple loudly slammed the glass down on the table.

"That was great!" he commented, his eyes widened in delight. "I could really taste the chocolate! Not bad at all! I think I could go for another one."

"Hell no," you deadpanned. "No."

"I'm fine! I can handle it! I don't feel anything at all!"

"Eat your food then maybe I'll let you have another drink. And that's only if I'm feeling super generous!"

"Come on, I'm alive, right?"

"Look, I'm not your babysitter! I shouldn't even be having this discussion with you! Purple, you will end up killing yourself! Listen to what I'm saying and STOP!"

Remarkably, he did just that. He fell silent and he only stared back at you. The Irken overlord almost seemed as if he was in suspended animation. You had to admit, you felt a little prideful for shutting his mouth and getting him to see reason.

"Good," you said, sipping your water. "Remember what I said? I'm not trying to be a huge bitch and be a fun…"

Abruptly, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his whole body slumped forward. His forehead crashed against the tabletop, scaring the crap out of you and instantly derailing your train of thought. His body was totally immobile and no sign of life came from him.

For a few, solid seconds, all you could do was gaze at what you just saw unfold. Your eyes were huge and your jaw hung, disbelieving what happened. A wave of cold dread washed over you. You felt your heart slither its way up your throat and it felt like your stomach plummeted into your feet. You could feel the color leave your face.

He literally just dropped dead.

Somehow, you managed to snap yourself out of your stupor. Numbly, you reached out and set your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him. He didn't react to your action and he remained unmoving.

"Purple, cut the crap," you whispered, pleading into his ear. "Get up, people are gonna be staring..!"

You received no response. Despite this inactivity, his hologram disguise was still in effect. You figured that if he really was dead, maybe it would've ceased. But his lack of life was not putting you at ease.

Your head turned away, checking to see if you might've accumulated an audience. Luckily, it looked like no one else was aware of your dilemma. Everyone was busy drinking, eating, chatting or watching TV. The less people that were onto your crisis, the better it was. It made you feel a little bit relieved but you still had a possibly deceased alien sitting across from you.

"Purple!" you said a little louder and more earnestly. "Please, please tell me you're okay! Don't die on me in a restaurant full of people!"

You were almost given the most ferocious head butt of your life but you managed to move away at the last moment. A yelp came from you as the Tallest's head suddenly lifted up. His eyes were open and he appeared alert and aware. He looked a little uneasy for a second but a smile graced his face and he looked to you.

"Sorry about that," he said, acting as if nothing had even happened.

"What the hell was that about?!" you demanded through gritted teeth.

He only laughed at you. His laughter was a bit raucous and high pitched which wasn't what you were expecting.

"Pft, you were scared!" he said, giving you a cheeky smile. "I told you…" He let out an embarrassingly loud and guttural belch. "It's okay!" His grin became increasingly lopsided as each second ticked by. "My body went into a state of shock I guess… But my PAK restarted my organs so I'm okay!"

"Wait, were you clinically dead for a minute or two?" you asked, quite aghast by his insinuation.

"Maybe, I don't know." He waved a hand dismissively. "Who cares, I'm alive and kicking, right?!" He laughed again. You could've sworn you could hear something unusual in his tone. "It's not toxic but I might've had too much too quickly…"

"So I was right. I fucking told you, you idiot."

"Okay, okay…maybe… maybe you know a thing or two, Earthling. I was told your species was tall but dumb… That's kinda true but you seem like you have a good head, she-beast."

"…are you drunk?"

"Ah, so this is what it is! I feel…weird!"

The both of you were interrupted when your waitress showed up at the table with your desired food. She was still smiling away and she placed your respective dishes in front of you.

"You guys doing okay?" she asked.

"More Chocolate Slut, please," Purple giggled, unable to keep a straight face. "Or whatever you call this thing!"

"Honey, you pounded that drink in no time!" She was truly astonished. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better! I haven't felt this good since I shot Skoodge out of the cannon-thingy..!"

"He's a jokester alright," you chuckled, trying to divert Sammy's attention away from him. "And yes, he will have another. Thank you for the food too!"

"I love fries so much…" Purple's face was almost in the cheesy platter of French fries. He smiled dopily and sniffed them deeply, taking in their scent. "I'll see if these are better than the ones from Conventia!"

Thankfully, Sammy had walked away whenever she saw his face lowered to his plate. She would only keep her head down and do her job. There was no way she was going to ask about what was going on.

You grabbed your fork and jabbed one of your cheese-covered fries with it. You watched Purple as he drunkenly fumbled to hold his own utensil and struggle to spear one of his fries.

"Why don't you have your nachos instead?" you suggested, feeling some pity for him. "At least you can eat them with your fingers easier."

"No, no, no…!" he rambled. "I-I got this! There!"

He cackled as he finally managed to stab one of the French fries and jammed it into his mouth. Purple groaned in delight at the taste and began to shove more into his mouth, apparently pleased with how they were. At least he would be appeased for the moment, however long that truly lasted.

Now you were really starting to regret getting him another one of those drinks. It pert near killed him and now he was smashed and wanting another one. It also looked like it affected him far more quickly than it would for an average human. Undoubtedly, it was because of his alien biology being exposed to such a powerful and new tonic. On top of that, he was sloppily eating his food. You felt like you had to watch out for him more than you ever did before. He was already reckless and impulsive. With him being inebriated, there was no telling what might happen.

"You feel okay?" you pressed, testing the waters.

"I feel great!" he beamed. There was already some cheese sauce smeared on his chin. "The Earth alcohol tasted better than the stuff I had a long time ago! It was some filthy Vortian brew… Then we enslaved them!"

"What're you gonna do when you get your drink, Purple?"

"Slow… drink it slow."

"Yep."

"Y'know, there-there are females in my race."

"Ah, that's nice. I figured. You got a girlfriend?"

"Ha!" Purple snorted and shook his head. "No! I'm not smart and handsome enough! Red got all of them!"

"He's your friend and co-Tallest, right?"

"Yeah. We grew up together, we hatched at the same time actually!" He smiled and he had a nostalgic gleam in his eyes. "But, man, is he a jerk! Sometimes I just wanna…chew his antenna off!"

You found yourself chuckling at his statement. You smiled and took another bite of your fries.

"I get it," you said. "He's a friend you've had for forever but he drives you crazy. That's normal actually."

"Yeah!" Purple said, slamming an open palm on the table. "You understand me, she-beast!"

"Got another drink for you, honey!" Sammy chimed in.

The waitress placed the drink down in front of Purple. As quickly as she appeared, she vanished. Honestly, you didn't blame her. No matter what, you'd be sure to give her a generous tip after this was all said and done.

Purple used both hands to steady the glass and he took a cautionary sip. He smiled at the flavor and set it down before resuming eating his sloppy, cheesy food.

"But, yeah, Red…" Purple resumed. "He thinks he's so cool and all that! Well, he's not!" He raised his voice, his drunken anger becoming more obvious. "He's a big, fat loser! He always…always thought he was better than me! He still does!"

"He's your friend and he treats you this way?" you asked.

You had to admit, you were intrigued by this. While it may end up being somewhat of a disaster in letting him imbibe some more, you could already tell he was a chatty drunk. He already divulged some interesting information to your earlier but with him in this state, he might tell you more. You were intensely curious about his species and what exactly they were all about. If he was going to give you an entire lecture about his history, culture, biology and whatever else, you were going to sit there and be all ears. There was no way you were going to squander this opportunity.

"Irken don't have friends," he noted. Purple took another sip of his drink. "We don't have family either. We live, we serve the Empire, we die and then our PAKs' data are added to the Control Brains and that's it."

"But you consider Red a friend…" you said.

"He is!" He groaned loudly and rubbed his head. "Ugh, my head is aching me a little…"

"You did smash your skull on the table when you died for two minutes." You sighed, taking another mouthful of your fries. "But tell me more, Purple. Tell me more about Red."

"You wouldn't like him. He's a jerk. And I don't like sharing things with him either."

"I guess that makes sense…"

"He's part of the reason why we had to run and hide! He was so stupid and stubborn!" Purple growled and ground his jaws. "He had to be an idiot… And then look what happened! It's his fault! One of our finest invaders was a defective then turned into a traitor and Pax got turned into jewelry!"

WHAT.

"Wait, what?" you asked, raising an eyebrow. "Who's Pax? What the hell are you talking about?"

Purple seemed like he was hesitating. He lifted his glass again and this time he took a few, hearty gulps of his drink. His eyes were glued to the wooden table top and it looked like he was becoming increasingly flustered. His fingers tightened around his glass and you were half expecting it to explode in his grasp.

"Purple, are you okay?" you asked softly.

"I didn't like Pax," the Tallest resumed, finally finding his voice again. "Yeah, she was tall but whatever." He snorted and waved his hand carelessly. "If Red wasn't a Tallest, then I would've never let this happen! If I had all the power, I..!" He paused and shoved a handful of gooey nachos into his mouth. He continued to speak, talking with his mouth open. "Sharing power is a pain sometimes… We have to share because we're the exact same height. I have to deal with what he does and yet he still tries to be the head honcho!"

"I see…"

"I don't want to talk about Red anymore." He burped and a stray piece of nacho flew out of his mouth. Carelessly, he picked it up and tossed it back into his maw. "Everything's his stupid fault."

You wanted an info dump, you got an info dump. Desperately, you wanted to know more about this matter. This was the cause of this civil war that had cost the exiled Tallest his power. His impaired ramblings had only added more questions instead of answering some you already had. It ate away at you but you saw it was best to leave it be for now. His mood had soured quickly and if he was going to be potentially become angry or even violent, you wanted to avoid it. A scene was the last thing you wanted to have happen. God forbid that the cops should get involved for that matter too.

Who was this Pax person? And did his species really not have families?

"Okay, fair enough," you conceded. "Let's talk about something else. What do you want to discuss?"

The Irken ruler took another swig of his beverage. This time, he was more fluid and steady with drinking it. Already, it seemed like some of his building rage had dissipated. Now you wanted to keep him calm and happy.

"I wanna talk about you," he grinned crookedly. "I wanna talk about Earthlings."

"Right…" you said. "What exactly?"

"Though your race is a gross one, it's fascinating. You come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, colors and whatever. That stuff on your head, hair..? Yeah, hair! It's so colorful! You Humans can change it to whatever color whenever you want to. Kinda makes me wish I had some!" His smile turned goofy and larger. "It's neat!"

"Thanks. I'm glad you at least admire that about us."

"Can I see your hair?"

You blinked in confusion. But you snapped yourself out of it, reminding yourself to keep him complacent and content.

"Yeah," you nodded.

You left your seat across from him and then parked yourself next to him. You turned your back to him, presenting your locks to Purple. Inwardly, you cringed, hoping he wouldn't get alcohol and cheese sauce all over your hair. You really didn't want to end up strangling him.

You could feel his breath on the back of your neck. A chill ran down your spine as you could sense him scooting closer. Your eyes widened for a moment when you heard him sniff your hair. His fingers were running through it and you were actually surprised with how gentle he was. Purple took his time, wanting to examine and explore your tresses, having never touched such a thing before.

"It smells really good," he commented.

Even you weren't ready to hear those words. A warm redness enveloped your cheeks and you were so thankful he didn't see the blossoming blush. You could feel your heart racing in your ribcage and you began to hope he'd hurry up.

"Zim never said Humans smell nice," he sighed. Still, he played with and caressed your hair. "He said you were all smelly and ugly."

"That's not true," you said. "Well…yes and no. Some of us smell nice and others smell like ass roasting on a hot, humid mid-August day. It's all subjective."

"Ha, he's wrong as usual. I shouldn't be surprised. Do all females of your kind smell so nice?"

"Some do, some don't."

"I guess I got lucky and picked a nice smelling Human."

You supposed that wasn't so bad. If you smelled awful, you were pretty sure you'd be thoroughly embarrassed or humiliated. If you smelled, you hoped someone would tell you so you could do something about it. You weren't usually terribly self conscious but you also stressed over having a bad, natural aroma.

"Thanks…" you muttered.

You tried your hardest to ignore the warmth in your face but it was totally pointless. You reminded yourself he was only drunk and didn't know what he was doing. He was loquacious, observant and not as big of a jerk as he was when he was sober and uninhibited. It seemed like he also had no concept of personal space as well.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for karaoke!" the bartender called out on a microphone. "Don't be shy! Step up!"

As soon as the bartender ceased speaking, you could feel Purple hurriedly and rudely clambering over you. You almost thought his foot was in your mouth for a split second before he hustled out of the booth. The disguised Irken half-stumbled and half-ran to the bar to register for the event.

"I'm first!" he said, shoving in between two men at the bar. "I'm first, it's me!"

The bartender that made the announcement almost had her very soul scared out of her. For a moment, she stared back at the strange man, a bit surprised by his speed and insistence in being first.

"Okay, sir…" she said nervously. "Go up to the stage and pick your song…"

You finally recovered in enough time and wedged your way out of your booth. Cursing beneath your breath, you followed after Purple as he made his way over to a small, elevated platform. On the platform stood two stools, a speaker system, microphone stand and a karaoke machine. You saw a disaster playing out before your eyes so you hurried along to meet him there. The last thing you needed was a few hundred dollars coming out of your wallet to pay for a destroyed karaoke set up.

"Wait, what're you doing?" you pressed.

"I'm gonna sing!" he stated the obvious. "I always wanted to try karaoke!"

"Here, let me do this for you. I don't want you gagging all over this equipment."

"Go get me my drink, she-beast, I know what I'm doing!"

"Pardon me..?"

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"…fine."

As you walked back over to your table, you rolled your eyes. You muttered unhappily under your breath. He knew your name but he insisted on calling you a plethora of other things instead. It was rather annoying but for now, you'd let him get away with it. Right now, you didn't want to fight him over something like this in front of all these other patrons.

"_Kick his ass later_," you privately reminded yourself. "_Don't stand out in a bar, for God's sake_."

With one hand, you grabbed his half consumed drink and with your free one, you stole a gob of his nachos. Smirking to yourself, you walked back over to the karaoke platform. He was fiddling with the microphone and dusting the unseen dust off his clever disguise.

You handed his beverage to him and he hastily finished it up. Purple sighed in satisfaction and set the empty glass on one of the stools. Giggling to himself, he fiddled with the machine and selected his desired song.

"You…" he continued to cackle. "You're gonna recognize this song, she-beast."

"I hope I don't," you admitted.

A few seconds later, you could hear the tune start to play. Purple snatched up the microphone and eyed the words that were starting to appear on the screen. He squinted his eyes and released another disgusting, unflattering burp.

"Oh my God, you are a pig," you said under your breath.

Naturally, his repulsive belch attracted some attention. Nearly every other customer in the building eyed him up, most of their gazes looking peeved and slighted. It looked like they weren't necessarily pleased with his burping into the microphone and having it amplified throughout the crowded bar. You offered them an apologetic look and a mouthed "sorry" to them, hoping it would appease them and prompt them to go about their business.

"_Do you believe in life after love_?!" he sang.

Visibly, you cringed. He was terribly off key and clearly had never practiced singing at all in his entire life. His higher-pitched voice also did nothing to help him in this situation either. In fact, it only made his singing worse. If you could describe it, it sounded like a nails on a chalkboard magnified to the tenth power.

In short, it was goddamn awful.

"_I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no!_" Purple continued to sing, completely oblivious to his lack of talent and skill. "_Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough, no! No matter how hard I try, you keep pushing me aside and I can't break through. There's no talking to you! So sad that you're leaving, takes time to believe it. Oh, after all is said and done, you're gonna be the lonely one, oh! Do you believe in life after love?!_"

This was going to be a long night. So much for the peaceful evening you originally envisioned.

(three hours later)

"_Ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive…!_"

"Come on, let's go home, I got you!"

"C-come on..! We don't have to leave!"

"Yes, it's time, Purple. Remember what I told you about listening to me for your own good?"

"Yeah…"

"It's one of those times, come on. You need to lay down and sleep."

"We don't need sleep! Why sleep when we must conquer the universe?!"

"Then why did I find you passed out on my couch this morning? Your trap was wide open and you were snoring away." He didn't even bother to give you a real answer. All he did was moan loudly and continue placing most of his weight on your shoulder. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

That was more than enough fun for one night. You thanked God he didn't get into a fight with anyone. Honestly, you counted yourself extremely lucky that nothing got violent or hostile. He earned more than enough sneers and curious glances but that was it. All he did was drink, ramble about topics you had no idea what they were about and sing horribly. You had to babysit him the entire time but you told yourself the experience could've been way worse.

Now you found yourself almost dragging him out of the establishment and to your car. You supported his frame, forcing him to stand up and stagger along while you walked for yourself and him. His right arm rested along the length of your shoulders, anchoring himself to you and using you as support. Fortunately for you, he didn't weigh that a lot so it was that much easier for you to haul him along.

"We…" he slurred, hiccupping slightly as he spoke. "We can come back later, right..?"

"Not for awhile," you answered.

"I…I-I don't feel so good..!"

You could feel this unholy gurgling noise well up from deep within his body. Your eyes widened in horror, realizing what was about to happen.

As quickly as you could, you slid him off your shoulder but still supported him by wrapping an arm around his chest. Purple collapsed to his knees and proceeded to vomit all over the parking lot. You nearly gagged as well from the sound of it and the stench was simply overpowering.

He must've emptied his squeedily-spooch for a good solid minute or two before he eventually stopped. The Tallest heaved heavily and his head hung low. You could feel his body tremble as you held him, keeping him from laying down on the cold asphalt.

"Can you stand?" you asked.

"I'm fine," he exhaled.

"Come on, I got you. You're almost to the truck. I have napkins in it and you can wipe yourself off when we get in."

The Irken forced himself to stand up again. He leaned heavily against you, relying on you to usher him to your truck.

"I think I will sleep…" he said weakly. "I can't eat anything else tonight."

"Smart move," you noted. "Give your stomach a rest, okay?"

You started to walk again. You glanced down at the ground, wanting to make sure you wouldn't step on the foul, biological waste he just expelled from his gut. All you noticed was that it was colored green and black. It was interesting that you were probably one of the only Humans to ever see alien throw up but it was still a disgusting discovery nonetheless.

"Excuse me!"

You nearly dropped Purple when you heard the voice. Whoever they were, they sounded completely unfamiliar and it caught you off guard. It had to have been another bar patron that was coming up to you.

You turned around to face the unexpected company. What you didn't anticipate was a kid standing behind you. You blinked, totally astonished and unsure of how to even process this realization. Maybe the extraterrestrial vomit fumes were capable of mind altering abilities and you were now seeing things.

"Where're your parents?" you asked, confused as all Hell.

The child had to be a preteen or in his early teens. He was a bit on the short end and he seemed like he had an uncannily large head. His hair was black and it seemed like it ended in some oddly shaped point. He wore glasses as well. The boy's clothes consisted of a black trench coat, a light blue shirt with a ghost on it, some red, converse-style shoes and some dark blue pants.

"Excuse me, miss, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions, it won't take long at all," the boy explained.

"It's nearly midnight, you shouldn't be running around at this hour!" you lightly chastised him.

"Look, have you seen anything unusual around this town for the past few days? Have you seen any weird or unfamiliar people wandering around?"

"Like government agents? Because there are plenty of them! I'm sorry but who are you?"

"I'm a paranormal investigator, I heard reports that a possible alien spaceship crashed in the state park. I just wanted to check to see what other people may know about the incident."

Nothing could stop you from breaking out into a cold sweat at what this big-headed kid just said. You knew the citizens of Red Leaf were certainly suspicious of the crash landing in your zone but as far as you knew, everyone seemed to by the cover up story that it was a foreign drone. But that also didn't mean at least a few folks didn't believe the government's official statement regarding the incident. Instantly, you thought that maybe Kendra might've called in this pint-sized investigator in to poke around. If your suspicions were proven correct, you were going to tear your coworker a new one.

You felt cornered and intimidated. You had no idea a minor could scare you this badly. His spectacled eyes stared back at you, expecting you to answer him at any moment now. There was no way you could let him know you were literally holding an inebriated alien up at this exact moment.

"Hey…" Purple slurred. "I think I know you, kid!"

The youth narrowed his gaze and it turned to the disguised Irken instead.

"Do you?" Dib asked, truly curious.

"I know that large head from anywhere!" the Tallest guffawed.

"Kid, I'm so sorry!" you cut in, refusing Purple from screwing the both of you over. "My cousin is very drunk and he doesn't know what he's talking about. Frankly, you shouldn't be even seeing this."

"It's…okay," Dib said. He was perplexed and he didn't tear his stare from Purple.

"Look… I'm a ranger and I work at Red Leaf State Park. I was there when it happened. If you're an investigator and you want your answers, I'll be happy to help. Can I meet you at the visitor's center tomorrow? How does noon sound?"

"Sure, that sounds fine. I'll meet you there. What's your name by the way?"

"You're awfully mature for your age, you're smarter than most adults which is pretty scary." You also divulged your name to him. "I'm sorry I can't help right now but you caught me at a very bad time. I'll see you at noon!"

You didn't spare him any more time. As gingerly yet as briskly as you could, you walked Purple the remaining one hundred feet over to your truck. The farther you could get him away from bar and this supposed investigator, the better off you were.

You thought it was so bizarre it seemed like he had no guardian with him but for the moment, you were more concerned about hiding the truth. If the cat was let out of the bag, it was game over for the both of you. As far as you were concerned, you weren't ready to spend the rest of your life behind bars.


	8. Rise to Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No longer can they idly sit by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support everyone, I’m very pleased you like it so much! It keeps me going knowing folks like it as much as they do! Finally, other characters are entering the fray and things are starting to pick up ever so slowly. 
> 
> Read on and enjoy, guys!

Chapter 8 Rise to Action

(…)

"I don't like this… It's too quiet!"

The lack of activity and his classmate's absence from the skool yesterday made him quite suspicious. It was a little invigorating and relieving not having his nemesis breathing down his neck, thwarting his plans and watching his every move, always ready to strike back. It was something he also anticipated on a daily basis. It was what he was used to and it had been that way for the past few years. This change of routine was something that caught him off guard.

"The wretched Dib-Thing is plotting something, I can smell it!"

The small, green, vivacious creature twiddled his thumbs and sat at the foot of a display screen. He was reading the results of a scan, seeing that it appeared his enemy was elusive. The alien magnified the scope of his search, seeing that his quarry wasn't within the city limits. Apparently, he had left but where he had gone was completely unknown to him.

"He's vanished!" The alien grunted and narrowed his large eyes, rereading the results for the tenth time. "I must make him un-vanished if that is the case! The filthy meat-monkey will not evade the watchful eye of ZIM!" He paused for a moment. "GIR! Come here!"

In an instant, the head of his mechanical assistant appeared from the top of the ceiling. The Irken Invader jumped at GIR's sudden entrance, spooking him for an instant.

"I see you!" the defective SIR unit chuckled as he dangled from the wires that were strung up above.

"Focus, GIR!" his master instructed. "Come down, I must speak with you!"

With the grace and poise of a boulder ballerina, the tiny robot went tumbling down from his post. He landed unceremoniously on his head, looking entirely unfazed when he made impact.

"_No more monkeys bouncing on the bed!_" the metal being sang merrily.

"GIR!" Zim cleared his throat. "We must discuss something important!"

The robot's normally blue optics turned red and GIR picked himself up off the floor. He stood up properly and straightened his posture. He saluted his superior and his expression hardened, turning serious and analytical.

"Yes, my master?" he urged, his tone turning grim.

"Our infernal enemy, the wretched Dib, has disappeared!" Zim bemoaned. "He must be found at any cost! GIR! I need you to watch the base while I am absent! Ensure that nothing happens and keep out any and all intruders… Is that clear?"

The red hue in his optics shifted to their usual, blue color once again. The robot smiled dopily and bounced about on his metal cranium, hooting happily as he did so.

"_One fell off and bonked his head!_" GIR continued to sing, horribly high pitched and out of key.

"Be serious!" Zim half begged and half demanded. "I won't be back until I've located him. I must find him before it's too late! Who knows what that filthy Dib is up too! I won't let him win!"

"Sir!" Zim nearly jumped when he heard his computer's voice chime in. "I've uncovered something pretty cool with the spyware!"

"Well, what are you waiting for?! Show me!"

The screen changed, displaying a series of photos and classified documents that were meant to be hidden from all but the highest government officials. Zim had created some viruses and malware, intending to sabotage and spy upon the world's governments and look for signs of vulnerability or some other interesting tidbit he could exploit in his favor. Lately, all of the things he had seen so far were entirely unimpressive according to his standards. Any other Earthling would've been fascinated and flabbergasted by what he had uncovered on the other hand. One man's trash was another man's treasure.

There were papers and reports that had things written across them like "Bigfoot Has a Vacation House in the Maldives", "The Timberdoodle Does Exist", "Count Cocoa Fang Sighted in Russian Sauna", "The Loch Ness Monster is Named Tim" and other strange, bizarre titles. Along with the documents were photos of some cryptids and even some suspicious looking Earthlings. Nothing seemed to appeal to him.

"These are all stupid and pointless thingies, Computer!" Zim ranted. "Where is the interesting bit you've promised me?!"

"It's coming right up, sir!" the artificial intelligence droned back, albeit a little saucily.

It had been two years since the last time Zim was contacted by his leaders, the Almighty Tallest. Every time he attempted to establish communication with the Massive, he was met with the frightened visage of their top advisor, Rarl Kove. Kove explained to Zim that the pair had gone off on an extended vacation and he wasn't sure when they would be back. The higher ranking Irken was always brief during their exchanges and clearly had no desire to chat with the Invader yet Zim was completely blind to his reluctance. Zim had understood the Tallests' decision to go on a holiday and didn't question the advisor since he wanted his leaders to rest and relax. After all, with being so tall and mighty, it must've put a lot of stress on them…

But nowadays, his patience was wearing thin. Surely the Tallest would come back sooner or later and take full control of Operation Impending Doom Two once again. At any day, he was expecting to have the Tallest contact him at long last. They would ask him about the progress regarding his mission on Earth and Zim would regale to them all the schemes and concoctions he managed to cook up during their two year absence. One of these brilliant plans would have to appeal to both Tallests and they'd be more than happy to give Zim the green light.

Zim's already large eyes seemed to widen even more. He was beheld a particular and all too familiar image on the screen. He leaned forward, his disbelief growing larger and larger as the reality sunk in with each second that ticked by.

He blinked a few times wanting to make sure what he was seeing was truly real.

"It's a spittle runner!" Zim said incredulously. "It's a newer model and customized too… The stinky Earth government has it?! This is not good! Computer, how old is this document?"

"According to what I've uncovered, it crash landed on Earth about a week ago," the computer responded. "It appears this document was loaded up onto the archive two days ago and it seems like it still needs to be edited and completed…"

"They're still working on it! They haven't finished analyzing their finding yet." Zim sat in silence for a few moments, wondering what exactly was going on. "It better not be the hideous harpy, Tak! I defeated her once and I will do it again! But… I don't get the feeling that it is her."

"It also seems that the pilot wasn't found. It's written that they suspect the pilot survived and left the scene of the crash."

"Yet again, there is another Irken on my assigned planet!" Zim snarled and balled his hands into fists. "I won't allow it! I won't let them take my mission from me!" He turned around to face GIR. "There's been a change of plans, GIR, the horrible, plotting Dib can wait for now!"

"What you gonna do now?" GIR asked, still happily hopping away on his head.

"Track down the pilot and make sure they don't steal my mission! Earth is mine to destroy! GIR, I still want you to stay behind and monitor the base. I must go undercover and find them myself."

"Okay, have fun!"

Zim ignored his robotic minion and turned his attention back to the screen. He zoomed in on the document, analyzing the pages that so far consisted of the half-finished report. He needed as many details as possible so he could prepare himself for whatever was ahead. He needed to get to the bottom of this mystery as quickly as possible.

(…)

"Gaz, where is your brother?"

The purple haired girl could only grunt in acknowledgement at her father's voice. At the moment, she was too invested in playing Nova Battles. All of her attention was currently invested in trying to win at the online match she was embroiled in. Her parent's question could wait for another minute or two.

"Daughter, I know video games are important and I know you love them," Professor Membrane lectured her. He was speaking to his second child through the floating video monitor he often communicated with his progeny through. "But the skool has contacted me saying he was absent yesterday and I need to write an excuse for him."

Gaz growled quietly as her character was slain by the same sniper for what felt like the thousandth time. She nearly snapped her controller in half but she wouldn't let her anger get to her just yet. This enemy was good but he wasn't as good as her. The match wasn't lost yet. She and her team still had the chance to turn the tides of the match and claim victory.

"Dib skipped school yesterday to go visit some place where he said an alien ship crash landed," she finally replied to her parent.

Membrane sighed in disappointment. While he was happy his son was intelligent and passionate about something, he was vexed and disturbed that Dib had such an unhealthy interest in the paranormal. Time and time again, he told himself it was merely a phase he was invested in and his eldest would grow out of it. But it seemed like it only grew more intense and ardent. Dib's obsession with this branch of pseudoscience was something he hoped would get over sooner rather than later.

"My poor, insane son," he remarked. "I let him go out on these jaunts, hoping it'll get out of his system and he'll move onto bigger and more respectable fields of study. But no, it only seems to become more freakish! When will he ever grow out of this?!"

"Probably never," Gaz duly noted. She spawned back into the map, determined to exact her revenge and claim her win. "He said he should be back before the weekend. Today's Saturday, Dad. Dib should be home by tomorrow night. He better be."

"Fair enough. Stay out of trouble, Gaz!"

The video call ended and the image of the Professor faded.

Gaz only smirked to herself. Her brother was away for a bit and she could enjoy her video games in peace. She wouldn't have to listen to his voice and deal with Zim's stupidity.

(…)

"No! No, no, no!" Purple leered at the television screen, snarling while he did so. His hands trembled as he held the controller in his hand. "I had you! That's unfair! I was winning!"

There was only so much time left in the match and both teams were in a stalemate up until a few minutes ago. It looked like he and his team were winning in the very beginning of the session but now it seemed like it was a complete reversal. He kept getting killed by the same person over and over again. It was infuriating and humiliating and Purple felt like his temper was about to explode.

"Curse you, Piggypizza666!" he yelled. "I will vaporize you and everything you love! You took my victory from me!"

"Don't you break my stuff!" you warned him. "That costs money and your habits are already costing me a pretty penny!"

"They're cheating!" The Almighty Tallest was throwing an almighty fit over this ordeal. "They must be a hacker!"

"Have you considered that maybe you met your match? They say there's always someone better than you."

"Lies!" Angrily, he spawned in again. He was going to give it his all and wrest control from the enemy that was humiliating him. "I am the best at this game! I am in control and I won't be beaten! There's no way they can defeat me! I am a Tallest and I will win!"

You rolled your eyes and decided to tune out his fevered ranting. He'd get over it and then calm down by eating three pounds of donuts.

From what you noticed, he seemed to shrug off his hangover very quickly. In fact, it seemed like that after he slept for a few, good, solid hours, he was perfectly normal. It was almost as if he wasn't totally hammered last night, singing horribly, barfing and being a chatterbox. There seemed to be no hangover at all now that you thought about it. Maybe his species was incapable of experiencing them.

When you brought him back home, you helped him out of the truck and escorted him to the guest bedroom where he stayed. You provided him with a bucket in case if he was hit with the urge to vomit and let him be to sleep off his inebriation. As soon as you lowered him onto his bed and he settled on the mattress, he was out like a light. Within seconds, he was snoring away and lost in sleep. You were pretty sure he wasn't going to die in his sleep from alcohol poisoning so you decided to leave him be and let him recover on his own.

It was strange but you had to admit, you had some fun. Every once in awhile, you and you coworkers would go into town and have a few drinks but lately, you hadn't done so. At first, you were anxious and concerned about bringing Purple into such a public place but for the most part, everything went alright. Talking to him was very intriguing and you definitely wanted to discuss more about the Irken Empire and species as a whole with him. Plus, you wanted to know more about this supposed civil war that was happening in the universe. Your curiosity needed to be sated.

But for now, that'd have to wait. You didn't forget you had this interview with that strange, junior paranormal investigator. The whole confrontation was beyond bizarre and made you more than uncomfortable yet you'd go through with this. He seemed determined and he looked like he was going to be undeterred until he got his answers. You'd humor this strange kid, give him his answers and come straight back home. The key was not getting to admit that you were sheltering an alien ruler in your cabin.

"I'll be back soon," you called to him. You put your coat on and grabbed your keys. "I'm hoping this only takes an hour at the most."

Purple didn't even reply to you. Instead of answering, he let out a howl of agony and dropped the controller. He buried his face into his hands and rocked back and forth on the couch. Apparently, he lost the match and he wasn't able to redeem his honor and worth.

"I almost had it!" he bemoaned. "I failed! I lost to the vile hacker!" He released a dramatic and frustrated moan. "I will have my revenge and make sure I get my rightfully earned victory!"

You could offer no comment and let him to mourn over his petty failures in silence. You took your chance and silently slipped out of your home to get your interview done and over with. The last thing you heard before shutting the door and walking away was him threatening to hack into the game and track down the offending gamer to finish them off in person.

It was probably just a bunch of hot air but you told yourself it was a problem for future you.

(Red Leaf State Park visitor center)

It was a Saturday and unsurprisingly, it was a bit busy. Weekends were typically busiest during the fall and with the weather being sunny and semi-warm on this particular day, it was especially occupied. From the look of it, it seemed like mostly bird watchers and hikers were frequenting the park today. Visitors were eager to get their outdoor activities done before the winter would officially arrive and discourage a lot of visitors until spring.

Despite the fact that the "drone" crash happened some days earlier, the park was still open to the public. The ridge where the incident happened was naturally closed off and most of the trails were open and the park patrons were encouraged to remain on those pathways. Signs were also posted by the government authorities that still cleaned up the site, telling any curious folks that they would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law if they intended to trespass onto the restricted zone. You were more than aware of their ominous presence but seeing those posted notices only reminded you of just how serious and threatening they were.

You entered the main lobby of the building, seeing the usual sights and set up of a typical park visitor's center. But it was also something like a miniature museum of sorts as well. Numerous taxidermy displays were spread out through the large, expansive room. A few deer were mounted but there were also other animals like a black bear, two coyotes, a fox, possum and a very big raccoon that happened to be the state record. Some guests were busy examining and inspecting the stuffed animals.

Aside from the animals, there was a small collection located in the corner of the lobby. Beneath a few glass cases, there were plaster casts of some very large, suspicious yet hauntingly human-looking footprints. There were also some locks of long, brownish-black, coarse hair and some grainy photographs on display as well. The photographs were of a large, hairy creature and that seemed to linger behind some trees or hide within some thick, concealing brush.

When you glanced over at the Bigfoot collection, you spotted the youth from last night. He was adamantly looking over the footprints, taking pictures of some of them and looking pretty pleased. You chuckled to yourself, figuring it'd be obvious that this paranormal investigator would be drawn to this particular feature.

"He's pretty much Red Leaf's unofficial town mascot," you said, making your way over to the strange kid.

Dib looked over when he heard your voice.

"You have a nice collection of Bigfoot stuff, ma'am," he said. "I've researched a good bit on the Red Leaf Bigfoot sightings. Have you ever seen him? Do you believe in him?"

"I've never had the pleasure of meeting the big guy but I think he exists," you replied. "I've been there when they took some of those casts and I've heard some strange howls during my years out there in the woods." You paused and tried to look as discreet as possible. You were going to pretend as if you were simply talking to a curious visitor. This was going to be strictly off record. "But let's cut to the chase, kid, we both know you're not here to talk about Bigfoot. What questions do you have for me?"

"So you were there when it happened?"

"Yes, I was. I woke up the night it crashed, I saw fire up on the ridge and the senior ranger got a hold of the authorities. And then he got a hold of the cops who called in the federal guys."

"And what did you see?"

This was where you had to be careful. You had to tell him what you were told. If this kid was a paranormal investigator, then you'd have to be particularly convincing and assure him that's all it was; a foreign drone.

"I know when I saw it for the first time, I was a bit shocked," you began. "I didn't know what I was looking at in the beginning. It had a good deal of damage done to it. I'm no pilot, no engineer or astronaut or whatever but it looked like some sort of flying craft. Honestly, I don't know what to make out what I saw. The agents who showed up said it was a downed drone from another country."

"And you believe what they told you?" Dib asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I'm merely trusting in their judgment. I'm a ranger. I can tell you about all sorts of animals and what runs around in my woods. But when it comes down to the thing we're talking about, I can't comment too much. They said it's a drone, I'm gonna have to believe them."

"I received a tip about this drone actually being an alien craft that crash landed. Do you think maybe that's what you saw? Do you even believe in life out there in that big, wide universe?"

"Of course I do. Kid, it's literally impossible for us to be the only life. All those billions of galaxies who in turn hold an insane amount of stars and then there are all those planets that rotate around those stars?" You gave him a serious look. "It's scientifically impossible for us to be alone. So, yeah, I believe. But do I think an alien ship landed in the woods? I can't tell you. I don't know."

"You seem like a smart adult. You seem smarter than a lot of the adults I come into contact with on a daily basis."

"I can't tell whether you're insulting me or complimenting me, kid. If you're insulting me, we can end this interview right now."

"Look, I just need to know these things because I'm on a mission." His tone became more adamant, more insistent. "You believe in aliens? Then maybe you won't dismiss the idea that they're on Earth at this moment!"

Oh dear. This kid was one of those individuals. Now you had to tread even more cautiously.

"Well…" you shrugged. You were becoming increasingly unsure how to navigate this. "There are all these folks who have accounts of seeing UFOs, being abducted or meeting aliens… All of them can't be hoaxes or being mistaken for other things. So maybe Earth has been visited in the past, present and most likely in the future too."

"I have a reason to believe that an alien crashed in your park and is running around in the woods or among us as we speak!" the spirited youth said. "I'm working on my own, personal case as we speak. There's an alien who's my classmate and he's bent on world domination! His name is Zim and I have to stop him no matter what! He's been sent on a mission to take over the Earth by his leaders, the Almighty Tallest!"

This had to be the same Zim Purple referred to a few times already. It was also strange how Purple thought he recognized Dib even in his drunken stupor. Somehow, he must've seen or met Dib before and that was how he remembered him. You were glad you shut him up and got him out of there before he could blow his own cover and endanger the both of you. This business was becoming too intertwined and was making you uncomfortable and anxious as more details emerged.

It didn't help that Dib was aware of the Tallests' existence and he knew who they were. He especially couldn't find out you were letting Purple hide at your cabin. There was no way that you wanted this kid stalking you and trying to figure out if you really were harboring an alien. You really didn't want to be in the middle of this mess.

It was a small universe after all.

"You don't believe me!" he griped, noticing your silence as you internally screamed.

"Dib," you said in a stern tone but said it softly enough to try to calm him and not draw attention at the same time. "Dib, I'm not judging you. I don't know what's going on with your life and I haven't seen the things you've seen."

"But you have to believe me! No one else does!"

"Look, please, don't make a scene here! I'm gonna have to kick you out if you create a big enough stink!"

"I think that the alien who crashed here is connected to Zim! I have to find them before Zim does!"

"I don't know what to tell you. And I highly suggest you don't stick around here either. You see, the government doesn't care if you're a minor or not and they won't hesitate to crack down on you if you poke about. I have nothing else to tell you."

The big-headed boy looked totally flustered and at a loss for words. Honestly, you felt a bit bad for him. A part of you wanted to reach out but you knew you couldn't tell a soul about this. You couldn't divulge that you were sheltering a creature that he sought. You had a feeling things would go out of control insanely quickly and they'd be out of your hands before you knew it. Plus, there was no telling what Dib would do if you told him the truth about everything. What could this junior investigator do anyway?

"Fine," he huffed, resting his face in the palm of your hand. "Thanks for your time, I guess."

"You're welcome, young man," you said, trying to be cordial and mature. "I wish you luck with your investigation."

Defeated, Dib walked off without another word. He seemed like he sulked as he walked along, making his way for the exit.

Frankly, you felt like you dodged a bullet. Some part of you suspected he didn't believe you every single word you told him. You could only hope you wouldn't find him prowling around your cabin one night. Or hope the agrents didn't seize him if he decided to investigate around the crash site. He was bold and intelligent and you gave him credit for that.

"What was that all about?"

You almost leapt out of your skin when you heard Ted's voice. You turned around, seeing your boss approaching you. The middle aged man wore a concerned look on his face.

"Hey, Ted," you addressed your superior.

"What's going on?" he questioned. "Looks like that weird kid was making a big fuss over something."

"He was a paranormal investigator. He was asking about what happened a few days ago."

He became even more worried when he heard your words.

"You told him nothing about it, right?" he persisted.

"Ted, I told him what we were instructed to tell everyone who asked about the incident," you remarked. "I really don't feel like getting a visit from those federal goons or some Men in Black and have them threaten me."

"Good. Let's keep up the act."

"Trust me, I'm not gonna be saying anything to anyone, especially some overly curious kid."

"I almost wish he was here to ask about Bigfoot. I'd happily deal with him yapping my ear off about that."

"He was interested in our display though… But large apes were the last things on his mind today."

"Those agents are still keeping a close eye on things. I still have to forward everything to them. You know to keep your eyes peeled, right?"

"Of course."

"They seized all the trap cameras in the park and they didn't find anything on them."

You felt massively relieved with that bit of info he disclosed to you. Now you knew for a fact that the Irken hadn't been captured on a photo. There was one less piece of evidence that might've suggested the elusive pilot was close by. That just meant these creeps were that much closer with wrapping up their business in Red Leaf. If nothing was turning up, they were wasting their time and resources and in return, they'd depart and head out to greener pastures. The quicker they left, the easier your life would be.

"Maybe it was an unmanned alien craft," Ted theorized. "Maybe nothing was in there after all. I don't know."

"It's possible," you added. "Before you know it, we'll be able to make our rounds and patrols in our zones without any interference. It'll feel like we can breathe again."

"Ain't that the truth?" The older man snorted. "I'd much rather deal with a cranky bear waking up from a tranquilizer-induced sleep than some agent who is just looking for a reason to throw me into the slammer."

"I couldn't agree more…"

(the edge of Irken occupied space)

"_Everything I did, I did for you..! I conquered worlds! I murdered their leaders with my own two hands!_"

He ended up getting no sleep. As weary as he was, the Irken couldn't find his peace. Even in the middle of nowhere, he couldn't deflate and find serenity. His mind was addled by sleep deprivation and constant stress. His PAK was working overtime on keeping him upright and functioning.

The tall, insect-like alien grasped onto the blue-colored, stout tuber he had dug up from the ground. Dirt was all over his hands and they smelled heavily of moist soil. His robes were filthy and tattered as were all the other spare garments he had brought with him on his indefinite, lengthy trip. Even his green skin was slightly mottled with imperfections like dirty blemishes and small cuts, giving away the fact he had been living like a beast for some time.

He turned his head, looking all around himself to make sure the coast was clear. Big, red eyes studied their surroundings carefully, making sure he truly was alone. He was fully prepared to fight back in an instant and dispose of anyone if they did happen to stumble upon him. There was no way he could be discovered. Everything and everyone was suspect. He was meant to be in hiding but he would viciously defend himself if need be.

He already did it once before.

Hungrily, he began to devour the object, his hands shaking subtly as he held the food. Luckily for him, the planet he was on was rich with these curious, subterranean flora and they provided him with the much needed sugar and carbohydrates his body required. They tasted quite foul but they provided him with necessary nutrients. It was either eat the tubers or starve to death and the Irken was quite incapable of succumbing to such a fate. He loved food too much to surrender to malnutrition.

"_These scars on my face? I was given them because of you. My antenna? An angry native almost decapitated me but I managed to evade in time._"

The tuber was greedily consumed in mere seconds. Everything had to be done in haste and with great care. To him, it felt like even something such as eating cut in on precious moments. He had to devote most of his energy into stealth and concealment.

The disgraced Irken leader ducked low beneath the brambles and brush, trying to hide as much of his lanky, tall frame as much as possible. His hover belt had ceased working some months ago and now he had to teach himself how to move as soundlessly as possible on his feet. He looked over his shoulder, making sure he was truly alone and he hadn't been spotted. Now that he had eaten, he would retreat to his shelter.

"_I proved my worth! I was accomplished, I was successful, I was feared! I was perfect..!_"

As time wore on, he became more and more disgusted with himself. But he reasoned to himself it was necessary. This exile was the only thing keeping him alive. He was being hunted like an animal. Many beings wanted his head and most of them didn't care if he was brought in dead or alive. And just like a beast, he had to retreat to the far-flung and uncivilized corners of the universe to hide. The number of traitors that had risen up was alarming. Every single one of them wanted him dead.

One day, he would return. One day, it would be safe enough to reclaim his power, his right. One day, he would reunite with his co-Tallest and they would emerge stronger than ever from the exile. They would hunt down the rebels and mercilessly deactivate every single one of them. They would become the most ferocious, feared and respected Tallests that Irk ever knew. History would remember them forever and they would be an ideal model for the future Tallests.

At least, that's what he kept telling himself…

A few minutes later, Red came upon the cave he called his shelter. He got on his hands and knees, meandering through the tight and low entrance space. It was dark but he was able to maneuver his way through the dimness thanks to his antennae. Their sensitivity paid off as he followed the short path that led to his main retreat.

The room opened up and he stood up onto his feet. The Tallest looked around his hidey-hole, thankful he had a few solar-powered devices that lit up the rocky, chilly space. It gave him some comfort that he had some technology on hand. It somehow made things a little less lonely.

Despite his status, his shelter was anything but grand. It was meager and pathetic. There was a crude cot situated in a corner with some blankets and a dirty pillow. Leaning against the earthen wall were some guns and melee weapons he brought with him as he began his absence. On a pitifully crafted table, there was a pile of assorted machinery he had set aside. The devices were turned off as he feared the enemy would be able to detect their electromagnetic fields or readings and give away his position.

Red made a beeline for the bed, opting to rest on it and try to salvage some rest once again. He literally had nothing else to do.

"_Why didn't you choose me? What did she have that I didn't?_"

Hatefully, he glowered at the bare, cold, unfeeling wall.

"You're not gonna get away with this," he swore. "You better hope I never get my hands on you…"

The words of the treasonous Invader buzzed around in his head constantly, day after day, infuriating him. As much as he loathed it, her voice was still all too clear and he remembered it too well. Red hoped he would forget her sickening voice with time but it stuck with him. It felt like she was tormenting him even from afar. Her continued existence kept on insulting him.

He could hardly believe it had come to this. He couldn't grasp that she was once one of the finest warriors produced in his generation. She had conquered more planets for the Empire than anyone else in her graduating class and she was one of the most prolific Invaders known. Her name was held in admiration amongst the ranks and she was indeed respected and envied by some of her peers. When young cadets enrolled in the testing and training required to become fully fledged Invaders, they tried to mimic her. They sought to share in her success and make her future theirs.

He and Purple had known she was defective for a long time. But due to her record and abilities, they allowed her to continue serving the Empire. They still let her be an Invader. They thought they could let this defective do her job and not waste a soldier and pawn. She kept conquering enemy planets and she persistently yielded impressive results. The blue eyed, female Irken had proven her worth and they sought to use her for as long as possible.

Yet each time she returned from a mission, she only got worse and worse. Lyn became more erratic, unhinged…zealous.

"_I've wasted enough on you. It's you who's the worthless one! You dare call yourself a Tallest? You're pathetic. You don't deserve the power that you have!_"

Red's jaw clenched and his hands curled up slowly but surely. His anger built up more and more for as long as he reflected and recalled. Two years had passed but it felt like it happened yesterday. His pride was still wounded. His rage still burned hotter than any star he had seen. And yet here he was, hiding in a hole.

Lyn was unpunished and free. She lived and breathed, continuing her crusade against the Empire she once fought for. She traversed across the universe, rallying more rebellious defects like her to her cause and joining forces with Lard Nar and the Resisty. She was prepared and all too willing to unravel and destroy millennia of effort and conquest.

And all of it was in the name of spite and vengeance. All of it happened because she was rejected. She refused to accept reality.

Red growled lowly, his form tensing and bristling.

"_I promise you, you will not win this. You will not survive and you will regret everything you've ever done, Red. I will make sure that you suffer and you drown in your own tears!_"

Long ago, when he first met her, if he had known what she would become, he happily would've extinguished her. She showed no signs of deviation when she was a smeet but still, he would've ended her. He would've prevented her from growing and flourishing. Her contribution to the Empire was noteworthy but it wasn't worth the civil war and chaos.

And that particular butchering would've never happened…

He never forgot that Lyn wore those bracelets as a trophy. Red vowed he would confiscate them one day. They were terrible insults and beyond barbaric.

"_It's too far gone now. I can't turn around and I've embraced my freedom. By killing that weak, pathetic, unworthy, ugly Control Brain archivist, I've become my own Irken. I know you won't forgive me for what I did to her. That's fine. Because I'll never forgive you for what you've done to me either._"

He was finished.

Red sat up on his cot. Fury was etched into his features. A few minutes earlier, his body suffered from pangs and tremors due to hunger. Now, he was shaking due to seething rage.

"I will be the greatest Tallest that has ever lived," he promised himself. "No more hiding, no more nightmares, no more running. And most of all, no more traitors in my Empire!"

As of that moment, his exile was over. Almighty Tallest Red had returned.


	9. Tale of the Tallest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To understand the present, one must grasp the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry for the wait. My old computer decided it didn't want to work anymore so that was fun. Hopefully you guys haven't given up on this story and are still interested in it. 
> 
> Also, in light of this virus going around, be careful everyone. I'm working at an "essential business" so I'm working as this madness is going on. It ain't pretty. I'll try to be writing as regularly as i can but we'll see what the future brings. Remain calm, be smart and please don't be an asshole to the folks who have to work in this mess. Stay safe!
> 
> Thank you and enjoy the update!

Chapter 9 Tale of the Tallest

(…)

"_He's a human but I don't care! I love him and I want to be with him forever! But first, I need legs so he can love me_!"

That was the first thing you heard as soon as you opened the front door to your house. You had to admit, you weren't expecting to hear that whenever you came in.

Bambi pushed his head through the crack in the door, greeting you even before you could even get it all the way open. His tail was wagging away and he licked at one of your hands. It looked like he was all too happy to greet you.

"_Cod, my bestest friend in the whole wide sea, we have to go see the magical squid that will grant my wish! I hope she's in a good mood today_!"

Once you opened up the door all the way and stepped in, you could see Purple sitting on your couch. On his lap was a gargantuan bowl of popcorn and it looked like there was chocolate sauce dribbled all over it. He didn't even acknowledge your presence and his large, purple eyes were glued to whatever was playing on the TV. While he watched, he shoveled in a handful of popcorn into his mouth, not bothering to look away from the screen while he did it.

"What's gotten you so entranced?" you asked, genuinely curious.

"The Mini Fishwife," he retorted.

"The old kid's movie?"

You came closer and took a seat next to him on the couch. On the screen there was a blonde, freakish looking mermaid and she was talking animatedly to an equally bizarre looking fish that was her trusted companion. They were busy swimming along, going to visit the sorcereress-squid that lived at the bottom of the sea.

"Is there something else on TV?" you asked.

"No," he answered. "Besides, I like it. You can't change it!"

"…you like this?"

"Yes!"

"Are you joking?"

"No! Now, stop questioning my taste, she-beast!" He sighed. "This tale is simple but entertaining. The hideous fish creature is in love with the fat Earth prince and she wants to get legs so she can walk with him on land."

"Yeah, I know what it is and what it's about. I grew up watching this movie. It's a child's film." You gestured to the generous portion of popcorn he still held in his bowl. "Can I swipe a handful from you?"

"Do you like your fingers?"

"…wow. Okay, asshole."

"Irken don't like to share their food. Don't take it personally."

"If we're going to play games like this, then you don't need to worry about what happened when I met that kid."

He finally extended the decency of looking at you while he chatted. He blinked, at last appearing interested in what you had to say.

"Oh, that's right, the kid with the freakishly large head," he said, his antennae twitching.

"Hey, don't worry about it," you said in a completely passive-aggressive and nonchalant way. "You sit on your skinny butt, eat all my food and befoul my couch with your presence and alien funk. You don't have to worry a thing about what's going on. Let the Earth woman do all the work while you act like a spoiled princess."

"I'm not a princess!" He exclaimed rather loudly, his voice slightly cracking. "I'm far more important than any silly maiden!"

"Oh, that's right, my apologies. You're a queen. A drama queen."

He growled and ground his jaws. He folded his arms across his chest and shot you a slighted, disapproving glare.

"I wouldn't offend me if I were you!" he warned.

"Lighten up, it's called a joke."

"Well I'm not laughing! It's not funny!"

"Look, I talked to that kid. I told him there's nothing here and I hope I discouraged him from poking around any further."

"Chances are, you failed."

"How so?"

"Zim talked about that strange Human all the time. He's always trying to sabotage and expose Zim for who he really is. Sometimes it's pretty funny but other times it bores me to death!"

"So you're telling me that this kid is probably gonna be stalking me or trying to sneak up to the site."

"Yeah, probably."

"Fantastic. What should we do?"

"First off, I wanna watch this movie."

"You've gotta be shitting me."

"No. I like this movie and I want to finish it!"

"Your… No, our safety is at stake! Do you remember the conversation we had about important things like this?"

"Okay, I was wrong about that one thing…"

"Which is…?"

"You'd like Red. Because you like to boss me around just like him."

You were becoming flabbergasted and overwhelmed in no time at all. He made you want to pull the hair out of your skull.

"It's just a dumb movie!" you said, your exasperation becoming all too obvious. "That can wait!"

"You need to learn how to chill out," Purple said as he waved a hand dismissively. "Nothing's gonna happen. Zim is a failure and so is that mutant boy."

"But you just admitted that Dib would probably be creeping around!"

The Irken leader only shrugged.

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to vaporize him or something if he gets too close," he said. "I have it under control."

"That sounds so half-assed and unconvincing, it's not even funny," you sighed.

"I got this, Earthling. You've done enough, let me take over. I want to try my hand at navigating things."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Nope!" He chuckled. "You may think I'm totally pathetic and useless but that's not true at all!"

You blinked, feeling somewhat at a loss for words.

"Let me prove myself to you, Human," he continued. "You have never met an Irken before besides me… Let me show you what we're made of." Purple tossed more popcorn into his maw. He continued to speak to you while his mouth was full. "I may have been made Tallest. But that's not just because I'm the Tallest of my race. I have a few other qualifications that make me who I am."

"Okay…" you said. "Is that gonna entail you killing people?"

"Well, that's only if they get too close and if they discover my true identity!"

"You can't do that!"

"Hey, we gotta keep things under wraps, right?"

"Killing folks is wrong. Besides, if I get convicted of murder, that's not necessarily a good thing!"

"But it's fine if you don't get caught."

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. This is ridiculous."

"Like I said, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

"That's what has me so concerned."

Purple rolled his eyes and crossed his legs. His right foot bobbed subtly and he shoveled another handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"Poor little she-beast," he crooned.

"Little?" you laughed harshly. "I'm not that little!"

"But I'm taller than you! Besides, I've trusted you enough, haven't I? You've proven your worth to me, Human."

"…thanks?"

"Don't mention it."

While he was seemingly simple and outright stupid at times, he was also an enigma of sorts. He still had some surprises in store, that much you could tell. Granted, you didn't even know him for a even a month and sometimes it took someone a decade to try to understand someone. There was no telling how long it would take you to try to decode him. One thing was for certain, even if he suddenly left and you never saw him again, you'd always remember him. There was no way you'd ever forget the likes of Almighty Tallest Purple.

"Now, shut up and watch this with me," he said.

You were in no mood to argue you with him. In your eyes, it was pointless and way too tedious. You'd avoid it if you could and only resort to such a thing unless if there was no choice or what he was doing was absolutely unacceptable. Right now, your desire to bicker was gone. You only wanted to enjoy your weekend off and decompress as much as you could.

"So why do you like this so much?" you wondered, genuinely curious.

"There's a lot of singing," he said.

"Makes sense since you like karaoke so much."

"I don't know… I just like it!" He shrugged.

"When I was a kid, I used to sing along with the songs. They're catchy and addictive so of course I drove my dad and grandpa insane by singing them nonstop."

"I want to hear it!"

"Oh, no!"

"Come on! You heard me sing last night! You may not be as good as me but I still want to hear what you can do!"

"I'm sorry, I'm not doing that!" You scoffed. "I'm not making a fool of myself! It's out of the question."

"Human, your Tallest commands you!"

"My Tallest?" You laughed and gave him a playful smirk. "That's not how Earth's leadership guidelines function, buddy. We don't choose our leaders based on how tall they are."

"That's really weird. How do you choose them?"

"We choose them based on how qualified they are. But sometimes we Earthlings are very bad at even something important like that. We elect ours."

"You choose your own leaders? Sounds like a lot can go wrong with that."

"We're certainly not perfect but we do what we can."

"As I'm sure you already know, Irken society is far different. The Tallest are chosen from, well, the tallest of all Irken! Regardless of who they are, they are anointed Tallest. We have had many Tallest over the years, some males and some females."

"Who was the Tallest before you and your friend?"

"Spork but he hardly counted because he never really began his reign… He's like half a Tallest. The one who reigned before him was Almighty Tallest Miyuki. She was once one of the most brilliant scientists of her generation before she was chosen. I was hatched during and grew up under her rule."

Very easily, you could hear and sense the respect and admiration he had for her. You had no idea who this Miyuki lady was but you could tell Purple held her in high regard. Clearly, she was a role model of his. It was probable you'd have to tread quickly and not end up slandering or belittling her somehow. You didn't want to end up offending him and wondering if you were even allowed to fall asleep later that night.

But you were still intensely curious. You wanted your answers about his culture and race. They sounded like barbarians but you were hooked.

You blamed your inner scientist on this interest. You were so used to observing and studying the flora and fauna around you. Now you were presented with an entirely new and foreign subject. This was an opportunity you wouldn't ever neglect.

"How about the Tallests before Miyuki?" you asked, genuinely interested.

"The one right before Miyuki was Tallest Gavi. And the one before Gavi was Hrawl. Tallest Hrawl was one of the most ambitious Tallests ever and he added many planets to the Empire. He was also the very last Tallest to lead his troops into combat. He was a soldier and he couldn't resist going into the fight. His reign ended when he was killed in action. Hrawl killed many enemies before he finally fell and he was regarded as one of the bravest, most ferocious and successful Tallests in recent memory."

"And Gavi?"

Purple paused and placed a fingertip on his chin. He tapped it and looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Tallest Gavi started out as one of Hrawl's underlings," he resumed. "She was one of his personal bodyguards and she was a soldier just like him. He actually had been training her to take over for him when his time was up because he knew she would be the future Tallest. When she was anointed, Gavi followed in Hrawl's footsteps. She conquered planet after planet, expanding the Empire's boundaries. Along the way, she made a lot of enemies and she was almost assassinated multiple times. She survived each attempt and she sought vengeance every time. Gavi ruled for a few centuries and she actually became one of the longest reigning Tallests that ever lived. At the end of her reign…" Purple shrugged. "She went insane."

"How so?" you pressed. "Elaborate."

"She grew old and senile and crazy. She also became too soft and kind. In her last years, she was always visiting the smeeteries and overlooking the creation and growth of all the young Irken being produced. Gavi no longer cared about expanding the Empire. Instead, she wanted to make peace with many planets and forged a lot of alliances with other races like the Planet Jackers. She became interested in science and she became convinced we as a species were going to go extinct in the near future."

Huh.

"And what happened to her?" you asked.

"She died in her sleep," he answered. "She was an ancient hag, it wasn't a surprise to anyone."

"What made her so crazy and weird?"

"She wanted to do some really weird reverse evolution on our species. She wanted to work toward getting rid of PAKs. She claimed that they were going to cause major problems to us eventually. She said they weren't meant to be reused constantly and she said machines were capable of glitching and malfunctioning. Gavi also wanted to get rid of the smeeteries and stop artificial gestations. She was so convinced the Empire's enemies would sabotage the smeeteries and then drive us into extinction." He guffawed. "She was insane and paranoid! Good thing she's dead and gone. Some Irken like to pretend Tallest Gavi never existed. But when Tallest Miyuki took over, things got normal." He smiled. "Miyuki sought to make us better than ever before! She didn't conquer many planets but she made things run smoothly! Every Irken admired her and wanted to be like her. She was a little too calm for my liking but she wasn't afraid to blow things up when she had to! She was so beautiful, smart…"

You could hardly pay attention to his flattering and worshipping. Instead, all you could focus on was the strange tale of Gavi. This former Tallest was afraid of what they had done. In your eyes, it seemed like she showed regret and tried to right the wrongs of her tenure. She seemed insightful and eager to prepare for the future.

Purple may have dismissed her as a quack but you thought there was more to her than that. You'd do your best to remember her name and ask about her again further down the road. You couldn't explain it but Almighty Tallest Gavi had definitely caught your interest.

(…)

Dib wasn't deterred.

It was somewhat comforting that an adult didn't belittle him for his interest in the paranormal. It made him feel a little better that someone understood him and wasn't going to label him as a crazy nerd. He was so used to being jeered at and chastised so it was refreshing to not be teased and judged.

But what made him frustrated was that no one seemed to take this seriously. No one would help him search for the truth. He knew that the "drone" was actually an alien ship. There was no way that it could've came from any country on Earth. What he feared the most was that this thing was Irken in origin. It was automatically bad if that was the case.

As he wandered around the visitor's center parking lot, he already made up his mind. For now, he'd bide his time and wait. He'd have to wait under the cover of darkness. One way or another, he was going up to that crash site and investigate whatever he could find. He certainly didn't trust his own government to handle such unearthly technology. It didn't help that he was actually smarter than a lot of the officials in that body either.

But what also made him worry was the absence of the pilot. The boy had a sneaking suspicion that they escaped and ran off into the woods. While he was hiking up to the site, he'd be on the lookout for any marooned aliens. Either that or be vigilant for any strange, green-skinned "Humans".

In his backpack, he had two cans of bear mace, a camera, flashlight, energy bars, a canteen of water, a notebook and some spare clothes. Dib was more than prepared and he was determined to get some answers out of this location. He knew a coverup when he saw one and the sharp youth could smell suspicion and shadiness all over it.

Luckily, it was October and he wouldn't have to wait too much longer until night fell…

(Resisty occupied space)

Groggily, the Irken could feel herself coming around. Her brain felt like it was pounding against the walls of her cranium. It felt as if it was going to bust out of its bony prison at any moment.

Her vision gradually began to come back to her. It was somewhat cloudy and obscured. She blinked a few times, trying to clear her eyes and wake up more and more. It hurt to even blink and she was almost half tempted to slip back into her motionless and dreamless sleep. At least she wasn't in pain in that state.

Foggy memories of what had happened before she lost consciousness steadily came back to her. She thought she remembered struggling or fighting someone. It all happened way too quickly. The Invader couldn't quite remember how it all unfolded exactly and it irritated her for as long as she remained ignorant.

"_Resisty filth, you'll never take me alive! Taste my wrath!_"

She thought she had the upper hand and could beat back the enemies who had ambushed her. But someone else came up behind her and roughly battered her, knocking her unconscious. All she recalled was that it was a swift, blunt blow and she lost consciousness. Everything went dark and she was completely helpless and at the mercy of the enemy.

The Invader painfully lifted her head up, trying to figure out where she was. The room she was in was small and there was only one way in and one way out. Everything around her was drab, cold and nearly featureless. To her, it looked like she was in some sort of cell or examination room.

"They got me..!" she hissed quietly. "Curse them!"

She tried to move but she quickly noticed she had been bound and restrained. Bindings had been placed around her ankles and wrists, forbidding her of much use or movement. It appeared that her captors took no chance and secured her even while she was knocked out. Clearly, they opted to not underestimate her. She didn't know whether to be angered or flattered.

A surprised inhale came from her when she saw the door open up. Her short, diminutive frame tensed and despite the fact she was bound, she was ready to fight back no matter what. The Irken female was poised to attack whoever would come through that door. She had her pride to defend and she wouldn't let some lowly member of the Resisty gain the upper hand on her a second time.

A few seconds later, the individual walked into the room. Once her eyes saw their face, she instantly recognized them. Her blood boiled and her tiny frame quivered angrily. Her defensiveness and anticipation evolved into searing rage in an instant. There was no way that she could ever forget the figure and face of the tall, feminine turncoat.

"Dez, can you hear me?" she spoke.

"Don't you dare say a word to me!" the captured Invader snarled.

"Dez, come on, it's me. It's Lyn."

"Yes, I know it's you! I can never forget who you are and what you've become!"

Lyn crossed the threshold of the doorway and entered the room. The door closed behind her, sealing the two female Irken together.

Dez's emerald colored eyes were narrowed in spite and fury. She didn't dare to blink, not trusting Lyn in the slightest bit. Her whole body was taut and tense, ready to fight the taller Irken at a moment's notice.

"It has been a few years since I've last seen you," Lyn said, shattering the strained, uncomfortable silence.

"Don't speak to me as if we're friends," Dez bitterly remarked. "That's long gone, you rotten traitor!"

"We've known each other for a long time. We graduated together, we've known each other since we were smeets."

"I thought I knew you. We all thought we did."

"So did I."

"I'm not telling you a thing so you can get over it and just kill me already, Lyn."

"I have no reason to kill you if I haven't tried to reach out to you first."

"The words and ramblings of a defective mean absolutely nothing to me."

"'Defective' is such an ambiguous and misleading term."

"No, it's not. It's clear as crystal and it's bad. Very bad. You're the textbook example of the definition."

"You have more use to me alive than dead so keep that in mind, Dez. Besides, if I can make others see the light then I'll do what I can to reason with them and win them over."

"What light? You're out of your mind! You betrayed us all! You betrayed the Tallest! They're our leaders, Lyn! We're supposed to serve them and bring glory to the Irken Empire! We all must obey and serve!"

Lyn's eyes narrowed and her stare turned icy for the briefest second. She glowered at Dez, her remaining antenna twitching in ire. But the taller of the two Irken cleared her throat and kept her head high. She had to try to maintain her poise and grace, no matter how difficult it could be. She forbade herself to get too angry too quickly.

"No," Lyn said plainly. "But I know it's very difficult for you to understand, Dez. You're not a defective so it's harder for you to grasp."

"Don't speak to me like I'm a newly hatched smeet, Lyn!" Dez snapped at her. She bore her teeth at her former comrade and glared hatefully at Lyn. "I'm not stupid! I'm right and you're wrong!"

"Being a defective doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm no longer at the mercy of the Control Brains and I can make my own choices! You may not believe it but I am free! The Empire is restricting and dumbing down every single Irken. It needs to be destroyed and we need to start all over again."

"When you are finally killed, your PAK's data will never be allowed into the collective. It will be destroyed as soon as you die. That way, we can make sure you are erased."

Those words sliced into her. Lyn was fully aware of the consequences she would have to face with her switching sides. Despite her acknowledgment, there were some things that still lingered in the back of her fractured mind. She couldn't bear the thought of being erased from all memory and fade into the obscurity of forever. It scared her.

"I'm afraid you're wrong, Dez," she retorted.

"Think again," the shorter Irken smirked. "So this is why I was ambushed and knocked out? This is why you brought me here?"

"I'm trying to reason with as many Irken as I can. Dez, you're a fine Invader and warrior and I would love to add you to our ranks. Besides, I am more than familiar with you and I would like to give you a chance. I respect you."

"And be under your command? And have to look into your eyes and be reminded of how you slandered and turned on our Almighty Tallest? You're crazy!"

"I'm not… I'm not crazy." Lyn folded her hands together. She swallowed hard, trying her hardest to remain as calm as possible. While her damaged PAK had liberated her, it wasn't without its consequences. "Dez, think back on what we learned when we were in the academy… Do you remember what we learned about the Tallest before Tallest Miyuki? Do you remember Tallest Gavi?"

"What about Tallest Gavi?" Dez ground her teeth and rolled her eyes. "When she was young and took power, she was merciless, grand and proud! But old age made her crazy and soft! She became a disgrace!"

"Tallest Gavi made a lot of enemies during her reign and she was almost murdered several times. When she was dying and her rule was coming to a close, she sought to correct several things. She knew that the Empire had accumulated many enemies from other races and she knew rebellion was going to erupt some day…"

"None of the matters! She is dead and gone and she doesn't matter anymore! Shut up! Our two glorious Tallest will expand the size of the Empire even more! Once you and your rebel friends are vaporized, we will focus on making the Empire even larger and stronger than it was before!"

"No. The Empire can't exist anymore. It needs to be destroyed. All of it is wrong, Dez."

"How can you say such things?! You were one of the best Invaders of our generation! You conquered Sod-La, Fungus Five and Yutus!"

"I regret doing what I've done. The Yuti forgave me for enslaving them and killing their previous War-queen. They joined forces with the Resisty and we're working towards fixing things at last."

"You're disgusting! You should've eliminated those filthy bird brains when you had the chance!"

"I wasn't going to throw away the chance to use them as mercenaries, warriors and bodyguards for the Tallest to use…" Her head hung low for a moment. "That was my final gift to them."

"You mean to Tallest Red. It was your last ditch effort to woo him."

Momentarily, Lyn's eyes widened at the mention of his name. Then a toothy sneer formed on her face and her antenna lay flat against the back of her head. A growl came from deep within her and her stare intensified.

"I will never bow to those clowns ever again!" Her tone was steely and wrathful. "I wasted enough of my life trying to please and serve them! I received nothing for my hard work! Everything I had done was never good enough! They shamed me and my effort! They never appreciated all that I had done!"

"Lyn…" Dez laughed softly. "There's more to it than that."

"Don't go there."

"The Almighty Tallest broke your figurative heart."

Lyn's left eye twitched. Her lips curled back and her body bristled with rage and shame. Her fingers arched and they painfully clenched into fists. The tips of her claws dug into her palms.

Dez could only smile at her reaction. She delighted in watching her squirm and sending her mind into a state of chaos. The Invader wanted to make her as angry as possible. She had her right where she wanted her. Lyn might've been the leader of the Irken resistance but she was far from perfect. She was susceptible and unstable thanks to her damaged PAK. Dez knew exactly what buttons to press.

"Archvist Pax was a wonderful lady," Dez continued. "She was tall, beautiful, graceful, loyal and intelligent. She was on her way to becoming one of the top Control Brain technicians and archivists. One of the Tallest took an interest in her and they became close… The Control Brains never forbid their relationship but it was still unusual. He chose her and she was more than happy to be his. I would even say that they were courting."

"Pax was unworthy!" Lyn almost screeched. She slammed one of her fists against the cell wall. "She did nothing to contribute to the Empire! She was a useless, pretty face! She was a nobody! She was tall, nothing more and nothing less!"

"But it drove you insane that he chose her instead of you. He wanted nothing to do with you. And it didn't help that she was a few inches taller than you."

"Shut up!"

"Yeah, you might've killed her, took her antennae as trophies and had them encased in golden bracelets… But look what you've done. The Empire will defeat the Resisty, Lyn. You will be wiped out with the rest of those filthy rebels and you will be erased. You certainly won't be forgiven for what you've done."

"And yet your Tallests have gone into hiding! They're cowards! They would rather hide than stand and fight! They ran off because they know I will kill them in the end of it all!"

"They've had their reasons and you know it. Besides, we must protect our leaders from freaks like you. It's not cowardice, it's strategy."

"Then where are they? Why is Rarl Kove leading the Empire when they should be?"

"The Tallest will return. And when they do, you will be begging them for mercy you won't ever get. They'll execute you in a way far worse than what you've done to Archivist Pax. Tallest Red will avenge her."

The mechanical limbs contained within Lyn's PAK sprung free. All four of the appendages thrust forward and gored Dez in her abdomen. Lyn leapt towards the metal slab Dez was confined to and rested her forehead against hers. A cruel smirk was on her face and her eye still twitched intermittently. She drove the spidery legs into Dez deeper, emerging all the way through the back of the slab.

"I can see you're a lost cause," Lyn remarked. "There's no use wasting my time with those so blindly loyal to the Tallest. But I did try, didn't I?"

Dez's shape shuddered and was swiftly bleeding out. The smaller Irken fearlessly looked back into her former friend's eyes, intending to stare back at her until the bitter end. She was perfectly content with dying. Death wasn't something that frightened her. She had plenty of brushes with it during her career. More than anything else, it was just part of her job description.

"When I was a smeet, I loved silver a lot," Dez laughed weakly. "But now that I'm older, red is my new favorite. Purple is my second."

A feral snarl came from Lyn and she drove her artificial limbs into Dez even further than before. She wasn't going tolerate being insulted like this.

"Hurry up and die!" Lyn demanded.

"Way ahead of you," Dez retorted.

Lyn's antenna pricked upwards when she heard a barely audible, soft beeping noise. She stopped and looked about, trying to find the source of the unidentifiable noise. It grated against her already irritated nerves and she growled quietly while she searched.

"Where is that coming from?!" she fumed. "It's driving me crazy!"

"I know Tallest Red wanted the pleasure of killing you himself," Dez said, "but this'll be the one time I disobey his orders. I've been preparing for this for awhile, Lyn."

The rebel leader was about to snap back at her but she froze. She hesitated and dread swamped her. The weak but knowing smile on Dez's face revealed everything to her.

"This is the last favor I'll do for you, Lyn," Dez resumed. "You're lucky I'm nicer than the Tallest."

Lyn hastily tried to retract her limbs out of Dez's abdominal cavity. Since they drilled through her body and the slab, they stuck fast. Fear encapsulated the taller lifeform and she pulled and pulled at her appendages, trying to free herself. She had stabbed her so deeply she condemned herself and couldn't escape Dez's trap.

"No!" Lyn fumed. "No, I refuse to die like this!"

With all her might, she pulled and pried. Dez's PAK was a literal ticking time bomb and she had rigged it to self destruct. She fully intended to kill herself and bring Lyn with her.

"Long live the Tallest," Dez uttered.

She felt her strength leave her at last. Her head tilted to the side and her emerald eyes shut.

A few seconds later, Lyn managed to get one of her limbs free. She used the blade on the tip to slice through the other appendages that were still jammed. Finally, she freed herself and she immediately left Dez's side. The beeping still persisted and she only needed to dash another few feet to safety.

There was a flash of light and a curtain of heat then swallowed her up. She screamed and then her world turned dark.


	10. From Bad to Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shit storm approaches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the love everyone! This chapter was a bit chaotic but it was fun to write. You’ll just have to see what I mean. Read on and enjoy it!

Chapter 10 From Bad to Worse

(9:00pm)

"I've done crazier things than this. This should be a piece of cake. I've dealt with Zim for crying out loud!"

Dib muttered these things to himself as he cautiously trudged through the undergrowth and foliage. The night was chilly but he'd be alright. Some nice hot chocolate after this venture would warm his core. Right now, all that mattered was investigating and getting to the bottom of this mystery.

He had already dodged a few patrol cars. Some agents were making their rounds up and down the maintenance roads, making sure nothing was out of place. They still had their duties to fulfill and the boy didn't want to make their shift interesting by allowing himself to get caught by them. Dib followed along these roads but kept hidden behind tree trunks or ducked beneath bushes to make himself as unseen as possible. He was pretty sure he could probably outwit or outmaneuver some of these agents but he wasn't keen on getting apprehended either.

He had done investigative hunts and gone on various jaunts into dark woods before but he still couldn't shrug off the air of creepiness. In the distance, he could hear leaves rustling and crunching, hinting to the animals that were lingering just out of sight. It was possible the Red Leaf Bigfoot was watching him at that very moment and as much as he was tempted to try a wood knocking or two on a tree trunk, he knew he had to remain focused. He was here for an alien ship, not a giant ape. There was always the future and he could plan another expedition then.

The terrain became steeper as he drew closer to the crash site. The incline increased and he found himself breathing a little harder. Dib pressed onwards, relentless and more than eager to get to the bottom of this matter.

"I gotta stop them," he whispered to himself. "I can't let another Zim cause trouble and try to destroy the Earth. One is bad enough!"

Through the trees, he could see bright flood flights shining ahead. He was getting closer to the restricted zone. He hurried along a little faster, even more excited to see whatever was in store.

Dib was already prepared. He knew he wouldn't see the actual ship. From what he had read from the leaked report, most of the craft had been transported to some facility on the other side of the country. But that didn't mean there might've been some smaller but equally intriguing pieces remaining behind. Everything couldn't have been shipped off already. If that was the case, then the authorities wouldn't still be present. The junior investigator had a hunch he was going to find something.

As he walked closer to the flood lights, they got that much more luminous. Dib kept low, knowing that as he crept closer, he'd be spotted all the easier. While there were some agents driving around in their SUVs on the roads, there were others at the site, keeping an eye on things and overseeing any scientific personnel that were assigned to catalog pertinent data and information. He could see men dressed up in black suits and they were patrolling around a few tents and some simple, ramshackle sheds.

Finally, he slowed down when he lingered just behind the tree line. The cover of the trees still kept him disguised and unseen. The floodlights lit up the area and he could make out the thousand foot skid mark of overturned earth and the small mound where the vessel eventually rested when it made landfall. Dib raised his camera and took a few photos from the shadows, making sure that his flash was off. People in black suits and white lab coats wandered about, going in and out of the structures that dotted the landscape. There definitely was an operation going on around. He caught himself wondering if the park staff even knew what was really going on.

"I can't wait to get out of here."

Dib gasped and quickly ducked into a bush. He peered out through the branches, trying to figure out who it was. He steadied his breathing, hoping he wouldn't be discovered.

"Yeah, I hear ya," another voice said.

Dib looked to his left, seeing two agents passing by. Both were men dressed in black garments and had sunglasses on. They also had pistols holstered on the left side of their hips. So far, it seemed like they were invested in each other and not their surroundings. The boy kept as quiet as a mouse and listened closely.

"I always believed in them," the first agent, a shorter, redheaded individual spoke. "Along with Chickenfoot and Nessie, I always knew aliens existed."

"Yeah, kinda can't deny that," the other man, a tall, black haired specimen admitted. "I mean we already have some weird stuff in Area 51 and this is another addition to the collection of things."

"I guess we're gonna try to reverse engineer it?"

"That's where we got our cellphone technology! The Roswell crash helped that out. But this one…" The man chuckled. "Maybe we can finally develop space buses or something. That'd be cool!"

"I just can't wait to get out of here! All the locals are inbred hillbillies and the rangers are suspicious as heck."

"Pft, what're they gonna do? We outrank those rangers. They can't touch us! They're obligated to shut their mouths shut. They don’t have a choice. Otherwise, they'd be in a lot of trouble!"

"We never found anything on their seized trail cameras?"

"No. I thought for sure we'd catch a photo of the pilot but they found nothing. I had a feeling it was probably going to be a waste of time."

"How do we know there actually was an occupant? I mean we didn’t find any blood or anything."

"Don't you pay attention to anything? The cockpit was forcefully busted outwards from the inside. They broke free. They must've had something super strong and sharp to make that hole."

"Yikes… No thanks, I don't want to meet something like that. I'd rather fight a rabid jackalope."

"Yeah, but they're so cute, aren't they?"

"No, not as cute as vampire bees!"

Dib couldn't hear any more of their conversation as they walked along to fulfill their patrolling duties. Soon enough, they were out of earshot and the boy bolted out of the woods when he saw the coast was clear. He took shelter behind a stack of crates and waited to make his next move. Stealth was imperative.

His first impressions were proven correct after all. The ranger he spoke to earlier on in the day was most likely lying. She was being forced to keep quiet and there was nothing she could do about it. Dib wasn't so shocked by this revelation. Many conspiracy theories involved things of this nature and he was more than aware he was in the middle of one at this very moment.

So far, he knew there was a ship that crashed. Not only that, there was a pilot that had gotten out and was walking free. Anxiety swum in his guts and he really hoped this wasn't some insidious, bloodthirsty Irken that landed.

Feeling curious, Dib decided to try something. As quietly as possible, he pried open one of the crates he was hiding behind. He lifted the lid silently, looked over his shoulder, making sure he was still alone and unseen.

When he peered in on the contents, his eyes widened. There were various pieces of shattered, half melted, damaged metal and technology. There were even individual screws, nuts, bolts and other small objects that were stowed away within the confines of the crate. At first glances, they seemed unimpressive and ordinary but these were definitely not of earthly origin.

Dib took pictures of the artifacts, fully intending to share them with his fellow Swollen Eyeball members. He hit the motherload and he was more than ready to use these pictures as evidence of an active alien presence on the planet. They shunned and mocked him for his efforts to unveil Zim but Dib was determined to prove it to them.

As he sifted through the miscellaneous objects, he saw something sizeable that was packaged beneath everything else. Gingerly, Dib brushed those smaller pieces aside, wondering what was at the bottom.

When he got a clear view of what it was, it felt like he got socked in the stomach. His eyes widened and a wave of dread and disbelief encapsulated him. He shook his head, refusing to accept that this was actually happening.

"Oh, no," he rasped. "Oh, no! No, no, no!"

The artifact that was exposed to the outside word was a seemingly ordinary piece of metal. It looked like it was part of a panel and it was twisted and obviously damaged due to the rough landing. Emblazoned in black on the panel was some sort of insignia or symbol. It was something Dib recognized all too well.

Another Irken had arrived. The distinct mark of the Irken Empire told him everything. And this newcomer was running free on Earth and nobody knew who they were or why they were here.

Truly and honestly, he hoped this wasn’t the case. But sadly, that’s what it was. He hoped he was only being paranoid and automatically assuming the worst case scenario. Now that it was actually the truth, he didn’t know what to think.

"Intruder alert!"

Dib's heart nearly stopped beating when he heard the deep and angry voice ring out. He looked over his shoulder, seeing a few men bolting towards him.

As quick as lightning, Dib threw his camera into his backpack and put the lid back on the crate. Wasting no time, he ran towards the tree line where he could melt away into the dark woods and make his escape. He wasn't going to let them hinder his mission to unveil the truth.

"Come back here!" one of them called out. "Surrender and maybe we won't punish you so badly!"

He wasn't going to risk that at all. The young investigator had his evidence and that was it. If they got a hold of him, they were going to confiscate his camera and probably destroy it. There was no way he was going to let that happen.

Dib sprinted past the tree line and disappeared into the darkness and foliage around him. He had the night and nature itself on his side. If he could keep running but also keep low, he'd lose them…

(…)

_"I'm so fancy, you already know! I'm in the fast lane from L.A to Tokyo. I'm so fancy, can't you taste this gold? Remember my name, 'bout to blow!_"

"I could listen to this song all day!"

You were pretty sure you would pour quick dry cement into your ears if he actually tried to do that. Either that or you'd shoot your own boombox. There was no way you could survive that.

"…we've been listening to this song on repeat for two hours," you said, trying to keep your cool. "Can we please try something else? I'm so regretting letting you explore my playlist."

"But I like this!"

"Yes, I know! You like it too much. I have over seven hundred songs on this list and you insist on listening to this one on repeat."

"Alright, alright…" Purple sipped his soda and lightly tossed the remote to you. "Pick something, just make sure I like it."

"I don't care what's next, I just need to listen to something else!"

You held fast to the controller and pointed it at the radio. You pressed the "next" button, honestly not caring whatever was coming up.

"_He came from somewhere back in her long ago. The sentimental fool don't see, tryin' hard to recreate what yet to be created once in her life. She musters a smile for his nostalgic tale, never coming near what he wanted to say. Only to realize it never really was…_"

You smiled and let out a sigh of relief. This was so much better than what you were listening to earlier. The change was refreshing and you felt yourself unwind and relax a little more.

"Boring, pick another!" Purple complained.

Before you could fully register what he had in mind, he yanked the controller out of your hand.

"What the shit?!" you vented, trying to snatch it back from him. "I said it was my turn!"

"We can only listen to a song if I like it!" he reminded you.

"That wasn't even thirty seconds of my choice! You have to give it a chance!"

"I didn't like how it sounded."

You had no opportunity to argue further and he skipped over the song. You grimaced at his interference and glowered at him.

"_I have a heart, I swear I do but just not baby when it comes to you. I get so hungry when you say you love me, if you know what's good for you. I think you're hot, I think you're cool…_"

"Now this sounds good!" The Tallest remarked. "Better!"

"I'm not listening to this on repeat either," you sourly warned him.

"Are you still mad at me because I ate all of the chocolate peanut butter cookies?"

"I'm mad at you for a variety of reasons but yeah that's on the list too."

"Irken don't like to share their food, I told you that already."

"I can just imagine you and Red were like angry Chihuahuas when it came down to fighting over the last donut…"

"We have our own stashes so we don't usually steal from each other. Usually. And besides, I only shared with him once before."

"And what led up to that milestone?"

"I had to give Red some of my rations when he was seriously injured. We were cutoff from our squad and we had to survive on our own behind enemy lines for almost a week."

Oh. Maybe he wasn't totally selfish.

"Although Red was training to be an ace pilot, he still had to go through basic military objectives and missions. It was to season all members of the Irken Elite and familiarize them with combat of all types should something ever happen. Luckily, I was a great shot and I let no one get close to us. He was totally useless and all he could do was let his PAK heal his wounds and keep him sedated. So, I had to share my rations with him to keep his strength up. Plus, I wasn't going to let him die on my watch."

Despite your previous irritation and anger, you could feel it melt away. You smiled at his explanation. Though he asserted his species didn't really have a concept of friendship, he did admit he saw Red as a friend. It was entirely possible his fellow Tallest was the only person he cared about in the universe. While it might've been taboo, he did care about him and he protected him when he was at his weakest.

"That's pretty noble of you," you said. "He's awfully lucky to have someone like you watch his back."

You caught sight of a brief smile that shone on his face. It was so abrupt but telling. The genuine, happy smile was then replaced by a boastful, smug smirk.

"Well, of course!" he said, puffing his chest out. "Red was supposed to be a pilot with his face in control panels and flying stuff! I was an actual, elite soldier! He was out of his zone! I was trained to hit enemies from miles away! No one could hide from me!"

Great, his ego was showing. Again.

Suddenly, there was this incessant and all too loud knocking on your door. Bambi howled loudly and bounded toward the door, eager to address and defend if it came down to it. Purple let out a rather shrill scream and tumbled backwards off the couch. Meanwhile, you sat on the couch, temporarily petrified and startled by all these noises going off at once.

"Hello?!" the knocking continued. "Please, someone answer the door! Let me in!"

For the first few seconds, you panicked, trying to get a grip on yourself. A million different scenarios ran through your head. God only knew what was unfolding. The voice at the door definitely sounded urgent and you had a feeling this wasn't someone trying to play a joke on you.

You looked over your shoulder, seeing Purple was out of the picture. Honestly, you hoped he had enough common sense to get out of the room hide somewhere.

"Bambi, get back!" you ordered, running to your door.

You grasped onto the back of his collar and firmly pulled him back. With your available hand, you unlocked your door and opened it up.

It felt like the wind got knocked out of you when you saw the face of your unexpected guest. It was that kid from the visitor's center you saw earlier. You audibly gasped when your eyes locked with his and he practically leapt into your home and shut the door behind him.

"Kid, what're you doing here?!" you almost screamed, totally spooked and flabbergasted.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I gotta hide in your house!" he rambled a little too quickly for you to process for a few seconds.

Bambi kept barking away but his tail was wagging and it looked like he wanted to greet Dib more than anything else. This was a stark contrast to how he first encountered Purple. For that, you were pretty relieved.

"No, no, no, no!" you said, raising your voice and throwing an authoritative inflection into your tone. "First, you explain some things to me, young man! Didn't I tell you to move along? What are you doing out at this hour?"

"I'll explain it if you agree to keep me hidden!" Dib countered.

"Oh, God…" Terror and dread washed over you. "Oh my God, you went to the crash site, you little shit! I specifically warned you not to, kid!"

"They're after me!"

Shit. SHIT.

"Okay, listen to me," you instructed him. You felt like you were going to explode and have a full blown panic attack. Although he deliberately went against your advice, you weren't going to throw him to the wolves. You weren't that heartless. "I think I can shove you into my pantry real quick, I don't think agents will bother to check…"

"Hey, what's the big fuss about?"

Both you and Dib turned to face the direction where Purple's voice came from. You were screaming in joy internally upon seeing he was wearing his disguise. But it also made you feel wary with what was unfolding.

"It's fine, I have it under control!" you asserted. "Just stay there and keep on trucking through that hangover!"

"I never got one," he corrected you. "I had to sleep it off."

Purple strode over. His posture was straight and confident. He dusted some imaginary dust off his "clothes" and smirked at the both of you.

"Take the kid and get him hidden," he said, "I got this, that is, if these idiots even show up."

"No, they are coming!" Dib said. "They saw me and they're tracking me down!"

"I am not letting you deal with these people!" you yelled at Purple. "What is your problem?! Are you stupid?!"

"Nope but they are," the hidden Tallest retorted. His smirk never faded. "Come on, lemme handle this! I got it!"

You could see headlights shining through your window. The lights grew brighter quickly, signaling that they were closing in fast. They were going to stop by after all. Your heart almost leapt out of your throat and you were certain you were paler than a ghost in that instant.

Abruptly, you released Bambi and the big mutt happily jumped up on Dib. As soon as your released your dog, you grabbed Purple by his shoulders. You pulled him down to your height, staring directly into his eyes.

"Do not," you said, your tone deadly serious, "do not let them in. Do you understand me? They're going to probably throw us all into prison and I am not losing my job and livelihood over this! For the love of God and all that's holy, good and pure in this universe, don't screw this up!"

His eyes were widened as he listened to you. He wasn't expecting you to be handling and speaking to him like this. While he should've been annoyed or angered by it, more than anything else, he was interested. Maybe even amused.

"Remember what I said?" he asked, giving you a suave wink. "Give me control of the situation."

You mind blanked out for a millisecond when he winked at you. It felt like you needed to reboot at that but you gained a grip on yourself.

"I'm serious," you asserted.

"So am I," he answered.

Somehow, he went from playful (or borderline flirtatious) to imperious in an instant. That alone convinced you he had this. You weren't going to test or argue with this any longer. That could wait.

"Both of you get out of here," he instructed. "Take that beast too."

You could hear a car door slam. They were right outside your cabin.

"Come on," you said, gesturing both to Dib and Bambi. "Let's go upstairs."

You ducked low, trying to avoid being seen in the window. You wanted to make it look like Purple was the only one here if that was possible.

As soon as you made it up to the second floor, you could hear the tense, loud and urgent knocking on your door. If your bladder wasn't full, you'd probably wet yourself right then and there but luck was on your side for now. You ushered yourself and your two companions into your bedroom, wanting to keep them all as quiet as possible.

"Just a moment, please!" Purple announced.

"It's the government, open up!" the burly sounding agent demanded.

The Tallest chuckled to himself and opened the door up. There was indeed an agent on the doorstep. Behind the man sat the vehicle he was in moments before. There was another agent in the driver's seat and he looked just as menacing and intimidating as the one at the door. The headlights were still on and were shining into his eyes. Purple blinked at the brightness, trying to adjust to it.

"Good evening," he said, "can I help you?"

"We were tracking down an interloper that trespassed onto the restricted zone," the terse agent explained, getting right down to business. "We think he passed by this area. Have you seen a kid with an abnormally large head running by?"

"Abnormally large you say…" He rested a hand on his chin and tapped on it, pretending to concentrate. "I don't think so."

"Wait a minute, this is one of the ranger's cabins, right?"

"Yes…"

"You don't match the profiles we have of them! There's a woman living here! A Miss…"

"Oh, your information is right! But she's in the shower! Should I go get her?"

"Uh…no, that's, uh, not necessary."

"My apologies, I should explain myself better. I'm her cousin, I'm staying with her for a bit. She's been so nice, letting me stay at her house for a little while. So hopefully that'll clear up any confusion."

"Tell the lady that she needs to report anything regarding this incident. We take trespassers very seriously and we have some super secret business going up on that ridge! We government people have to look after a lot of things!"

"I understand, I'll be sure to tell her about it as soon as she's done. So, what're you guys working on up there? Are you working on a secret project to weaponize gophers?"

"That's highly classified information, sir! But we stopped funding that project two years ago. We're working on creating an army of cyborg guinea pigs now."

"I see! But not really…"

"You don't need to know what's going on!"

"But I was told a drone landed there!"

"It did!"

"So, it definitely wasn't an alien spaceship?"

"Absolutely not! Aliens don't exist! The not-a-spaceship has been seized and taken to a super secret warehouse where will definitely not be doing tests on it!"

"Really? Can I take a few guesses as to where you might've taken it?"

"It's definitely not Area 51!"

"Well, you got me! I guess I'll never know."

This creature actually worked for the government..? Purple found it almost hard to believe. He could only imagine what the other agents were possibly like.

"Hey, have you seen anything unusual around here?" the man resumed. "If so, you need to report it!"

"Like what exactly?" Purple smirked smarmily. He was trying hard to not burst out laughing. "Define 'unusual'."

"Any weird things! Like little green men and things like that!"

"I don't think so! But I will keep an eye out for anything like that, I promise! I mean, there are all sorts of strange critters running around… You could be looking right at an alien and wouldn't even know it!"

"You're right!" The agent gasped and looked dumbfounded for a moment. "I'm the one who should be looking around for things like that!"

"Like that thing over there!" Purple pointed to the edge of the tree line.

The man nearly jumped out of his suit and spun around. He flicked on his flashlight and saw a deer's head peeking out from the brush. It was a sizable buck and had a large set of antlers branching off its cranium.

"Oh my gosh!" the agent screamed. "It's one of those Winnebagos! They eat people and live in the woods! We've been trying to catch one forever!" He turned to his partner who was still sitting in the car. "Kevin, we have a new assignment! After that Winnebago! Don't let him get away!"

He bolted off the deck and hopped into the passenger's seat. The car swung into reverse, kicking up gravel and spinning its wheels rapidly. When the car was put into drive, it peeled off, careening after the very confused and frightened deer.

Purple only watched the federal goons speed off, smirking to himself as he did so. He cackled and shut the door, feeling pleased with how the whole encounter played out. They didn't suspect a thing and it also helped that the agent was a colossal idiot.

"It's called a Wendigo, not a Winnebago!" Dib commented. He was standing at the top of the stairwell, looking back down at his fellow "Human". "And that wasn't a Wendigo, it was a regular old deer!"

"They don't think so, kid," Purple remarked. He stared back at Dib suspiciously. "Weren't you supposed to be hiding..?"

"Yeah but I wanted to listen to what that guy had to say."

"Okay, I've had enough of this insanity," you said, speaking up at last. Now that the agents were gone, you felt like you could act. "Kid…"

"Dib. My name is Dib."

"Dib…" You exhaled forcefully, trying to not get too angry at the youth. "Where are your parents? I'm going to call them, take you to them and we're gonna forget this happened."

"My dad is too busy, he doesn't know I'm here."

"No excuses!" You raised your tone. "How old are you?"

"Twelve."

Jesus Christ.

"Twelve…" you repeated, dumbfounded by his father's obvious neglect. "I have half a mind to call child protective services on your father for not monitoring you. Do you realize what you've done?!"

"Oh, that's not the point!" Dib howled. "Look, I went up there to investigate the crash site! I have proof that an alien has crash landed!"

"That's a big claim to back up," Purple said.

He still was going to maintain this charade for as long as possible. He wasn't going to jeopardize his cover and have this crazed Earthling harass him. This was Zim's nemesis and he knew better than to divulge too much. From what Zim told him about this boy named Dib, he was persistent, annoying and obsessed with exposing him. He couldn't let that happen to himself. If it came down to it, Purple was more than ready to eliminate anyone who found out about his secret.

"Of course I do!" Dib retorted.

He removed his backpack and opened it up. He sifted through his supplies and plucked his camera out. Then he turned it on and accessed the gallery.

Your eyes nearly fell out of your sockets when you saw that one picture… You recognized that symbol, you remembered seeing it when you went up to the crash site. You couldn't believe Dib actually got up there and managed to snap some photographs. It made the blood in your veins run cold. Now he was either seeing you as a sly liar or a blind idiot.

"This was no drone!" Dib said. "You were lied to by the government! An actual alien ship landed here! And from the look of it, it's of Irken origin. There's another one of those filthy alien scumbags running around along with Zim! Now I have to try to hunt them down and make sure they don't try anything…evil or whatever."

Purple blinked as he saw the picture. That was indeed a piece of his ship. He gave the small Earthling credit and was impressed he managed to pull this stunt off. But given his encounter with the government officials, perhaps it wasn't so difficult to get this done after all.

Regardless, he would bide his time and see what more would unfold. He also had a location he could survey in the future. As far as he was concerned, he fully intended to salvage his ship and leave with it when the time came. He wasn't going to let the Humans disassemble and ruin his vessel and leave him permanently marooned on this planet with the exile he and Red had banished there to begin with.

"How can the both of you have nothing to say about this?!" the boy persisted. "How?! The proof is right there!"

"Oh, for God's sake, what do you want me to say?" you said, throwing your hands up in the air.

"What did they tell you? Did you really think it was a drone or did they force you to believe it was?"

"I'm not going to comment on this anymore. Contact your father and I'll help you get back together with him. I don't need to be fifty questioned to death by a twelve year old."

"You!" Dib pointed at Purple. "What do you think about this?"

"I can hardly believe it!" he answered. He laid the back of his hand against his forehead, feigning his shock. "An alien couldn't have possibly landed here! I mean, what are the odds?"

"Don't be so surprised! There is definitely a hostile alien presence on our planet and I'm gonna put an end to it once and for all!"

"Alright, I'm sick of this talk about aliens!" you said, raising your voice once more. "Dib, call your dad, now! I'm not gonna get in trouble for dealing with your shenanigans! It's cute that you have your evidence and I'm sure you're all happy and hunky-dory. But you're still in deep shit for disobeying the law!"

Your patience was totally spent. Your nerves were shot from the surprise visit from the agents. Just because they went away this time didn't mean that they wouldn't come back at another opportunity. Who knew what would happen in the future. Maybe some more competent agents would show up and question you about the incident. There was no telling how that might play out.

You had an alien and an over enthusiastic paranormal investigator under your roof and it was a little too much for you at the moment. Now they were feeding off of each other's actions and you had to pull the plug on this. You had to try to regain control and restore some order… But it got harder and harder to focus and try to calm down.

"She-beast, don't worry about it," Purple said, waving a hand dismissively. He made his way over to the couch and turned on the TV. "You're being too harsh on the little man."

"Purple, shut up before I punch you in your throat," you snapped at him. "You act like a kid yourself so you have no input to offer."

"I totally am an adult! I drove off those idiots, didn't I?"

"Yeah, a fetus could fool them." You sighed loudly and rubbed your face. "I'm going to have a massive panic attack…"

"Don't worry, I can take care of myself," said Dib. "I have to go back home anyway and figure out where exactly the invader went!"

"Okay. Well I'm not gonna stop you. You've already proven to me how much of a headstrong and stubborn kid you are. But you're not wandering around the woods more than you already have."

"You can't drive me out of here, they'll know something is up if they see you driving around."

Huh. He actually made a solid point. He was a smart cookie.

"True," you said, nodding your head. "Look, I'm sorry for yelling. Just… get out of here before they find you. Your luck may run out. And don't let me catch you trespassing around here after hours again."

"Thanks for letting me hide here," he said. "And don't you worry about the alien menace, I'll take care of it!"

Ha. If only he knew.

Although he was leaving against your better judgement, you knew it would implicate you were in on this incident. If you tried to smuggle him out of the park in your truck and if you were caught, heads would roll. It was a risk you didn't want to chance. Besides, it looked like this kid could take care of himself and you had some confidence in him. You had a feeling he'd make it out of it okay.

Dib opened the front door and walked out. He quietly shut the door behind him and listened to the sound of his footsteps on your wooden porch and stairs. His footfalls died off and you peeked out a window, watching his shape melt into the darkness as he left the area your floodlight illuminated.

"That was way too close," you sighed loudly. "I thought I was gonna puke all over myself."

"Are humans always this anxious and fearful?" Purple asked.

"Only the smart ones. The smart, wary ones usually try to think ahead."

"You overthink it way too much. But anyway, I found out they're keeping my ship at some place called Area 51. I'm gonna have to go confiscate it eventually."

One didn't simply walk into Area 51. Usually intruders who got too close were shot on sight. The lucky ones sometimes got thrown into prison for an undisclosed period of time or were never the same again when they were free to go. It was a place everyone heard about but knew nothing of. It was an enigma.

"You can't stroll into there," you said, disbelieving of what he just said. "They'll kill or capture you for sure!"

"Trust me, I'm not impressed with what your planet has to offer when it comes down to certain things," Purple remarked. He frowned as he looked back at you. "If there are a bunch of idiots like that one I talked to in this so-called Area 51, I'll take back what is mine with no trouble."

"No, no, I don't think you understand…"

"Neither do you."

His Earthling disguise fizzled out, revealing his true nature. The illusion already had a disgruntled look on its face and now his real face wore the same expression. His large, purple eyes were narrowed.

"Area 51 is one of the most highly guarded and top secret places on Earth," you explained. "They're always expecting some idiot to try to break in. They're always ready for things like that."

"So?" he said. "I don't care. I already got a plan in mind. Don't worry about it."

You had no energy to argue with him. That was going to have to wait for another day. You almost had your life scared out of you and you wanted to call it quits for the night. Everything was going to be a problem for the future you.

"Hey, you're the man with the plan," you said, rolling your shoulders. "I'll leave it in the hands of the Tallest."

"That's more like it!" he replied, grinning as he did so. "I'm not doing it right now but I'll have to do it eventually. Trying to reclaim it too quickly isn't so smart. They'll be expecting that. I have to catch them off guard."

"Like I said, you've got this."

You walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. Inside one of the drawers was a bottle of hard cider. You smirked at the glorious vision and grasped onto the glass container.

"Hello, happy buzz!" you smiled, savoring the sweet, alcoholic nectar to come.

A loud, jarring noise rang out, causing you to yelp loudly and drop the beverage. It clanged noisily atop the others in the drawer but luckily none of them broke. You froze, petrified by the abruptness and stunned for a few moments.

"Someone's at the door!" Purple called from the living room.

That was odd. But it was probably that agent from earlier. As long as Dib was out of the picture, you felt as if you could probably deal with it.

"Get it, please!" you yelled back to him.

You didn't hear some howl of reluctance or heavy sigh of despond. He must've been okay with your request because you heard no commotion at all. Maybe he was looking forward to mess with any of your fellow species that came to your door.

You smiled and regained your composure. Once again, you grabbed the bottle and closed the refrigerator. Then you twisted the cap off and took a small, experimental swig of the drink.

"Oh, this night will get better from here," you muttered to yourself. "The worst is done."

You slowly edged towards the doorway that divided your living room and kitchen. You kept quiet, wanting to listen in on whatever conversation Purple was having with this new visitor. Inwardly, you smirked, just wondering whatever was going on now. Being as sly as possible, you dared to peek around the corner to see whatever was going on.

It was a little difficult but you could definitely make out a shape. However, it was a bit odd… This visitor seemed to be roughly of the same height Dib was. The small person was wearing a reddish-pink outfit of some sort and it looked like they wore black gloves and boots. They had black hair and they had a pair of rather large eyes. But the weirdest and most distinguishable feature that you noticed was their bizarre skin tone. It looked almost identical to Purple's green hue.

"Greetings, tall meat monkey!" the person said to the exiled Tallest. "I'm here doing my skool project! I need to know about the crashed Irken… I mean the crashed Earth-drone that landed here a little bit ago. I would love to have some questions answered." They paused for a moment before screaming loudly. "TELL ZIM NOW!"


	11. Reassignment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe if you were in a better mood, this whole business would’ve been funnier. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thanks for the love as always, much appreciated. I guess the (sort of) good thing about this quarantine business is having more time to write. I got lucky with this one and knew exactly what I wanted to write about so this one got done pretty swiftly. Hopefully it’s up to your guys’ standards!
> 
> Read on and enjoy!

Chapter 11 Reassignment

Maybe it was because Bambi was still a little off his game due to the agents that were outside the house a few minutes earlier. So many conflicting and new scents were in the air and they distracted him, making him unaware of the most recent visitor until the last moment. Usually he was rather alert and mindful of his surroundings. He had to be while living in the woods with his owner. It was strange how he didn't notice the presence of the creature called Zim until that very moment.

Once the disguised alien loudly announced his presence and intentions, the Rottweiler mix devoted his full attention to him. The beast was somewhat startled by his appearance and the small, green, screeching creature agitated him. The lingering tension from the previous confrontation remained and had him on edge. Now this newest addition to the mix was like throwing gasoline onto a flame.

At this point in time, Bambi had permitted Purple's presence more or less. Some days had gone by and he was accustomed to the sight and smell of the Tallest. He was still wary of the guest but he was no longer so hostile and eager to defend his master and home from him. Since he saw his master was at ease and accepted the weird visitor, the large dog was calm as well.

But this one? The unearthly, strange smell instantly triggered the mutt. The same ferocity he had that certain night reared its head one more. The hair on his haunches raised straight up. His lips curled back, displaying his fangs and showing a fearsome, threatening snarl. His ears were pulled back, further belying his aggression and eagerness to lunge.

Bambi never reacted this way to human beings since he was more than familiar with them. Typically, he loved people. But he was a smart dog and he could easily see this was no Human. He saw right through the pitiful disguise and he wanted it gone. And he was more than willing to do it himself. No one was going to hurt his master, bunny sibling or home on his watch.

It all happened so fast and you had no time to react. You were stunned into silence and could only stare back at the visitor named Zim. You were finally snapped back to reality when Bambi barreled out the door and crashed into the Irken Invader. The pained and fearful screams of the tiny alien rang out as he was bitten and ripped into by your dog.

"Oh my God, Bambi!" you screamed.

You leapt into action, forsaking your hiding place in the kitchen. You had to stop Bambi not because he might be potentially killing this creature but because you didn't want Zim to vaporize your pet. There was no way you could let that happen. As far as you were concerned, the banished Invader wasn't someone you necessarily wanted on your planet either.

Purple was absolutely no help. Instead, he was leaning in the doorway, far too busy with laughing his ass off. He simply stood aside and laughed while he watched Zim be mauled by the dog.

"Bambi, no!" you cried out as you exited your cabin. "Stop it!"

You jumped into the fray, seeing Bambi chewing on Zim's skull. Being as forceful but mindful as possible, you grabbed his collar and pulled him back. Bambi snarled, refusing to let go of the still flailing and wailing alien.

"Let go, now!" you commanded, your voice fevered and panicked. "Drop him!"

It was totally possible that the commotion was going to attract attention. Those government goons could show up at any opportunity and it frightened you to your core. If they happened upon this mayhem, you'd have some serious explaining to do and you didn't know if you were going to get out of that at all.

"I said to drop it!" you bellowed, your voice hurting from saying it so loudly.

Finally, Bambi relented. Though he released, he still lunged and barked savagely at the intruder. You stumbled backwards, dragging your dog away from Zim. The Irken was laying on the ground, his shape heaving but largely unmoving.

Purple was still having the time of his life, relishing in Zim's unfortunate encounter with the dog. You shoved past the taller Irken and nearly tossed Bambi into the house, forbidding him to interact any further. He had to be out of the picture.

"Dammit, Bambi, enough!" you scolded him.

Once that he was inside, you slammed the door shut. Bambi continued to bark and growl, pawing at the door, desperate to get outside and finish his work. While you were secretly impressed by his protective capabilities and loyalty, in this situation, it wasn't helpful in the slightest bit.

With the angry canine out of the way, you refocused on Zim. He was still on the ground, recovering from that frightening bout. His "hair" was gone and you could see two antennae on his head. One of his "eyes" was actually a lens of sorts and was on the ground. The true eye was large and colorful just like Purple's except this one was ruby red. Now there was no doubt about his true nature. He was indeed an Irken just like the one you were sheltering.

You held your ground on the porch, hesitant to take a step forward and address him. A part of you wanted to go inside and pretend that this didn't even take place. But there was no way that was going to happen. He came here for a reason and he was consequently attacked. There was no way he was going to back down now.

"I need my gun," you said out loud. It didn't occur to you until then. Now you were feeling awfully vulnerable. "I need it now."

When you turned to hurry back inside and grab your trusted weapon, you could feel Purple's hand clamp on your upper arm.

"No, you don't," he retorted.

"Yes, I do," you corrected him. "My dog attacked him and now he's gonna come after me."

A pained groan came from Zim. Your head snapped to his direction. He was starting to sit up and he looked, well, like he was attacked by an animal. Some of his outfit was shredded and he was covered in dirt, scrapes and bruises as well.

"How dare you!" he howled. "Your filthy, stinky weredog attacked me!"

"The jig is up!" you warned, trying to wrestle yourself free from Purple's grasp. "I can see you're no Earthling!"

Zim gasped and he looked downward, seeing one of his lenses was on the ground. Hastily, he picked it up and placed it over his true eye, concealing it. He blinked a few times, making sure the lens was securely in place. He also plucked up his wig and concealed his antennae. Then he jumped up and dusted himself off, shrugging off the attack that just happened.

"It's okay, I already contracted rabies before, I'll be fine," he told himself more than anyone else. His fake gaze turned back to you and his smile was unnaturally large and unconvincing. "See, I'm normal! I'm definitely Human!"

"You're green!" you argued. "You've got great big, bug eyes and some antennae! You're an alien, little man!"

"No, I'm not! I am just like you, beast-keeper!" He cleared his throat. "Now, what were we talking about before I was viciously attacked?"

"You have a project or something?" Purple smirked sassily.

"Indeed! Zim needs assistance with his skool assignment!"

"Look, you need to leave!" you cut in, wanting to end this encounter as soon as possible. "The government is literally in these woods and they're looking for an alien and you fit the bill. You can't fool me."

"I came this far for information, you won't turn me away, pig-monkey!"

"Oh, I'm so getting my gun now."

"You there, freakishly tall Human!"

A pair of metal limbs sprung from his PAK and he skittered over to your position. Visibly, you flinched and tried to pry yourself from Purple's surprisingly steely grip. Luckily for you, he seemed to have lost interest in you and was focused on Purple instead.

"Tell Zim what you know!" he urged. "Or I'll melt your head and turn it into a jack-o-lantern or something!"

"You're not gonna do that," Purple remarked.

"Stupid creature! I suggest you cooperate."

You could see the amusement fade from Purple's gaze. A frown began to show up on his face and he glowered at Zim.

"And I suggest you know your place, Invader Zim," he snapped back.

"Eh?" Zim's antennae pricked upwards, belying his curiosity. "Who are you?!"

"Don't do it!" you chimed in, trying to get through to Purple. "Don't blow your cover! Listen to me!"

Though his hold on you remained stubborn, he was totally deaf to your words. Now he was entirely invested in Zim. He wouldn't let this upstart defective insult and slander him. He might have been in exile but he was still a Tallest. He still commanded power and authority, especially from one of his own species.

At last, he released your arm. While his hologram disguise was still in effect, his PAK limbs sprung out. They raised him high off the ground, towering over Zim even more and fully intending to intimidate and belittle the diminutive Irken.

"You..!" Zim gasped, his huge eyes widening even further. "You're an Irken?! You're the one who crashed here!"

"I'm no loser nobody," Purple hissed. "I'm much more than that!"

Then his disguise faded out, unveiling him for who he truly was. The Tallest looked upon Zim disapprovingly, his spindly, metal limbs still propping him high up off the ground.

The cat was out of the bag now.

Zim's own PAK limbs retreated and he fell to his knees. He bowed his head so low to the ground that his forehead touched it. He was entirely humbled and beyond honored that one of his Tallest was here on Earth. It was like a dream come true. He had been looking forward to this day for so long…

"My Tallest!" he shrieked in joy. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Zim, I ought to shoot you into the sun for your insolence and disrespect!" Purple scowled, raising his voice.

"Forgive me, my Tallest! I didn't know it was you! I would've never said such things if I knew it was really you!"

"Hmm, perhaps I should cut you a little slack for that… I'll forgive you if you do this for me."

"Anything for you, my Tallest!"

"Repeat after me, Invader Zim… ‘Invader Zim is an idiot and cannot ever match the brilliance and majesty of Almighty Tallest Purple’."

…was he actually serious?

"'Invader Zim is an idiot and cannot ever match the brilliance and majesty of Almighty Tallest Purple'," Zim recited perfectly.

"Good, now you are forgiven," Purple smiled.

"Forgive me, my Tallest… But I have so many questions. Why haven't I talked to you and Tallest Red in over two years? Whenever I contact the Massive, Minister Rarl Kove is always there. He annoys me! He said you two were on an extended vacation."

Purple seemed like he was hesitant or a bit unsure of what to say. He looked put on spot and at a loss. Now he seemed like he wasn't so in control of the situation.

"Well, uh, you see, Zim…" Purple cleared his throat. Finally, he lowered his frame down to the Earth and retracted his PAK limbs. "There's kind of a civil war going on."

"A war within our own mighty Empire?!" Zim said, sounding aghast. "How, my Tallest? How is that possible? Why wasn't I told this before?!"

"To, uh, keep you safe! Yeah, that's it! We can't risk the life of our finest Invader!"

"I will fight for the honor and safety of my Tallest!" Zim stood back up and placed his hands on his hips, looking proud and determined. "I will destroy the enemy and help restore order to our grand and glorious empire. FOR I AM ZIM!"

"It's not necessary, Zim! You see, uh, I have a very important thing for you to accomplish. This is a super important reassignment and I can't trust anyone else to do this!"

"What is it?!"

"I know we assigned you to invade the Earth but we have determined that the planet is actually useful to us! Zim, why didn't you tell me that some of the finest sweets and snacks in the universe are made here?!"

"Uh, uh a slight oversight on my part, my Tallest, forgive me! I was more concerned with destroying the filthy Earth monkeys rather than evaluating their snacks!"

"I have decided Earth will be spared and added to our Empire. Earth will be converted to my own private bakery and uh…retreat. And since this is the case, here is where your reassigning becomes relevant, Zim. With the civil war going on, I don't want the Earth to be blown up or damaged. It is now your new mission to protect the Earth and make sure no rebels come and destroy it."

"Ah, I see!" Zim seemed pleased with this development. He smiled and folded his hands together. "I will happily accept this new mission, my Tallest! I am honored and delighted to protect this planet as it is your mighty command!" He paused for a moment. "But what about the filthy Humans?"

"Eh, we'll figure that out later when the war ends. Just make sure the enemy doesn't come here and cause trouble. I will be very, very unhappy if you fail to do your job. Do you understand me?"

"I fully understand, sir! I won't fail you!"

You watched their exchange, unsure of what to think exactly. You were aware that Purple planned on absorbing Earth into the Irken Empire. That was a bridge you still had to cross. You knew that undoubtedly, chaos would ensue if the inhabitants of Earth woke up one day and found themselves to be enslaved and forced to make donuts for the rest of their lives. You couldn't let that happen.

"Um, do I have a say in the matter considering I am an inhabitant of this planet?" you asked, feeling a little awkward.

"Silence, filthy monster of meat and hormones!" Zim snapped at you. "You will obey the Tallest or be squished under their mighty fist of doom! You will speak when spoken to!"

"Zim!" Purple said in a warning, chiding tone. "Do not speak to my personal servant like that!"

"I'm sorry, your what?" you asked, disbelieving you heard those words come out of his mouth.

"She opened up her home to me when I landed on Earth and she offered to shelter me. I rewarded her for her loyalty by making her a member of my personal staff. When this is all said and done, I will be taking her with me."

"Pardon me?!" You couldn't believe what he was saying. He had to be out of his mind. "You wanna repeat that?!"

Unbeknownst to you, being a member of the Tallest's personal staff was a coveted and highly prized position within Irken society. These individuals were treated fairly better than other classes and were chosen depending on what the current, reigning Tallest deemed was valuable about them. The staff were also rewarded comfortable housing, higher quality food and other perks so long as they remained within the favor and good graces of their ruler. If a Tallest was feeling especially generous, they would leave their unwanted leftovers to their staff. Such members consisted of advisors, bodyguards, personal cooks and bakers, tailors and seamstresses, jesters and other "talented" individuals. Once in a blue moon, aliens of other species were included in a Tallest's personal entourage but this was a rare occurrence due to the Irkens' xenophobic tendencies and supremacy complexes.

"You've made her a member of the Imperial Entourage?!" Zim questioned, sounding genuinely astonished.

"Yes," Purple retorted, "do you dare question who I add to my staff, Invader Zim?"

"No, my Tallest! Forgive me! It is not often that a non-Irken is included in such a exclusive and privileged posse!" He looked to you, swallowing nervously. Zim dared not to anger his Tallest further. "You must be gifted if my Tallest has chosen you as one of his personal servants. Do you accept Zim's apology?"

Purple elbowed you in your ribs. You were pert near to clobbering him for his shenanigans.

"Just roll with it," he whispered to you. "Trust me, I know how to deal with him. I'm trying to get him out of here slowly but surely. Follow my lead."

"For your sake, I hope you're right," you said lowly. Then you turned your attention to Zim, feeling out of place. "Uh, it's fine. Apology accepted."

"It is not often that a lowly alien lifeform is included amongst a Tallest's personal entourage," Zim explained. "The last time that happened was during Almighty Tallest Miyuki's reign. One of her favored scientists was a Vortian. What's your title? What has the Tallest deemed worthy of you?"

"My title…?" You hesitated, blanking out and having zero idea of how to progress with that. This was bizarre and you didn't know how to react or what to even say for that matter.

"Oh, she is the official Beast-Master and Wildlife…Overlord!" Purple added, making it all up as he went along.

"I see!" Zim smirked. "Impressive! Be honored and happy, Beast-Master! Working directly for and with the Tallest and being so close to them is something many Irken would kill for! You're so lucky!"

"You don't say…" you drawled, rolling your eyes.

"Now, Zim," Purple said, refocusing on the matter at hand. "You must remain on the Earth and not destroy it, do you understand me? Don't forget it! Protect the Earth from the traitors and their allies. That is your newest mission."

You did feel some relief. For now, the Irken race wasn't so concerned with conquering other worlds. What mattered currently was self-preservation and defending what assets they had now. Once this internal strife was done, perhaps they'd resume their previous business of expanding their empire. That would be a new problem for the future. That would be a hurdle for you to overcome eventually. But what you did know was that you couldn't allow Earth to be enslaved. Destruction was out of the question at this point and you were very grateful for that. You never could've foreseen that junk food would literally save the planet.

"But, my Tallest," Zim said. "I understand my mission yet I must know how this war happened without me knowing. HOW AND WHY?!"

"One of our own betrayed us," Purple bitterly revealed. "One of our finest Invaders turned into a traitor and rallied many Irken defectives and rebels to her cause. She then joined forces with the Resisty and is aiding them with attacking and sabotaging us."

"'She'?" Zim scowled heavily and one of his antenna twitched in agitation. "Who is this unworthy, ungrateful, traitorous beast?! Who dares to turn their back on our Empire?! And an Invader did this too?! How could she?! She knows better!"

"Invader Lyn did this."

"The conqueror of the infernal, savage bird-people of Yutus? Why has she done this?!"

"What matters is that she is the cause of this. She won't stop until my co-Tallest and I are exterminated and the Empire is totally ruined. Lyn can't be reasoned with so she must be destroyed at all costs."

"My Tallest, I had a feeling she was a dangerous defective!"

"We knew she was a defective but we had no idea just how bad it was."

Purple hung his head low. He grimaced at the memory of that horrible message Lyn sent him and Red. There was so much blood… Pax wasn't even recognizable and her PAK was beyond salvaging. She was mutilated and defiled. 

He had no real opinion on the Archivist but he gave her some respect and credit since his co-Tallest was fond of her. She was Red's business and he'd leave it at that. He simply didn't care about her. Yet with the reveal of her death, Purple remembered how shocked he was. And he would never forget the sheer pain, horror, rage and confusion etched on Red's face. That would stay with him until the end.

"Tallest Red and I had to go into exile to throw off Lyn and the Resisty," Purple resumed. "They even had spies on the Massive! Traitors are everywhere… But soon enough, they will all be exterminated without mercy."

"I had no idea there were so many backstabbers around us," Zim said. The smaller Irken legitimately sounded confused and startled by his Tallest's news. "How can that be?!"

"We'll figure that eventually. What matters the most is carrying out your mission, Zim. It is very important so don't screw it up, I mean it!"

"Understood, sir! I won't fail you!"

"You better not."

"I'm happy to see you have decided to choose Earth as your sanctuary, my Tallest. You won't regret it! I am not too far away so if you need assistance, do not hesitate to call the mighty Zim!"

"Keep an eye on that large headed kid as well. He came here asking about the crash. He doesn't know who I truly am and I'd like to keep it that way. Keep him in the dark about this as much as you can. If I need anything from you, I will contact you. Let's keep communication down to a minimum so the enemy doesn't happen to pick up on our transmissions by some freak chance."

"Of course! And, sir, I must know what happened to your co-Tallest. Where is he?"

Purple had no idea where he was. All he hoped was that Red was okay and safe. Many times, he was tempted to try to reach out and check in on him but he didn't want to risk both of their lives. For their own survival, they had to scatter and remain silent.

Inwardly, he made a mental note to have a giant, celebratory bowl of snacks made when they'd reunite. And he was going to be sure to share it with him.

"He's safe and that's all I'll say," Purple retorted. "You're dismissed, Zim."

"Yes, my Tallest!" Zim nodded. "Thank you!"

You and Purple watched as Zim's PAK limbs sprang out and he hurriedly ran off into the shadowy woods. You could hear the telltale tapping of the artificial appendages as their tips hit the cool, leaf covered ground. He was gone in no time at all and there was no way you could tell where he had gone next. Hopefully he truly hit the road and he wouldn't pester you any longer.

"Can this night be done and over with?" you sighed loudly. "I'd like to finish my beverage and chill out."

"Look, be happy I was able to get rid of Zim pretty easily," Purple answered. "Usually it's a joint effort with Red and I. I'm pretty proud of myself honestly."

"And what is this with me being your personal servant?" You set your hands on your hips.

"That part is actually true."

"Excuse me?"

Purple groaned impatiently and headed towards the door. He opened it up, pushing past the now quiet and somewhat calmer Bambi who lingered close by.

"You're my Earth-guide," he explained. "And I've come to see Earth as a valuable addition so…yeah, be happy."

"What sort of trouble are you going to get me into?" you vented, shutting the door behind you as you followed him into the house. "You're actually including me in your staff?"

"Ugh, do I have to repeat myself? Yes! I don't even have a lot of staff members to begin with and you're useful! Deal with it."

Deep breaths… That's what you kept telling yourself. With each day that went by, it seemed like he was entwining his life more with yours. While you wanted to avoid that, it looked like it was impossible. Now he was making you part of his entourage and you had no say in the matter.

You had to think positively. At least the government and Dib didn't know what was going on. It had you worried that Zim was now in on your doings. But at least he wasn't bent on destroying your home now. Purple had reassigned his duties and now things would be calmer…in theory.

Perhaps with you being so close to him, it might prove advantageous. You'd have to take it all one day at a time. He was turning into your shadow, and you his.


	12. Of Warriors and Leaders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they have to, they will kill if need be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everything, everyone~ glad you liked the last chapter!
> 
> As for this one... oh boy things are a bit different. This chapter is pretty violent and there's a good amount of blood and gore so it's a heads up if you're squeamish with that sort of thing. This is definitely the darkest chapter so far I've made for thks story. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Chapter 12 Of Warriors and Leaders

(one month later - November)

It really didn't feel like much time passed by. All you did was try to continue on like everything was normal. That was the only thing you could do. After all, you couldn't let anyone else know what was really going on. It was your burden and yours alone.

A week after the incident with Dib, the federal agents finally left. Their presence was completely gone and it was as if they weren't even there. The tents, buildings and crates that were scattered all over the site not too long ago had all but vanished. The small crater that the ship rested in was filled in with dirt, trying to disguise things as much as possible. The skid mark in the earth was plowed and flattened out again in an attempt to make it look unremarkable and ordinary. But at least the agents and personnel were gone and had moved on with their business.

According to your boss, there was a slight chance that agents might drop by every once in awhile in the future for "follow ups". He said that the purpose of their intermittent, random visits was to check up on the crash site and make sure nature was filling in the space properly once again. It was very odd since that was your and your fellow rangers' jobs to begin with. You and your coworkers knew it was all rather fishy and they suspected the feds were there for some other business they weren't divulging to your superior. There was no need to have them interfere. As far as you were concerned, you wanted them gone for good. You didn't need to have them poking around.

It was your belief that they were still looking for signs of their elusive pilot. They seemed hellbent on it. Perhaps they knew it was likely that the otherworldly visitor had moved on and possibly blended in with the rest of Earth's population. And yet they still wanted to return to the park and look for anything they might've possibly overlooked. They had already confiscated you and your coworker's cameras but found nothing on them. You were pretty convinced that divine intervention most likely had a hand in that.

Despite what happened, the state park returned to a sense of normalcy. You and your coworkers resumed your typical duties and kept your heads low. The wildlife was starting to stir again and all the species you were familiar with and saw so frequently before this mess started to turn up once more. The deer were less skittish and were spotted more frequently. Coyotes were yipping and howling in the middle of the night again. Raccoons even tried to get into your locked, bear-proof garbage can once again.

Conveniently, Zack had a poacher make rounds in his assigned zone literally days after the government left. It seemed that even the malcontents were making their return to the park as well once things cooled off. Some regular, more benign visitors were also coming back, taking their hikes before the arrival of winter. It was pretty regular and common for attendance to gradually taper off and even become nonexistent during some days or weeks in January and February.

Then there was the subject of your guest. While you and Purple were on rocky terms in the beginning, you two had largely accepted one another as time went on. He needed his cover and you didn't want to end up being implicated in his sheltering should he throw you under the bus. The both of you became accustomed to one another. There were times when you wanted to snap that thin spine of his in half but for the most part, you learned to deal with his…quirks and demands. He was definitely more tolerable as you came to accept what he was like and had to adapt as needed.

The Tallest still ate constantly and was a bit of a pig but you were able to deal with it. You also did more baking than you had ever done in your entire life and you were pretty confident you could whip up a mean batch of cookies if it came down to it. Most of the time, you made these sweets for him to keep him compliant and happy. You didn't want him making anything without your supervision for fear of him burning your house down while you were working.

Usually, whenever you came back after doing your duties for the day, he was usually playing video games or watching movies. He still had a tendency to play his favorite songs on a loop for a few hours at a time but when that happened, you opted to put some headphones on and tune it all out. As long as you couldn't hear the same song, over and over again, you didn't care. His singing was still as atrocious as when you first heard it at the Honey Pot and you found yourself snickering when his high-pitched, out of tune voice sang along with whatever composition.

When it came down to taking turns on the TV, it was sometimes a little heated. Most of the time, you two took turns to make things fair for the both of you. Usually, it ended with him moaning in boredom and he would steal the clicker from you so he could find another show to watch. He still demanded to be treated as an honored guest and would remind you of that whenever you tried to force him to watch one of your selections.

Purple also clearly had a preference for certain genres. He seemed partial to musicals and the children's classics that you grew up with. He also liked comedies although you had to explain some of the humor to him. The Irken leader seemed to be interested in some science fiction or action movies but it would sometimes take convincing to have him give them a chance. He only entertained horror movies just so he could laugh at the misfortunes of the oblivious and idiotic protagonists and cheer on the monsters as they ate their hapless victims.

Living with Purple was certainly a challenge but it wasn't impossible. He might've been the leader of a ruthless empire of invaders and warriors but he was somehow tolerable despite it all. Not only that, you were still hungry for knowledge. You still wanted to know all about his species and the chaos that was happening just outside of your solar system. You were pretty certain that you would still want to know everything in the end of it all.

When you walked up onto your front porch, you noticed it seemed quiet on the inside. You didn't hear music blasting or him shrieking into the microphone at some "cheating" gamer. Instead, it was totally silent. You weren't quite sure what to think of that. It was out of the ordinary.

"Hello, everyone," you said. You announced your presence outside of the door and opened it up. "Is everyone alive?"

When you entered your cabin, you could see Purple sitting on the floor. He was staring directly into Baby's cage. Meanwhile, the rabbit was peacefully eating away at some hay. His eyes were pinned on her and it looked like he wasn't even blinking.

"Uh, did something happen?" you asked, feeling a little uneasy. "I'm surprised you're not watching '_Momo's Wacky Escapade_'."

"I got sick of Gio repeating his name over and over again," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I must tame this creature anyway."

"You're still afraid of her?"

"I'm not scared of a rodent!"

"You run away every single time I let her out."

"She growls at me and she bit me hard!"

"Because you were a stranger. But she knows you better now. I think I know what to do to help you bond with her."

You hustled out of the living room and headed to the kitchen. You opened up the refrigerator and took out three blueberries. This was definitely a surefire way to get the grumpy bunny to warm up to strangers.

"She's a rabbit," you said as you reentered the room. "Rabbits love food and they especially love treats. Some of her favorite things to eat are blueberries."

You took a seat beside the Tallest and held out your hand to him, bearing the fruit. One of his antenna twitched as he looked at the berries and then he looked back at you questioningly.

"So what do I do?" he asked, sounding awkward.

"Take one of the berries," you instructed. "Hold it out to her and she'll take it from you."

"She won't bite me?"

"Uh, I can't give any guarantees… But you have to be calm and show her you're not a threat."

"How come that dog of yours isn't as scary as this small creature?"

"Because she's actually meaner than Bambi. She's usually grumpy but she's got a nice streak too."

"But why is she like that? Why is she so unlikable?"

You actually laughed at that.

"Well, animals have their own personalities just like people do," you said. "A lot of people underestimate them or think they can't have different temperaments."

"Weird."

"Here, I'll show you. Baby, c'mere."

You held one of the blueberries between your fingers and extended them into the cage. Baby froze for a moment, focusing on Purple. She eyed him up for a few seconds before she shook her head and bounded over to your spot. The rabbit gently but swiftly took the blueberry and started to eat it.

"It's as simple as that," you said.

"Oh, that's easy!" Purple snorted.

He plucked up one of the remaining berries from your outstretched palm. He held it by his very fingertips, trying to minimize the chance of being bit.

While he was almost attacked by Bambi a few times in the beginning, the dog was always restrained or was discouraged. This far smaller creature, on the other hand, was a different story. He definitely had an aversion to the rabbit and didn't trust her too much. He wasn't able to pet Bambi but he could see that the canine had accepted his presence slowly but surely. The dog no longer snarled or growled at him. He could've sworn he saw Bambi wag his tail at him once or twice but he was still mystified over why his kind did that. Many times, Purple thought his tail was going to fly off when it was wagging so vigorously whenever you came home.

For a moment, he hesitated. But he gathered up his courage and stuck his fingers through the cage bars with his offering. Purple remained still, hoping his fingers would remain intact.

Once she finished eating her blueberry, Baby turned her attention to the new one being offered to her. She sniffed it cautiously, being wary of his green, inhuman fingers while she was at it.

"Please, don't bite me," he said quietly.

With a soft grunt, Baby took the blueberry from his fingers and happily devoured it. The Tallest smirked at this development, having felt a little accomplished with that.

"She took it from you so that's encouraging," you said with a smirk.

"Lemme try again!" he said, his tone triumphant and happy.

He took the final blueberry and offered it up through the bars. Once Baby was finished with her current one, she took the new one without hesitation.

"See, that wasn't so bad," you chuckled.

"I've tamed her!" he remarked. "Excellent, soon enough she will be my minion!"

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"It's doable, isn't it? You're her master after all!"

"You can't force an animal to like you. You just have to make them comfortable, feed them and take care of them."

"It's weird how you Earthlings have pets and animals that serve you. My species doesn't do that. It's all really weird but I think it's neat too." He tapped his chin and seemed like he was mulling something over. "Perhaps I was right to give you the title of Beast-Master. I made that all up earlier when Zim showed up but I wouldn't mind having my own…pet-thing. You can show me what I should have and teach me everything about it!"

"I suppose I can do that…"

Honestly, you wouldn't trust him with caretaking any animal. Probably the only pet he should have would be a pet rock. But knowing him, he'd still end up neglecting even something like that somehow. You'd only trust him with your pets if you were directly supervising him.

"Oh, there's something else I'm curious about," he said, standing up and leaving the side of Baby's cage.

"And what is it?" you replied, genuinely curious.

"Show me your gun."

"Uh…why?"

"I can appreciate a good weapon."

"I really only use this thing for home defense purposes. Are you gonna try to kill someone with it?"

"Pft, no! I could kill someone with my bare hands if I had to." He chuckled. "So, come on, lemme see it. I'd like to try it out. I'm curious about its capabilities."

"Alright but I'm watching you like a hawk."

You left his side and went upstairs to retrieve the shotgun. You knelt down and perused under your bed, finding it within no time. Carefully, you checked the chamber, making sure there were no rounds in it. Last thing you needed was a hole in someone or in the side of your cabin.

"From what I understand, your guns are very primitive," Purple raised his voice. Even when you were out of sight, he was still addressing you. "They use physical rounds instead of what I'm used to."

"I guess it's safe to say you have like, laser projectiles or something?" you asked, coming out to meet him again.

"Yeah. They're cleaner, easier to use, faster and less of a likelihood of jamming. There's also way less recoil."

You handed the weapon out to him when you made it back to his side. His eyes gleamed in curiosity and excitement and he gingerly took it from you.

"I want to shoot it," he said.

"Uh, that may be a bad idea…" you said quietly.

"Oh, it'll be fine! Stop worrying about it! Let's go set up some targets and have some fun. I'm dying to see what this thing can do!" He turned the gun over, looking over every inch of it and inspecting it. "Very simple design. Easy to figure out and use… I'd like to see this also because you planned on using it on me when we first met." He smirked at you toothily. "I wanna see the punch this thing packs!"

"Okay… Let's be careful, okay?"

"Of course! I know how to handle a gun, even an alien one!"

Oh, Jesus, take the wheel.

(ten minutes later)

The targets you chose were simple and you weren't going to be missing them at all. You filled up some of the large, plastic soda jugs with water and had some aluminum cans set up as well. The makeshift shooting range was simple but it was good enough for something so hastily thrown together.

You also instructed him on how to operate the shotgun. Luckily, as he observed, it was a rather simple design and it was easy to memorize and operate for that matter. To be honest, you were anxious about letting him use it but this was past the point of no return now. It was either take the time to instruct him now or put it off to the point where he seized it himself and ending up blasting a hole in himself or one of your animals. He said he was capable and knew how to handle a gun but you wouldn't take any chances.

You sure weren't going to forget that he could be a colossal idiot at times.

"So, you think you got it?" you wondered.

"Oh, this is way too easy!" Purple scoffed. "All I have to worry about is it jamming! This thing reminds me of the handheld plasma cannons we have. They're good for up close and personal targets. It's messy but fun!"

Smoothly, he opened up the chamber and threw in two shells. He then closed it and pumped it, readying the gun. He flicked the safety off and took aim.

Purple aimed immediately and wasted no time in shooting. The recoil slammed into his torso but he didn't flinch. One of the filled water containers instantly exploded, spraying water and bits of plastic everywhere.

"Ah, I see!" he chirped. "This definitely will tear someone in half!" He turned to face you. "You were fully prepared to destroy me, weren't you?"

"Well…" you said nervously. "I didn't know who or what you were. Can you blame me?"

"I suppose not." He loaded another shell into one of the chambers closed it. Then he smiled at you. "You definitely have guts. I can respect that. You're no coward or afraid to back down."

"When someone has to protect themselves and their property and pets, you can't afford to be a coward. You have to stand and fight. You can't let the one who wants to hurt you and the things you care about win."

He shot again and another plastic bottle exploded. Stray, shredded pieces flew off to the side.

"Are most Earthlings like that?" he questioned, sounding genuinely curious.

"Some are and some aren't," you replied. "Some are pretty spineless. In my line of work, you can't be like that."

"Hmm. Interesting."

You didn't entirely know where this conversation was going. It almost made you wonder as if he was trying to get a feel for you.

"I've told you a bit about myself," he said. "I'd like to know a thing or two about you now."

"Which is?"

"Your family. I know Earthlings tend to be close with theirs and here you are, alone. Your only family members are those two animals."

You came to terms with that a long time ago. Yeah, it was a bit lonely but it was reality. You weren't going to try to change it or refuse to accept it.

"My mom was never in my life," you said. "She dumped me on my dad shortly after I was born. My dad and my grandpa raised me. My grandpa was a naturalist and worked at the park. My dad was a ranger and worked here too. Grandpa died of natural causes a few years ago and my dad died in a freak logging accident over a decade ago."

"That's depressing," Purple remarked.

"Thanks. Can't really expect you to understand it though since you guys don't even have the concept of family."

You had no idea where that snark came from. You weren't even aware that you said those words to him. It caught yourself completely off guard. As far as you knew, that came from nowhere.

"Sorry," you said, trying to cover it all up. "I didn't mean to sound like that."

Purple only looked back at you in silence. It was dreadfully uncomfortable and you hoped your apology would be enough. It also didn't help that he was still holding your shotgun.

After what felt like ten days, he finally looked away from you. He raised the gun, aimed and shot at another target, decimating it instantly. It seemed like he surveyed the destruction it caused, silently observing it.

"I think you deserve to know everything at this point," he said abruptly.

"I'm sorry, I don't follow…" you answered, raising a brow.

"Everything." The Tallest flipped the shotgun open, checking the chamber for any live or remaining rounds. Then he closed it and gently leaned it against a nearby stump. "About the civil war I mean… And everything that led up to it. I know all about how it happened. It was many years in the making."

"What made you come to that decision?"

"Because you deserve to know it at this point. You already know about Zim, myself and the Empire as a whole. How much of that Earth alcohol do you have? And no, I'm not going to the bar to discuss this with you."

"Uh, I have a few bottles of wine in my cellar. I only decant them for special occasions."

"This is one of those. We'll have a nice long talk about it later tonight."

While you were starved for more information and were insatiably curious about this whole affair, now you found yourself unsure of what to think. Now he was ready to do this session of info dumping on you and you weren't sure how to react. He didn't even have a drop of super sugary alcohol and he was already willing to divulge it all. To say you weren't a little suspicious would've been a lie. It made you wonder what exactly was going through Purple's head. And what the end result of this was going to be.

(deep space)

"This is one good pilot. In fact, he's too good!"

Chief Naver glared at the spittle runner that laid dead ahead. Her dark brown eyes kept focused on the shuttle, feeling irked and inconvenienced. Earlier, she didn't predict that this pursuit would give her that much of headache. She thought it would be easy. She and her search party had been tailing this small ship mercilessly through this backwater solar system and she and her crew had been trying their damndest to shoot down the pilot.

"We keep hailing them but they won't respond," announced one of the Chief's crew, a black, blue and silver crow-like, male Corvidii named Livo. "And it doesn't matter what we throw at them, they're able to execute perfect evasive maneuvers." He growled, his beak clicking together in an irritated fashion. "Chief Naver, this guy is ticking me off!"

"This is definitely an Irken pilot," another member of the hunting party chimed in. She was a tall, swan-like member of the Gruid tribe and she was colored light pink, pastel yellow and white. Her name was Sahn. "I hate to admit it, but they're some of the best pilots in the galaxy. And from what I can see, this one is an ace."

"Ace pilot or not, they must either be destroyed or captured," Naver remarked. "We haven't been able to shoot them down so we have to resort to the next course of action." She turned to her faithful pilot. "Sahn, activate the tractor beam. Bring them into the hangar bay. That spittle runner is small enough where we can pull it off."

"You got it, Chief," she responded to her superior.

"Livo, hail the other search parties," Naver instructed the other member of her crew. "Tell them we're attempting to bring in a prisoner. We will attempt to interrogate them and see if they know anything about where the wretched Tallests ran off to."

Sahn did as her leader commanded and activated the beam. The colorful Yuti female smiled impishly as she saw the enemy vessel slow down. They were decelerating, hinting that they had been caught. Sahn maintained a tight grip on control panel's joystick, directing the spittle runner into her own ship's hangar.

Naver stood up and left her seat. Her bright green feathers fluffed up and then flattened a few seconds later. Her iron-tipped beak clicked quietly and she flexed her talons. Like her beak, they too were covered in sharp, iron caps. She had shred and maimed many opponents with those deadly weapons over the years.

"Sahn, focus on keeping that tractor beam locked onto our target," she instructed. "Make sure that scum doesn't try to escape. Livo, help Sahn out with whatever she needs and monitor the communications systems. I'm going down to the hangar to see this scum myself."

"You don't want one of us to come with you?" Livo asked. "Just in case, Chief. They may try something sly."

"I'm more than capable of holding my own." The smallest but strongest of the three Yuti puffed up slightly. "If it really is an Irken piloting that ship, I'll have a wonderful time plucking those unsightly eyes out of their head."

Livo and Sahn wouldn't argue with her further. They knew better. While they were honored to be led by her, both of them didn't dare to push her unnecessarily. They didn't want to question her prowess. Any Yuti knew that unless if they were vying for the chiefdom of their respective tribe, it was most unwise to doubt the skills and might of their chief. The only one whom the four chiefs themselves bowed to, feared and respected was the War-king or War-queen.

"Do your duties," Naver said, ending the conversation. "Do not interfere. This one is mine."

"Yes, Chief Naver," Sahn and Livo said in unison.

Naver flapped her wings, her small, stocky form lifting off the floor below. Then she flew out of the control bridge. The automatic doors parted and she glided through the halls and corridors, making her way to the hangar bay.

Overall, Naver hated and distrusted the Irken race. She believed they had no honor and were beyond greedy and reasoning. In her eyes, they needed to be eradicated so they couldn't poison and ruin the universe any further than they already had. When the Resisty came to Yutus, seeking their help and alliance in fighting the Irken Empire, Naver was more than happy to aid them. She believed that they were a bit scatterbrained and unorganized but she wouldn't turn them away.

The only Irken she respected was the one who had conquered her homeworld. Naver discovered that Lyn was an Invader while she was incognito and she even willingly aided the Irken female in conquering the planet. The only reason why she had done this was so she could overthrow the reigning War-queen, Kalix. Naver loathed Kalix and they were bitters rivals for many years even before the Irken Empire discovered Planet Yutus. All Naver wanted was to see Kalix dethroned and slain. Lyn had succeeded in killing the War-queen in single combat and initially Naver was appeased. Naver disliked the thought of being subservient to the Irken Empire but since Lyn had proved her superiority over Kalix, she acknowledged her as the new, unofficial War-queen.

Naver once thought that Lyn's leaders, the Almighty Tallest, must've been proud and worthy figureheads and she was eager to meet them. As the leaders of the Irken Empire, they must've been forces to be reckoned with. At one point, she might've been honored to be in service to them. If they were mightier warriors than the likes of Kalix and Lyn, she would happily bow to them. But when the moment of truth came, Naver was insulted, disappointed and disgusted. In her eyes, they were disgraces and didn't deserve the power they wielded. She didn't dare to tell Lyn these things however and simmered in angry silence.

Then came the day of Lyn's breaking with the Empire. Naver was beyond overjoyed. She was thankful that Lyn had done this and was more than willing to stand by her side. Many of the citizens of Yutus were also pleased with this development and happily joined with the Invader that had initially enslaved them. With the coming of the Resisty, it was even more fortuitous for them. It gave them brighter hope in dismantling their foes.

"Revenge will be mine, will be ours," she muttered to herself. The entrance to the hangar bay was dead ahead.

When she finally made it before the doors, they parted. Naver alighted quietly onto the metal floor. She looked ahead, seeing that Sahn was doing her job well; the ship was still restrained by the tractor beam. The Irken vessel sat in the hangar, looking vulnerable.

Slowly, Naver walked towards the captured vehicle. Her tipped talons clicked and clacked on the floor beneath her. Her keen gaze didn't turn away from the ship, knowing there was indeed another, living creature in there. There was no way it was on autopilot. No computer could twist and evade her vessel like it had. There was a sharp, organic mind behind its control.

"I suggest you come forth quietly and accept your circumstances," she announced, finally stopping about ten feet away from the ship. "Now that we finally have you, you're not leaving. Consider yourself a prisoner."

It was a little surprising but not entirely unexpected. Naver braced herself when she could see the circular, glass windshield start to open up. The glass was tinted, forbidding her from peering in at the occupant. The Chief of the Sittaci held her ground, not fearing anything in the slightest bit.

When she saw the pilot climb out of their vehicle, that was when Naver was truly astonished. Her eyes widened and she let out a defensive squawk. Instinctually, her wings flapped and her feathers fluffed out, making herself look bigger.

"We've been looking for you, Tallest Red!" she snarled.

"I'm in need of a ship," the Tallest said. "This one will do just fine. And do I know you, shorty?"

"How dare you insult me! This is one of the reasons why so many of your own species betrayed you!"

"I'm in a bad mood, bird brain. Get out of my way or drop dead."

"Never."

The two rulers stared each other down. Red eyes locked onto dark brown ones, neither refusing to look away. The Irken reared himself up to his full height and the Yuti spread her wings and clicked her beak.

"You've suddenly developed a spine," Naver taunted. "Whatever coaxed the cowardly Tallest out of hiding?"

"I needed some time to think," Red retorted. "But I'm back and I'm not going anywhere. This is my Empire and I'm not going to let some upstart, lowly creature like you tear it apart."

"The universe has had enough of you and your kind. You poison and ruin everything you touch and your time has run out."

"Big talk for someone so short and fluffy."

"And that is why you'll be dead!"

Naver unleashed a shrill shriek and lunged forwards, her talons outstretched and ready to lacerate her foe. She descended upon her larger enemy, not afraid of anything and more than willing to kill him if it came down to it.

Earlier, she was willing to interrogate and imprison the enemy. But now that she saw who this pilot truly was, she would give him no mercy. This was the perfect chance. This was why she and the other search parties went out to begin with. If the Tallest wouldn't come to them, they would hunt them down.

Red activated his PAK limbs, deflecting the talons with two of the appendages. With a third leg, he roughly swatted the Yuti chief away, sending her skidding across the ground. The Tallest skittered over towards her temporarily immobile ship, intending to finish her off while she was stunned.

As he was about to impale her with one of the mechanical limbs, Naver sprung up and flew past the side of his head. When she bypassed him narrowly, she managed to slash along the side of his face with one of her talons. She cackled as she heard him cry out in pain and a bloodlust was awoken in her when she saw blood begin to pour from his lacerated cheek.

"You are unworthy of your power!" she said.

Naver took advantage of his momentary weakness and latched her beak onto his PAK. She applied pressure to it and began to pull, threatening to crush it or rip it off his spine. The Sittaci warrior held fast and tugged at the vital technology, intending to deal a deadly blow as soon as possible.

Seconds after she tried this, an electrical shock raced through her body, making it twitch violently. Her hold on the PAK was released and the discharge immediately ceased. Unceremoniously, Naver collapsed to the ground with small wisps of smoke radiating from her body.

Red wiped the blood from his face, ignoring it and trying to keep it out of his eyes. He hatefully glared at the immobilized form of Naver and he shuddered quietly. His PAK was equipped with all sorts of features and even weapons he could utilize if it came down to it. The discharge of electricity was one such perk and was a defense mechanism against anyone who tried to physically remove this essential and necessary technology.

"You should know your place, filthy bird beast!" he snarled.

He held his ground, on guard not wanting to risk getting to close and be dealt another wound. It had been so long since he had last bled and it was a bizarre sensation. The Irken would let her make her move and then attack from there.

"You should remember me," Naver said. She shakily stood back up, her body weakened from the jolt of electricity. Her head hung lowly. "But if you don't then I will make you remember right up until the instant I tear your throat out! I'm not finished with you!"

"What can you do?" Red smirked cruelly. "You have those tipped talons and that sharp beak. But that's it. You're too primitive. All of your kind are!"

"I would rather be uncivilized and have my dignity and honor intact rather than be civilized and putrid like you and your race. We Yuti don't need to be overdeveloped like your kind. At least we don't grow our children in giant tubes and judge others based on their size. Our dignity is intact."

"Yawn!" The Tallest cackled and still smiled wickedly despite the fact his cheek was a ruined, bloody mess. "Then come and hit me with your best shot!"

Naver began to pace slowly. There was a slight limp in her step and she clearly looked drained from the electrical shock but she refused to back down. Surrender was out of the question. The fight wasn't done yet.

Red remained still, his limbs outstretched and ready to intercept whatever attack she had in mind. While he specialized in being a pilot and was considered one of the best in the Empire before he was made Tallest, as an Elite, he was trained in a variety of skills and combat techniques. He was rather skilled in melee combat and he was quick on his feet. By no means was he a pushover when it came down to a physical fight.

He recalled the days when he and Purple were both Elites and striving to be the best. There was indeed a rivalry between them and the two of them were always pushing each other’s boundaries, testing one another. Constantly, they tested each other, forcing their counterpart to bring out their very best. They had many spars and each had tasted loss, victory or draws. While they battled, they were merciless with each other. They sought to outdo, outmaneuver and outsmart their opponent.

But in the very end of it, after the duel and the outcome was clear, they were laughing and eating together. It would almost be as if they hadn't been trying to tear their friend's arm off only a few minutes earlier. They had literally been together from the very start of their lives. There was no way they were going to change that anytime soon. It was the very first thing they knew before anything else. It was even before their PAKs had downloaded the mandatory knowledge mere minutes after they were born.

Focus. He had to focus. He couldn't let nostalgia distract him no matter how much it made him feel better. The enemy was still in front of him. The enemy still wanted to kill him.

Naver could read her opponent well and she made the attack first. The bird creature knew that mentally, he was distracted. She was going to take full advantage of that. She lunged, flapping her wings and quickly closing the gap between herself and the Tallest.

Red flinched momentarily but his resolve swiftly returned. He raised one of his gauntleted hands and a long, sharp, jagged blade shot out from within it. The Tallest drew his hidden wrist blade and thrust his arm towards his opponent.

Within a mere fraction of a second, he could feel Naver's cruel beak clamp down on his blade. Her talons locked onto his arm, anchoring herself to him. Red grunted at the feeling of her claws effortlessly slicing through his flesh and piercing his musculature. As her hold on him lingered, she could feel the tips of her talons scraping against his bone. Her small size enabled her to latch onto him easily and stubbornly.

"Get off of me!" he howled.

In reckless abandon he flailed his arm about, trying to get her off. Naver held fast to him and he knew she wasn't going to willingly let go until she viciously mangled his limb. Her wings beat at his head, trying to blind him and keep his vision obscured as he tried to fight her off. Now blood was pouring from his right cheek and his left forearm. He attempted to punch and claw at her head, trying to pry the fierce Yuti warrior off of him. Despite it, she held fast to him, refusing to let go. Instead, she dug her talons deeper into his arm. The sound of her iron tipped beak grating against his wrist blade sang in the air, causing him to cringe at the sound.

Then he remembered. He had another trick up his sleeve.

His other wrist blade unsheathed audibly and he thrust his free arm into Naver's unprotected side.

For the first few moments, Naver still held fast. Her wings stopped beating and her talons still dug into him but didn't go deeper. Her beak was still latched onto the blade, trying to bite through it. Her tiny form shuddered but she didn't let go.

Red pulled the blade from within her side, bright red blood coating the weapon along its entire length. With a cry, he plunged it into her again. Then again. And again.

When she was stabbed a seventh time, Naver finally released Red. Her body twitched and shuddered and she curled up on the ground. A pool of blood began to rapidly spread out from her shape, almost looking like an ominous, liquid aura. She heaved laboriously, her strength rapidly leaving her.

Red collapsed to his knees, clutching his shredded arm. His wrist blades retracted and he observed the damage. He could definitely see she had sliced him down to the bone. Bits of his green flesh clung loosely and he could clearly see his muscular tissue. Undoubtedly, it was going to leave an unsightly, permanent scar. Eventually, it would heal and fade somewhat but it was never going to disappear completely. Irken medicine could only do so much with something this grisly.

"You've defeated me," Naver managed to choke out. "How could I lose to you?"

"You should be proud, pipsqueak," Red snarled. "I'm gonna be carrying this wound around for the rest of my life. How can you even speak?! You should be dead!"

Naver tried to lift her head up but she was too weak to even do that. She only lain in the crimson puddle, defeated and dishonored.

"Put me out of my misery," she said. "Are you above giving me a warrior's death?"

"I ought to let you bleed to death," he seethed. "You're not worth it. I ought to throw you out the airlock and let space finish you off."

The proud chief's eyes became harder to keep open. She willed herself to stay awake, not wanting to succumb to her wounds while she was unconscious. Naver didn't want to pass away like that.

Red's attention was drawn from her when he heard the sound of beating wings. His antennae flattened against the back of his head and he spun around. He unsheathed both wrist blades, ready to fight again.

He could see two of Naver's fellow Yuti flying over to her side. They seemed to totally disregard him and instead were invested on their commander. Both of them knelt at her side and the male Yuti gathered the critically wounded chief to his chest.

"This ship is mine now," Red announced. "I suggest you take an escape pod and get out of here. Do it or you'll end up even worse than your superior."

The tall female Yuti looked to him. Her light amber eyes stared back at him as she observed him in silence for a few moments.

"Nice to know you're still alive, scum," she said, her eyes narrowing into slits. "We watched your fight with Chief Naver on the security camera. We couldn't let her die by your hand. I'll happily give the ship to you if we have a chance at saving our Chief's life."

"I doubt it." Red gave her a wicked, toothy grin. "She's already lost a lot of blood. You better hurry if you want to save your beloved leader."

"Stop fighting with him, Sahn," Livo scolded his companion. "Let's take the escape pod and go. We have to try to save her."

Sahn gave the victorious but wounded Tallest a baleful glare. She then turned her back on him and hustled off with Livo. She admired Naver more than she hated the Irken leader.

"Tell your fake War-queen that Almighty Tallest Red is back!" he yelled at them while they continued to retreat. "Tell her that I'm not gonna stop until I make her pay for what she did with her very life!"


	13. To Know the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are enlightened in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, guys. You rock and if there’s any good thing about this dreadful quarantine, it’s that I have a little more time to write. Keeps me sane and something to do amidst this madness.
> 
> This chapter was fun~ very fun. I’ll leave it at that and you’ll have to see what I mean for yourselves. Hope you guys like it!

Chapter 13 To Know the Enemy

(somewhere deep in space – Resisty medical freighter)

A month had happened since the initial attack. The patient was unconscious for days and was kept within a highly quarantined and sterile environment. Their whole form was burnt terribly all over and they also sustained injuries from being roughly tossed against the wall in the midst of the explosion. In the very beginning, the prognosis was quite grim and it was expected that the patient wouldn't survive the extensive, disfiguring burns.

The explosion was intense and the room they were in was completely scorched and even partially melted in some areas. It was determined that the prisoner being kept in the room for questioning had rigged her own PAK with a powerful explosive mechanism. Her self-destruction was meant to take her jailer with her. It was a miracle that the patient had even survived in all honesty. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on whom you asked, the Irken race was very hardy and stubborn one.

But the medical team worked long and hard on stabilizing their patient. With the influx of Irken rebels defecting to the Resisty's cause and supplementing their ranks, it worked as an advantage. While disgruntled service drones, disgraced soldiers and other rejected individuals joined the Resisty, there were also some medical personnel that were included in that mixture. Despite the fact that the Irken race was primarily a militaristic one, they also had some rather talented physicians and doctors. It was their role to patch up soldiers as quickly but efficiently as possible and send them back out to the front lines and fulfill their duties.

The medical drones provided round the clock care to their patient, doing whatever they could to enable her survival. They kept her under a medically induced coma for a few days as they tried to keep her pain down to minimal levels and keep her quiet and cooperative. Her already damaged PAK was singed and fried some components due to the intense heat, theoretically causing even more damage. A few technicians were called in to work on the worsening technology, wanting to stabilize and save what they could. There wasn't much that could be done.

When her condition was upgraded from critical to serious, she was taken out of her coma. They expected her to experience some possible memory loss or confusion. But they weren't predicting her to remember everything up until the moment she became unconscious. They also didn't think she would be so calm about the aftermath. As a matter of fact, it even unnerved the medical staff.

Lard Nar was caught off guard by the female Irken Lyn had captured. All he knew about the situation was that Lyn led a raiding party to one of the Empire's military training worlds and they managed to obtain a prisoner in the chaos. He was told she was going to be interrogated and that was it. He hadn't foreseen that the Invader named Dez would resort to a tactic like suicide bombing. He knew that Lyn was wanted dead by the Empire but he had no idea one of their Invaders would try a move like this. In his eyes, it spelled desperation on their part.

Now Lyn was deemed safe enough to leave her quarantined cell. She no longer ran the risk of being so susceptible to outside contaminants. It would be the first time in over a month that he would see her. The Vortian heard from those who had seen her that she looked awful. Some claimed she didn't even look like an Irken anymore.

Quietly, he waited for her. He was waiting in one of the freighter's snack bars, having previously agreed to meet her and have some food. They still needed to discuss matters. There still was a war going on.

Lard Nar lifted his head up when he heard some slow but sure footfalls come towards his direction. When he looked up, he could see a tall, thin figure come closer to his table. She was dressed entirely in white, light, hospital robes. They hung loosely on her body to reduce the pressure of the cloth against her disfigured shape. Her blue eyes were a few shades paler now and from what he had heard, she went blind in the immediate aftermath of the explosion. While one of her antennae was intact and the other was a jagged fragment before this incident, she had lost both of them now. Both had burnt away. Her skin was mottled, discolored and gruesomely covered in permanent scars from the burning. Even with the medical team's diligence, they could only do so much.

As soon as he saw the true extent of the incident on her, Lard Nar lost his appetite. There was no way he could eat now.

"Hello, Lard Nar," she greeted him.

"Lyn," he said, trying not to stare at her too intensely, "it's, uh, nice to see you're walking around. You're lucky you're alive. A lot of us thought you weren't going to make it."

"I refuse to die."

Lyn took her time in sitting down in a seat across from him. She winced at the action, even something as simple as this put pressure on her flesh and caused her pain.

"Didn't the doctors prescribe you pain killers?" the Vortian wondered.

"I don't need them," she replied shortly.

He wasn't going to push it. He very much caught onto the hostile edge creeping into her tone.

"How are your eyes?" he asked. "I've heard Irkens can regrow some of their ocular tissue."

"I can see again," Lyn said. "But my vision isn't what it used to be. It's never going to be one hundred percent better again. The damage to them was bad."

"That's unfortunate. But at least you're alive." He offered her his bag of chips, not intending to eat them anymore. "Here, are you hungry?"

"Thank you."

Slowly, she reached out and grabbed them. Then she opened up the bag and helped herself to a single chip.

"How goes the effort?" she asked.

"We're still alive, right?" Lard Nar chuckled. "We're doing alright. We're still waiting to hear back from the search parties."

"The universe is a big place. But you had multiple search parties and they were spread out all over. Sooner or later, you will find one of them, I promise you. They can't remain hidden forever. Even they know it. And they're tall so you can't miss them."

"The doctors recommend you should at least have another week of bed rest so you can heal as much as possible. They feel you being out on the battlefield and leading soldiers will make the recovery process that much more difficult."

"I can walk so I'm not useless. I know I need my rest. The fire didn't get my vocal cords so I can at least speak and command those under my leadership."

"You should heed me, Commander Lyn." He smiled softly, displaying his sharp fangs. "I know a thing or two. I was one of Almighty Tallest Miyuki's entourage members before her untimely demise."

Lyn blinked and her marred eyes pinned on Lard Nar. If she had her antennae, they would've been pricked up in intrigue.

"I didn't know that," she said, sounding genuinely interested.

"I served as one of the main engineers for the Massive's construction," he explained. "She made me her Chief Engineer." His smile remained. "I still have the medal that she gave me for my service. She…she was the best Irken I ever met."

"Almighty Miyuki would've never allowed this mess to happen."

"You're right. She would've never so carelessly conquered worlds like those two clowns. She was far smarter than them and the Empire was known for much more than what it is now. I still can't believe she's gone. I was there when it happened. It…it wasn't pretty."

"Not a lot of planets were conquered during Miyuki's reign. But she made the Empire better by strengthening and taking care of what we had. Miyuki was also more lenient on smaller Irken. She knew their shortness was beyond their control so she was more merciful towards them. She sought to make us stronger just not by adding more territory to our Empire." A tiny, genuine smile shown on her face. It had been over a month since she had last smiled. "You're lucky you were so close to her. I never met her."

It truly was almost a stark contrast. Miyuki was wise, calculating, cerebral and thoughtful. She wasn't remembered as a ruthless conqueror but if pushed far enough, she was stern and wouldn't hesitate to strike if needed. The Irken Empire experienced a golden age during her tenure as Tallest. Advances in the technical and medical fields were made and it seemed as if all of Irken society was accepting of her policies and leadership. Every Irken seemed to prosper under her from the lowliest service drone to the mightiest general.

There was no telling what Almighty Spork would've done. But what was known was that he was of a different mold than his predecessor. He didn't even make it past his first day as being Tallest. Lard Nar almost wished he had survived. Perhaps things somehow would've been better.

Then there were the two barbarians. They reaped the riches and prosperity of Miyuki's reign and abused it. The new, young, upstart Tallests were eager to conquer, destroy and have the entirety of the universe under their control. They sought to outdo the number of planets Tallests Hrawl and Gavi had acquired during their respective reigns that were conquered centuries before Miyuki's time. Everyone and everything was a target in their eyes. Every planet and race was fair game. They saw enemies everywhere and sought to eliminate them as they deemed them threats to their reign.

Thanks to their wanton carelessness and insatiable greed, they made more than enough enemies already. Even within their own race, they made foes. In Lard Nar's eyes, this was a long brewing revolt. Miyuki merely delayed the inevitable. Purple and Red blew the flood gates apart with an atomic warhead.

"If things go our way," Lyn said, "the position of Tallest will be abolished. No longer will the leader of our race be chosen simply because they happen to be vertically gifted."

"The most important thing is to get rid of them," Lard Nar nodded. "I couldn't agree more. They won't ever negotiate or compromise. Besides, they betrayed me and my people. I will give them no forgiveness."

"Good. I'm glad." Slowly, she continued to eat the chips. It even hurt to stick her fingers into the bag and grab a handful. "Also, it's painfully clear to me at this point…"

"Yes?"

"We shouldn't even be bothering to interrogate prisoners anymore. We shouldn't take them for that matter. We should only rely on our spies and saboteurs to get jobs done."

"You're saying that we should kill every Irken we engage in combat?"

"Yes."

"I must disagree."

Lyn stopped chewing. Her damaged eyes looked back at him. They were blank but he could see that she wanted answers.

"We had this discussion before," he said. "Prisoners have their use. We could even recruit some of them."

"Look at me!" she raised her voice loudly. She slammed her palm on the table, smashing the chips she held in it. "Look what a prisoner did to me. We knew each other our whole lives and she did this to me. She almost killed me but I will not die that easily. I'm not kicking the bucket until I see both Tallests destroyed!"

"You have to remain calm, Lyn, you're still weak."

"I am calm!"

Lard Nar's gaze was torn away from her when he saw a small Irken bolting over to his table. He was grateful for this distraction.

"Sir," the tiny creature saluted him, "I have some news from one of the search parties."

"Yes, what is it?" the Vortian leader pressed, leaning closer to the Irken rebel.

"The searching party lead by Chief Naver of Yutus was attacked. They lost their ship and they had to flee in an escape pod. Naver fought the attacker but she was brutally wounded. She's in critical condition and she lost a lot of blood, her crew members don't think she's going to survive. They patched up her wounds the best they could."

"Who got the best of Naver?" Lyn demanded. Even more ire seeped into her tone. "Who are they?!"

"Almighty Tallest Red, Commander Lyn!" The cadet cringed in fright at the wrath of the taller Irken. "He's back! He beat Naver and her crew came in and saved her before he could finish her off!"

Lyn remained totally still and silent as they news fully sunk in. But then her body began to tremble in anger. Her eyes were narrowed into hostile slits.

Without warning, she let out a rage filled scream and flipped the table over in one swift motion of power. Lard Nar jumped to the side, avoiding being hit. The cadet yelped and dashed a few meters away, keeping his distance from her.

"You!" Lyn pointed at the cadet. "Tell me where Naver and her crew are heading! I must speak with them!"

"U-uh, it's the Happy Nebula Clinic!" the terrified rebel revealed. "It's the medical station closest to their position! It's by planet Scrungus in the Cheese Asteroid Belt!"

"Then that's where I'm going!"

Lard Nar wasn't going to stop her. And he wasn't going to let anyone else do that either. The last thing he needed was her piling up bodies if folks tried to stop her from going out. It just wasn't worth it.

Lyn stormed off, walking away as if her entire body wasn't covered in burns. The small Irken still quivered like a leaf in a windstorm.

"If he's back then we have to step up our game," Lard Nar addressed the cadet. "Tallest Purple can't be too far behind if that's the case. Good man, alert the Resisty fleet about this update! We all have to be ready. The Tallest is back for revenge."

(…)

Of course, he'd have to have a whole melted candy bar and a few tablespoons of chocolate syrup in his drink. Your teeth hurt as you watched him create the chocolatey, boozy mess. It was pure sin but you weren't going to argue with him. Oh, no, it was past the point of no return at this point. You knew it was going to be a lost cause.

While he had that bastardization of an alcoholic drink, you poured yourself a glass of shiraz. It was simple but the deep, red wine was more than enough for you. A glass or two would be perfect.

You took a sip of your drink then placed more tinder and brittle, dry sticks into the fireplace. The fire was slowly building up and within a few more minutes, you hoped it would be roaring and warm. You just wanted to relax, decompress and listen to what he had to say. Hopefully, the night would go according to plan and you'd have less questions for once.

As you carefully set a larger log onto the growing fire to feed it, you suddenly felt a little wary. There was going to be a toasty fire, mellowing wine and…a dude from outer space. Suddenly, you felt like you were reenacting a scene from some lame, cheesy romance movie. The warmth in your cheeks wasn't from the dancing flames.

You shook your head in disbelief and had another swig of wine. It totally wasn't like that. And you sure as heck wasn't going to be making out with him on the couch at the end of the night. And you definitely weren't going to wake up in his arms the next morning. The thought alone was vomit inducing.

NO. You had to be out of your mind. You had to stop overthinking things and shut your mind up. Freakishly tall, selfish, piggish, green slobs were definitely not your type.

"You know, I like the fire," he said as he walked in.

"Good, I'm glad," you answered, looking over your shoulder.

"It's pretty primitive but it's so cozy warm and I end up falling asleep on the couch in no time."

"I hear ya. The fireplace has a tendency to do that. Bambi and Baby like to sleep in front of it too. They'll probably do that tonight."

Purple took a few gulps of his drink. He hummed happily at the taste and took his seat on the couch. His antennae wiggled subtly in satisfaction.

You took another minute or two to monitor and feed the growing flames. As far as you were concerned, you wanted to tend it as little as possible. You didn't want any interruptions during this conversation. Once your rear touched the cushion beneath you, you planned on staying there for as long as possible.

"I appreciate you telling me this," you remarked. You backed away from the fireplace but didn't join him on the couch yet. For a few moments, you watched the orange flames flare up and start to consume the wood you placed. "I'm insatiably curious whenever it comes down to things like this. You have to understand that any sane person would have so many questions."

"Earth is so isolated and out of the way," Purple added. "It's funny, your planet is located on the edge of known Irken space. Our astronomers theorized your world was there but they weren't one hundred percent sure." He chuckled. "So, I guess it makes sense that you're so curious."

"I always suspected that there was something out there. It would be statistically impossible if we were the only source of intelligent life in the universe. I just never guessed in a million years that I'd have an alien in my living room."

"Funny how that happens, huh? Now, get over here! You're lucky I'm in a chatty mood!"

You didn't need to be told twice.

You parked yourself in your spot. You gave him a foot or two of space, restricting yourself more than him. The last time he got drunk, he was sniffing and running his fingers through your hair. God only knew what might happen this second time.

"Alright," you said, taking another sip of your wine, "I'm all ears."

"It's kind of a long story but here it goes I guess," he started.

Purple found himself staring into the fireplace for a few seconds. His eyes softened as he gazed into the orange and yellow flames. He could feel himself drift off and feel nostalgic as he observed them.

"It all happened a long time ago," he began. He turned to face you. "We Irken are grown in tubes. When our gestation is complete, we are hatched and are given our PAKs moments after we are born. Red and I were hatched at the same time. I think our gestation cells were right next to each other. We're from the same batch or generation of smeets. Believe it or not, Zim is the same age as we are too. Lyn and Pax were also included in our generation."

You remembered him talking about these two individuals before. But you would allow him to finish. You wouldn't interrupt or question him just yet.

"From the instant Red and I were born, we were kept under close watch since we were born larger and taller than typical smeets," he said, smirking away. He tilted his head back and finished half of his drink. "Even from the very beginning, the taller individuals are kept under close tabs since they have the potential to become future Tallests."

"So, you and Red were like princes?" you stated. You still found it hard to wrap around your head that leadership was equivalent to height in their society.

"If you wanna put it like that, yeah," Purple smiled. "That's why we were monitored as we grew up. Even Almighty Miyuki herself would sometimes drop by to check on us!"

Maybe this Tallest Miyuki woman he mentioned earlier was something like a mother figure to him. His kind had no concept of family but you found it highly unlikely that they were always grown in tubes. You had a sneaking suspicion that once upon a time, they reproduced themselves through more natural, albeit more vulgar means. Perhaps him admiring Miyuki so much was some suppressed, remnant from a bygone era.

"So not all Irken are created equal, even from the moment they're born," you deduced.

"Oh, absolutely not!" Purple laughed. "The shortest, smallest runts of our batch were Zim and Skoodge. Sometimes, some smeets are hatched small then go through massive growth spurts and end up tall. Other times, they come out small and stay small. No one can control it. All smeets are created by the Control Brains."

That sounded a bit ominous.

"Control Brains?" you repeated.

"Giant, super sophisticated computers," Purple explained. "They create smeets and also encode them in the future, sealing their fates and giving them their lifelong occupations."

"They sound terrifying."

"Yeah, they're creepy. But anyway! Red and I were the tallest of our generation right off the bat, princes of the smeets…" He laughed again and took another swig of his beverage. "There were a few other smeets who were tall but of course they were shorter than us! Lyn and Pax were some of those lower but still impressive plebs."

"And if I remember correctly, Lyn is the traitor and Pax is Red's dead girlfriend."

"Girlfriend…? Uh, yeah, I guess." He rubbed the back of his head and looked uncomfortable for the briefest second.

"Tell me more about the traitor. She's the one who is responsible for this mess. I didn't forget what you and Zim were talking about a month earlier."

"Believe it or not, she was normal when she was a smeet. I never could've guessed she'd cause all this mess. Lyn was quiet and a bit soft but that didn't necessarily mean she was a defective just yet."

"So, you knew her even before this war happened?"

"Yeah." He drank again. "Kind scary when you think about it. I remember her saying she wanted to work as a smeetery drone but as she got older, it became pretty obvious really quickly she was soldier material. You see, Irken don't typically choose their jobs. Red and I didn't choose to become the Tallest. He was a pilot and fleet commander and I was an Elite soldier before we were crowned. Lyn did well with combat simulations when she was a smeet and the Control Brains deemed she would become a soldier. She did her mandatory military training, graduated to an Elite and then from there, she became an Invader."

"So that's how the monster was created. How'd she get the way she is now?"

"It took awhile for that to happen. First, you have to understand that the PAK is directly connected to our brains. It keeps us alive, serves as a multipurpose tool and has a whole bunch of other neat features to it. But in Lyn's case, it was her curse. If a PAK is damaged enough, it can malfunction and cause a bunch of glitches and…unsavory side effects. Like making someone crazy. The first planet she conquered was a success. She took it over and subdued the natives. But something happened and she was never the same after that. She was attacked by one of the planet's inhabitants and she was caught off guard. They landed a blow onto her PAK, causing some damage to it. It wasn't fatal but from that point on, it caused a series of…problems. She became hostile and hot blooded. She got angry easily and she was no longer as calm as she used to be. Her loyalty to the Empire remained but that was the only thing that was normal with her. The Control Brains turned a blind eye to her status and deemed she was still functional and effective so long as she did her job and kept serving as an Invader. Lyn went off to conquer another planet. And then another. She was successful those times too but the way she subdued those worlds was brutal even in my eyes. She would challenge the leaders of those worlds to single combat after remaining undercover for awhile. Back in training, she was an expert in hand to hand combat and she preferred to fight that way more than anything else. It's not so smart when you have a PAK." He shrugged and took another drink. "Luck wasn't on her side either and she sustained more damage to her PAK, making her predicament worse. Multiple technicians tried to work on her PAK and try to reverse some of the damage but she would almost kill them. She refused to let anyone touch her."

"So she started to go insane."

Warily, you eyed up his own PAK. You had no idea this alien Swiss army knife was so deadly but so vulnerable at the same time. Honestly, you didn't like that device and hearing about this made it even more disagreeable in your eyes. It was more of a liability and weakness than a strength in your opinion. But that would be for another time.

"You're right," the Tallest nodded. "She was losing it. Then it got super weird… She became obsessed with proving her worth to Red and I. We both were Tallests at this point." He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. His antennae flattened against his cranium. "Red was always a bit popular with the opposite sex. He even had some attention from our sex too. He had his admirers and adoring fans. He dismissed everyone and thought they were all gross, creepy or weird. But there was this one female he actually liked. She was a technician who specialized in maintaining and optimizing the systems of the Control Brains themselves. That was Pax. From what I remember, Lyn and Pax were the same height when they were hatched. But as they both grew up, Pax ended up being the taller one. Lyn hated that so much."

His purple eyes turned away from your face. The Irken ruler looked into the fire again. You could tell his mind was running a mile a minute. There was so much on it but you wouldn't snap him out of it. You could tell that Purple was preoccupied with his recollections.

"But yeah, Red ended up becoming really interested in Pax," he finally resumed. "She seemed into him too and boy, it was the most awkward thing ever when I found out about it." He chuckled nervously. "You see, it's not normal for us to become so…obsessed with each other. Other species would say that they were in love or courting. And they were. Red could definitely be considered a defective for it and so could Pax. But because they were tall and important, the Control Brains let it go. Usually, defectives are culled. They're executed and seen as weaknesses that could be detrimental to the welfare of the Empire."

"You're not allowed to fall in love?" you asked. The notion was so jarring and bizarre.

"It's an undesirable trait. It's considered to be a vestigial, leftover trait from our past. Our species did indeed have more gross origins before the smeeteries became a thing."

"So Red technically deserves to be culled for something as stupid as that." You drank more from your glass. "Christ on a trike. That's pathetic."

"As it turned out, Lyn always had a thing for Red but she never told anyone. She always kept it to herself, fearing she'd be labeled as a defective. But as her damaged PAK became more corrupted, she could care less anymore. One day, she fessed up and told Red what she thought." He shook his head and almost polished off his entire glass in one hearty gulp. "I had to sit through that. It was painful… He denied her. Red told her that he had zero interest in her. Lyn was beside herself. Then she found out he was courting Pax. That incident made her straight up insane. She couldn't understand why he didn't want her. She didn't understand why he chose a technician over a warrior and conqueror who gave him a few planets."

You could only dream how that whole denial went about exactly. You weren't even there but you got secondhand embarrassment simply from trying to imagine that scenario. Some shred of you felt bad for Lyn but if Red didn't like her, then that was it… He already had someone from the sound of it. Lyn was late to the game and wasn't his type.

"She couldn't take it," you said. "It just made it even worse."

"She continued to do her missions, trying her hardest to impress him and win him over," he said. "She was so sure that she could sway him over in some way. The way she dealt with her enemies got more…filthy. Even by typical Irken standards, it was a bit much. The last planet where she was sent to conquer, Yutus, had a female ruler. She was called the War-queen and Lyn challenged the warrior bird lady to single combat. The War-queen accepted the challenge but Lyn killed her. She took her feathers and turned them into a headdress and she contacted us while wearing those feathers. Red could care less and he still preferred Pax over her. She offered him the best warriors the conquered planet had to offer and he dismissed her. After Yutus…" He frowned heavily. "She saw she wasn't going to win and get what she wanted. One day, when Pax was alone, Lyn attacked her and viciously killed her. She tore her to pieces and took her both of her antenna as trophies. She had them gilded and turned into bracelets to wear as a trophy and her greatest achievement."

"Wow. That's one woman who couldn't handle being rejected. Some female Earthlings are like that too."

"But Lyn wasn't done yet. After she killed Pax, she vanished. Red ordered to have Lyn executed for killing a taller Irken that was part of a Tallest's staff but she was nowhere to be found. About two months after the act, she was spotted with Resisty forces. They were destroying vital snack stockpiles. They had no idea of their location and it was revealed Lyn sided with them. She betrayed us and sent a message to us after the sabotage. She swore revenge and said she would no longer serve the Irken Empire. Now, she worked to destroy it. She called all defectives and rebels to side with her and the Resisty. The Empire was plunged into a civil war as soldiers loyal to Red and I fought against the ones who no longer wanted to serve our cause or wanted us dead. With her betrayal and all the other traitors who joined her, things turned very bad for us very quickly. They had inside information, vital information and they used that against us." His expression turned angered and dour. "Because of her, I had to run away! Because of her, the Empire is being destroyed!"

So that was the truth behind this madness. He had to run away because some green chick couldn't handle rejection. She was mentally unhinged and a trained killer which didn't make things any easier. And she managed to rally many other Irkens who were probably like her to her cause? Maybe Purple wasn't such a wimp for running off after all. This Lyn wasn't going to stop until she had her revenge. For Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. You've never even met her but you had to admit, you weren't so keen on meeting her either.

"Thank you," you said. Genuinely, you were grateful for knowing the truth. The conversation was truly enlightening and you were happy to know about how it all came to be. "It's all been on my mind for a bit."

"You only know about this because you are not disappearing from my life anytime soon," he retorted sternly. "You must understand what is happening. Lyn is crazy and ruthless and she won't stop until Red and I are killed. There may come a day where you might see her with your own eyes."

"I sincerely hope not."

"You think she cares? Too bad."

"Well…now what? How long are you going to hide out on Earth exactly?"

"I don't know."

"What if she comes here?"

The thought made you shudder. You didn't want her to find out you had been sheltering one of her mortal foes. That woman would certainly filet you and your animals.

"She most likely doesn't even know about Earth," Purple said. "Besides, everyone knows about Zim and his antics. Zim is another story altogether but I'll condense it for you. He's a menace and he ruins everything. We won't ask for his help in fighting the Resisty because he'd be the death of us all. That's why I told him to safeguard the planet. I don't want him interfering and end up inadvertently allowing the rebels and traitors to win."

"Is Zim a defective too?"

"Without a doubt!"

"How common are defectives in your society?"

Purple scoffed and folded his arms across his chest.

"More than I'd ever guessed!" he answered. "Too many! This has to be the worst generation ever produced!" Then he looked guilty and insecure. "Maybe I'm a defective too!"

"As far as I'm concerned, you having a best friend isn't something that makes you a defective," you commented. "Piss on that notion. Everyone needs a friend."

"Really?"

"Yes! I find it really unlikely that anyone can be that emotionally stunted. I'm sorry but that's not normal. Affection… No, feeling, is perfectly normal."

"Huh…"

Both of you polished off your respective drinks. Ever the refined gentleman, Purple belched loudly.

"More?" you asked.

"More," he replied, nodding and giggling quietly.

"I couldn't agree more."

He snorted and tilted his head back, laughing away. It was starting to affect him now.

"You know, I think I want to try what you had," you said. "I'm usually a little more health conscious but screw it. You really only do live once."

"Oh, Human, just have some!" he said, getting up to refill his glass. "You won't regret it!"

(a few hours and several drinks later)

"_Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed! I had a little drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head. Wherever I may roam, on land or sea or foam, you can always hear me singing this song! Show me the way to go home_!"

The concept of personal space you once tried to observe earlier was thrown out the window. Now you found yourself swaying back and forth on the couch, singing along to the same song on repeat for the past half an hour. Your arm was stretched out across his shoulders and one of his arms was doing the same with you. The both of you sang together, rocking back and forth and absolutely shitfaced, not caring at all.

"See…?" Purple slurred. "See?! Your singing ain't bad! But it's not as good as mine!"

"Oh, are you so sure?" you laughed.

"Yeah! If I wasn't Tallest, I'd still be a soldier! But if I wasn't a soldier, I'd wanna be a rock star! And I'd have smoke machines everywhere! And no lasers! None at all!"

"I'll be sure to go to every single one of your concerts…and make sure I have five pounds of cotton in my eyes! I mean ears!"

"Cheeky Earth woman!"

You squealed loudly when you felt him actually tickle your exposed side. You then started laughing and you drunkenly fumbled about, trying to get away but failing.

"Take that back!" he demanded but he was laughing alongside you.

"I will because I don't wanna end up pissing on you!" you cried. "Okay, I'm-I'm sorry! Cut it out!"

He did just that. Purple released you and let his arms hang loosely at his side. He groaned loudly and leaned back against the couch.

"I'm sleeping here tonight," he said.

"God, I don't think I can make it to my bed tonight," you said as you took another sip of that sugary concoction he was drinking all night. It was actually good. But you were probably gonna end up with mega cavities in the morning. "I'm gonna fall up the stairs and kill myself."

"Don't do that!"

"I'll sleep by the fire, I've done it before."

"No!"

"Well, what?! I'm not passing out in the kitchen or cellar!"

"You're so dense!"

"Pardon me? What then?!"

"There's room on the couch!"

"Not with your rail-ass on it!"

"I'm not fat!"

"I never said you were! There's not enough room for two people!"

"Try me!"

His arms lassoed around you, holding you close to his torso. Then he pulled you down with him. Purple rest on his side and he lowered his head to look back at you. Your foreheads rested against each other and he gave you a large, toothy grin.

"I told you!" he chuckled. "Plenty of room!"

You couldn't say anything. All you could do was stare back at him with huge, widened eyes. Your face was as red as a tomato and hotter than the sun itself. He really was this stupid and was totally ignorant of Human customs.

"Are…" you stammered. "Are you sure?"

"I'm comfy and I'm not getting up," he said. "Besides, you smell nice and Earthlings are so warm and soft. Stupid Zim, he did a horrible job on reporting about your race! He knows nothing!”

"O-okay. Right. I think I snore."

"So do I."

You had to admit, although he didn't look like it, he was pretty cozy. The longer you settled in and remained on the couch with him, the less inclined you were to leave. It was way too comfy and you were too drunk to care anymore. The fireplace was still going and it exuded an undeniable air of peace and comfort. Your bed was totally out of the question tonight.

"Okay," you said. You relaxed and gave him a small smile. "Thanks for the invitation."

"Don't mention it," he brushed it off. "Just stay here until I wake up, okay?"

"I think I can do that."

"Good."

He yawned and rested his chin on the top of your head. You suppressed a spray of laughter when you could've sworn you heard him purring…or something. Maybe you were imagining things. But you definitely heard him snuffle into your hair and rub his face into it. At least he wasn't eating nachos earlier or you would've killed him right then and there.

He was three sheets to the wind and so were you. That was the logical explanation for everything. In the morning, everything would be normal again. God, you hoped so. You couldn’t afford to get attached to this fool.

You were so warm and comfortable that you found yourself drifting off rather quickly. There was a warm, tingly sensation in the pit of your stomach but you blamed that on the alcohol. All that you knew was that everything felt good and you told yourself to enjoy the night and take it easy.

The same song was repeating but it was the least of your concerns. You shut your eyes and focused on the warmth and the arms around you.

"…_wherever I may roam, on land or sea or foam, you can always hear me singing this song. Show me the way to go home_."


	14. Conflicting Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course, things can never be so simple and easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everything as always, folks! I'm hoping this story is keeping some of you semi-sane during this quarantine. I know writing this story is helping me manage my stress and anxiety about the matter a bit more. I just hope everyone is staying cool and being safe. 
> 
> Things happen and pick up a little bit. A lot of talking but hey it's necessary. Enjoy it, guys!

Chapter 14 Conflicting Emotions

(…)

When you felt yourself stirring and waking up, you almost felt like you were starting overheat. On top of that, your head ached something terrible. It was something like someone beat your skull in repeatedly. You felt like you were underwater and it hurt to even think. You felt weak and drained and you were half tempted to keep your eyes shut and go back to sleep. You just had to try to stop this pounding headache.

Without even opening up your eyes, you could tell right off the bat that you were hungover. And from what you could make of it already, it was going to be one monster of a hangover. Immediately, you could see this was going to be a hell of a drag. The day sucked the moment you stirred.

You let out a long, low groan and finally managed to open your eyes. You parted your eyelids slowly and laboriously and even something like that was pure drudgery. As you stirred and tried to shake yourself awake, you felt increasingly dizzy. You felt like you were probably going to collapse if you stood up. Or maybe even hurl if you were lucky enough.

When your eyes slowly began to open up more and more, you suddenly realized why you felt so uncomfortably hot earlier. Your eyes flashed open widely once the reality hit you. You swiftly remembered everything. The fog inside your mind began to dissipate almost instantly. It was quite the wakeup call.

God only knew how many hours went by since you passed out on the couch. Two days could've passed for all you knew. But you were atapped up in the arms of your otherworldly guest and he still looked like he was sleeping away.

And the cherry on top of the shit sundae? His whole face somehow ended up nestled into your cleavage.

Your cheeks felt like magma spewed from the belly of the Earth itself. Your face was undoubtedly redder than any memorialized rose. Embarrassment filled every single nook and cranny of your being. You found yourself frozen in shock and scandal but yet at the same time, you just wanted to scream at the top of your lungs and flail about like a hooked fish. You wanted nothing more than to spontaneously combust, be reduced to ash and get swept away by the wind where no one would ever be able to see you again.

"Get out of my boobs, you pervert!" you managed to cry out.

You tried to pry yourself out of his grasp but you failed and rolled off the couch. Since Purple still held you so closely and securely, he ended up getting pulled off alongside you. It didn't make matters any better when he landed on top of you and his face was still pushed into your chest.

"Get off!" you squealed, still attempting to wrestle yourself free from his grasp.

You fidgeted and squirmed underneath him. The whole situation was so sexual in your mind and it was freaking you out more and more. You just wanted him off of you and out of your bosom.

"What's going on?!" the Tallest demanded, finally getting snapped out of his deep slumber.

Almost instantly, he snapped to attention. Apparently, he was far more adept and capable of shrugging off a hangover. You had to admit, it was probably the one Irken trait that you legitimately envied.

He rolled off of you and stood up, looking around. His large eyes scanned the area, trying to locate some enemy. His Elite training was kicking in and rising to the surface in this hectic moment. He was ready for anything to lash out and attack and yet he couldn't find any threat. Instead of a foe, all he heard was the exasperated and grumpy sounds of an Earth woman.

"Why are you screaming?!" he asked, sounding a bit panicked.

"You're in my tits!" you annunciated.

"Your what..?"

"Breasts! Boobs! Knockers! Bosom! Mammary glands, whatever! Why was your face in my boobs?!"

Purple looked completely and utterly confused by your rantings and ravings. He rubbed at his eyes, still trying to fully wake up. His antennae were pricked upwards, showing off his befuddlement and inability to process your concerns.

"…they were comfy…?" He offered as a half hearted answer. "I, uh… I don't remember putting my face in them."

"Why do you sound so confused and sound like you're guessing?"

"Because I don't know how that happened. I was knocked out the whole time! You woke me up!"

"You woke me up because I was too hot! I realized it was because of you!"

"Clearly, I was drawn to them even when I wasn't fully conscious." He seemed unfazed and scratched the back of his head. "They must've been awfully soft and cozy. In fact, they look like pillows!"

"No, they're not! They're used for nursing young, not for cranial comfort!"

"Hey, it's a compliment! Your chest must be wonderful!"

"Oh my God, shut up! You're making this worse!"

You folded your arms across your chest, trying to hide it from him. Your face still burned with the intensity of a million suns. While you were still fumbling, trying to calm yourself down from this incident, you were still internally reeling from how you ended up in his arms. You remembered drinking too much and not being able to make it to bed. Did you really sleep with him on the couch until now? How was that even possible?

"How much do you remember from last night?" you asked.

"Oh, everything," he retorted, sitting back up on the couch and stretching his arms out. He opened up his mouth and let out a yawn.

"Everything…? What does everything entail?"

"We talked, we had some drinks, we sang a lot of songs together and had some fun!" He smiled.

"What do you mean by 'fun'?"

"Are you okay?"

"…I don't know."

"I remember everything. Irken don't get…overhangs."

"Hangovers."

"Yeah, whatever, same thing. I can drink a lot and all I need is some sleep and I'm fine."

"Well, aren't you so superior and high and mighty… Now, fun. What did you mean by it?"

"Chill out!"

"Purple! What happened?!"

He rolled his eyes and threw you an annoyed glare. His antennae flattened against the back of his head.

"We sang songs, had drinks and we enjoyed each other's company," he retorted. His tone sounded almost offended. "What, you're not allowed to have some fun?"

"No, no, that's not the point!" you said, shaking your head. Your headache was becoming worse. "Look, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure I didn't do something I regretted… Humans sometimes don't remember what they did after they had too much alcohol. We sometimes do very stupid things."

"What could you have done then?"

"I don't know!"

"Then stop screaming and calm down."

Right. It seemed like the tables had turned this time.

"Oh, God, I feel like a tank ran over my head," you whined. "I'm so happy I'm off today. I'd be royally screwed if I had to work."

Carefully, you stood up. Momentarily, you thought you were going to ungracefully collapse but you managed to keep yourself erect. The room seemed to spin around you and you felt spread thin and weak.

"How much did I drink?" you asked.

"You had two glasses of your wine and three glasses of the mixture I made for myself," he answered. "I told you I had good taste. You agreed with me by making yourself the same thing I kept drinking."

Okay. You didn't feel sore at all aside from your head. Your clothes were still on your body in the same way you were pretty sure you left them before you decided to chug alcohol like an idiot. There was no way you could've done anything particularly notable with him. Even with you being as overcome as you were, you surely would've remembered. And you're pretty sure you would've stopped yourself from being too stupid. Or at least, you hoped you would. You didn't want to ruin your life even more.

"Do you regret last night?" you pushed, wanting to make sure everything was truly right and as normal as it could possibly be.

"I almost wish I did because of how you are now," he said with a snide edge to his voice.

"Purple, look…"

You floundered about. You didn't want to accuse him of anything. Oh, God, there was no way you wanted to do that right now. But the method of how you exactly ended up in such a close position with him pestered you. It didn't feel right. Yet it seemed like it was innocent enough. He liked your smell and he loved how soft and warm your kind was. It almost seemed like he was fascinated by your species.

He wasn't Human. He was from a wholly different species so he couldn't understand the things that made you insecure and wary. They didn't even know what love and closeness was. He was this emotionally stunted and shriveled creature. Nothing could've happened because he couldn't ever experience it to begin with.

You were wasting your time. This was beyond stupid.

"Never mind, I'm shutting up," you resigned.

"That's a good idea," he smiled. "Don't overthink anything, okay? Your head might actually explode if you try it."

"That's pretty sound advice actually."

"Come up here and sit with me."

Even a harmless invitation like that made you feel wary and reluctant. But you mentally reminded yourself to get over it. You couldn't afford to work yourself up and make yourself even sicker. Most likely, you really were overreacting with this whole deal.

Numbly, you plopped down beside him and leaned back into the couch.

"What time is it?" you asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Twelve twenty," Purple revealed.

"Damn."

"Irken don't really need sleep too much but we require it sometimes. I can't even remember the last time I slept so long and so well!"

He smiled brightly and turned on "The Mini Fishwife" for what felt like the sixty eighth time. Then he crossed his legs, subtly bobbing his left foot as he lounged back and got comfy.

"So, in addition to me being part of this so-called personal entourage, you're telling me you're gonna turn me into your personal pillow now too?" you asked, having a sinking feeling with what was on his mind.

"I wasn't implying that earlier but now I think I want to!" He cackled. "That's a great idea!"

Damn you and your thoughts.

"Maybe I should just shut up," you muttered. "I keep getting myself in more trouble."

"Trouble?" Purple snorted. "No!"

"Yes."

"No, no, no." He clicked his long, segmented tongue. "You have some pretty good ideas, Human! I'm glad my ship crashed here. Couldn't have picked a better spot on this planet!"

If he wasn't a complete piece of shit, maybe it would've touched you. But you saw you were betraying yourself when you could feel a fluttering in your belly. You found yourself smiling shyly and you turned away, trying to hide the flush in your cheeks. This was something you couldn't suppress and so easily stop.

Dear Lord, you were turning into a wreck. You couldn't have been this desperate for closeness and compliments. He was a terrible person and a tyrant at that. He ran off because so many of his subjects wanted him dead. He was also only being so close because he didn't understand Human affection, cues and gestures. The only reason why he did those things was because you somehow appealed to him. As he even said, as a default, Irken were supposed to not be so soft and loving. It was artificially culled out of them. It was an undesirable, weak trait in their eyes.

And yet it all made no sense. His co-Tallest and the murdered Irken lady were in a romantic relationship. The traitor turned on her Empire when she was spurned and denied. These individuals were clearly able to understand these more complicated and deeper sensations. They were indeed defectives according to the definition Purple gave to you and all that he described to you last night. Maybe he was right. Maybe all or a good portion of the members of his generation were defective. Maybe there many other of these deviancies.

You couldn't become attached. There was no way that this could happen. He was merely a guest and that was that. Eventually, he was going to leave and return to that starry expanse from whence he came. Sooner or later, it was going to happen.

And yet, he already was planning your own future out for you? Not only that, he was still planning on annexing the Earth into the Empire. Even after he'd officially leave, it seemed like you were going with him. Last time you checked, you had a life and responsibilities. You had a nice, peaceful job that you legitimately enjoyed. You had your pets you loved and your life was a quiet one.

Right now, it was just too much for you. You only wanted to turn your brain off and stop thinking. You'd have to mull this over when your head didn't feel like it was about to explode at any moment.

"We're watching this again?" you asked.

"Yes," he replied with a smile. "This is my favorite Earth film."

"What's your favorite part?"

"When the prince harpoons the squid sorceress. And every single song."

"To be honest, my favorite part was the ending. She got her legs and she got her man."

"…I guess I liked that part too."

You could've sworn you could see his cheeks turn a darker shade of green. He looked away from you and hastily focused his attention on the television screen.

Good. He could suffer with you.

(…)

"Agent Mothman, this is most disappointing."

Dib literally had no idea what to say, think or do. All he could do was stare at his computer screen, wide eyed and in a state of total disbelief and shock.

"No, no, no, no, you gotta believe me!" the large headed boy yelled. He grabbed the levitating monitor that displayed the silhouetted, somewhat intimidating figure of one of his fellow Swollen Eyeball members. "I was working on this for a month! I had the pictures, I had the evidence! It was all right there! Darkbootie, you know I wouldn't lie about this! I can't explain what happened!"

"How convenient…" the older man droned. "You accepted this case and yet you have no results to show."

"Maybe the government hacked into my computer or something! I don't know, I can't explain it! Please, you have to believe me!"

"Shut up, Dib!" Gaz yelled from the adjacent room. "Your stupid noise fills me with fury the likes of which you can't even begin to comprehend!"

Dib could hardly pay attention to the all too ominous and real threats of his younger sibling. Instead, all he could do was ponder and dwell over how this happened. He had compiled all of his photographs and findings into a presentation he was intending to show to his fellow investigators. He even placed the finishing touches on the project last night. Everything was ship shape and perfect. Maybe it was the finest and most informative one he came up with yet.

Now it was gone. It was totally erased from his computer's hard drive like it never even existed. His work was ruined and lost.

"Agent Mothman," Darkbootie said in a warning tone, "if this persists, perhaps we will ban you from our society."

"After all that I've done and contributed?!" Dib blurted out. "No, please, you can't!" He shook the monitor and rested his forehead against the screen. "You have to believe me, the Irken threat is very real! They're coming to Earth and I think they're going to start finally paying attention to us for real now! We have to stop them before the whole Armada shows up!"

"And yet we have no evidence! How can we take this claim so seriously without concrete facts?"

"My word should be more than enough at this point! I saw the Irken emblem! One of them landed on Earth and they're blending in with the rest of humanity! Who knows how many more of them are out there!"

"Then call me back when you have your evidence. Recover your files or do whatever else you need to prove to me and the other members of the Swollen Eyeball Network of these claims. I'm quite disappointed, Agent Mothman. Darkbootie out."

Dib was crestfallen. He hung his head low and released his grasp on the monitor. He slumped into his chair, feeling hopelessly belittled and defeated. It was beyond infuriating and totally unfair.

The Irken threat was very real and present on Earth. The Swollen Eyeball organization had yet to validate the existence and claim of Zim being an actual alien. If they weren't going to believe that, then they weren't going to heed Dib's theory of a coming invasion. To him, it seemed like no one was ever going to fully believe his claims. Getting anyone to believe that the green-skinned "kid" in his class was a bloodthirsty Invader was already difficult enough.

"Awww, what's the matter, Dib?"

Dib's heart skipped a few beats when he heard the taunting but all too familiar voice. His eyes flashed open and he turned his attention to the monitor Darkbootie was displayed on only a minute or two earlier.

"Zim!" Dib growled, his hands balling up into fists.

"I'm sorry, Dib, did I call at a bad time?" Zim meanly taunted him.

"Go away, you jerk!"

"Did something happen to those precious pictures of yours?"

"You did something with them, didn't you?! Ugh, I should've known you would've done this!"

"I didn't think some simple spy software would cause you so much grief!"

"You stole or deleted my files and made me look like a moron in front of my colleagues! Zim, you better watch your back the next time I see you!"

"Don't worry, Dib-Thing, everything is under control."

"Not while I can help it!"

"No, seriously, you don't get it."

"Get what?"

"MY MISSION! My precious mission has been changed! Be happy for I have been instructed to not destroy the Earth!"

Now Dib was befuddled. He wasn't expecting to hear those words come from Zim's mouth. That sounded almost too good to be true. It had to be a trick of some sort. First, he sabotaged his findings on the Red Leaf crash and now he was making this wild claim.

"You're lying!" Dib accused.

"My Tallest has commanded me to protect the planet for now," said Zim. "He has seen potential in your puny planet and he doesn't want it destroyed by outside forces."

"You're talking like only one of them has commanded that. I know you have two Almighty Tallests, Zim! What's going on here?"

"Be quiet! Do not interrupt Zim! My Tallest has spoken! I am now the guardian of Earth until further notice!"

"That's my job!"

"Well, uh, too bad! It's mine now!"

"It is my job, you moron!"

"LIES!"

"Why does your leader want you protect Earth all of a sudden?"

"Pig-Monkey, you must understand there are complicated matters that are occurring as we speak. There is a war waging out in the universe and Earth must be protected. The Tallest now see that the planet is useful and they don't want their enemies to destroy it!"

If that was true, then that was very, very interesting… Definitely unexpected and something Dib couldn't have predicted. Time and time again, he foiled Zim's attempts at eradicating the Human race. He fought him repeatedly and Dib caught himself acknowledging that this was probably going to be a lifelong struggle.

And now, all of a sudden, Zim was actively working to protect this world? This was way too fishy.

"I don't believe it!" Dib said, crossing his arms. "Either way, I'm going to keep a close eye on you. I'll never trust you, Zim!"

"Well, uh, I don't know what to tell you." Zim scratched the back of his head and cleared his throat. "That's my new mission and there's nothing you can do about it. Get used to it, Human! That's what my Tallest has decreed! You should be very thankful!"

"Why exactly did the Tallest decide to preserve Earth? At least tell me that!"

"Fine, I suppose I can tell you that. There's nothing you can do about it anyway. The Tallest have realized the snacking potential of your foods, Dib. Be thankful and honored! They think you have some of the finest snacks in the universe!"

"…you can't be serious."

"I am very serious! Too bad!"

"Tell me this, Zim! What do you know about the Irken scum who landed on Earth over a month ago?!"

"Oh, I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You're obviously lying! If you were using spyware to view and delete my photos, you had to have known! You're hiding something! I know you!"

"As I've said, don't worry about it, Dib…" Zim smile wickedly. "Consider yourself out of a job as of now!"

He let out a spray of evil laughter and his image on the screen started to fizzle out. Dib only glared back at the screen, his stare scrutinizing and skeptical. There was something terribly wrong. One way or another, he would get down to the bottom of this. There was no way that this reassignment of sorts could be true. He wouldn't let his guard down.

(…)

"Sir, we have an unidentified ship hailing us… Should we patch it through?"

Rarl Kove rubbed his chin. He stared at the temporarily blank screen, knowing that the call was waiting to be displayed on his command. Truly, he was curious. It was totally possible it was a Resisty ship given that it was an unknown vessel. If a Resisty held ship was attempting to establish communication, what could they possible want? It was either to barter or to set a trap. Either way, he was curious and he wanted to know.

"Yes, yes, put them through," he said to the pilot who previously addressed him. "Let's see who wants to speak with us, shall we?"

Admittedly, Rarl liked this power. With the absence of Almighty Tallests Red and Purple, he was granted temporary leadership of the Empire. The younger, spry leaders of the intergalactic superpower still had a lot to learn and at times, the advisor felt frustrated by their doings. Rarl would never admit it to anyone but he personally thought the two emperors were idiots. He thought it was a miracle that they weren't killed during their younger years. In fact, the first time he met them was shortly after they were hatched.

He was older than them and had initially started his career under Almighty Miyuki's reign. It was per her request that he remain on the personal staff of future Tallests for as long as possible. Luckily, Red and Purple decided to include him in their entourage and he stuck around as per his late Tallest's wishes. Many times, he expected them to relieve him of his services but they saw he had value since he served under Miyuki. Both Tallests revered the female leader and sought to keep him in their entourage because of that. Despite their brash natures, they valued him for his experience and age. They admired his experience and connections more than anything else.

Rarl idly sipped from his cup full of soda. He leaned back in his seat, his legs kicking back and forth as he sat in the oversized chair that was once occupied by one of the Tallests. It was awfully comfortable and it did make him feel taller.

When the connection between the unknown party was finally established, a few collective gasps rang out through the control bridge. Those who didn't gasp could only stare at the display screen in stunned silence. All of those huge, bright, colorful eyes were glued to the huge visor, gazing back at the face that was displayed on it. Some of those aboard the bridge even wondered if this individual was ever going to return.

As soon as Rarl saw a pair of red colored eyes staring back at him, he sputtered. He choked on his soda and coughed and wretched, trying to clear his airways.

"Get out of my chair!" Red barked.

"Y-yes, my Tallest!" Rarl gagged.

"Almighty Tallest Red rocks!" a random technician cried out, showing his joy at the return of his leader. "Welcome back, sir!"

A tiny smile spread across his face. It felt good to be acknowledged this way.

"Thank you, random drone," he said. Then his smile abruptly melted away and he fixed his gaze on Rarl Kove. "You're no longer in command. Thanks for keeping my seat warm for me but I'm officially back."

Rarl wasn't going to argue with his Tallest. There was no way that he was a traitor like all the other defectives that swelled the ranks of the Resisty. He couldn't and wouldn't challenge him. And even if he did something like that, he knew he would lose horribly. He was no warrior. Administrative duties were his forte. There was a reason why he flunked basic military training during his younger years.

"Of course, my Tallest," Rarl conceded.

He wiggled his antennae in salute to Red in order to appease and placate him. Right away, he could tell that the Tallest was in a rather grumpy mood. Not only that, there was a huge, unsightly wound on his face that was crudely dressed. He wasn't going to discuss that. There was no way that he was going to invoke his wrath. Rarl may have had seniority and experience but he was still liable to be terminated. The Tallests still held his life in the balance and they could order his execution on a whim if need be.

"Send me the Massive's coordinates," Red instructed. "As of now, I am resuming my duties and I'm returning to the Armada."

"It is a pure delight to have you back, my Tallest," Rarl said. "We have been eagerly anticipating your inevitable arrival! However, I must ask, what news do you have of Almighty Purple?"

"None. But when I make it back to the Massive, I plan on trying to contact him. It's best for him to keep his head low until I arrive."

"Of course. We're greatly anticipating your arrival, sir. We've sorely missed you. We're honored you've returned from your exile."

"The enemy knows I've returned as well so I have to make it to the Massive as soon as possible. The ship I've confiscated is good enough for now but multiple targets will be harder for me to evade in this vessel."

"Then allow us to meet you halfway, sir. It is imperative that you come back to us safe and sound. Give us your position and we will travel to meet you as you come closer to us."

"Sounds good. Have some of your finest medical drones onboard ready for my arrival. I have several wounds that need tending to."

"Absolutely, sir."

"Let's keep communication down to a minimum. The enemy knows I hijacked one of their ships so they're probably even more ready to take it back. I already overrode the tracking systems so it'll be harder for them to hunt me down."

"I understand. We hope to see you soon, my Tallest."

Red said no more and cut the transmission.

Cheering erupted from the control bridge as those aboard it gleefully celebrated at the return of one of their leaders. Antennae were wiggling and individuals were hooting happily. Their morale was boosted upon seeing him alive and well. Now that he was making his way to rejoin the Armada, they reveled in the hopes that the war would end that much quicker. With his return, the Resisty would tremble and crumble. Perhaps with the return of their other, beloved Tallest, the enemy would stand no chance…

Rarl folded his hands behind his back. He watched as the pilots received the coordinates from their Tallest and gave the Massive's position in return. Two years had passed since he had last seen the Tallest. He saw he didn't necessarily miss either of the brats. Now that one of them was back, he was afraid. He had no idea what two years of exile and hiding had done to them. He wouldn't know until he met them and that's what bothered him.

One was inbound. The other was unaccounted for. Perhaps Almighty Tallest Purple had flown into a roiling sun or was devoured by savage aliens. He almost hoped that was the case.


	15. Of Courtship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now both of you are confused. But at least you’re on the same page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the love, everyone! Really don’t have much to say about this chapter so enjoy it and I hope you guys like it!

Chapter 15 Of Courtship

(three days later)

As much as Purple wanted to ignore the call from Zim, he knew it was a bad idea. The longer he ignored him and wanted to pretend as if he wasn't on the same planet as the Invader, the more dire the repercussions would become. Zim was too persistent for his own good and he knew the smaller Irken wouldn't stop calling him until he finally got through. He would receive no reprieve or peace until the zealous defective got his attention.

Currently, he was busy trying to play some video games. He growled quietly as he tried to hastily captured a command post in his game but it was increasingly hard to do so as his communications line continued to make its alarm. It just made it that much harder to focus on the objective. His concentration was suffering badly.

"Zim, I will deep fry your eyes and smother them in chocolate sauce when I get my hands on you," he snarled.

His upper lip twitched when he was unceremoniously killed and then his slayer began to teabag his virtual corpse. Purple seethed at the immature antic and slammed the controller on the ground. It bounced three feet off the ground and then settled on the carpeted floor. Luckily, he hadn't busted it to pieces in his rage just yet.

Zim continued to page him. Purple let out a frustrated yell, spooking both Baby and Bambi.

A tiny hole opened up on his PAK and a miniature monitor popped out of it. The screen was static for a few seconds but Purple opened up his line. The image of a very pleased and smug looking Zim was displayed on the screen, further befouling the Tallest's mood. It automatically made him angrier.

"WHAT?!" he roared at the monitor. "I'M BUSY, ZIM!"

"I'm so happy you answered, my Tallest!" Zim said cheerfully. He was completely blind to his leader's bad attitude.

"This better be good, Zim! What do you want?!"

"My Tallest, I just wanted to inform you that the Dib has been foiled! I used some spyware to infiltrate his computer and I confiscated all the photos he took of the crash site. Now no one will believe his claims that your ship crashed there!"

Some of his anger dissipated when he heard those words come out his trap. That actually was good news. Zim did exactly as he asked and covered his tracks. He pulled the plug on the freakish child's operation and denied him. It only assured his continued, secretive tenure on the planet.

"Uh, well, good job, Zim!" Purple said, feeling a little unusual with actually praising him. "Nice one."

"Thank you, sir!" Zim saluted him. "Anything for you! Also, I've done some digging on where the hideous pig-monkeys have taken your ship! They took it to a top secret fortress called Area 51!"

"Yeah, I'm aware of that."

"Shall I seize your shuttle for you, my Tallest? It would be an honor and pleasure to free it from the filthy, stinky hands of the Human beasts!"

"Not yet. And besides, I want to do it myself. It's my ship and it's my responsibility. Besides, I can't risk you destroying it."

"Sir, how long do you plan on staying on Earth?"

"As long as I think it's necessary."

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"You might as well…" Purple rolled his eyes and reached for his plate of donuts. He smiled and bit into a chocolate frosted one with colorful sprinkles. "Oh, yeah..!"

"What is it like living with an Earthling? I do hope you've been washing your skin frequently, my Tallest! They are dirty creatures!"

Purple was about to take a second bite but he dropped his donut back onto the plate. He swallowed the first mouthful he had and leered at Zim. His stare was suspicious and a bit peeved.

"We actually have something to discuss about Humans, Zim," he said, crossing his arms. "Your reports are all wrong! You lied to me about them!"

Inwardly, Purple smirked at the all too visible panic that shown on Zim's face. He could tell that the Invader suddenly looked antsy and anxious. He even averted eye contact with the screen.

"You must be studying a very small sample of Earthlings," Purple continued to lecture him. "You overwhelmingly reported that they were ugly, stinky and stupid. I have to challenge your findings!"

"Forgive me, my Tallest!" Zim said, his eyes looking larger than usual. He folded his hands together and stared pitifully back at Purple. "Don't be too mad at me, I beg you!"

"I may possibly forgive that oversight because you never personally resided alongside an Earthling in their home for a length of time."

"I have been close to Humans but not too close, sir. The females of the species are perhaps the most confusing and infuriating! What are they like?"

That wasn't a question he was fully prepared to address. Purple was half tempted to dance around the subject but he knew Zim would never shut up about it. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how to respond. It was a bit of an awkward subject and the Tallest didn't want Zim to jump to any wild conclusions or bright ideas that could turn around and bite him in the ass.

"Well, they smell nice," Purple admitted.

"They do?" Zim asked, sounding genuinely confused. "All of the Humans I've had the misfortune of being in contact with smell of rotting dooky!"

"Their hair is soft, fun and colorful. Their bodies are comfy and toasty. Most of them are far taller than many Irken we know. Those things on their chests…" He leaned back into the couch and folded his hands behind his head. He felt more at ease and relaxed as he described his observations. "I forget what they're called… Breests? Bubz? Whatever! They're more comfortable than any pillow in the universe!"

"Hmmm! I never would've guessed, my Tallest! Very interesting!" Zim rested a hand on his chin and looked like he was thinking something over. "So, you've been very close to the Human, sir… I would be very careful! The female may want to mate with you if you are too close for too long!"

Purple almost threw himself out of his comfortable seat as soon as he heard those words. He quickly sat upwards, his motion jerky. His eyes grew enormously and his jaw dropped, not expecting that coming from Zim at all. He only stared back at the visor, at a total loss for words and floundering internally for some sort of response.

"I have done a little research on Earthling mating rituals," Zim continued, wanting to enlighten his leader more. "It sometimes varies from female to female but if they're too close to a male they're not related to for too long, they sometimes develop intense feelings of attraction. They try to use their…filthy, tricky ways to ensnare the unfortunate male of their choosing!"

"Right…" Purple said quietly. He finally found his voice and was able to recover from the initial shock. "And what are these signs of female courtship?"

"I used to believe it was acts of violence and unbearable pain but that was before I discovered it was the doing of Tak!" He shuddered unhappily at the memory. "So many burns… But from what I have noticed, there are slight variances with every female Human. Hot cheeks or blushing is a sign of affection. She may also cling to you incessantly and annoy you to no end! That is how the female will stake her claim and chase others of her kind away from her unfortunate male victim!"

"Does she eat his head in the end of it all?" Purple suddenly felt quite worried and insecure. He certainly hoped you wouldn't do that to him. "I don't like the sound of where this is going…"

"No, my Tallest. She mates with him in the hopes of making smaller versions of herself! Disgusting! But such a process is not uncommon for there are other repulsive species that do the same thing to repopulate as well! Thankfully, we Irken have no need for such primitive methods!"

Speaking of hot cheeks, Purple felt like he was starting to overheat out of nowhere. His PAK suddenly seemed like it was an unbearable weight on his back. He could feel his body fluids flush and make his whole frame get uncomfortably warm. Nervously, he bit his lower lip. The longer he was listening to Zim talk about these supposed Human mating rituals, the more unsettled he became.

"You know what, why am I even listening to you to begin with?!" he blurted, flustered beyond belief. "Your observations are probably wrong again, Zim!" Zim only shrugged and Purple groaned in frustration. "I have to go, my soda is on fire!"

"Beware the female, my Tallest!" Zim warned. "She will want you soon!"

Purple hastily cut the transmission and let out a sigh of relief. There was no way he could bear listening to Zim anymore. He spoke of madness and he was a proven defective. He knew nothing and as such, he didn't need to listen to him. But it still chewed away at him, making him nervous and wary.

Nervously, he looked around the living room. Bambi was chewing on one of his toys but acknowledged Purple with a few friendly wags of his tail. Baby was rolled over onto her side, napping and completely uncaring towards Zim and Purple's previous exchange. Everything looked alright and there was neither hide nor hair of you. Your shift was due to end for another few more hours. He had to be discreet and take advantage of this silence and solitude while he had the opportunity.

"I need to do some research on this matter," he said to himself. "I can't trust Zim. I have to look into it for myself."

He shut off the gaming console and switched to the regular television channels. This was probably going to be the grossest thing he'd ever see but he had to learn.

(a few hours later)

When you didn't hear his favorite movie playing in the background, that was what concerned you. Instead, what you heard made you freeze in your tracks instantly.

There was some sleazy sounding music playing from inside your house. You also heard some breathy, incoherent voices coming from your TV. When you didn't hear the voices, you heard some very suggestive and intimate noises. What also freaked you out was how loud this was being played. You could hear it a few feet away from behind the closed door.

The hair on the back of your neck stood up and you had a sinking feeling of what exactly he was watching. You were frozen in disbelief and shock, having a hard time believing it had literally come down to this. He was actually watching these things on your television.

You regained a grip on yourself and walked up the stairs, hastily unlocking your door. You had to see this with your own eyes. It was either happening or your mind was in the gutter and you were going crazy.

When you stepped in, he was completely blind and deaf to your entrance. Purple was sitting on the couch, a blanket wrapped around his entire body and a sea of chip and cookie bags were spread out all over the floor. Bambi was busy eating a small pile of potato chips that the Tallest had either didn't want or had totally forgotten about. His eyes were wide and totally devoted to the lewd acts that were playing on the TV. It looked like he hadn't blinked in hours. To you, he almost seemed like he was inanimate.

"Hey, Purple..?" you said nervously.

You got no response.

You walked closer. When you did that, you ended up stepping on an empty pretzel bag. That got his attention instantly.

As soon as he looked in the direction where the noise came from, he spotted you. When he saw you, he let out a high pitched scream.

It scared the shit out of you and you ended up screaming alongside him. Purple hastily turned the TV off and chucked the clicker all the way back into the kitchen, creating a loud crash a few seconds later as it landed on the floor, most likely in a million pieces.

"What're you doing?!" you demanded.

"NOTHING!" he answered a little too loudly. "Nothing at all! Normal Earth TV shows! Totally boring and not kinky!"

…did that word seriously just come out of his mouth?

"Purple, were you watching what I think you were watching?" you asked, knowing full well what was going on.

"Pft, no!" he lied horribly. "I was watching one of those soap operas and it was an episode about a pizza man who delivered pizza to a female with huge bubz that had their own gravitational pull! But she had no money and offered to pay him another way and…!"

"No more!" You blushed something fierce and struggled to get the mental image out of your head. "Don't tell me any more about it!"

You stared back at him and he did the same with you. He was like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen wheeler. You were a bit freaked out by the fact he discovered this specific genre of film and even more curious as to why he even bothered to check it out. At the very least, you had to figure it out and try to answer any questions he had…and lay out some ground rules about playing porn so loudly.

"So…" You said, taking a seat on the couch. You hoped to God above that your couch wasn't soaked in any mysterious wet stains. "How'd you find out about this…uh, genre?"

"Zim told me you wanted to mate with me!" he blurted out.

WHAT?

"I'm sorry?" you asked, your face overheating already. "He told you what now?"

"Why are you blushing?" he countered.

"Because I caught you watching that stuff in my house! And it wasn't very discreet either!"

"Zim said to watch out because he said you wanted to mate with me! I needed to investigate Earthling mating customs and rituals to try to understand what he meant exactly!"

"Right, uh, well, that's not a very accurate representation of Human courtship. That's one of the last places you wanna look to for that."

"But do you want to mate with me?"

Fuck, this was beyond awkward. But you couldn't afford to stall or delay an answer. That would also give off the wrong impression and that was the last thing you needed.

"No!" you retorted. "I don't think it would work that way anyway! I'm a Human and you're an Irken! I'm sure your…equipment is probably too incompatible with my, uh, assets. Besides, don't listen to what Zim has to stay! His info is wrong I'm sure!"

"Okay," he nodded. "Right." He smiled in a strained manner and let out an anxious chuckle. "So, you say this isn't a real example of mating customs?"

"Look, other Earthlings made this sort of things because we are very…weird creatures. It, uh, excites us. It's a fantasy, not reality."

"Right… But that's where Human smeets come from? I didn't realize mating could be so violent and loud with your kind."

He was so innocent about the whole subject. He truly looked confused and shocked. It was a weird twist to see him so unsure and anxious about the matter.

"If I ever see Zim again, I'll be sure to punt his scrawny ass half way across the planet," you muttered. "What an idiot."

"I understand why you reacted the way you did the other day," he said. He threw the blanket off of his frame, no longer feeling so vulnerable and nervous. "I didn't realize those things on your chest are so sensitive and intimate. You see, females of my race don't have them and many other alien species don't too so I was confused and…"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it too much, alright?" You gave him a tiny smile, trying to calm him down and let him know it was all good. "I can forgive you for not knowing these things. It's not a big deal. I know I can overreact sometimes."

"Thanks." He let out a sigh of relief and forced himself to settle and not freak out too much. You weren't screaming and yelling so it made him feel better. "So, now that I know all those frightening things that I watched earlier are inaccurate and were created by creepy Earthlings… Can you tell me what is actually a part of Human courting rituals?"

"Well, first off, the two people get to know each other. They spend time together, like going to concerts, restaurants, movies and things like that… it depends on what the couple wants to do. But the important thing about it is to talk and get to know each other. They stick around, feelings grow and eventually they…mate."

"We've done a lot of that."

He wasn't wrong about that… You did spend lots of time with him when you weren't working. He was almost like your shadow. In the beginning, he was insufferable and annoyed you to no end. But as time went by, you developed a mutual understanding and got along better with him.

Despite his blaring, negative traits, he had some positive ones too. He was curious and did show a shred of intelligence however rare that was at times. He was also fun to be around and he wasn't a boring creature at all. Although he was largely carefree and immature, he did have an ounce of seriousness and duty in him and you could respect that. It was also nice that he knew how to defend himself and was tall…

Wait, what..?

"You're in my house and I'm looking after you," you said. "It may seem like it but we're not actually dating…" You paused. "What was it like when Red and Pax were courting? What did they do?"

"I don't know," he said, hanging his head lowly. "They always kept their meetings secret. I knew it about it because he told me or I walked in on them on one of their 'dates' a few times. But Red always gave her the finest and most expensive snacks. He definitely shared his food with her too. He always treated her like she was…something special, I guess. She was shorter than him but he treated her like she was his equal or she was taller… He treated her better than he did with me. I never really paid attention to or noticed anything but I saw those things. And romantic things aren't really a thing that happen with Irken so, yeah."

You tried to put yourself in his figurative shoes. What you saw was something pretty dismal and even pathetic. Then again, you were decipher it all according to the mind of an Earthling. He truly was clueless. In a way, it was kind of sad to see him like this, so confused and unsure what to make of all these things. You pitied him. You could feel yourself softening up on him a little. He and his kind were totally unsure what to make of these complex and trifling feelings. And there were also all these aberrations and deviances that were running rampant?

"I'm sure it's hard for you to understand," you said. "I'm sorry that's the case. I just don't really know what to say. I'm not an Irken so maybe I can't really offer much input to begin with. Maybe I'm just spouting nonsense."

"You're trying to understand so I can throw you a bone," he remarked. "I don't expect you to totally get it. I know I'll probably never understand Humans no matter how much you teach me about them."

"Even Humans don't understand other Humans. That's how much of a mess we are."

Purple laughed. He was even smiling.

"But I do know that I like you," he said. His face turned that darker shade of green again.

"That's…" You swallowed hard and nervously played with your hair, wrapping a strand of it around your pointer finger. What did he mean by that exactly? "That's nice of you to say that… I like you too, Purple."

His eyes seemed to lighten up. There even was an excited smile on his face. His antenna twitched and he folded his hands together. His blush persisted.

Your heart was racing. You could feel sweat form on your palms. Your cheeks grew darker and hotter with each moment that went by.

You were snapped out of your trance when you heard a nasty half gagging and half coughing noise. You looked over your shoulder, seeing Bambi puking on the floor. Apparently, the chips he ate didn't agree with his stomach and were making their escape.

"Oh, God, Bambi, I'm an idiot!" you cried, feeling bad for forgetting about it earlier.

You jumped off the couch and ushered the dog out so he could finish vomiting outside and begin cleaning up the mess. It was a gross distraction but it was a welcome one to be honest. If you kept staring back at Purple, you were pretty sure you would've crumpled beneath those eyes.

For some weird, unexpected reason, he seemed to become more attractive with each day that went by. Earlier, you thought you already had an established type. But now you were starting to realize that definition was changing. You happened to be drawn to tall morons from other planets.

(Happy Nebula Clinic)

She was begged by the hospital staff to at least wait until the patient woke up. Luckily, Lyn agreed to those terms. As angry and as determined as she was to meet with Naver, she managed to scrounge up whatever patience she had. She also didn't want to unnecessarily stress the Yuti chief unless if there was literally no choice. From what she heard, the avian alien suffered from some horrific hemorrhaging and several broken bones.

The medical team managed to save the life of the small warrior. The quick thinking and intervention of her two compatriots saved her life and enabled the doctors and nurses to pick up where they left off. Although Sahn and Livo were no medics, their basic medical knowledge was enough to give her a chance. More than anything else, Naver was lucky to be alive. The loyalty of her two subordinates and the resolve of the staff granted her another shot at life. It also helped that Naver was fiercely defiant and refused to die if she could manage it.

Lyn silently paced outside her ally's room. She could see through the glass window, seeing that Naver slept peacefully. Her breathing was slow but steady. The feathered creature was almost entirely wrapped up in medical gauze and bandages, looking like a mummy.

In all honesty, Lyn never suspected that he would announce his return in this manner. She had no idea he would reemerge bathed in the blood of one of her comrades. He almost killed Naver. She still couldn't believe Red won against her. Lyn was so confident in Naver, she never would've predicted that one of the Tallest would best her. Aside from Kalix, the previous War-queen, Naver was the strongest Yuti warrior she knew. It enraged her that he was proven to be the better fighter. She especially wouldn't underestimate him at this point.

She also spoke to the two Yuti Naver was travelling with. Sahn and Livo provided their account to her, telling her everything and confirming the reports. Almighty Tallest Red personally hijacked their ship and indeed nearly killed Naver. They said that the only reason why they let him go was because they wanted to save their commander. If it was just the two of them, they would've done what they could to stop the renegade Tallest. And they also told her the words he instructed them to give to Lyn.

Quietly, Lyn seethed. One way or another, she knew he would come back. It almost as if he slapped her in the face by viciously attacking one of her closest companions. It was beyond insulting.

Lyn halted in her footsteps when she saw the green, feathered alien stir in her bed. Her damaged, muted eyes seemed to light up at these signs of life. A genuine smile cracked across her face. She was truly happy that her strength was returning to her.

The tall Irken let herself into the room to greet her. She briskly walked over to the side of her bed and sat down in the chair beside it.

"Naver," Lyn said gently but firmly, "Naver, it's me. It's Lyn, wake up."

A small, quiet trill came from the wounded chief. Sleepily, her dark brown eyes opened up. She blinked a few times, finally regaining consciousness. The fog in her brain started to dissipate.

"What happened to you..?" Naver wearily asked. "Is that really you, Lyn?"

"One of the Tallests' adoring slaves tried to take me out with her in an explosion," Lyn confided. She had no desire to discuss the incident but she would at least tell her that much. "But I'm alive. What about you? Are you alright?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? Don't apologize."

"No, I am very sorry." Naver huffed tiredly. "I failed."

"You underlings told me everything. They said you showed him no mercy. You didn't back down and you him fought brutally until you couldn't stand up anymore."

"I was so wrong. I underestimated him. I had no idea what he was capable of, Lyn. I lost. I deserved to die but at the same time, I refused to."

"It's not your fault."

"He is a warrior, Lyn. That was my biggest mistake. And he defeated me."

"It's alright, calm down."

"I have to live with that fact for the rest of my life. I have lost my honor and dignity. I thought the Tallests were weak and worthless. No…" Her gaze hardened. "We both underestimated them, Lyn. If we are to kill them, it will take much more than we think."

"Regardless, they will die." Lyn's tone turned severe. "None of this will stop until both of them are destroyed. Then we will focus on the Control Brains. After that, we will win."

"I underestimated one. I can only imagine what the other is like. Is he more of a warrior than Red?"

"Silence, Naver." Anger was seeping into Lyn's voice. "You sound like a smeet. Grow up and move on. Purple is a spineless loser. Out of the two of them, he is truly the most useless and nonthreatening one. Getting rid of him will be far easier and less satisfying than eliminating Tallest Red."

Naver turned her head away and shut her eyes.

"I'm lucky to be alive," she said. "Sahn and Livo saved me. I owe them everything now. And from what the medics told me, it will take a long time for me to recover and be remotely useful."

"It is best that you stay and recover," Lyn remarked. "You aren't useful to anyone in this state."

"Your PAK has been damaged further."

Lyn's fingers curled up. She stared at Naver even though the Yuti still looked away from her.

"What did you say?" Lyn pressed, her tone now very low.

"Lyn, I can tell there is a difference," Naver said. She still refused to look at her Irken comrade. "You have changed in body and spirit. That thing is a blessing and a curse to you and your kind."

"I didn't choose to have this thing attached to me as soon as I was hatched." Lyn's voice wavered. She was on the verge of exploding. "I didn't ask to have this thing connected to my mind and body. Because of this piece of tech, I have to rely upon it for everything! I am the victim here! I will never be free of it!"

"Lyn, I'm only saying these things because I am your friend and ally. I am very concerned about you. I know your life depends on your PAK. It controls and sustains you. That is why I have to tell you to listen to me. Do not run headlong to fight Tallest Red. I know he hurt you in the past and I know how much you hate him. But you are unhinged and changed. You seem even more restless and harsh."

"Naver, I have always been this way!" Lyn snarled and her claws dug into the side of the bed, slicing through the blankets and mattress. "Do you think I'm a stranger?! Perhaps your failure has made you mad, you scrawny creature!"

"I know you Irken are delicate but yet sturdy life forms. It is hard to describe. But I can tell you that you are teetering above the edge of ruin, Lyn. I have warned you."

"Thanks for the advice. However, it's totally unneeded. I will let Red return to his throne. It pains me to come to this choice but I have something else to do first." An eerie, toothy grin spread across her burnt face. "Well, perhaps it's not too much of an inconvenience to me. I'll be more than happy to do it. I already took one person Red cared about away from him. I wonder how he will react when I do it again…"

Naver could say nothing else to her. Her instincts and intuition nagged at her. As soon as she laid her eyes on Lyn, she was like a stranger. As Lyn interacted with her, it confirmed her suspicions. It pained her to come to this conclusion but the former Irken Invader had emerged from those flames as a new person. In Naver's eyes, it was not a flattering or beneficial transformation. In fact, she almost wished that the explosion had claimed her. Perhaps that would've been a more merciful fate. Her madness had tightened its grip on her even more and nothing could be done.

Quietly, Lyn got up from her chair. She flexed her claws, turned and walked away. Her unsettling smile remained.

She would save the best and most delicious revenge for last. Now, she wanted to make Red hurt again. She wanted to him to experience the same pain and loss a second time. She wanted him broken before she planned on destroying him.

Right now, she had another mission to embark on. Tallest Purple needed to be located and killed as soon as possible. And she wasn't going to let anyone or anything get in her way.


	16. Tenderness and Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which one experiences unconditional tenderness and the other pure wrath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for everything guys! This chapter is hella long but some stuff happens. It was fun to write since things are starting to get a little more intense. Hope you all enjoy it!

Chapter 16 Tenderness and Wrath

(one week later)

"I know I wasn't expecting to see frost on the ground this morning. Seeing it made me just want to crawl back into bed with Zach."

Your eyes widened for a second but you kept quiet. Yes, you knew Zach and Kendra were dating and had been for awhile now but that was a mental image you didn't want in your head. You loved your coworker, however, she had a tendency to yammer on and tell you info you didn't need to know about. There were things about her personal life that you had no idea how to process when she divulged them to you.

"Uh, yeah," you said uncomfortably. "It was a bit too comfy with getting up too. Except Bambi was sleeping on my feet the whole night and it was too toasty for my own good."

"He's such a cute boy!" Kendra gushed. "Look, one night you have to come over for a few drinks and bring your dog too! We'll have a fire outside and have some fun."

"Maybe sometime during the spring or summer?"

"Oh, no! We can do it during a winter night if we have enough fire wood! The snow will keep the drinks nice and cold too! You can bring your hot cousin too!" She then looked sheepish. "Don't tell Zach I said that…"

One way or another, she ended up finding out about him. You knew it was inevitable but you played it off like it was nothing. She caught sight of him when he was sitting on the porch one day. Luckily, he was wearing his disguise so she had no idea of what he really was. And you hoped and prayed it would stay that way. You had a sneaking suspicion that Kendra wouldn't keep her mouth shut about him being an alien.

"He's still trying to get back up onto his feet," you said, trying to brush it off. "He's kind of a mess."

"Pft, who isn't anymore?" Kendra chuckled. "So, it looks like those government jerks are gone. I'm happy, they're out of our hair. Took them long enough. And look, we can talk about it as long as we like since they're not creeping around our woods."

"It's definitely a welcome reprieve. I admit, I don't like being surveyed while I'm working. I never caught them spying on me but I didn't doubt that they weren't doing it somehow, someway. Heck, they might've been listening in on our walkie talkie conversations when they were here."

"So, did you ever see any aliens wandering around?"

"Nope!"

"I'm glad we can talk about this because every single time I bring it up with Zach, we always end up fighting over it. He said there was nothing there and I always tell him to wake up and smell the space dust!"

God, it was so painful. You wanted to ask her about the things on your mind. You literally couldn't talk to anyone else about these matters. On the inside, you were desperate and you needed to discuss it. It was driving you insane.

You were either so foreign to the game anymore or perhaps it was because you were dealing with an alien. Admittedly, you found yourself developing some very confusing feelings regarding the Tallest that lived with you. The strangest thing about it was that at the beginning of his tenure on Earth, you wouldn't have entertained the thoughts running through your head. You would've been scandalized a month earlier. It was starting to freak you out and you didn't know who to turn to or talk to. It was torturous.

You had some relationships in high school but they were nothing serious and nothing intimate ever happened in them. Honestly, most of them were lackluster and disappointing. Now with this? This was something wholly different and you knew it in the pit of your stomach. It was also becoming increasingly difficult to rationalize with each passing day.

There was simply no way that this could be happening. You had to focus on your career and stay out of trouble. Not only that, there was the fact that he was a literal alien. It couldn't and wouldn't work out. He was a distraction and sooner or later, he'd be gone. He'd leave Earth and it'd be the end of these inconvenient and intrusive thoughts. Yet what also nagged you was that he planned on bringing you with him. You couldn't let that happen. You had your responsibilities and you wouldn't walk away from them. Earth was your home and that was the end of it.

It didn't help your anxiety that Purple seemed fishy and suspicious. Every time you walked into your cabin after concluding your duties for the day, he seemed like he was hiding something. There were times when he wouldn't even look you in the eye. Sometimes, you were half expecting to find a horrible mess or accident he caused in your absence but nothing was ever out of place. You also never heard or caught him watching porn but you believed it was possible he opted to be more discreet and secretive after you walked in on him a week ago.

Kendra was right and she didn't even know it. You were a mess.

But you had to seek insight and advice somehow, someway. So, you decided to take a chance. And if it was a big, fat failure, you'd ask Purple if that PAK of his had some sort of mind erasing mechanism he could use.

"Kendra, I have a confession to make," you said meekly. God, you hoped you wouldn't regret it.

"What is it, honey?" she asked, looking confused but receptive.

"That guy's not my cousin. I know I've been telling everyone that but it's not true. I just didn't know what to say or do about the whole thing."

"Just fuck him."

Oh, yeah, you were regretting this already. This was a colossal mistake.

It was like your cheeks turned into two suns. You could only stare back at your fellow ranger, your jaw hanging and your eyes wider than saucers. While you looked so flabbergasted and overcome, Kendra appeared smug and amused.

"You want me to what?" you said, wanting to make sure you weren't going crazy.

"Something's eating at you, dear," she chuckled. "I can tell. You have that hot guy in your cabin and you're not related to him from what you just told me. If it's not incest, do it. I would've."

"Kendra, I can't!"

"Why? And how did this guy end up in your life?"

"He's not from around here, I met him in town awhile ago. He doesn't have friends or family and I took pity on him and let him crash at my place."

"What's he like?"

Oh, boy.

"He's strange," you admitted. "He's a bit of a slob but I'm working on that. He's really tall and he's somewhat of an idiot but he's also endearing at the same time. In their right mind, one should hate him but you can't at the same time. He's…very difficult to describe."

"Have at him, honey," Kendra smirked. You could tell she was all too tickled by your blight. "I can tell you're into him. Women know these things."

"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want me in that particular way. I don't think he understands or gets…our type."

"Why wouldn't he want you?"

"Don't flatter me like that."

"It's true."

"Kendra, this is kind of a big deal for me. You've known me forever."

"I know. Which is why I want you to sit on his lap as soon as you get home and give him the best lap dance he's ever had."

"…I'm not doing that."

"Fine, maybe not that but do something. Work your feminine wiles and charms on him, dear. He's Human just like the rest of us."

Yeah, about that…

"Are you telling me to seduce him?" you asked.

"Sure!" Kendra nodded. "Try it. Get a feel on him! See how he feels, test the waters if you're not feeling that confident. But don't pass up on him if you're feeling something for him."

How would you even seduce him? Smearing chocolate sauce all over your chest? Crumble donuts in your hair? Yup, talking to her definitely made things a whole lot worse.

You wouldn't hesitate to shoot your gun at someone threatening your life. You wouldn't be stopped if you caught a poacher setting up a trap in your zone. You had a gut of steel when it came down to transporting an injured, tranquilized bear to the wildlife veterinary clinic for treatment. You liked to think you had more balls than the average man or woman when it came down to certain things.

But grinding against an alien emperor's hips? You wouldn't touch that with a fifty and a half foot pole. You would rather fight a giant, rabid raccoon barehanded. What she was suggesting was way easier said than done by a longshot. You were a total wimp when it came down to this.

"Are you okay?" Kendra asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Just trying to get the perverse thoughts out of my head," you retorted with a strained smile.

"Listen, relax. It'll be okay, I promise. If you're so worried, feel things out. That's the least you can do. Don't waste this chance, okay? Can you promise me that?"

"I'm not sure if I can go through with that…"

"Suck it up, lady! You got this. I know you wanna take it slow and you wanna be methodical and precise. But you have to learn how to take a risk and take what you want, okay?" Her smile was huge and mischievous. It reminded you way too much of the Cheshire Cat. "I want updates, I want stories. And the next time we organize a get-together, I want to see him there with you."

Her expectations were too bold and unrealistic. She was insane. What she was proposing was madness and you seriously doubted whether you could do this. Maybe if she knew the full details about this situation, then her advice would obviously change. They had to. But you weren't going to tell her the truth. There was no way that it could ever come to light.

"I'll see what I can do," you replied hopelessly.

"That's the spirit," she chuckled. "That's my girl."

"You're such a demanding bitch." You smiled as you said that.

"I know. But I'm braver than you."

"Oh, whatever. But let me let you go, it's getting dark and cold."

"Alright. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow? I have to swing by the visitor's center, I'm doing a presentation for some school kids first thing in the morning. It should be easy, they're kindergarteners and they'll be fascinated by all the stuffed animals and they'll love getting a chance to pet Rosco. Hopefully he won't be cranky. I know how screech owls can be."

"Nah, I have to keep an eye on things in my zone. I'm sure Zach told you about the poaching in his area. I have to crack down on things and make sure they don't get any bright ideas about coming into my stretch."

"I'll see you around then. Tell your hot guy I said 'hi'."

Kendra laughed and hopped back onto her ATV. It rumbled to life when she turned it on and she waved at you before driving off back to her cabin.

You waved back at her, watching her go as she drove into the darkening woods. The sky overhead was overcast and miserable and you saw a few stray snowflakes start to fall. A chill ran down your spine and you knew it was your cue to hit the trail. You and Kendra met up on the border of both of your assigned zones and you had a few miles to ride back to your cabin.

Now you felt reluctant to even go home. You just hoped the warmth and redness in your cheeks drastically faded by the time you were outside your front door.

(…)

He was experiencing one of these moments where he really, really wanted to talk to Red. Purple wasn't going to reach out to Zim and that was out of the question. The so-called expert on the Earthlings was anything but that so the Tallest realized he had to rely on his own experiences. That was perhaps what frustrated him the most.

Red might know what to do in this situation. But he also didn't want to contact him and have something potentially fatal happen as a result. Before they parted ways, they decided it was best to limit all communication unless if it was absolutely essential. Neither wanted to end up condemning the other if something should happen if they tried to reach out. They mostly feared Resisty forces listening in and triangulating on their positions. The chance was slim to begin with but both Red and Purple didn't want to take that chance. They both understood that they had to survive no matter what. In order to preserve themselves, they had to go their separate ways and cut ties until further notice.

Purple groaned in frustration and flopped back onto the couch. He rested an arm across his forehead and let his other one dangle over the side of the furniture he was resting on. He hated not being in control in general and this situation was included.

Bambi walked up to him and sat down beside the couch. He looked at Purple, his tail wagging away. He panted quietly and nuzzled his hanging hand, wanting the Irken to pet him. At this point, the canine trusted and accepted his presence.

"Stinky beast," Purple sighed. "Fine."

At first, he cautiously raised a hand and set it on top of the big dog's head. Bambi didn't react negatively to the action so he stroked his cranium. Purple cracked a small smile at this and it almost looked like Bambi was grinning. Clearly, he craved the attention.

"You've lived with this she-beast longer than I have, Bambi," he said. "Got any tips I could use?" He moaned loudly. "I am a defective if I'm talking to a dog! And asking for help from it too! What's wrong with me?"

He remembered when Red first started to change. It was subtle but he noticed it all too easily. After being at his side for so many years, Purple knew Red almost as much as he knew himself. When he expressed interest in Pax, Purple was definitely shocked. He was confused and didn't understand it but he wasn't going to throw Red under the bus or label him a defective. He remembered how at peace Red was. He didn't seem frustrated and confused. It was almost too smooth, too natural, if that even made any sense. Between Red and Pax, it was something that just happened out of the blue.

On the other hand, Purple was confused and frustrated. He didn't know what to do or think. He never felt this way before and he couldn't ignore these thoughts and unfamiliar emotions. A few times in the past, he caught himself wondering if he was a more perfect Irken than Red. That he was the least defective out of the two of them. But now it seemed he was equally as flawed as he was. His assumption was correct; he was part of the most defective generation the smeeteries ever produced. Maybe the Control Brains were malfunctioning or caught a virus. It would certainly explain everything.

He didn't know what it was. This Earthling he was sheltering under was working some strange effect on him. Her scent was calming, her warmth inviting, her body soft… Her laugh made him smile and her own smile made his spooch flutter. She knew when to get serious and how to defend herself. When she lowered her guard enough and unwound, he felt the same way. In a strange, indescribable way, he felt like he could be vulnerable with her. Purple was with this creature for almost two months and yet he found himself to be more of a stranger with each day that went by.

Humans were still a mystery to him and he sought to understand them better. He especially wanted to completely decode the one whose company he grew attached to. Every so often, he thought back to the night where he slept on the couch with her. That truly was the best sleep he ever had. He wanted to experience that again. And again and again. And he wanted it to keep happening even when he'd depart from Earth. That was out of the question.

"Bambi, I could really use your help," he griped. "I would rather ask you for help instead of Zim. And you can't even talk! I'm a pathetic joke. I'm a loser!"

Bambi whined softly and put his front paws up onto the cushion. Then he licked Purple's cheek.

The Tallest froze at this action, ceasing the petting as well. His right eye twitched and he didn't know whether to be flattered or disgusted. He knew it was a sign of affection as he saw Bambi lick his master countless times but it was still rather nasty.

"Thanks…" he said, sitting up. "I guess."

He shuddered and hustled off to the kitchen to go wipe the canine saliva off his face. Bambi followed him and sat down when he stopped at the paper towel rack. As Purple ripped a few sheets off and began to clean his face, the dog began to beg.

"What?" he asked. "I'm busy!"

Bambi barked and wagged his tail. Purple stared at the dog, trying to decipher the creature. If he could guess correctly, perhaps the furry monster wanted a treat. He had observed you doing that plenty of times.

"Oh, I see," he said, giving Bambi a smug smirk. "You've accepted me as the superior life form. Excellent choice. I am your new alpha now!"

Cackling, he finished up with his cheek and then opened up the drawer that held Bambi's treats and toys. He opened up a small bag, taking out a dog biscuit that was coated in peanut butter. Purple leaned back against the counter and held the treat high above Bambi.

"Bambi, speak," he commanded.

Without hesitation, the dog did that. His backend wiggled as his tail shook, belying his excitement and anticipation.

"Good job!" Purple praised him. "You've obeyed your master well, Bambi. Feed!"

He tossed the biscuit up into the air and the dog caught it perfectly a second later. The Tallest smirked, feeling pleased that he had the canine under his control now. He ended up feeling way more satisfaction over this accomplishment than he should have. Perhaps being on this planet was making him insane.

"Uh, good dog," he said. He lowered his hand and gave him a few pats on his head. "Keep being obedient."

Bambi only wagged his tail and enjoyed the attention. Clearly, he had warmed up to the visitor at this point.

However, the mutt's true loyalties were unveiled when the front door started to open up. Bambi raced to the door, eager to meet his true master. Purple hastily and loudly closed the treat door and turned around, deciding to rummage through the pantry and find some snacks to eat.

It was somewhat of a relief to find that he wasn't in the immediate area when you entered your home. He wasn't in the living room and the TV wasn't on. As far as you were concerned, you needed every second you could get to collect yourself and mentally prepare yourself before seeing him. Kendra's words still flitted about in your head and it was hard to try to compose yourself. In other words, it was a pleasant distraction to have Bambi come over to greet you when you entered.

"Hey, boy," you smiled gently. "Did you do a good job of taking care of the place?"

After petting him and giving him an affectionate peck on the top of his furry head, you walked over to Baby's cage. The rabbit was patiently sitting at the door, waiting to be let out. Once you opened it up, she lowered her head, wanting you scratch her. You obliged her and gently scratched her along her nose. She grunted contently and then hopped out, beginning her rounds in the living room.

"So, anything interesting happen today?"

Crap. You actually forgot about him for an instant.

You turned around, seeing his hand rummaging through a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. He was leaning in the doorway, gazing back at you. The look in his eyes was somewhat unreadable but he seemed…neutral?

"Nope!" you answered, trying to play it off as coolly as possible.

"Really?" he said.

"Uh, yeah…"

"Same here."

"Did you watch anything? Did you turn the tide of a battle in an online match?"

"No."

"Oh."

It was stifling and awkward. You two only stared back at each other. Unbeknownst to the both of you, so many things were running through your respective heads.

"Wanna watch a movie together?" you offered, trying to dispel the silence.

"Maybe, I don't know," he replied. You could see his cheeks darkening. "I'm not sure what I want to do right now."

"Are you alright?"

The smile he gave you was extremely forced. He laughed nervously and shrugged.

"I-I guess…" Purple replied.

"You can talk to me," you offered. "I can try to help you out with whatever is going on."

"Let's just watch a movie!"

Yikes, okay.

"How about something you might've not tried before," you suggested. "I got a good one in mind."

"What is it?" he asked. He still lingered in the doorway that separated the kitchen from the living room.

"'_Pirates of the Mediterranean: The Source of the Black Pearl_'. It's a pretty good film."

"Doesn't ring a bell, let's try it."

You dug through your collection and fished out the film in mind. You placed the disc in your media player and turned on the TV. You could feel his eyes on you as you worked and tried your hardest to ignore it. That was easier said than done.

Once you had the movie playing, you took a seat on the couch. You looked over your shoulder, seeing him hanging around in his same spot. He wasn't even eating and he was clutching the bag a little too tightly.

"You can't be comfortable there," you said. "This is a long movie, come here and get cozy, Purple."

He seemed to hesitate and his fingers flexed around the bag. Even from across the other side of the room, you heard him inhale sharply. Then he came over and parked his skinny backend on his preferred seat. His antennae were laying flat against the back of his head. He looked like he was having a crisis.

"Did Zim contact you?" you wondered. For as long as he was acting this way, it was freaking you out internally. You couldn't rest until he was soothed in return. "Did he upset you?"

"He's one of the last people I want to speak with!" he snapped. "His help is useless and makes things worse!"

"Purple, please… Let's talk. Maybe you'll feel better if we chat. Let me help you out."

"Don't you realize I'm a defective?!" He roughly threw the bag he was clutching onto the ground. "Look at me! I'm a disgrace and I deserve to be deactivated!"

"No, you're not! Whatever it is, I'm sure you don't deserve something like that. I promise you that you're not a defective."

"I am!" He buried his face into his hands. "I'm supposed to be Almighty Tallest Purple! Instead I'm Almighty Chumpest Purple! How can a Tallest be a defective?! It's not right! I'm supposed to be perfect..!"

Your heart sunk when you heard him start to sob loudly. His whole body shuddered as he wept. You sat paralyzed for a few moments, shocked by his reaction more than anything else. You weren't expecting things to get this intense this quickly.

"Purple," you said softly, "it's okay." You set a hand on his upper arm and rubbed it, wanting to help placate him. "If you don't want to talk, then at least…" You swallowed hard. "At least let me stick close to you."

You squealed when he suddenly threw both of his arms around you and held you in a firm embrace. He certainly didn't look strong but you knew how misleading that was. He was legitimately powerful and it felt like he was going to snap a bone with how hard he clamped onto you. He sniffled loudly as he wiped his face in your hair, soaking it.

"It-It's alright…" you cooed. Your arms came around his torso, hugging him in return. "Calm down, big guy."

"I'm so confused!" he lamented. "I don't know what to do! None of this makes sense! Oh, I am a defective! We're not supposed to feel this way!"

You assumed he was just blubbering away. You let him ramble on, hoping he would mellow out and calm down as a result. Definitely, you weren't expecting him to break down out of the blue like this. It was alarming and you caught yourself wondering just what in the Hell was going on in his head. It looked like there was no chance that the movie was going to be paid attention to.

He held you close. His face still remained in your hair but you would let him remain that way. As long as it helped to calm him, you'd suck it up. It was very likely that this was the first breakdown he ever had and you wouldn't chastise him for it. From what you understood about Irken society, it truly sucked. It was entirely possible that it was tough on all of its members, regardless of their height.

He said your name quietly. He nuzzled into your scalp and you could hear a definite, deep purring coming from within his chest. As strange as the guttural sound was, it also seemed to settle you as well.

Gingerly, you reached up and stroked the back of his head, being mindful of his antennae. Briefly, his whole body bristled at the contact. You caressed him slowly and gently, assuring him that you meant no harm. Those appendages twitched when you touched him but they relaxed. A lengthy, steady exhaled came from his lean frame and he loosened up at your touch.

The both of you held each other, totally quiet and unwilling to break apart.

It lasted about ten minutes and he fell silent save for the purring. The dialogue in the movie was mere background noise now and was totally ignored. You continued the stroking, wanting to keep him calm and peaceful.

The Tallest repeated your name again. This time, the desperation and despond in his voice seemed to melt away. It was encouraging.

At last, he moved his face out of your locks. When your eyes met his eyes, you could see that he was far more placid. There even was a small smile on his face.

"Are you okay, Purple?" you asked.

"I'm much better now," he replied.

"Good. See, it's alright."

"Yeah, it is…" He cleared his throat and blinked a few times. "That wasn't very dignified of me. I…I, uh, shouldn't have done that."

"Sometimes you need to have a shoulder to cry on. We Earthlings are like that. We need each other to confide our thoughts to and get things off of our chests."

"But I'm not an Earthling…"

"Maybe your race isn't so different from ours. And no, you're not defective. It's normal to feel like this. Frustration and confusion are normal. So is crying."

He was quiet as he mulled over your words. You could tell the gears in his head were turning. He looked at you like he wanted to say something else but no words were coming out. It was almost like he was hesitating but didn't know how to address it exactly.

Purple sighed and shook his head.

"You're not going to judge me?" he asked. "You don't think I'm weak?"

"Everyone has an instance of weakness," you assured. "You can't be perfect and strong all the time. No, I'm not gonna judge you. I have no room to do it."

He seemed more relieved than he had earlier.

"Don't tell anyone else about this," he said. "Don't tell Red especially."

"But I've never met him," you remarked.

"Please don't say a word."

"I promise. I won't tell a soul."

He looked a little shy and but he made no effort to pry himself free from your grasp. Neither did he look like he was intending to release you.

"Is that okay if we watch the movie like this..?" the Tallest questioned. "It's helping me keep calm. I like how soft and warm you are."

You ignored your festering cheeks. You couldn't deny his request. Pity ruled your heart and you genuinely felt sorry for him. You didn't mind comforting him in this way. Besides, you liked this closeness as much as he did though you weren't ready to publicly admit that yet.

"Yeah, it's fine," you nodded your head. "You gotta cool off, Purple. Turn your brain off and watch the movie. You deserve a nice break and not have to worry about anything. Do you want me to make some chocolate peanut butter cookies for you?"

"As tasty as they are, I don't want you to move. I want you right here. Maybe I'll have them later."

"Okay, that's fine."

Purple reaffirmed his hold on you but when he squeezed you to him, it was gentle. You weren't expecting him to hoist you up into his lap and pull you close to his chest. He tenderly pushed the side of your head against his torso, encouraging you to rest against him and get as cozy as he was. His arms remained around your frame. He placed his chin atop your head and he got comfortable.

You definitely weren't dating him and yet it looked like you were. It seemed like he was still pretty clueless when it came down to these things. But today, you would ignore it. This was pretty nice and snug…

(…)

It was quite the celebration and everyone on board the Massive wanted to be there. A countless drove of Irken bodies crammed into the hangar bay, all of them eager to catch a glimpse of their leader's magnificent return. The whole of the Armada was also alerted regarding Tallest Red's arrival so that there wouldn't be any fatal misunderstandings. He was indeed operating a Resisty owned shuttle and there didn't need to be any egregious miscommunications regarding that.

The throng of cadets and drones in the hangar bay was impressive. They all stood shoulder to shoulder, ready and anxious to greet their overlord. Most of the room was taken up aside from a singular space in the large hangar. Rarl Kove and some medical personnel stood waiting at the edge of the parking space, waiting to receive their leader.

"Don't address him, just bow to him and treat his wounds," Rarl instructed the medics. "Don't leave our Tallest's side unless if he specifically requests it."

"Yes, Grand Advisor," the head medic replied. "From what you described, we are treating injuries on the face and arms?"

"Yes. Almighty Tallest Red fought one of the savage bird people of Yutus. He won of course but the one he fought was one of their mightiest warriors. She didn't go down without a fight."

"We are prepared for anything, Grand Advisor. He'll be in ship shape after we're finished with him."

"Good."

All of the congregation stood so close to together and spoke to each other in hushed tones. Some others opted to remain silent but they were nearly vibrating in joy. Their antennae twitched gleefully, fully ready to salute their Tallest when he showed up. It had been a whole two years since they last heard of and saw him so they were overjoyed to welcome him back.

They held their collective breaths when they could see a small freighter appearing from the void of space. None of the Armada made a move to intercept the foreign vessel, knowing full well of what was going on.

Rarl straightened out his robes and stood up to his full height. He kept his head high, wanting to look dignified and presentable. Surely his progress would appease the Tallest. The Armada was still intact and he had squashed a few pockets of rebellion on Irk during his tenure. Operation Impending Doom Two had been put on hold even before both Tallests went into voluntary exile. All Invaders and resources had been diverted to combat the internal threats and the growing Resisty problem. The head advisor liked to think he had done an impeccable job during those two years. There were other, taller Irken that could've served as regent but Red and Purple specifically chose him to fill in on their behalf. According to them it was because he had served under Miyuki and he should "know" what he was doing and also because he was "so old".

The shuttle slowed down as it drew closer to the Massive. Carefully, it maneuvered through the shield that separated the occupants of the hangar from the coldness of space. Then it landed in the spot that was cleared for it. The sound of the engine winding down echoed through the hangar.

Every Irken present was tense and ready to explode at any instant. A sea of colorful, large eyes were all focused on this one object, waiting for the bay doors to open. Every second that ticked by felt like a thousand years.

Then the bay doors began to part. A metal ramp retracted out from the base of the automatically opening doors.

"Come on, my Tallest!" someone screamed in the throng. "Let's see you!"

Literally half a second after the drone cried out, a tall, thin figure walked down the ramp. He stopped when he made it to the bottom and looked around, surveying the adoring crowd that gathered.

The accumulation of Irken erupted into cheerful screeches and wiggling antennae. The noise was incredibly loud and Red momentarily cringed at the sound. The headache he previously had seemed to melt away. A smile made its appearance and he stood tall and proud, subconsciously puffing his chest out as well. The cacophony of his adoring subjects instantly put him in a better mood.

"My Tallest!" Rarl approached and greeted him joyfully. "Welcome back, sir! We are so happy to see you alive and well!"

His spooch sank as he drew closer to Red. He could see the crudely bandaged wounds in person. There was an unflattering mix of old and new blood on the medical gauze and there even was blood on his robes. There were a few different colors splattered on the Tallest's garb, a grim reminder of his fight with Chief Naver. Both Irken and Yuti blood soiled his clothes.

Then there was the thing that shocked him the most. Red had grown taller. Rarl could definitely tell that he had at least grown a few inches at the very least. That was one of the surprises of having a Tallest as a young adult. They had the potential to grow even taller than they already were.

The medical drones bowed and showed their respect to their leader. They stepped forward and began to inspect his wounds. Two nurses had to resort to using their PAK legs so they could reach, dress and properly treat the wound on his cheek.

Red allowed them to do this, not minding it and finding it relieving in all honesty. There was a reason why he was a pilot and not in the medical core.

"Sir, you've grown!" Rarl smiled. "That is wonderful! We are very pleased to see you but I'm sure you must be exhausted and sore from your trying time. I will see to it that your seamstresses will dispose of or wash your clothes and get you in something far cleaner and comfortable."

"There's no time for rest," Red finally spoke. "There's a whole lot that needs done and I can't slack anymore. That's why I'm back."

"Of course, sir, whatever you wish."

"The Armada is in one piece. Looks like you did a good job of keeping things in ship shape, Rarl."

"Thank you, my Tallest!"

"That was your job to begin with. That's why I gave it to you." He then turned away from the smaller Irken and faced the still cheering crowd. "Thank you all for your…enthusiasm and gusto." The mass fell silent as he was addressing them directly. "Your Tallest has returned and I will say that a lot has happened in the two years I was absent. I can't hide anymore. I can't sit still and let the Resisty continue to plague our universe. I can't allow any more destructive defectives ruin what we have strove to create for generations. I'm finished with it and I will no longer tolerate it! I'm sick of it!" He smiled cruelly. "My fellow Irken, this is our universe and this is our time. It always has been! As the true masters and owners of this universe, are we going to let these filthy traitors and rebels challenge us? Are we going to let them get in our way?"

A loud, spontaneous "no" rang out from the gathered Irken. They cheered and shook their fists in the air. They could feel the anger and determination their Tallest was oozing and they fed off of it like flies on roadkill. His mere presence was a huge morale booster and with him speaking to all of them, it made them swoon under his spell even more.

Red missed this. The power was all worth it.

"From this moment on, I will personally spearhead this strike against these undesirables," he continued. "Every single traitor and defective will be weeded out and terminated without mercy! Every single Resisty sympathizer and member will be blown up! And all of this, all of it, will be made possible personally us! Whether you're a service drone, an Invader, a pilot or a Tallest, you will contribute and make this work! Together, we will bring perfect and complete order to our Empire and make sure all who stand against us are destroyed!"

Once again, the throng burst into a concert of screams and joyful cries. Just as they fed off of their Tallest's words of encouragement, the alien leader thrived off their wild approval. Their feral zeal made his ego grow larger than a red giant and he felt unstoppable.

He yelped quietly when he felt one of the nurses start to stitch up his cheek. He winced at the sensation and shot the medical drone a scrutinizing glare.

"I'm sorry, my Tallest," she meekly apologized. "But I have to stitch this up or else it won't heal properly. It'll only take a moment."

"Fine," he grumpily answered. "Just…" He sighed. "Try to be more careful."

"Yes, my Tallest. Welcome back, sir. We're all very happy you've returned. I knew you wouldn't abandon us."

He could see her cheeks turn dark green for an instant. Her ruby-red eyes averted from his and she hastily yet carefully refocused on her stitching task.

"What's your name, medical drone?" Red asked.

"Uh, it's Leeza, my Tallest."

"How long have you been on the Massive?"

"Ever since Operation Impending Doom Two started, my Tallest."

"Do you like it here?"

"It's an honor, my Tallest. Who wouldn't dream of serving on the Massive?"

"Hmm, good point. It is pretty cool, isn't it?"

"It is!"

Her cheeks were still flushed as she worked. Leeza finished up with the sutures and her fellow nurse handed her a fresh, sterile strip of gauze. She lightly dabbed at the wound, still being mindful and diligent of his pain. She smiled shyly as she admired her handiwork, feeling proud of it.

"There you go, my Tallest," she said. "Try to avoid touching it. In about two days, we'll inspect it to make sure it's healing properly."

Red felt relief that the wound he had was sterilized and closed. He looked at the short but skilled nurse drone and gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Nurse Leeza," he said.

"You're very welcome, my Tall-…"

She was abruptly cut short when a stray blaster bolt shot clean through the side of her head. The smile Leeza had on her face eerily remained and she was still propped upright by her PAK legs for a few seconds. Then she fell over, her body collapsing into a slightly twitching heap.

Red watched this with genuine shock and the whole hangar bay was plunged into mortified silence. He managed to tear his astonished gaze away from the drone's corpse and traced the trajectory of where the shot came from.

"Protect the Tallest!" a guardsman yelled out. "Go! There's an assassin here!"

Red could see a glint on the far side of the hangar and he narrowed his eyes at the anomaly. He could've sworn he could make out a rifle barrel partially sticking out of one of the air vents. He located the traitor before anyone else did.

Red ignored the clamor of his bodyguards pushing through the crowd to try to reach him. His PAK limbs shot out and he swiftly raced towards the far side of the hangar. He wasn't going to let this assailant get away. There was no way that he would stand for this.

The tall Irken reached the other side in astonishing time and he leapt up to the air vent where the assassin lay hidden. He could see the barrel of the weapon that was sticking out was swiveling feverishly. It seemed that the assassin couldn't pull his gun out of the spacing in enough time. It was also more than likely he was panicking, not expecting his own target to come barreling after him. Red's vicious confrontation was one of the last things he predicted.

Red activated both of his wrist blades. With a yell, he brought them both down, slicing through the piping as if they were made of soggy paper. The metal tubing clattered noisily to the ground below.

"Come here!" Red yelled, thrusting a hand into the dark vent and reaching for the traitor.

He could make out the humongous, frightened eyes of a small Irken in the darkened space. The tiny being started to crawl away fervently, making its escape through the ventilation system. Red thrust his long, skinny arm through the enclosed space, not wanting to let the assassin get away and make another attempt on his life.

As soon as Red felt his clawed fingers graze against the assailant's ankle, he clamped down tightly. Though his fingers were thin and seemingly brittle, they were quite powerful and held onto the smaller creature with unbelievable force. With one swift, fluid motion, he yanked the assassin towards him and then brutally slammed them towards the ground.

The PAK limbs he used to keep him attached to the ceiling let go and the Tallest dropped to the floor of the hangar. The traitor made contact with the hard surface first and it was something Red could both see and hear. They bounced once and let out a pained yelp.

"You're not going anywhere!" Red fumed, absolutely furious and bloodthirsty.

The weaker and shorter Irken leapt up to their feet and glared at their Tallest. Now that they were backed into a corner, they weren't so quick to flee now. They readied themselves into an attacking, challenging posture, their PAK appendages springing out as well.

"You're a pretty horrible shot, you little spitball!" Red snarled.

"I'm a service drone, you idiot, not a soldier!" the assailant snapped back.

Red growled and leapt towards the rebellious drone, giving them no time to react. He roughly grabbed them by the front of their tunic and dangled them mere inches from his face.

The Tallest ignored the throng of guards and soldiers that circled around him, ready to take the traitor into custody. Their interference was unnecessary. He wanted to deal with this creature himself.

"I couldn't believe my luck when I found out one of the Tallest was coming back," the drone smiled impishly. "I knew I had to take matters into my own hand."

"Who told you to do this?" Red urged. "Did some Resisty scum put you up to this?"

"Oh, my Tallest, there's more to it than just that." He spoke in a sickeningly sweet tone and batted his eyes mockingly. "I'm not with the Resisty. You see, I don't care for them myself. I'm one of those folks who want to destroy the Resisty but don't really like you."

"I'm your Tallest, you have no choice!"

"You're an awful Tallest! I couldn't bear the thought of you coming back and bossing me and everyone else around! You're the worst! So, I tried to take matters into my own hands."

"You've should've left the killing to the professionals, tiny." Red grinned maliciously. "Look at the trouble it got you into now."

"I know I'm done for. But you better watch your back. You have enemies all over the place, Tallest Red. We're hidden in plain sight and we're not going anywhere until you're dead and gone! You'll never be safe! I suggest you run off and hide again! At least you had a better chance as a coward!"

Red wouldn't entertain him anymore. With one deadly swipe, he decapitated the failed killer. Without blinking, he tossed the headless body onto the floor and coldly stared at it.

"Remove his PAK and wipe its data out!" he commanded one of his guards. "He was a defective!"

He was seething. He couldn't believe the gall and the audacity of this small turncoat. It ate away at him. Red was also in disbelief that his enemies would try to assassinate him as soon as he made it onto the Massive. But he wasn't deterred. He returned for a very specific reason and he would see it through until the bitter end. There was no negotiating or compromise.

There was treachery everywhere. He had to be wary of the Resisty, the Irken who defected to their cause and the ones who were loyal to the Empire but not him. It was revolting. His two years in exile hadn't changed anything. They simply bided their time and waited for him to resurface. They were patient but spiteful.

"Let that be a lesson to every single one of you!" he raised his voice, speaking to all of the Irken in the hangar. "This is what will happen to traitors! I will show no mercy and my revenge will be fast and terrible! We won't stop until they're all hunted down and exterminated! I will not let them undermine my authority and challenge my rule! I am your Tallest and you will all accept that or die! Am I understood?!"

The crowd seemed to be shocked that their Tallest had personally executed someone. Usually the Tallest gave the order to their bodyguards to carry out tasks like these. The last time something like this was done was during the reign of Almighty Tallest Gavi and that was well over a thousand years ago. To see their current ruler doing this was jarring.

"AM I CLEAR?!" Red roared, spittle flying from his mouth.

"Yes, my Tallest!" the crowd retorted in unison.

This was not ideal. Earlier, he had fully intended on contacting Purple as soon as he reestablished himself in the Massive. He had every intention to invite him back and rule alongside him as they had always done. But now it appeared that this ship was crawling with traitors. To invite Purple back was like ringing a dinner bell. Red couldn't and wouldn't risk his friend's life like that.

He would have to wait and be patient. It wouldn't feel right without his co-Tallest but it would be for his own good. He would never forgive himself if one of these slimy cretins assassinated him. In time, he would reach out to Purple. And if he was to do it, it would be through a private message and not on the bridge of the Massive. If he was to contact him, no one else could know that he did it.

Red had no idea where Purple was. But he had a sinking feeling that wherever he was hiding, it was probably ten times safer there than it was on the Massive.


	17. The Men and their Babes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It can never be too easy. No, it wouldn’t be a challenge then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your support and awesome words! This chapter...was pretty awkward to write. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was doing for over half of it and it probably shows so apologies on my behalf. I was running on creative fumes with this one but the next one will be better! Some things happened so hopefully it’s not too dull! Enjoy!

Chapter 17 The Men and their Babes

(two months later - February)

"Just act naturally. But don't make anything too obvious either. If that makes any sense."

"I really don't want to go. All I want to do is eat chocolate cake and sleep on the couch."

"Do Irken hibernate during winter months? Do you even have seasons on your planet?"

"What, you think I'm sort of bear or something? I know I eat a lot but come on, Human. I'm not that fat and lazy."

"You're not fat but you are lazy."

"No, we Irken don't hibernate… But we do have our personal preferences. I like hot weather and I can't stand the cold. I don't want to go outside unless if I have to."

"We're being expected. We kinda have to go."

Purple rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. He sounded too much like an angsty teenaged boy that didn't want to be bothered with doing his daily chores. He shoved another handful of nachos into his mouth and leaned back into the couch.

"I've heard about this Kendra," he said, sounding annoyed and inconvenienced. "She sounds like a real pain."

"She means well, she does," you said, trying to keep things as light and as smooth as possible. "Look… Don't you want to go see other Humans? It'll give you a new, fresh take on studying us. It's something different. It'll keep you stimulated and you won't be as bored."

"I don't care, I'm not interested in them!"

Angrily, he shoved another hearty portion into his maw. He only bothered to take a few chews before swallowing. More than anything else, he wasn't paying attention to the taste, he was more invested in binging on his food and stuffing his face.

"She will suspect something is up if we don't show up," you continued, wanting to get through to him. "She saw you from afar only once. That was how she even found out about you. Kendra is very interested in meeting you."

"Well, I'm not on the other hand," he replied indignantly. "I have my shelter, my food and my company, I don't care!"

"There'll be food and drinks. I promise that it won't be boring. It'll be more exciting at her place than here."

"I'm not bored here, what don't you understand about that? I'll happily watch the '_Nova Battles_' movies all over again too. I've watched each one over half a dozen times since I arrived on Earth. The fight between Emperor Palantino and Master Yodel was awesome. Remember that part where Jobee-One fought General Derpous? Derpous couldn't have died that easily at the hands of that stupid Gedi! And then that scene where Fluke Starjogger found out Death Vater was his dad? That can't be beaten! The fight between the Gedi Knights and the Shit Lords was another great scene!"

"How are you not bored out of your mind? When you first showed up here, I thought it was gonna be way more difficult to entertain you."

"I get to watch movies, play video games, eat, tame your beasts and curl up by the fire. It's perfect!"

"This social gathering will only be for a few hours. It's a Friday night and Kendra wants to hang out. I promise you won't be bored. Purple, please, don't be such a brat."

"I'm not!"

"Please… Come with me, cooperate, have a drink or two and then we can go back. Can you do this favor for me? Let's just get it done and over with."

He crossed his arms across his chest. Purple scowled and looked away, not at all seeming pleased with this update. His antennae were pressed flat against the back of his cranium, further belying his reluctance and annoyance with the whole scenario. He didn't like being coerced like this.

It was hard to believe that four months had passed since you took him under your roof. It almost didn't feel like it but that's what it was. He had wholeheartedly made himself at home and seemed to blend it rather well with everything. You had grown fully accustomed to him and he to you. In fact, you caught yourself a few times getting eager to be done with your shift and get back home. You found yourself craving his company more and more.

Kendra's words from two months earlier still lingered in the back of your head. They always floated around in there but you wouldn't act upon them. Those confusing emotions that roiled in you were still present as well. And you were pretty certain they weren't going to be vanishing anytime soon. As far as you were concerned, they were most likely there to stay.

You had to be real with yourself. Denying the truth would only make your life more difficult. The feelings didn't wane as you suspected (or maybe hoped). Without a doubt, you were very much attracted to him.

And yet you had no idea if he felt the same way. That was perhaps what was most maddening out of all of it. Sometimes, it looked like he was as interested as you were. Other times he was a blushing mess and would excuse himself to the bedroom he hardly ever used for the rest of the day. You could tell he was legitimately confused but you weren't going to get your hopes up or press the envelope. You didn't want to upset him or have him breakdown into a fit like he did two months earlier.

It was so strange… He still desired to hold you close whenever he was watching TV. He also voiced multiple times he still wanted to fall asleep on the couch with you again but nothing ever came about from that. To you, it seemed like he had no idea what he wanted. Maybe he was as maniacal and confused as any other Earthling.

"If we go to Kendra's, I'll take you out to the Honey Pot," you said. "Wanna go stuff your face with fries and all that jazz? Want to do some karaoke and chill? How does that sound?"

At the mention of karaoke, one of his antenna twitched. He tapped his chin, looking like he was thinking it over.

"That is tempting," he admitted. Then he frowned. "But I need another reason to go to your annoying, harpy-friend's house."

"You can't be seen as shady," you said. "People might think something is up if all you do is hide. Then if they go poking around, they might find out about the truth."

"Then I get rid of them. I'm not afraid of any nosy Earth monkey!"

"I hate to sound selfish but will you at least do it for me? Can you do it as a favor for me?"

He visibly hesitated. He bit his lower lip and he seemed like he was fiddling about nervously in his seat. Purple averted his gaze and stared at the ground, considering your request.

"Fine…" he exhaled loudly. "I'm only doing it because you're practically forcing me… I'll remember this, Human!"

"Thank you," you said, giving him a tiny smile. "I'm kinda anxious about the whole thing myself but it does need done. We can't let her get suspicious."

"You have to do something in return for me."

His smile was impish and his purple eyes refocused on you. You didn't like the sound of it.

"It has to be something negotiable," you said firmly. "Don't you get any crazy ideas."

"Oh, no, I would never do something like that!" the Tallest cackled. "Don't worry, I'll think about it and I'll get back to it when I decide what I want."

"Purple…"

"Yes?"

"I'm serious."

"So am I, Earthling."

"Fine. We'll discuss this later. Let me get into some more appropriate clothes and then we'll go."

"Don't take too long."

"Easy for you to say. I'm not the one with the holographic disguise that can get activated in a pinch."

Purple merely snorted and leaned back in the couch, getting comfortable for the moment. He gave you a smug look and folded his arms behind his head.

"You sound jealous," he snickered.

"You wish," you snapped back at him.

Without saying another word, you turned on your heels and marched to your bedroom. Yeah, he could be a sassy, insufferable idiot at times. But you'd be a horrible liar if you said you hated that about him.

(a half an hour later)

Mindfully, you drove up the gravel road that led to Kendra's cabin. What was nice about this drive was that it was brief and took only a few minutes to make it to her residence. You could see the orange glow of the bonfire she had going in her front yard, seeing it was roaring and accommodating even from afar. The sky above was totally clear and there was no threat of inclement weather or windiness which was perfect for the fire.

Although you were a little anxious about introducing Purple to your coworkers, you still were eager to hang out around the fire and maybe have a drink or two. It would be relaxing. You kept telling yourself that and you assumed the Tallest knew better and to behave himself while he was at it.

"Oh, there's something else I need to disclose to you," you started, feeling some heat infiltrate your cheeks.

"What's that?" he asked, turning his head to face you.

"Kendra knows you're not my cousin…"

"Um, okay… So, what's the story you cooked up?"

"I just told her you're some guy I met in town, took pity on and invited into my house."

"That's…that's really shady sounding."

You knew it was bad if he was calling you out on that. It was pretty embarrassing but you'd have to move on and get over it.

"I'm just some random loser you took in?" he asked, sounding truly vexed.

"Yeah, pretty much," you said, giving him a wry look. "I guess I adopted you like my dog and rabbit."

You chuckled and slowed down as you rounded the bend in the road. Just around that corner was Kendra's lot.

"That's not funny," he dourly retorted, crossing his arms across his chest. "I'm no dirty, furry Earth beast!"

"Calm down," you rolled your eyes. "Try to not be miserable, please."

"As long as they have food there, I'll deal with it."

As you slowed down, he activated his disguise. He examined himself in the mirror for a moment, making sure it was presentable and convincing enough. It worked plenty of other times when you took him into town for grocery trips. Hopefully it would remain this way tonight. It would be a test of sorts.

When you finally parked your truck, you could make out the shapes of Kendra and Zack around the fire. They were sitting on lawn chairs and they waved at you, welcoming and beckoning you over.

"Hey, guys!" you called over to them. You opened up the door and hopped out of your seat. "The fire looks nice!"

"Plenty of dry, freshly cut wood will do that!" Kendra said. "Come on! Sit down and relax a bit! We've got plenty of drinks and food! You won't leave hungry!"

You paused, listening to Purple as he slid out of his seat and closed his passenger door. The sound of shifting gravel came from behind you as he made his way around the car to your side. You didn't turn around to face him but you could certainly sense him lingering behind you.

"Wow!" Kendra gaped. Even in the firelight, you could see her eyes widen and then blink a few times. "You're super tall!"

"Heck, I'm jealous!" Zack joked. "Guys, come on over!"

You could hear him growl quietly but you chose to ignore that. Purple might've been in a bad mood but you knew he'd get over it sooner or later. The allure of food hopefully would be enough for him. You really didn't need him acting like a prickly porcupine for this night.

When you walked forward, so did he. You could feel the hairs stand up on the back of your neck, probably due to his cloaking mechanism. He was so close to you and you could've sworn his footsteps were filling yours with each step you took.

"It's nice to finally see you in person!" Kendra said. She turned her full attention to the alien before her. "Your name is Purple, right?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice sounding a bit lackluster and strained.

"It was awfully sweet of that lonely ranger to take you in, honey."

Oh, no. She couldn't be starting this bullshit already. Not on your watch. Not on this night. You had a shadow of a suspicion that she might try some sneaky stuff like this but you weren't expecting these antics right off the bat.

You took your seat and Purple plopped down next to you. The disguised Irken moved his chair a little closer to the fire, drawn by the warmth and heat he had grown accustomed to. Then he stretched his long, lanky form out, wanting to get as toasty as possible.

"Careful, man, don't end up in there with the wood!" Zack lightly teased.

"I like the fire," Purple replied. As the heat warmed his body, he relaxed a little more. "I don't like this snow and this cold. It's disgusting."

"Chill out for as long as you want, we're gonna keep this fire going on for as long as we can!"

"Where's the food?"

He definitely could've afforded to brush up on his social etiquette. Inwardly, you cringed at his lack of manners. You assumed you were used to it and that you either tuned it out or totally forgot about. But at the same time, you knew his manners were somewhat better lately. Or at least that's what you thought.

"I always tell him he has to have tapeworms," you joked, wanting to keep things diffused and as pleasant as possible. "He can shame a horse with how much he eats."

"He can eat a lot and still rock that skinny frame?" Kendra said. "I wish I could get away with that!" She took a sip of her beer. "What's your secret, Purple?"

"It's my genes," Purple answered with a sly smile. "I guess I'm lucky."

"We got some pretzels and chips right here," Zack said. He got up and grabbed the large snack bowl filled with said food sitting on a table behind his chair. "Here, eat up."

You shot Purple a stealthy but scrutinizing stare, warning him to be mindful and civil. You weren't going to tolerate any snotty, snobby behavior from him tonight. He was going to act somewhat like a gentleman and you were going to enforce it one way another.

The Irken saw your gesture all too clearly. He only smirked and graciously took the bowl from the Human male.

"Thank you," he said, annunciating his words. "You're so nice!"

Purple grabbed a handful and tossed it into his mouth, eating away.

"So, tell us a bit about yourself," Kendra said. "I know my coworker has been trying to keep you as a secret from us but now we actually have you right in front of us."

"It's not like I keep him locked up in the basement," you scoffed. You got up and grabbed a beer from the nearby cooler. "Don't twist anything, Kendra."

"I'm not!" She laughed and set a hand on her boyfriend's shoulder, rubbing it.

"You wanna know about me?" Purple said. His mouth was so full of the snacks he almost looked like a squirrel toting its hoard in its cheeks. "Oh, I think I'd bore you."

"No! Come on, let's hear about it!"

"I was in the army. I enlisted when I was young and I entered into the sniper corps. I was the best in my class and my drill instructor tried to make my life difficult and challenged my skills all the time…" He smiled at the memories proudly. "But his own life changed when I got a nice promotion."

"I never would've guessed! That's cool! So, are you still serving or what?"

"Not anymore. My duties are more…administrative nowadays."

"Not bad at all!"

"Purple, do you want anything to drink?" you wondered. "Maybe you want to try some of this stuff out?"

"No thanks," he replied. "I'm not feeling it right now. Maybe later."

You thought for sure he would want to try something. It was a little unexpected but you weren't going to antagonize him more than you wanted to. Normally, he was willing to experiment with these types of things. It was imperative to keep this gathering as "normal" and unremarkable as possible.

(two hours later)

"Honey, he's totally into you."

You sighed and rolled your eyes at her observation. She had to have been delusional or crazy. Or both. At this point, you wished she'd just shut up about it. In your eyes, she had no idea what she was rambling about.

"He's a bit complicated," you explained as you tossed your second bottle of beer into the garbage. "I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so quickly, Kendra."

"I caught him watching you the whole time so far. I saw him moving his chair closer to yours."

"To get away from the fire."

"Guess again, dear."

You peered out her kitchen window, getting a view of the bonfire outside. The flames were still high and dancing. Purple and Zack were out there, undoubtedly swapping manly stories around the fire. Initially, you were a little hesitant about leaving your coworker unattended with him but Kendra insisted that the boys should bond without the presence of the girls for a few minutes. You just hoped and prayed to God that Purple wouldn't remove Zack's brain and replace it with a raccoon's when no one was looking.

"They're fine!" Kendra said, interrupting your thoughts. "What're you so worried about?"

"Nothing," you retorted. "It's fine."

"Drink another beer."

"I gotta drive home."

"You literally live minutes way from my place and Purple is a grown-ass man. Besides, he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol. I think he wants to be the designated driver tonight."

"It's not happening."

"Listen to me." Kendra placed a hand on your shoulder and patted it. Her eyes looked solemn and firm. "Stop being so serious and mature. You're always like that. Let your hair down and have some fun. Listen, I have a bottle of tequila and I can make frosted shots for all of us."

"I can't handle that hard stuff. It always made me sick. Please, I don't want to get into a fight over something so stupid."

"Just one straight shot, okay?"

You sighed. Maybe one shot wouldn't make you ill. The two beers you had made you had a tiny buzz but you weren't smashed either. You'd slap yourself out of whatever mindset this shot would put you in.

"One," you asserted.

"Look, if you're three sheets to the wind, I'll have Zack drive you home. I promise. Or you can crash here tonight. I promise, you'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you."

"Fine."

Kendra went to her cabinet to fish out the alcohol she wanted to decant.

Again, you looked out the window, wanting to monitor the situation. You could make out both of their frames and they were still in the same spot as you left them. As stealthily as possible, you opened her window by a crack, trying to see if you could possibly eavesdrop on their conversation. You leaned in closer to the window, trying to listen in on what you could.

"…girl's a total babe, y'know?"

You could feel your heart skip a beat, a little surprised you actually managed to pick up on something. It was somewhat hard to follow at first but you could tell it was Zack that was speaking. More than anything else, you were keen on hearing whatever Purple had to say.

"Uh, maybe?" Purple answered. “I guess.”

All too clearly, you could pick up on the awkwardness in his voice. He sounded too uncomfortable. Your toes curled and you hastily closed the window, not wanting to listen to anything else.

"Here we go," Kendra announced.

You spun around a little too quickly, almost knocking into your friend in the process. She yelped and chuckled, handing the shot glass out to you. The liquid was clear and looked like water but knew it was the farthest thing from that. You could smell it even before you grabbed it.

"Straight tequila," she said.

"That stuff's horrible but let's do it," you cringed.

"Cheers, honey!"

You toasted each other and you quickly gulped down your shot. It tasted horrible and it burned going down. If you could liken it to something, it felt like you drank a shot of boiled bleach.

"Woo, it's like a slap in the face!" Kendra giggled.

"Or a punch to the gut," you remarked.

"You'll be fine. Let's fill up some shots for our men and head back out with them."

You rolled your eyes at her implication but you went along with it. Perhaps Purple would be willing to imbibe this time.

Once the shots were poured, the both of you exited the cabin and made your way over to the firepit. Purple and Zack were still in their spots and both looked relaxed. There didn't seem to be any sort of hostility that you could feel in the air.

"I brought a treat for you boys!" Kendra called out.

"What is it, babe?" Zack asked, smiling as he turned to face her.

She took a seat on his lap and handed him the shot. Then she kissed his cheek and ran her hand through his hair.

"Want a drink?" you offered the Tallest.

Inquisitively, he eyed you. You reclaimed your seat and handed it over to him.

"What is that smell?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Tequila," you revealed. "I…don't recommend it. But it's Kendra's idea."

"I'm not having any."

"Are you sure?"

For a second, he glanced over at Kendra and Zack. The two lovebirds were invested in each other and paid no mind to their guests for the moment. Then he looked back over to you.

"I'll pass," he said.

"Ugh, don't make me drink this," you groaned. "I already had one and it was more than enough for me."

"Give it your 'babe' friend."

…what the Hell was that supposed to mean?

When he said that sentence, there was a smile on his face. In that instant, you felt like you were about to burst. All that confusion and frustration was compiling inside you and it felt like it was the metaphorical straw that would break the camel's back. You were sick to death of his cryptic behavior and mystifying mannerisms. You were more than aware of the cultural and biological barriers and you knew it was quite the hurdle to get over.

But this response?

The demon on your left shoulder overtook the angel on your right and you tossed your head back. You angrily gulped down the shot, not even paying any mind to the acrid, unpleasant taste. This overwhelming sensation of spite overcame you and you were less than pleased.

"Have at it, Casanova," you said.

The disguised Irken was totally befuddled by your words. Confusion crept into his features and he looked like he was at a loss for words.

"Casanova?" he repeated. "What's a 'Casanova'?"

"Figure it out," you bluntly said.

"Zack!"

"What's up, Purple?" the man said.

"What or who is 'Casanova'?"

"I don't know, it sounds Latin or Italian or something."

"Wasn't he some infamous guy who had loads of girlfriends?" Kendra offered, clearly sounding totally unsure.

At that supplied answer, he looked back at you. He still looked lost. 

"I'm not a Casanova," he said. "What are you talking about?"

"You called Kendra a 'babe', you idiot," you whispered harshly at him. You didn't want Zack and Kendra overhearing anything. "Do you know what a babe even is?"

"Sort of. Like an attractive Earth woman?"

As soon as he answered his own question, he fell silent. Purple stared back at you, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. It finally hit him.

"I…" he hesitated. "I made a mistake."

You said nothing in return. At this point, you didn't care. Your already dwindling self-confidence was utterly smothered. Him calling Kendra a babe was enough for the night.

"Zack!" he said, raising his voice.

"Yes, my man?" the ranger sounded off.

"Are you ready to arm wrestle?"

"Heck yeah! Come on, let's show off for the ladies! We do have an audience!"

You hoped Zack would put him in his place. If he wasn't going to do it, then you were going to make Purple walk back to your cabin alone. That'd teach that pretentious, spoiled dick a lesson.

"Ooh, what made you come to that decision?" Kendra wondered.

"I always wanted to arm wrestle a soldier!" Zack laughed. "Come on, I have to test my muscles! I gotta stay in shape and know where I stand! Babe, grab the snack table so we have a surface to rest on."

Kendra got up off his lap and went to do the task.

"I will correct my mistake," Purple said, looking back to you.

"By having Zack dislocate those skinny shoulders of yours?" you pondered out loud. "What's that gonna prove?"

The look in his eyes was all too serious and it chilled you. It almost felt like the fire magically fizzled out and you were abruptly plunged into the February cold. It actually alarmed you.

"Watch me," he practically demanded.

Kendra set up the table and Zack set his right arm up on the table. His elbow rested on the surface and he flexed his muscles, stretching them out and testing them. Zack wasn't a wrestler but he was definitely toned. Without a doubt, he had muscles and you had seen him haul a few tranquilized bears and deer around like it was nothing.

Purple chose his left arm and set it down in turn. He clenched his fingers, stretching them out and balling them into a fist a few times.

"Not gonna lie, man, I can't believe you were in the army," Zack said. "You're a skinny dude."

"Appearances are deceiving," Purple shot back. He smiled as he said those words.

Both of the males gripped their opponent's hand. Their fingers interwove and each held the other in an iron clamp. Zack had a friendly but challenging smirk to his face. The one Purple displayed was cold and determined.

"Go!" Kendra rang out.

The two men began their duel of strength and endurance. None seemed to overtake the other at first and it was seemingly equal right off the bat.

Carefully, you watched them. Although you were slowly becoming increasingly impaired as the two shots started to kick in, you managed to tune in. As the seconds ticked by, you could see what was happening. Zack's forearm was visibly quivering. He was struggling. When you looked at Purple's it was flexed and wasn't wavering at all. Somehow, he seemed like he was in total control and was deadly focused.

"Damn!" Zack laughed half heartedly. "You're really strong!"

Purple didn't say anything. All he did was exert more power.

Zack hissed sharply when he saw his arm bend over half way to the losing side. Veins were starting to bulge out as he attempted to fight back against his seemingly weaker opponent.

"This is my weaker arm," Purple casually noted.

Kendra was totally silent, more astonished than anything else. You were shut up as well, disbelieving that Zack was actually going to lose to him. More than anything else, it was a bit scary to witness. Even before the match, there seemed to be an obvious victor and loser. The tall, thin guy was curb-stomping the buff one.

"Sorry, my man, but I'm not losing!" Zack grunted.

"I have more at stake than you," said Purple.

Purple's jaw clenched and he forcefully and swiftly pushed Zack's arm all the way down, defeating him. Zack's face contorted and scrunched up and he hastily released his grasp on Purple's hand. The man held his arm, keep it close to his chest in some vain effort to contain the pain.

A look of horror washed over your face and your hands folded across your mouth. With the way Purple pushed Zack’s arm over made you instantly believe it had to have been painful. It was swift but brutal.You weren't expecting that at all. You knew for certain that Purple was more than likely stronger than you but him clearly outmuscling Zack? That was frightening. He was capable of some insane strength you weren't even aware of.

"Honey, are you okay?" Kendra demanded, leaping in and fawning over her defeated boyfriend.

"It's nothing, babe," he said, waving it off. "I just wasn't ready to get bowled over that fast! I'll be fine, I promise."

The masquerading Irken leader leaned back in his seat, feeling all too pleased and proud with the results.

"It appears I've established myself as the alpha male," he broadcasted shamelessly.

"Was that necessary?" you demanded, finally getting over your shock. "What is your problem? You could've torn his muscle or something!"

"But I won."

"At what cost?!"

Just as you were frustrated, so was he. He was confused and unsure of how to proceed with anything. Internally, he still warred with himself over his upbringing, programming and the cocktail of emotions that roiled inside of him. He still didn't understand how Red was able to do it and function. It was maddening that he couldn't figure it out. Although he was brought up to not feel any emotional connections, he failed at that right from the start. And now that he was beginning to feel strange with the Human female he lived with, it got worse.

Yes, he sought to prove his strength and superiority. He managed to achieve that feat rather effortlessly. But he also wasn’t sure why he exactly did that. It was impulsive and he couldn’t control it. And that question taunted him.

Did he seriously embark on this challenge just to show off? Did he do this so he could exhibit his prowess and power to some lower lifeform he was becoming fond of? Was this some long suppressed instinct from his species' past that his PAK failed to curb for whatever reason and it was starting to resurface? Maybe his PAK was malfunctioning? Or worst of all, maybe he was going to end up like that crazed Irken rebel.

"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" you asked, feeling so guilty and ashamed for this mess. "You need to get that checked out!"

"No," Zack argued. "We're all gonna get in trouble if we show up there and they find out we drank and drove. I'll be fine, I promise."

"At least go in the morning!"

"Honey, don't worry!" Kendra assured you. "It's most likely nothing. We'll see how it is in the morning. Honestly, don't feel bad about it."

"Oh God…" You felt the need to get out before more damage could be done. This night was getting worse and worse. "It's getting late, we ought to get going."

"Are you sure? You're still more than welcome to stay."

"Kendra, I am so, so sorry. His arm is out of commission so he needs rest he can't overwork it."

"O-okay. Let's rearrange another time to hang out, okay? Maybe sometime in the spring?"

"Sure. I'll check in with you guys tomorrow. Put some ice on it and don't use it if you don't have to. Thanks again and once more, I'm sorry."

You got up and hastily made your way over to the truck. Pure, unadulterated rage was starting to overcome whatever buzz you had that was building up. You wanted nothing more than to snap Purple's thin spine in half.

"Let's get going, Purple!" you demanded. "We gotta go before you break his goddamn leg!"

You fumbled with your keys, trying to unlock your door. You swore under your breath, feeling yourself getting more irate with each second of being unable to do this simple task. You heard him say your name but you ignored him.

"Let me drive," he said firmly.

"Get in the passenger's seat," you growled at him. "You are not driving my truck! I wouldn't trust you to drive it even if I were half dead!"

During this exchange, you didn't even look at him. You only wanted him to get in the car and shut up.

At last, you opened it up and you climbed into the driver's seat. You shoved the keys into the ignition and started it up. As soon as he pulled himself up into his seat and shut the door, you peeled off down the road, kicking up gravel and making your way back home.

The silence in the cab was unbearable and stifling. You wanted to scream at him, clobber him, make him feel the same pain he probably dealt to your coworker. But you struggled to maintain what little cool you had left. It was going to be a miracle if you made it back to your cabin without biting his head off.

"Pull over, you're going too fast!" he commanded.

Just to spite him, you revved your engine. You were probably going to make it back to your place in record time.

"Are you that thickheaded?" you asked. "You could've seriously damaged his arm! That was so uncalled for! You're such a colossal asshole! Zack is my coworker and my friend! If he can't do his job because of his injury, he can suffer because of it! He may have to rely on Kendra to support him! Why do you have to be so destructive and selfish and stupid?!"

"I said to pull over!" he raised his voice, his pitch becoming almost shrill.

You slammed on the breaks and the truck skidded for about two dozen feet. Then you threw it into park and turned in your seat, glaring directly at him and devoting your searing fury and undivided attention at him.

His disguise faded out and you could see the sternness in his eyes. His chest rose and fell, showing he was becoming as animated and wound up as you were.

"You…" you said ominously. "Oh, you…"

"I-I don't know what happened," he floundered. "I just had this sudden urge to prove myself. I saw this look in your eyes when I said those stupid words…" He sighed loudly at the recollection and shuddered at it. That wasn't his proudest moment. "And I wanted to fix it."

"By fucking Zack up?! Is that something you do back home?!"

"I didn't think, I just acted! I'm…" He hesitated and snarled more at himself than you. "I'm really confused and I don't know what to do or act or say!"

"So am I! I don't know what to think anymore!"

"Look, let's chill out… Let's calm down, okay?"

You had no idea where the tears were coming from but they showed up. Your vision became blurred by that salty water and you sniffled quietly. It was so hard to hold it back and you felt like you were going to go insane. There was no one to confide or talk to about these things. No one could know the truth. If said truth ever came to light, your life would probably be over.

"No, no, no, don't do that!" he said in a panicked manner. "Don't!"

You cried louder and rested your forehead against the steering wheel. Maybe having two shots and two beers was a bad idea. Maybe this whole gathering was a terrible idea from the start. It all was a calamity and you were afraid to see what the next day would bring.

"I should've kept my mouth shut when you called Kendra a babe!" you blubbered. "I got…I got jealous and defensive and this wouldn't have happened if I didn't just shut my big fat mouth up. This is my fault!"

A moment later, you could feel two thin arms wrap around you and slide you over to the passenger's seat. You couldn't fight back, you had no strength. You felt yourself being lifted up into his lap. He held you the same way you held him two months earlier. His arms kept you close and he offered you the warmth and comfort of his familiar frame.

"That's enough," he ordered. His words were authoritative but soft. "Stop crying. This is the first time I've seen you do it and I don't like it."

His spindly fingers combed through your hair. The tips of his claws massaged your scalp. His chest rose and fell, wanting you to feel the air entering and then leaving his body. He kept you close, wanting you to steady your breathing and follow his. What mattered to him the most was calming you down and making those tears go away.

All you were capable of doing was clinging to him and letting him soothe you. You latched onto him like a child. Those previous feelings and thoughts were discarded and instead, you focused on him. His steady, repetitive, deep breathing subconsciously made yourself sync with him. Your face was buried into his chest and you felt yourself mellow out at his touch.

"I also just discovered I don't like it when we fight," said Purple. "I don't want to be mad at you and I don't want you to be mad at me too."

"I'm sorry," you murmured. "I'm a jerk."

"That makes both of us."

You let out a weak laugh. You curled up into his shape, accepting him as your sanctuary.

Who were you kidding? Cupid struck you with his arrow all too accurately.

"You like me, right?" he asked.

"Of course I do," you answered. You reached up and stroked the back of his head, being careful of his antennae. "I can't lie about it."

"And you know I like you…" You audibly heard him swallow. "I like you a lot. Like, uh…way more than I should be allowed to."

"I can say the same for myself, Purple."

"Really..?"

"Yes."

"I only called your friend a babe because her man referred to her like that. I…I wasn't thinking when I said that."

"I forgive you, it's fine. Let's not talk about it."

"Let me say one more thing about it… You're more of a babe than she is. Way more."

You caught yourself smiling away at those words. You blushed and muzzled your face into his torso. 

“Hey, my Tallest!”

Both of you were snapped back to reality when you heard that voice. Purple almost leapt out of his seat with you still camped out on his lap. Your eyes widened and you turned your head to look out the windshield. 

There, in the middle of the road, stood Zim. He was standing on his tiptoes and waving his arms back and forth, trying to get Purple’s attention. And boy did it work.

”My Tallest, it’s me!” he called. “It is your faithful servant ZIM!!!! I have wonderful news for you!”


	18. Girl on the Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is patient, love is kind. But love is also tough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all. Thanks for the kudos and comments and all that good stuff. Things happen in this chapter. Lots of talking but something does happen so it shouldn’t be too boring. 
> 
> Also, the title of the chapter is a reference to the song by Foreigner. I thought it fit and it’s a really beautiful song. So, eh. Why not.
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 18 "_Girl on the Moon_"

The noise that came out from Purple's mouth was something you never heard before. It was somewhat of a cross between a deep growl and a rattling hiss. It was so guttural that you could feel it reverberate through your bones. His antennae were pressed against the back of his head. His eyes were narrowed into slits. His jaws were clenched his lips were curled back, revealing his teeth. At that very moment, you never realized until then how sharp they looked.

"Do you see me, my Tallest?!" Zim continued to wave him down. "I'm here! Hey, my Tallest!"

"He needs to shut up," you said hastily, realizing Kendra's cabin was probably a quarter mile away from your position. "Let him into the truck, no one can know he's here!"

"Put it drive and run him over!" Purple fumed. "Do that or I will jump out of this vehicle, tear him to pieces and leave him for the animals! And I am not joking either, I will do it!"

"He said he has information!"

Purple snarled again and his claws dug into the seat beneath him. The mere sight of Zim made him want to viciously attack him. The last thing he wanted was to have the disgraced Irken show up in the middle of this extremely private moment. But he was rewarded no peace and it was ruined. To say that he was furious was an understatement.

Not wanting to risk discovery, you slid off of the Tallest's lap. You opened up the driver’s side door and stuck your head out. You waved towards Zim, beckoning him and urging him to get in.

"Zim, let's go!" you urged. "Don't let anyone see you!"

"Much thanks, Beast-Master!" he exclaimed.

Zim happily clambered into the cab, ignoring the deathly glare his leader was shooting at him. The smaller Irken was blissfully ignorant of the situation and wasn't even aware of what was happening up until he walked out into the middle of the road.

"What're you doing out here?" you demanded. "What's going on?"

"ZIM!" Purple bellowed.

He lunged for the Invader and placed both of his hands around Zim's throat. Forcefully, he pushed the smaller creature back against the passenger door's window and pinned him against it. Purple proceeded to choke and shake him, more than tempted to finish him off right then and there.

In the middle of the chaos and the jostling bodies in the enclosed cab, the radio turned on. The volume was turned up high and the tuning knob was turned intermittently as Purple and Zim struggled with each other.

”_It’s night again. Time for my mind to go wandering. Off on a journey through space and time, in search of a face I can never find. So I close my eyes and look inside..._”

"Ack..!" Zim gagged. "My… Tallest!"

"Stop it!" you demanded, wrapping your arms around Purple's torso. "Don't kill him!"

You attempted to pry him away from Zim, trying to free the tinier Irken. Purple held fast, refusing to let go of the person that caused him so much frustration and consternation for his whole life.

"You intrusive, annoying, pesky, filthy, stupid, little goblin!" he raged. "I'm gonna choke you til your head pops off, do you hear me?! I'm gonna make sure you don't walk away from this alive!" He looked over his shoulder, directing his attention to you. "Cut it out! I'm doing what I should've done the very moment I first met him!"

"Didn't you hear what he had to say?!" you fired back at him. "He has something to tell! Listen to him!"

"I don't care what he has to say anymore!"

"Dammit, Purple, let him speak!"

"No!"

”_She’s like a girl on the moon. A girl on the moon...”_

"My Tallest!" Zim begged. He kicked his legs and tried to wrench Purple's hands off of his throat. "The Massive..! Tallest Red is… on the Massive!"

At the mention of Red's name, Purple audibly gasped. All of the hostility and hatred he had summoned up seemed to instantly melt away. Without a second to waste, he released Zim. He leaned back, giving Zim some air to breathe and some time to recover from that violent outburst.

"Red is on the Massive?" Purple asked, wanting to make sure he heard him correctly. "Is this true?"

"Yes, sir," Zim coughed. "I called in to check on the phony not-so-Tallest you chose to replace you and I found my other Tallest!" He smiled brightly. Despite the fact Purple was actively trying to kill him moments before, it never registered to him. "He was so surprised and happy to see me!"

It was so relieving to get this news. Purple often fretted and wondered over his co-Tallest. Sometimes he caught himself pondering over whether he was still alive or he had been killed by savage aliens or vengeful Resisty members. Despite wanting to reach out to him more times than he could count, Purple fought this impulse. There was no way he could betray Red's cover. But now that Zim disclosed this information to him, he felt at ease.

"Red's alive and okay?" he reiterated, a small, genuine smile shining on his face.

"Affirmative, my Tallest!" Zim grinned.

"That's great! I'm happy that Red made it back and he's taking care of things. I figured he'd beat me to it!"

"I also told him that you're hiding out here on Earth!"

The light and joyful emotions Purple permitted himself to feel abruptly burst into flames. His spooch twisted and churned in his abdomen and he looked like he was about to be sick. The color in his face began to wash out, leaving it a few shades paler than what it was originally. Terror filled every single cell and fiber of his body. He felt like he was going to vomit.

"Zim…" Purple said in a hoarse, tiny voice. "You told him where I was?"

"Yep!" Zim nodded.

"You told him where I was in front of all those other people on the control bridge?"

"Yes, indeed! They need to know their other Tallest is alive and well!"

He started to feel lightheaded. He felt like he was about to pass out. The Tallest simply couldn't believe that Zim had mindlessly divulged his location to everyone present on the bridge.

"I-I need air!" he said, beginning to swoon.

"No!" you demanded, trying to keep him upright and in place. "You can't leave this truck until we get to my place! No one can find out I have two space men in my vehicle!"

You threw your truck into drive and resumed your journey down the road. You had to get both of them out of your vehicle and indoors where you could discuss this issue. With Zim's presence, this was going to complicate things. Bambi would go ballistic and would want a second chance to chew on Zim's face. You couldn't afford to go through something like that again. This conversation couldn't take place in your home.

"Tallest Red didn't seem so happy that I told him you were on Earth, sir," Zim resumed. "In fact, he hung up as soon as I told him and I tried a hundred times to reconnect with the Massive but I can't get through! Maybe he wants to have all the power to himself now!"

"Oh, Zim," Purple bemoaned. He rested his left arm across his forehead. "How and why did you do this…? I'm not even furious anymore. I'm just extremely disappointed and scared now."

"We can discuss this in my shed," you told the both of them. "Hang on, it'll be any moment now."

”_Am I asking too much? Should I leave my dream untouched? Should I even know where she’s from? My girl on the moon..._”

Luckily, the thought came to you in that instant. It was small and a little cramped but it was good enough. You kept your ATV parked in there and the enclosed area would have enough space for all three of you.

Literally two minutes later, you reached your property. You rolled up to the shed and hurriedly put your truck in park. Then you pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened up the door. You gestured for both of them to follow you.

The two aliens emerged from your truck and were at your heels in mere seconds. Both of them were closely behind you and you ignored their presence as you unlocked your shed.

"Why so much secrecy?" Zim demanded. "What are you planning, Beast-Master?"

"Just because the government isn't here doesn't mean they're officially gone," you commented. "They're still on the lookout for Purple. Don't trust anything around here." You unlocked it and pushed the door open. "Come on, in we go."

You let them hustle in first. After that, you followed them and then shut the door behind you. You didn't bother to turn on the light, not wanting to draw any sort of attention. In these circumstances, the cover of darkness was an ally and friend. It wouldn't be so easy to spot you and your companions from afar.

"I can't believe you told them I'm on this planet," Purple said. "Zim… The real reason why I left the Massive and went into exile was because there were traitors and spies in the Armada!" He raised his voice, his wrath starting to make a comeback. "Those backstabbers are still probably on there and were just waiting to get a tip as to my whereabouts! Now they know where I am and they'll come here!"

"I won't let them lay a grimy hand on you, my Tallest!" Zim promised. "Zim shall protect you! They will have to get through me first if they want to hurt you!"

A groan of despair came from the Tallest and he buried his face into his hands. He rested his back against the wooden wall of the structure. Then he slowly slumped to the floor, sitting on the ground.

This didn't look like a case of betrayal to you. From what you learned and heard about Zim so far, it was very unlikely. More than anything else, he was just stupid and negligent. He didn't think before he spoke. This might've been one of his biggest blunders ever. And now Purple was in this hot water.

This definitely was not good. You were more than aware of the situation and he told you plenty about it. You knew that people wanted him dead. With the knowledge out that he was in hiding on Earth, it was like ringing a gruesome dinner bell. God only knew what sort of freaks would rush to your planet now, eager to kill Purple and maybe destroy the planet while they were there.

You had to cook up a plan and you had to do it fast. You had no idea how long it would take for them to get here but you knew that one way or another, they'd show up. The both of you had to be prepared for whatever or whoever was coming. There was no excuse for laziness or slipups. You weren't going to let Purple get terminated on your watch.

"What can we do?" you asked. "Do they know where he is exactly?"

"No," Zim replied. "They know he is on this mud-ball but they don't know his approximate location. You have that in your favor!" He blinked and eyed you inquisitively. "Human, you are willing to help my Tallest?"

"Of course! I already sheltered him in my house for a few months. I'm not gonna let anything hurt him on my watch."

"You have chosen wisely! Tallest Purple must be happy to have such a devoted Earthling servant to do his bidding! Zim approves of your loyalty!"

"Purple." He moaned miserably in reply to you calling him. "Purple, I know you're having an emotional breakdown right now but you need to be in on this!"

"I swear, I can never get a break!" he griped. "All I ever wanted to do was eat donuts, blow stuff up, play video games, watch movies and be tall! Is it so much to ask for?! Why do these things keep happening to me?!"

Oh, absolutely not. You were not dealing with this. He was an adult and he was going to act like one. He had responsibilities to uphold and you weren't going to let him slack off with it.

"Get up," you commanded firmly. "Man up! You got this, okay? You're a Tallest, right? You're a leader? You're someone to be respected? Act like it! If they're coming to kill you, then you have to be ready to return the courtesy to them! You're not a wimp! I know you're not a loser! You're a soldier!"

"Don't talk to my Tallest like that!" Zim chided. "Know your place, bipedal stink-ape!"

"Don't call her that!" Purple snapped at the smaller Irken. "She smells nice!"

"My Tallest, will you let her talk to you like this?!"

"You have no reason to say anything, Zim! You're the source of all my trouble as usual! You're never getting off the hook as far as I'm concerned! When this war is done and over with... Oh, you are so going to pay for everything!”

Zim cringed and looked away, not finding the strength to look back at his superior. He shrunk back slightly and lowered his head, further giving away his sense of ineptitude and shame.

"If people are coming for you, you need to leave," you said, stating the obvious. "How're you going to do that?"

"I must go to this Area 51 and retrieve my ship," Purple decided. He stood up and dusted off his garments. "That's my only option. I'm gonna get it back and leave. Looks like my time on Earth is up.” Then he shot a scrutinizing glare at the tiny Invader. “Thanks, Zim."

Zim squirmed uncomfortably and still kept his head down. He whimpered quietly and twiddled his thumbs nervously.

"How're you gonna get it back?" you asked. "That's going to be a very tricky task. There are plenty of armed men there and it's you against all of them."

"I got a plan in mind," the Tallest chuckled. "Don't worry about it."

"Sorry but that's gonna be impossible for me to do. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"You got another plan I can use?"

You didn't. This was beyond your power and capabilities, hands down. You just didn't want him to do something stupid that would end up costing him his life. He did have a tendency to be brash and idiotic.

"I don't," you confessed, feeling a bit useless.

"Then I have to do it,” he huffed softly. “Trust me, I do have a plan. I know exactly what I'm going to do and I'm ninety eight percent sure it'll work flawlessly."

"And the other two percent?"

"I might have to really get serious then."

"Can you at least tell me what you have in mind? Maybe I can help out? Or at least try to make it as fool proof as possible?"

Purple gave you a small smile. He moved closer to you and then leaned against the wall. His cheeks were darkening but despite that, he persisted, remaining close and he didn't tear his eyes away from your face.

"I, uh…" his face continued to turn a deeper shade of green. "You know… I'm not gonna let you get wrapped up in it. This is something I gotta do by myself."

"Purple," you said, your tone stern, "come on. I can't let you get yourself killed by these people. Tell me about it."

"I'm literally going to walk up to the front door of their base and let them take me in."

"You're insane!" You gaped, disbelieving the audacity of it. It was almost like a suicide mission.

"It sounds crazy, I know! But I'll have it under control! They'll be more than happy to let an alien in, right? They already have my ship so all they need is the most important piece of the puzzle; me!"

"They might kill you! Seriously, you have to reevaluate this plan! So much can go wrong!"

"My Tallest, I must voice my concern too!" Zim spoke up, finding his courage once more. "Your plan is too brave, sir! Allow me to go in and retrieve your vessel for you! You are too valuable to lose if something should happen to you!"

The smooth smile on Purple's face instantly melted away as soon as he heard Zim speak. You could see and sense the agitation and mounting ire in him. There was no doubt in your mind that he just wanted to rip the smaller Irken's head off his shoulders and scrap his PAK.

"Invader Zim, you have no faith in your Tallest!" Purple growled. "I may be tall but there's much more to me than that! If I remember correctly, you know full well that you, Red and I were all Elites! We went to the same academy together! You know that I'm a soldier! I think it's about time I reminded you of that. Underestimating me is just as offensive as disrespecting me…" He glowered at Zim and placed his hands on his hips. "Your help is not needed and I will do this on my own with no assistance!"

Zim lowered his head and sighed softly. As much as he wanted to retrieve his Tallest's ship, his leader forbade it. Purple knew what he wanted and that much was clear. But he had to assist his overlord, somehow in some way. He couldn't sit around and let nothing happen. He refused to be useless.

"Allow Zim to transport you to Area 51!" he urged. "I will have you there in no time, my Tallest! Let me do that much for you!"

An annoyed exhale came from Purple and he rolled his eyes. Zim was too insistent but that was something he'd take up on. Area 51 was too far away to drive to and even farther to walk. Flying would be the best and quickest option. Plus, it would get the Invader to shut up and he'd be granted some peace.

"Fine," said the Tallest, "I'll accept that offer. Zim, go get your ship warmed up and be ready to take me there. I gotta have a few words with the female before I leave."

Zim looked at you. His stare lingered for a few seconds before his bulging ruby-red eyes refocused back on Purple. You could see that something was on the Invader's mind but you had zero interest in finding out what it was. It most likely wasn't anything good or anything you were keen on discussing.

"Yes, my Tallest!" Zim exclaimed gleefully. "I will be waiting for you, sir! Your chariot will be ready!"

Excitedly, he hustled out of the shed. The door opened and then he mindfully shut it behind him. You could make out his small, green shape skittering off into the dark, wintry night, making his way to whatever direction he parked his ship at.

"I couldn't stand him looking at us anymore," Purple complained. "It's creepy."

"You should let Zim at least stick around in case if things get bad," you suggested. "You never know when you will need his help."

"Ugh, don't even joke about that. If I end up calling on him, then I literally have no choice." He inched even closer to you. "Come with me. Tag along with me and I'll show you the whole universe! This is the perfect opportunity for you to leave!"

You knew that this day was going to happen one way or another. It was a question of "when", not "if". It was an established fact that he couldn't and wouldn't stay on Earth forever. Originally, you foresaw it would've lasted a little longer. Perhaps that would've been the case if Zim didn't decide to so carelessly reveal Purple's location to his co-Tallest. Without a doubt, he would've lounged about on the planet. Anymore, you hoped that was the case.

He also made you part of his entourage and he had said you would be going with him. But you simply couldn't do that. You had too many responsibilities that kept you firmly tethered to Earth. You had your ranger duties. You had your dog and rabbit to take care of. This was your home and you couldn't drop everything so arbitrarily. Not only that, you had to work at least a few decades before you could even retire. There was definitely no time to go on some intergalactic jaunt with the Irken emperor.

Yes, you were realizing you were becoming far more attached to him than you ever perceived you'd be. The longer the reality sunk in, the more it hurt. He was leaving and you had no idea how far away he was travelling to. While he claimed that Earth would be spared and he would peacefully annex it, there was the chance you might never see him again. It was that possibility that weighed heavily on your thoughts. Then there's the chance he might be killed. He might end up being too busy. Or he might find some alien woman with a chest more comfortable than yours…

The ride was fun while it lasted. But the end was here. You knew you couldn't delay the inevitable.

"Purple, you know I can't do this," you started.

"Of course you can!" he said. He set a hand on your shoulder. "You don't have to work anymore! You can bring Baby and Bambi with you! We can still hang out together and have plenty of fun. You can eat whatever you want and you don't have to listen to anyone. Well, except for me… I'll be your boss since you're technically a part of my staff but! I promise I'll be a good boss to you! You'll have the best and most lavish quarters on the Massive and I'll get you your own team of servants! Heck, I’ll make sure the dog and bunny have their own servants too! I'll make sure you're respected and obeyed." He chuckled. "Sounds great, doesn't it? Those are some pretty sweet perks, huh?"

The welcoming and encouraging tone made you smile. But that smile happened to be tainted with sorrow and disappointment. With each second that was going by, it was breaking your heart more and more.

"What's wrong?" he asked. Worry was obvious in his voice. "You look like you're gonna cry again!"

"Purple," you began, "I'm sorry… I can't."

"Yes, you can! Your living quarters will be way bigger! You don't have to go out into that cold weather anymore. You don't even have to work anymore! You don't have to do anything! Like… nothing. You just have to be there. That's all I want. I want to see you and know you're there with me."

"Trust me, your offer is so tempting. I can make do without the servants, that would feel too weird for me. And while it is nice to not have to work, I know I would go insane without having a job of some sort."

"It's okay, we'll find something for you to do! Whatever you want, you got it! I can get you literally anything! I think… I'll try my hardest!"

"I have things to do here. I can't abandon these duties, Purple. I can't just drop it all and go off into that huge universe. It's more complicated than that. It's not as easy as it sounds."

"Your boss can find someone to replace you. It can be someone else's problem!"

"But I like my life. I like my job. I like patrolling the woods, observing the wildlife and making sure everything is smooth and protected. I grew up here. My dad and grandpa lived here with me. It'd be so hard for me to let everything go."

"You're not going to be forbidden from coming back here. You can visit Earth as much as you like when the war is done and over with. Besides, I think I want to make you leader of Earth when I take it over. I can't trust anyone else to rule it!"

He wasn't going to quit. Purple didn't get the hint. It was part of his charm but in this instance, it was steadily starting to annoy and frustrate you. He simply couldn't understand that you needed and wanted to stay on this planet. Your feet belonged on terra firma and that was it.

How would you tell Ted you were going to practically elope with an alien if you decided to go with Purple? He'd never believe you. Besides, you couldn't leave so abruptly like this. You couldn't do this to your fellow rangers. You were an adult and you had to act like one.

Purple was impulsive. In his world everything was easy to get. He was used to getting what he wanted. On the other hand, there was you…

"You want me to go talk to your boss?" he asked, catching onto your turmoil. "I'll do it. I'll tell him you're going away and he will understand. Trust me, I'll make sure he gets the picture."

"Don't threaten him," you argued.

"What's holding you back? You can't say no!"

"I have to!"

"No, you can't."

"Purple, please, I don't want to fight with you…" You grasped onto both of his hands and held them in your own. "I don't want to upset you. I don't want us to go our separate ways and have us be mad at each other. I don't want it. It would make me sick to my stomach."

"But I don't want to leave without you!" He pouted and his eyes looked particularly glassy and expressive. "You don't have to worry about anything! And you don't have to be afraid at all. I'm gonna take care of you and make sure you're happy!"

"I belong here. You belong out there. We both have jobs we have to do, Purple. You have to reclaim your power and sort your Empire out. I have to take care of my woods and make sure people and animals are safe in there. You go out there, do what you have to and then come back. When it's all fixed and done, you can stay for as long as you like with me."

"But I don't know how long that will take. And I don't want any of those freaks coming here and finding you." His posture stiffened and he turned his head towards the door where Zim waltzed out of a few moments earlier. "Besides, I don't feel comfortable leaving you behind with Zim. He knows who you are and I don't want him pestering you. I don't want him hurting you. Besides, he has no business with you."

"I'm a big girl, I can hold my own against him if I have to."

He scowled as he continued to stare at the door. You were mildly surprised by the deep growl that came from his chest then slipped out of his mouth.

"I know you don't trust him," you said. "But let him be the least of your problems for now. You need him so you can get to Area 51 and get your ship back."

"I don't think you understand how I really feel," he said, disregarding what you had to say. "I know I was really stupid and unsure about it earlier. Now, I know how I really feel and what I really want."

"What are you talking about?"

He finally looked away from the structure's sole entrance and exit. It seemed like some of his anger melted away and was replaced by…something else. But when his eyes locked with yours, you found yourself unable to look away.

"I think you know what I'm talking about, babe," he said with a lady-killing smirk.

There was no time to blink, think or even blush. There was no time to even let those words fully sink in. A second after he said that last word, his mouth was atop yours.

You were beyond flabbergasted and squealed loudly into his mouth. His arms latched around you, pulling you closer to him and securing you to his lean but powerful frame. His antennae fluttered and twitched, showing off his eagerness. Purple kept up the kiss, keeping it firm and enjoying the plushness and warmth of your lips in the midst of the unheated, inhospitable shed.

Of course, you were beyond astonished that he did this. Internally, you were screaming, having been caught completely off guard. But it only took a few seconds for that shock to crumble away. While it was surprising, it was also soothing and calming. This wasn't something you necessarily disliked or didn't want to happen. Oh, you did want it. You just assumed it never would've come into fruition.

You allowed him to hold you close. Your own arms encircled around his shape, embracing him in return. Your lips puckered against his and you playfully pushed back on his. There definitely was a particular, unfamiliar twang to his taste but it wasn't unpleasant. You could also pick up on the sweetness of his mouth, undoubtedly thanks to his sugary diet.

Unexpected. But so welcome. This was nice.

About a minute or so passed and he finally drew his head back. Purple reared his head, his eyes wide and almost glowing in delight. He laughed quietly and still held you close to his body. His hands traced over your hips, admiring the contours of your shape.

"Wow!" he chuckled. "That was awesome!" For an instant, he appeared sheepish and he looked back at you. "Did I do that right? That kissing thing you Earthlings do..? Was it good?"

"Yeah…" you muttered shyly. “That was great.”

"Alright! I watched enough Humans kiss in movies, I knew I had it memorized and patted down! Let's do it again!"

When he lowered his head to kiss you again, he dealt you a ferocious headbutt instead. Your vision whited out for an instant and you let out a pained groan. Luckily, he still held you because if he didn't you were sure you'd be on your ass. Your hands flew up to your forehead and you cradled it gently in some effort to try to shake off or contain the pain.

The look on Purple's face was aghast and horrified. The headbutt hardly registered at all to him and he felt no pain. Judging from the noise that the impact made, to him, it sounded like your skull had been busted open.

"I'm sorry!" he said in a panicked voice. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! That was so stupid of me! I wasn’t careful!”

He climbed up onto the ATV and sat down on the seat. He kept you against him and rocked you in his arms. Gently, he pulled your hands away to survey the damage. There was already a lump forming there and he kissed it, this time being mindful and careful with not hitting you again.

"It's fine, I'm fine," you said weakly. "Just let me sit here…"

"This definitely isn't romantic…" he cringed. "I'm sorry, babe!"

"It's okay, Purple, calm down…"

Nervously, he fretted over it. But he continued to hold you in his lap, keeping you supported.

"It was supposed to be all suave and romantic," he muttered. "Now I broke your skull and I look like a clown! Kissing is hard!"

Despite the pain, you managed to laugh a little. It still hurt you but you weren't concussed or broke anything. It was just going to leave a nasty goose egg on your head. It'd go down eventually.

"Purple…" you sighed. "You know I feel the same way you do. I'm really into you. I want something to happen. I want us to get serious like this."

"Then let's do it," he said. His facade softened up a great deal and he gazed at you adoringly. "Let me court you. I don't care that we're not the same species. I don't want to pick another female. I want you!"

Now you really wished he didn't kiss you. At this point, you wanted him even more than you already did. You wanted him in return. This parting was going to be even more difficult and painful.

But the fact remained. For his own safety, he had to go. He had to leave and you had to stay behind where you belonged. There was no denying these things and you had to light a fire under it. No more time could be wasted.

"You have to leave," you said.

"Not without you," he reasserted. "You either come with me or I'll stay here with you. Maybe it's not so bad. I will kill anyone who comes here looking for trouble. I'm not gonna let them capture or kill me. I've got myself to protect and I have a female to watch out for too! I won't let anyone hurt you, babe."

"Don't throw everything away for me! Don't be stupid! Purple, you have to get out of here! If you stay here, it'll be easier for them to find you! If you run and move around, they'll have a harder time trying to find you! You'll be safer when you're with Red and your loyal servants! You have no one here! You refuse to let Zim to help you anyway so you have to go!"

"I need you! You gotta believe me! I need and want you so much!"

"Not that much…"

"Yes, I do need you! Why can't you see it?! The kiss wasn't enough? What else do I have to do to prove it to you?!"

"Don't break my heart further, Purple. Please, listen to me…" You rubbed his chin and kissed his cheek. "You've proven to me how you feel and you don't have to do or say anything else to show it. I believe you. But you have to understand that there are things we both have to do without each other. Besides, you knew you were going to leave Earth one way or another. You weren't going to stay here forever."

"It's not fair! I want and need to see you! I’m so used to you and I don’t want this to change..." He floundered about, trying his hardest to regain control of the situation. “Please!! Don’t make me beg!”

"Purple, I'm sure you can do better too. There are plenty of other females out there who would love to have your…attention and affection. They're far more available and obtainable than I am."

"What are you talking about?!" The look in his eyes tugged at your heartstrings. "I want you, I chose you! I know whom I want! I want my babe! That's you! I…" He started to choke up. "I can't even court you..? You're breaking up with me before our courtship could even start?! Tell me this is some kind of sick joke! Say sike!”

Yeah…that was the gist of it. Truly and deeply, you did want him. But it couldn't work out. You couldn't let him stay on Earth and end up risking himself even more. If it was a perfect world, of course there'd be no problem. But this was less than ideal. There was simply too much going on. Maybe you were an idiot for letting him kiss you. Maybe you should've stopped him and pulled the plug on it as soon as that happened.

You wanted to say something to him. You wanted to soothe him and try to make things right. But deep inside, you knew nothing would help. There was no sugar coating the situation.

Your lack of a response was enough for him. A strained, pitiful sob came from him and he scooted you off his lap. Purple was quick to get up off the ATV and hastily turned away from you. He made a beeline to the door and exited. His face was turned away from you and you could clearly tell he was avoiding all eye contact with you. The door slammed shut behind him and he left you to languish in the shed.

You ignored the watery burning in your eyes. Your chest tightened and you felt absolutely horrid. The pain in your head seemed to fade away and instead, you were overcome by shame, guilt, failure and sadness. Some illogical, romantic part of you wanted to run after him and make it right. You couldn't stand to see him so miserable and broken up. You wanted to kiss him and wave some magic wand to make it all better.

But it was for the best. It was tough love.

(Resisty occupied space)

"Oh, she is gone, there's no doubt about it. She's fallen off the face of the universe."

Lard Nar figured that was the case. The last time he heard about Lyn was when she was making her way to the Happy Nebula Clinic to question Naver. She left the medical facility in a rush and she was unable to be contacted from that point on. Not even Naver could get a hold of her anymore. It appeared that she had shuttered all of her communications and was unwilling to interact with anyone. It was almost as if she didn't exist.

"Our Irken recruits are wondering where she ran off to," the captain further explained. "They look up to her. A lot of them joined us because of her… Do you think she suffered a glitch and rejoined the Empire? That thing on her back was going haywire."

"No," the Vortian leader shook his head, his tendrils moving as he did so. "She would never do something like that. Lyn is insane but she wouldn't ever return to the Empire. She is too determined to eliminate the Tallest. She will never forgive them and she lives to see her old allies destroyed."

"She happens to go off radar the instant Tallest Red makes his return? Isn't that too obvious that something is happening?"

"Yes, it just means she abandoned her duties to us so she could totally devote her time and resources to hunting them down. She either is trying to get to Red or she's searching for Purple. It's one of those two things."

"I mean, this is desertion. Shouldn't we try to bring her in and arrest her or something?"

"No. We can't afford that. I saw her react the way she did when she found out Red returned. She is out to get both of them. She's still on our side even if she's no longer directly cooperating with us."

"I see your point, sir…"

Lard Nar set a hand on the shoulder of the younger, Vortian captain. He patted it and lightly squeezed it.

"We need all the help we can get, soldier," the Resisty leader reminded his junior officer. "Let her do her thing. We still need to focus on retaking Irken strongholds and destroying snack and weapon stockpiles."

"And what if we run into Lyn again?" the captain persisted. "What's the order?"

Honestly, Lard Nar was unsure. Clearly, Lyn had lost whatever was left of her mind. The explosion that almost claimed her life scarred her physically and dealt more damage to her already ruining PAK, making her even more mentally unstable than she already was. It was very possible that there was no way to figure out what she would be like if she crossed paths with them in the future. Lard Nar wished he could give a concrete answer but he had none. He simply didn’t know.

It wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that she might very well see everyone around her as an enemy. Lyn could end up turning on her Resisty allies. Anyone who could potentially get in her way was fair game. Her biggest and most important mission of all time was what mattered the most. And Lard Nar knew she would fulfill it no matter what. She'd see it through to the bitter end.

"Stay out of her way," he finally said. "Let her complete her mission."


	19. Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings are wonderful but painful things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone! I’m glad I’m still able to keep things funky and fresh for you guys LOL. In this chapter, expect drama. Our characters aren’t out of the woods yet too. Things still have to unfold.
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 19 Apart

(…)

It felt like you lingered in there for five centuries but in reality, it was only a few minutes. Time trickled by arduously. You had no strength to get up and move or do anything else really. You sat on your quad like a lump on a log. And so far, it felt like you were going to sit in that shed for the rest of the night.

Blankly, you stared at the shed door, half hoping he would barge back in and whisk you away. But deep inside, you knew he wasn't going to come back. You blew it yet you reminded yourself you never had a choice to begin with. There was no chance that this little crush could ever be fulfilled. Maybe you were a huge idiot for even trying to entertain the thought. It would never happen.

You kept telling yourself those things. You kept trying to reassure yourself, remembering it was for the best. The differences were too drastic, the distance was too vast… Nothing was in your favor. It was best to let it die and move on. That was the only real option that you had.

You'd be alone again. Yet you had your job and life would resume its normal course. It would be like the times before the Tallest showed up on your doorstep. Those times were good, peaceful and routine. But they were without him.

"Get over it," you scolded yourself. "You've gone through worse. You're an idiot for falling for that man to begin with. This is a harsh lesson learned. Don't fall in love with men from other planets."

You kept trying to empower and lift yourself up from the misery you were feeling. Being heartbroken and washed up over the ordeal would do you no good. There was no logic in dwelling over something so silly like this. You were an adult woman and you had to act like one. However, it was so much easier said than done.

He would haunt you. That kiss would forever remain imprinted in your mind. Everything felt so good. It was all in the palm of your hand. It was yours to claim. And you threw it all away. But it was the responsible thing to do. It was the smartest, wisest and hardest choice you ever made. From the look of it, it was also the most painful one as well.

You released a heavy, drawn out sigh.

"Watch, he'll blow up the Earth since I denied him," you muttered. "Fantastic."

You hoped he'd understand. Indeed, he was immature and he could be quite the slacker and glutton. In your eyes, you hoped this whole thing would open up his eyes and make him a more responsible and driven individual. It would be for his own good. Plus, you reminded yourself that he'd move on eventually. There was also the chance he'd forget about you by the end of the week and he'd find some other female lifeform to obsess and fawn over.

Creatures of Irk and Earth weren't meant to intermingle. They were far too different. Humans were too emotional and Irken were too stunted. One race was completely ignorant and blissfully unaware of all the conflict and strife happening in their interstellar backyard. The other was bent on domination and eradication. All in all, it was an ugly and ill match. Nothing good would ever come about from an intimate relationship with an Irken. Especially if said Irken was one of the leaders of his people. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

You made the right choice. You had to have. And yet here you were, regretting it all.

It was time to move on. Purple wasn't going to be coming back. There was no sense in acting upset and broken up over it. You couldn't afford to act so pathetic and petty over this mess.

"Man up, woman," you sighed.

You sighed again and finally slid off of your ATV. You were going to go inside, take a long, hot shower, pet your animals and go to bed. And you were probably more than likely going to burn your couch in the morning. Or sell it. Whatever got it out of your life all the more quickly.

You almost leapt out of your skin when you saw the door starting to open slowly. A sharp gasp slipped past your mouth and your eyes widened. Maybe he was coming back after all.

"Purple?" you asked, some hope seeping into your voice. "Are you there?"

Your blood almost turned into solid ice when the door opened all the way. Instead of the tall, green Irken, there was a small shape. Except it wasn't Zim. No, this was an Earthling. This was someone you had seen before and were familiar with. But this was one of the last people you wanted to see.

And he didn't look happy.

"No, it's not your boyfriend," Dib dourly stated.

"Dib..?" you asked. Your voice was so muted and mousy it was almost like you didn't even really speak. "What-what're you doing here? Why are you on my property at this hour?"

"I'm glad I listened to my gut instinct. I knew something was fishy with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about, kid."

"You know I've been dealing with Zim for awhile now. He's been spying on me but I've been doing the same thing too! I placed a tracking device on Zim's spaceship and I followed him to here. Imagine that. So, I laid low and stuck around here."

You were terrified. You had no idea that a mere child would freak you out as much as he did. You knew that he knew what you were up to. Honestly, you didn't know whether playing dumb was a good idea or not. Perhaps it was totally pointless and detrimental to lie and try to cover your tracks. This kid was the real deal and it petrified you.

"Imagine how shocked I was when I saw you pull up with two aliens in your truck," he said. "And it looks like I found out who the missing alien menace was. I had no idea it was one of the Almighty Tallest Zim spoke so much about!"

As far as you were concerned, your fate was sealed. There was nothing you could do to try to sway or convince him otherwise. This paranoid, determined kid far surpassed your expectations and assumptions. You had no idea he was this devoted and dead set with rooting out the Irken presence on Earth. If you weren't tied up in the middle of this mess, you would've applauded him.

"So, are you on their side?" he demanded. "Because it sure seems like it to me."

"Dib," you started out slowly and cautiously, "I sheltered him because he asked me to. He didn't harm anyone or anything while he was under my roof. Let him go, okay?"

"You think I can let this happen? This is my chance to expose the alien presence to the world! Finally, everyone will believe me! And besides, we can understand and better prepare for the Armada's arrival to Earth!"

"You want to turn him in because it'll validate you? Are you serious?"

"You must want them to destroy the Earth! I should've figured as much after I saw you two…smooching!" He shuddered in disgust. That image was seared into his retinas for eternity. "You're a traitor to your planet!"

"You little creep!" Now your apprehension and terror were being overthrown by anger. "That was a very private moment! And no, I convinced him to not destroy the Earth! I promise you I simply refuse to let him do it!"

"You think I can trust you?! I caught you swapping spit with the Tallest!"

"Look, I know I seem like a traitor but I'm not! I don't want my planet enslaved or obliterated. Do you honestly think I'd want something like that?!"

"I caught you fraternizing with the enemy!" Dib smirked mischievously. "Video evidence actually."

A wave of horror washed over you and you gaped at him in sheer disbelief. Shame and terror fully encompassed you and you were at a loss for words. This kid was determined and good. Too good. It was scary with how prepared and poised he was. You couldn't believe that you had once underestimated and brushed him off a few months earlier. Now he was a bigger threat to you than the actual government.

"Delete it, now!" you demanded.

"I don't think so," he said smugly.

"Please!"

"Give me one reason to do it."

"Because you can't let anyone else see this! You and Zim are the only ones who know Purple is here and I don't want him to get hurt! Not only that, I can't afford to lose my livelihood and my house! Come on, Dib… you can't be that much of a little monster."

"Maybe I can do something about it. I mean, I know Zim and the Tallest are going to Area 51. I already phoned them in and gave them a tip."

"You did what?!"

"I let them know an alien was coming in."

"I hope they thought you were a prank caller and they ignore everything you had to say."

In the beginning, you felt pity for Dib. You felt a bit protective over him and granted him some leniency because he was a kid. You even sheltered him in your house when the federal agents were trying to hunt him down. Your initial impression of him wasn't that bad.

But now your perception of him was changing. He was ruthless and wasn't afraid to sabotage and potentially ruin your life. He was actively blackmailing you. If he was a full-grown adult, you probably would've socked him in the mouth by now. This kid, who was easily a decade younger than you, was trying to intimidate you and gain the upper hand on you. There was a darker side to this youth you had no idea about until this very moment. You wished you would've found out about it sooner. If you had, you would've happily handed him over to the authorities months earlier.

"What benefit do you have with ruining my life?" you asked, narrowing your eyes.

"That's if you don't cooperate with me," Dib retorted.

"What do you want?"

"Tell me everything he told you about the Armada. Tell me about their weaknesses and what they plan to do next!"

In your eyes, you saw there was no real harm in telling him about the Irken schism that was going on. Earth wasn't caught in the middle of this intergalactic conflict and you dearly hoped it would remain that way. You would tell him what you knew about it. Purple indeed did tell you about it but Dib didn't need to know all the details. You just needed to make him happy to the point where he wouldn't turn you in to the authorities and use that video as evidence against you.

"Before I tell you anything, you gotta do something for me," you said.

"You're in no position to barter but I'm listening I guess," the paranormal enthusiast answered.

"Show me that video. I need to know you're not bluffing or trying to trick me."

Dib fished a device out of his pocket. With a shit-eating grin, he pulled up the video file he took and stepped closer, showing it to you. There, on the screen, clear as day, were you and Purple kissing.

Son of a bitch. He wasn't lying.

(somewhere in the Nevada desert)

"…that horrible, infuriating, infernal Dib-thing always gets in my way! His very existence mocks me! And he doesn't believe my new mission! He still thinks I'm up to no good! I told him I have to protect the Earth because you told me to!" Zim snarled angrily. "He doesn't believe the word of ZIM!!! Anyway, there's also…"

Purple didn't pay attention to anything Zim had to say. The small Irken didn't even notice how much of a change his mood went through. He only sat in silence, letting Zim rant and rave. The Tallest hardly even acknowledged his presence and could only dwell on his thoughts.

He was beyond disappointed. Purple was also angry but more than anything else, he was downtrodden and saddened. He had failed. He failed to convince the Earthling to come with him. She refused to go. He had to leave without her and it bothered him something horribly. Somehow, he had to try to get her to go with him.

There was no denying how he felt. Without a doubt, he wanted and needed her. He was definitely a defective for getting so attached to this Earth woman but he couldn't help it. Yet he didn't care and he would defend his choice regardless of whoever might call him out on it.

All he knew was that he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her behind. It was unacceptable. Besides, he wasn't going to depart and leave her alone with Zim. There was no way he could accept that. Zim was too much of a risk and not only that, the thought of another Irken male with her, without his supervision, maddened him far more deeply than he ever thought possible. Zim had to be out of the picture.

"_Maybe I should just kill him,_" he thought. "_Or I could just suck it up and bring him with me. Ugh, I must be desperate if I'm gonna do something like that… I'll bring him with me and just tell him to wipe out the Resisty. He'll figure out some way to do it. But that's too risky. He has to stay on Earth so he doesn't ruin things out there! I don't know what to do! I just know I can't leave him on Earth with her. She won't be safe_."

He imagined this was what Red went through whenever Pax was alive. All these confusing, new feelings and the desire to be with the one he chose. When he'd reunite with his longtime friend, he'd definitely ask for his help and input. As far as he knew, he wasn't going to screw it up. This was something he knew for certain he wanted and needed.

And everything he promised and said earlier was earnest and true. He meant it all. He wanted this beautiful, strong, warm, smart, independent Earth creature on his arm and he knew he'd go insane if he couldn't have her. He wanted to feel her, smell her, see her, hear her… And judging from the kiss he shared, he wanted to taste more of her too. Purple couldn't believe this alien had wormed her way into the cuckolds of his spooch. Maybe he should've and would've felt disgusted about it but he didn't care.

He'd get his vessel and return. He'd have to figure out something to win her over. He had no clue what he could do to convince her to go with him but he'd have to think of something. Forcing her wasn't something he preferred as he knew she didn't react well to that sort of coercion. He wanted her to willingly leave with him. Something about that seemed more fulfilling and satisfactory instead of force. Not only that, he didn't want her to be angry with him for throwing her over his shoulder and whisking her away. No, she'd probably snap his spine for attempting that.

The Massive might be a bit dangerous and tricky but he'd keep her safe. He wouldn't let any traitors or Resisty members lay a hand on her. She would be carefully guarded and he would personally protect her if it came down to it. If any of his subjects objected to his courting, they had a one-way ticket with the airlock. He wouldn't tolerate insubordination or let anyone disrespect her. She was his chosen interest and that was final.

"…and GIR! My Tallest, I don't mean to complain about him because you have so graciously gifted him to me but he is difficult! Before I left to meet you, I caught him making mashed potatoes with a filthy pig! I just hope he listened to my directions and is watching after my beautiful base in my absence!"

"Zim, when you drop me off at Area 51, you can leave," Purple finally spoke. "I won't need your help after that."

"But, sir, I must remain nearby to make sure you all goes well! I must make sure you are safe when you go to reclaim your ship."

"I'm going back for the Earth woman. She refused to go with me so I have to try harder to convince her."

Zim looked astonished at that bit of information. His eyes grew larger.

"She dared to deny you, my Tallest?" he asked, sounding scandalized. "She can't do that! She must obey you!" His antennae pricked upwards. "Allow Zim to speak with her and make her go with you!"

"I don't think so," Purple interjected. "I have to do this, Zim. You won't help things at all. She's my problem. Besides, I want to persuade her, not force her."

"Why? Forcing is so much easier!"

"Because…because it's more of a challenge the other way!"

"But, sir, she's your servant. If she was a good servant, she would obey your commands and do as you wish."

"It's a little more complicated than that!" Purple snapped, baring his fangs at Zim. "Besides, she's not my servant!"

"Of course she is, my Tallest!"

"Did I stutter?!"

Zim shrunk back into his seat ever so slightly. He averted his eyes from his Tallest to make sure the autopilot mode was still locked onto its destination. When he saw everything was alright and no longer needed checked on, he was reluctant to lock gazes with the larger Irken.

"Did I?!" Purple barked.

"No, sir," Zim said quietly. Then a thought suddenly occurred to him. He pointed accusingly at his leader. "You've mated with the female, my Tallest!"

"No!" Purple sputtered at the vulgar suggestion and his face turned a deep, dark green tone. "How dare you accuse me of that! I didn't do it!"

"Excuse me, my Tallest but… YOU'RE LYING!"

"I think I would've remembered if I mated with her! Get a grip, Zim!"

"She used her filthy female tricks to seduce you, sir! I had no idea that the Earth women were so dangerous! I wish I could've seen it long ago! If only I was there to save you before it could happen!"

"ZIM! I didn't do it, okay?! Chill out!"

He couldn't believe Zim had the insanity and audacity to claim such a thing. Purple was pretty sure he would remember such an act if it actually happened. His blush continued to remain plainly displayed as he dared to even think about mating. The things he had seen from watching that porn some time ago didn't help matters any further.

In all actuality, it was quite similar to how Irken reproduced before the age of PAKs and smeeteries. He knew very little about such ancient times obviously but he knew enough about it to know what it was and what it exactly did. Perhaps if they were to mate, it wouldn't be so difficult. It seemed easy enough from what he watched. Besides, it would undoubtedly be a long ride and it would take some time to rejoin the Armada…

"You're thinking about it!" Zim declared.

"I'm not!" Purple argued. This time, it was a lie.

"Sir, we must turn around and destroy her! I must free you from her putrid grip!"

"You turn around and try it and I swear, Zim, I will literally eat you! She didn't brainwash me! I consciously chose to court her and that's it! Drop it and forget about it! She is mine and I won't let you lay a finger on her! I will end you!"

"Well, if you put it like that…okay!" Zim smiled and nodded his head. "I understand, my Tallest! But isn't that..?"

"Something a defective would do? Yeah and I don't care. I'm a defective and so are you, Red and everyone from our generation. Whatever. Just shut up, Zim."

"We're here!"

Purple looked out of the retractable windshield, seeing the lights and structures of the infamous installation below. He eyed up the zone, knowing he had to do one thing and one thing only. He'd try to get in peacefully and avoid fighting to minimize injuries to himself. Perhaps he could trick them. Maybe this would be a piece of cake.

"Lower the ship and I'll get to them on foot," Purple instructed.

"Understood, my Tallest," Zim saluted. "I will remain nearby in case if you need assistance."

"I thought I…" He sighed and shook his head. "Never mind. Thanks, Zim. Stay out of my way."

(a few minutes later)

"Ya got any fives?"

"Go fish!"

"Doh, not fair!"

The guard drew a card from the deck. He added the card to his hand and looked back at his partner.

"So, who was on the phone earlier?"

"That weird Dib kid. He said an alien was going to show up at our front gate."

"Pft! I don't know about that. I know we got some weird stuff in the warehouses and labs but an alien? No! That would be a pretty cool addition to the collection!"

"Yeah, I guess. But it would never beat the cute Chupacabra puppies. They're the sweetest, most adorable things! …until they nibble too hard."

"I don't know, I think larval vampire bees are pretty close to the puppies in cuteness. So, what else did that freakish kid say?"

"Some alien leader was supposed to come here and turn himself in. I hung up as soon as he finished explaining himself. I wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying. He's crazy."

"Didn't he try to break in a year ago to try to see if we were resurrecting dinosaurs? I know I was off that day."

"Oh, yeah. But he got the wrong facility. The people at Area 52 are in charge of dinosaur de-extinction. They have a T-rex. I heard they made some weird turkey-raptor hybrid too. Glenn showed me pictures of it last week. I think they're gonna try to market them as pets in the next decade or so."

"I don't want a turkey-raptor as a pet, give me a T-Rex!"

"You're not getting the one at the lab. I heard it can recite Shakespearean sonnets and it's pretty good at making pottery despite having those tiny arms."

"Yeah, those arms are pretty pathetic, aren't they?"

"Excuse me, anyone there?"

The two guards immediately threw their cards down when they heard the unexpected, unfamiliar voice. They poked their heads out of their booth, irked that their card game and conversation was interrupted.

"Hey, bucko, this is private government land and you're trespassing!" one said.

"Yeah, so, turn around and hit the road, chump!" the other snickered.

Both guards ended up tripping over their tongues when they finally realized whom they were addressing. Their jaws dropped when they saw a tall, skinny, green creature standing at the front gate. Although they weren't standing right beside him, both could tell that he towered over each of them. He had large, purple, insect-like eyes and had two black antennae on the back of his head. He wore some sort of long, regal-looking, purple robes and he looked like he was arguably important.

"Uh, hi," Purple waved. "Can you let me in? I'm, uh, turning myself in. Take me to your leader? Maybe?"

Once the pair recovered from their initial shock, they clambered out of their booth and skittered over to the unearthly visitor. One stood on Purple's left and the other on the right, flanking him. They puffed their chests out and tried to stand as tall as they could, trying to look serious and not to be trifled with.

The Tallest thought their display was adorable. They almost reminded him of smeets trying to make themselves look bigger. He easily had two feet over them as well which only tickled him further.

"Hey, are you the alien who crash landed a few months ago?" one of them asked. "The pilot was never found and the scientists have been wondering if you even existed or not!

"Yeah," Purple retorted.

"We've got your ship here! Follow us and we'll take you to it! We'll add you to the collection of cool stuff in Area 51!"

"Oh, I'd be honored. Show me the way!"

They walked alongside him, ushering him towards the entrance to the facility. Purple allowed them to escort him, letting them guide him towards whoever or whatever laid ahead. Maybe if he was patient and friendly enough with these creatures, he'd get to his ship all the more quickly. It was worth a shot.

So far, it was going according to plan.

(the Massive)

He knew Zim was a titanic, reckless idiot. But this? Oh, this was just beyond stupid.

As soon as he so carelessly told everyone on the control bridge that Purple had been hiding out on Earth, he cut the transmission. After he blocked Zim from making contact again, he reassured all of the technicians, pilots and other personnel in that room that Zim was indeed insane. Anything and everything that came out of his mouth wasn't to be taken seriously. He assured them there was no way their other Tallest was stuck on that dismal planet with Zim. There was just no way.

Yet Red knew the truth. He wouldn't take the risk. He had a sinking feeling Purple was indeed on Earth. Zim wouldn't just randomly make a claim like this unless if it was true. That's what scared him the most. His co-Tallest must've been desperate, stupid or both if he actually decided on hiding out on Earth. He could only imagine the torment Zim was subjecting him to.

Red was very tempted to reach out to his friend. He wanted to privately message him, telling him to get the heck off of Earth to make sure no secret traitors would try to come after him. But he was also concerned and scared, afraid he would end up condemning him by attempting communication.

The Tallest was holed up within his quarters. He was hiding beneath his bed, feeling safe under there despite how juvenile he felt. No one could look at him or find him so easily and it was a strange refuge of sorts. He already had retreated to his chambers and wasn't to be disturbed either way but going the extra mile with this privacy helped to soothe him.

He eyed up a simple brown box that was stowed away under his bed, feeling a bit reluctant to open it. It lain a few feet away from where he was resting but it was well within his reach. There were some contents inside of it that were rather sensitive. They were comforting in their own way but at the same time, it also dampened his spirits. It was bittersweet if anything.

He huffed and drew the box closer to him. The Tallest briefly nibbled on his lower lip and hesitated. But he had to peek. He had to recollect. He had to.

Gingerly, he removed the lid. He peered into the container, seeing three objects resting at the bottom. They were things he had personally crafted with his own two hands. It was a hobby of sorts for him. They were a bit rough and crude but they were recognizable enough and had their own distinct features and colors.

Red quietly looked at the puppets, a bit unsure of how to feel. Seeing them was indeed nostalgic but it also hurt to see them again.

"You're exactly as I left you," he said softly. "Untouched."

Two of the puppets were of himself and Purple. They were easily distinguishable and would be recognized by any Irken who saw them.

The third was different.

As if it was made of the most brittle glass in the universe, Red carefully lifted the third puppet out of the box. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his eyes of the extra fluid building up in their corners. His chest tightened and he longingly stared at the figure.

The puppet was clearly modeled after a female Irken, displaying her curled antennae and long, winged eyelashes. The "clothes" were colored dark green and magenta. Her eyes were ruby red, colored similarly like many others of her species. The puppet was in almost pristine condition and didn't have some of the wear and tear the effigies of himself and Purple had.

"Hey, Pax," he quietly said. "I promise, I didn't forget about you. It's just nice to see you again…even if it's in puppet form."

He was rewarded no time to grieve. Grief and mourning were things all Irken weren't expected to understand and feel. It was an inconvenience, a weakness. It did more harm than good and got in the way of progress. Yet Red couldn't help it. When she perished, it hurt him immensely. It still pained him to this day.

She was callously killed and she was defiled further even after she was dead. Red had no body to even look at. All that was left of the tall technician were shredded pieces and hunks of flesh. The only intact likeness he had of her was this cloth creation and the memories.

"I told you to stay away from her, Pax," he continued to speak. "But no, you had to step in. You had to try to repair her PAK for her. She wanted you dead so badly but it didn't faze you in the slightest. You were so blind to it… I think that's something I liked about you. You never backed down from a challenge. You wanted to fix what was broken. You thought you could repair her. She tricked you. She tricked me too."

He hugged the puppet of Pax to his abdomen. He curled up around it, snuggling with it. Red clutched it tightly to him, looking much like a child with their beloved teddy bear. It wasn't the living, breathing female he had grown so attached to but it was better than nothing. Some comfort was better than nothing.

He felt lost and he continued to feel that way. Purple was completely foreign to this sort of relationship and Red knew he had no input to offer. His co-Tallest never courted anyone and to him, it was likely that would remain that way. Maybe Purple was a better and more efficient Irken than he was. Maybe he was more ideal Tallest material. He wasn't suffering from a metaphorical broken heart. Red appreciated the sympathy and support his friend offered in the midst of Pax's murder but he could tell Purple wasn't sure how to handle the situation. But he wouldn't hold it against him.

"You're gone. And I'm afraid Purple will end up like you. I'm afraid the same crazy harpy will do him in. I can't let that happen. Pax, I'll never forgive myself or her for this. I already took a blow because of you. If Purple kicks the bucket, I don't know if I can continue. I lost my chosen one… I can't lose my best friend. I can't lose both of you. I know I'm a defective… But I can't stop the way I feel. I wish I could."

He hoped Purple would put two and two together and escape while the getting was good. He knew his counterpart could be dense and naïve but he trusted and knew he had a shred of self-preservation. Red knew what he was capable of and he didn't doubt Purple was still a soldier at heart and could quickly revert to that mindset at the drop of a hat. But he hoped he would move on.

For now, he had to trust in Purple and let him do what was necessary. In the meantime, he had to squash the Resisty. And most importantly, he had to extinguish the scorned female that ruined his life. For every second that she continued to live was another insult to Pax's memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, I headcanon the Tallest as being extremely tall even according to human standards. I should’ve made it more noted and concrete far earlier. Red and Purple are roughly about 8ft tall. Who doesn’t love some tall boiz.
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter!


	20. Uncomfortable Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misery always doesn't always appreciate company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments everybody. This chapter is a bit shorter than what I'd hoped but eh. It's an update no matter what and stuff happens so it's not so bad! Hopefully you enjoy it!

Chapter 20 Uncomfortable Company

(Area 51)

Wherever he went, there was a hustle and bustle. Purple caught himself smirking, amused by the astonished and flabbergasted looks the various personnel and staff wore when they saw him. All too easily and clearly, they could see he wasn't of this world. This was their first, living, breathing alien in their workplace and most of them were stunned into stillness. This was the first, organic extraterrestrial being that ever graced their presence. Many of them only stared at him as he walked past them, unsure of what to do or say or think.

The two guards who were escorting him even kept looking him over and over. They appeared to be just as fascinated by him as everyone else. Normally, he felt a bit annoyed when someone stared too long at him but the surprise and shock these Earthlings had in their eyes made it tolerable. He got a kick out of their inexperience with their intergalactic neighbors. He could only imagine how they'd react if they saw the other freaks that were spread out amongst the cosmos. Perhaps they'd die of shock.

"You gotta understand something, buddy," one of his escorts explained. "We've never seen something like you before! I mean, we all heard about little, green men from Mars… We didn't realize there were ginormous aliens like you! You're so tall!"

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Purple scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"We got all sorts of weird and crazy things found on Earth here," the other guard chimed in. "We got Chupacabras, vampire bees, a Dogman, and a colony of leprechauns just to name the things I can recite off the top of my head. But you!" He laughed. "You see, now that you surrendered to us, you gotta stay here!"

"Oh, no, I fully understand!" Purple smiled, playing along with them. He had to stop himself from laughing out loud at their stupidity. "I can play by the rules!"

"Don't sweat it, tall guy, you'll live like a king here. You can tell us all about that ship of yours and help us understand your species, where you came from and all that jazz! And I promise, we won't dissect you! That's what x-rays, MRIs, and stuff like that pops in. But if you happen to die while here, sorry, your body is fair game."

"Fair enough. I mean, you two are so accommodating already! I never realized how helpful and chill Humans are. I'm sure you'll treat me well while I'm here. I mean, I realize I'll never get back to where I came from, so I figured I might as well get comfy on Earth!"

"Excellent choice! But before we get you settled in, you gotta check in with one of the main bosses of the base! She's the curator of our living asset collection! Her name is Doctor Jones. I think you'll get along with her just fine!"

The three males ceased their conversation and they continued to walk along the long, brightly lit corridor. Purple's head twisted left to right, taking in his surroundings and memorizing it as much as he could. He might have to remember his bearings if his plan backfired. The hallway was littered with doors and holding cells of some sort, most likely restraining and containing the strange denizens the guards described. He had to admit, this place was strange and he likened it to some sort of half sanctuary, half prison. And as far as he knew, he wasn't intending on staying here. He had some far more important things to take care.

He was shaken out of his thoughts and observations when he heard an alarm blaring. A red light bathed the corridor and he tensed, sensing that danger was afoot. His head was on a swivel and he looked around, seeking any sort of threat that might've been approaching.

Purple's eyes pinned on some activity he saw out of the corner of his eye. Behind him, he could see several people in white suits, most likely scientists, rushing into a room. There were easily half a dozen of these individuals and they looked like they were in a mighty big rush. The Tallest's antennae twitched in anticipation as he heard some creature release a shrill screech and it was mixed in with the shouts of the staff.

"Eh, don't sweat it," one of the guards brushed it off.

"What is that?" Purple demanded, wanting to know what he might end up having to deal with.

"It's Doctor Oreg's experiment," the other filled in. "He created some sort of monster that's made up from the DNA of Humans, sharks, scorpions, jellyfish and some other animals."

"Um, why?"

"Because he thought it was cool. That and he wanted to create an 'ultimate lifeform'. It's not done developing yet and it keeps breaking out of its tube. This happens at least five days a week. It's pretty normal."

Purple was perplexed. These Humans must've been idiots.

"…okay," Purple said, feeling out of place.

"Doctor Jones' office is just ahead," the guard said.

Indeed, at the end of the impossibly long hall, was a single door. There was a plaque on the door that read in big, clear letters "Doctor Carmilla Jones".

A minute later, the guards stopped at the foot of the door and knocked on it. Purple stayed behind them, wondering what horrors he was going to be presented with next. He'd deal with this Doctor Jones just so he could get his ship back. He'd trick the people here and leave. He was kind of on a tight schedule anyway.

"Enter!" a shrill but aged voice cried out.

Purple cringed at the volume of it but sucked it up. He had to go through with this.

One of the guards opened the door and ushered the Tallest in. Purple stepped into the dimly lit office, immediately catching onto the smell of…something burning? Whatever it was, it was horrible and he wanted to throw up.

While he was distracted by the strange smell, he was oblivious to the figure sitting at a large, messy, chaotic desk in the middle of the room.

"What is that?!" the scientist practically screamed. "Actually, who is that?!"

Purple blinked at the noise, finally catching sight of the Doctor. The Earthling was a small, old thing. The Tallest reckoned she was taller than most of the short Irken he knew but she was definitely punier in comparison to some of the taller members of his species. Her frame was thin and wizened. Her hair was snow white and up in a tight bun. The huge, thick glasses she wore seemed to magnify her eyes, showing off her hazel irises. She was easily in her late seventies but it wasn't out of the realm of her possibly being in her eighties; she was clearly elderly. In fact, she looked like one of the mummies he had seen on a science show he watched some months ago. Despite her tiny, withered shape, she had a powerful voice and that warned him she most likely wasn't to be taken lightly.

"Uh, Doctor Jones," one of the duo introduced, "this is the alien that our research team never located. You know, the one whose ship crashed a while back in…"

"Ah!" Doctor Jones said, flashing a smile that displayed her false teeth. "He's the one, eh? We've been looking for you, young man!" She hopped out of her chair and walked around her desk to get a better and closer look at the Irken emperor. "Wow, you're so tall! And handsome too!"

Purple shuddered at that particular statement. The smile he gave her was clearly strained and forced but it was likely that the Earthlings weren't aware of that.

"Uh, and you're, uh, really old," he said, chuckling nervously.

"Welcome, welcome!" Doctor Jones said enthusiastically. She took one of his hands without warning and vigorously shook it. "Wow! I can't believe it! I'm an old crone and I was starting to doubt if I was ever going to meet a real visitor from beyond the stars! What's your name?"

"Uh, Purple…"

"Don't be shy, dear! You're in good hands here! I take care of every single living thing that comes in through this place. We do have your ship and we've been attempting to reverse engineer it with little luck… But if we cannot figure your technology out, then perhaps we'll have an easier time with you."

Purple felt beyond uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if it was him being suspicious and wary of his surroundings or something else but to him, her words were somewhat ominous. If it came down to it, he was going to pull all the stops out and escape one way or another. He had absolutely no intention of being a pampered prisoner. Already, this hag was giving him the creeps. If she was going to get in his way, he was going to go right through her if it came down to it.

This might've been a female Earthling but at first glance, she certainly didn't look like one to him. Just looking at her made him crave his chosen Human all the more. At least she smelled nice, was taller, prettier and didn't look half mummified.

"S-sure!" Purple grinned. "If you take me to my ship, I can show you how you can fix it and what needs done!"

Deep inside, he hoped it was intact. Red was the pilot, not him. Red could probably physically build a ship from scratch, fully customize it, and have it fly through a sun and not have it melt or malfunction. His co-Tallest was definitely the more technologically minded out of the two of them.

As for him? There was a reason why he barely passed his piloting lessons. He knew the basics but now Purple found himself doubting if he could repair it himself if it turned out these beasts ruined his vessel. It didn't occur to him until that very moment that he might be in a far more precarious situation than he previously deemed. He might very well be marooned on Earth if it was the worst case scenario.

"Wonderful!" Dr. Jones squeaked. "I'm so very looking forward to getting to know you, Purple. Do get comfy and don't be afraid to ask for anything. And please…" She winked at him. "Call me Carmilla."

…he was definitely going to be emptying his spooch out before leaving this nightmarish place.

She grasped onto one of his hands with surprising strength. She kept close to him and guided him out of her office. Her large, almost magnified eyes gazed at him in wonder and adoration.

"So, tell me all about you!" she almost demanded. "Don't hold back, just keep talking! I want to know everything! Are you composed of carbon? Perhaps you're more based on silicon or some other element? Oh, I can't wait to get moving with the testing! We'll have so much to talk about, we can write a book about it!" She paused. "Actually, no, that's classified information… Heh, fine by me! I'll be happy to keep all these secrets to myself!"

Purple grudgingly but dutifully followed, feeling his skin crawl. He had to keep up with this masquerade. He couldn't blow his cover.

(…)

Carefully, you watched the footage Dib managed to capture on his recording device. You had to admit, you would've been impressed and applauded his dedication but considering you were the victim in this, you felt so violated and offended. Shame filled very single nook and cranny and you couldn't believe he actually recorded the whole exchange. You were frozen solid as you reviewed it, disbelieving it had actually come down to this. This kid was poised to sabotage and potentially ruin your life.

You let out a steady, heavy sigh when you revisited those moments with Purple. When you heard it coming from this device, it somehow seemed like the perspective was different. Were you really acting like that much of a bitch towards the Tallest that wooed you? You were pretty certain you weren't that terse and brief with him. You couldn't stand to hear that hurt and sorrowful tone in his voice. It filled you with anxiety and regret. But you had to remind yourself it had to be for the best. It would be for the best for the both of you.

"You think you can lie to me?" Dib persisted. You looked up from the screen and faced him. "I've got my eye on you, traitor."

"Kid, you've really got nothing better to worry about?" you countered. "Shouldn't you be making science fair projects? Or studying for your spelling test?"

"There's no time for any of that! There's no time for that when you're the sole defender of Earth!"

"Pardon me, I think I have it under control. You can chill out and make your macaroni art."

"He said he was going to take over the Earth! And he was going to make you rule it as his puppet!"

"Listen to me very closely…" You loomed over him, wanting to intimidate him and consider making him back off. "These are adult matters, okay? I know for a fact that this planet can't combat the likes of the Armada. Things are going to get extremely ugly if people resist. They want our snacks and I think there's no harm in sharing that food with them. If they want some soda, give it to them! We have too much junk food anyway!"

"But you dumped him, do you think he's going to listen to you? He's an alien menace! He's one of the Tallest! Whatever they have in mind will not be good!"

"I won't let him destroy or devastate this planet. I swear, I won't let it happen. This planet is my home and I'd like it intact."

The both of you stared at each other, quietly evaluating one another. He didn't trust you and you reciprocated the same feeling. In the pit of your stomach, you had a feeling this wasn't going to end well. He seemed like he wasn't going to be placated and wasn't going to believe a word you had to say. In his eyes, you were the enemy and most likely a threat like his nemesis.

"I like peace, I like quiet, my planet and my life," you reiterated. "I won't let him ruin things. I had him in my house since October and I can promise you, he did nothing wrong the whole time I had him there. He didn't abduct anyone, anal probe a squirrel or anything weird or evil. I pretty much babysat him, okay? I taught him about Earth and showed him there's much more to this planet. He won't destroy Earth because he realized some things."

"But what if he decided to go back on what he said?" Dib questioned. "What if he decided to destroy the Earth?"

"Then I wouldn't let it happen! I would do everything in my power to stop him! I wouldn't betray my planet or my species! Do you think I would so carelessly let my home get blown to kingdom come? Are you out of your goddamn mind, kid?!"

"What lengths would you go to stop him?!"

You didn't like what he was implying. You didn't like what he was possibly suggesting and the inflection in his voice. He was trying to get at you.

"Whatever it would take." That was the truth. You couldn't and wouldn't sacrifice your home because he wanted to be petty, spoiled and destroy your world. "I would do whatever was necessary to make Purple stop."

You did love him, that much you knew. You had no desire to imagine this horrible, hypothetical scenario but of course it seeped into your mind. It hurt you but you knew that if he was hellbent on vaporizing Earth, then you'd get in his way. And if he wanted to carry out that desire, he'd have to kill you first. He'd either have to kill you or you him. No matter what, it would end messily and unhappily.

"Your credibility is pretty shifty!" Dib added. "You may say that but will you follow through when the moment of truth comes? And how are you so sure that he actually cares about you? Zim's species isn't capable of love!"

"Kid, you're really starting to push my buttons," you angrily growled. "You shouldn't be making any judgment calls because you're a minor and you don't know shit about how things like this work! Besides, you're pretty creepy and shady and you've resorted to spying on people and blackmailing!"

"I can't trust you. You're too close to the Tallest. It's possible you might've been brainwashed by him. Trust me, I know what they're capable of and I know the Irken race isn't capable of anything good…"

"Sorry, but you have no option but to trust me."

"Convince me!"

You paused and gave him a stony, austere stare. Then you slapped the device out of hands. Dib flinched and let out a panicked cry. As soon as the tech fell to the floor you hastily began to stomp on it. You used the heel of your boot and placed as much weight and pressure on that point, fully intending to destroy it. You weren't going to let this kid ruin your life.

"No!" Dib cried out in anguish. "Why?!"

A satisfied smirk was shining brightly on your face. You continued to crush the device, not wanting to give up until it was in a thousand, tiny pieces.

"There, no evidence now!" you said. "Two can play at that game!"

"Take it back!" Dib demanded. "Stop it!"

He leapt forward and tackled you, knocking you off your feet. As soon as you landed on your back, he sat on your chest and began to choke you. You only allowed this to continue for a moment before you grasped onto him roughly with both hands and forcefully peeled him off. Then you jumped back up and abruptly chucked him towards the other side of the shed.

"Crazy little shit!" you muttered.

While you were free, you took your chance and bolted. You ran out of the shed and fled to your cabin. While you ran, you dug through your pocket for your keys and sifted through your lanyard for the correct one. You had no idea if he was at your heels but you didn't want to risk turning around and finding out.

As you got closer, you could hear Bambi barking loudly. He most likely heard the ruckus or sensed something was off. You could hear him pawing at the door even from afar.

You leapt up onto the porch and jammed your key into the lock. Swiftly and fluidly, you unlocked it and pushed it open. You shimmied past the hairy gatekeeper and slammed the door shut behind you. Then you locked it up and stood by it, anticipating Dib to be pounding on it at any second.

The large mutt jumped up, trying to lick your face and sensing your urgency. Quietly, he whined and turned his head to the side, knowing something was off.

"It's okay," you soothed him, rubbing his skull. "Get down, calm down, boy."

Dib didn't actually hurt you but what shocked you the most was that he attacked you. You've been kicked by deer two or three times before and that was far more painful than what he did to you. While he didn't harm you, it forced you to realize something. He was a legitimate threat. He tried to sabotage you and when you turned the tables on him, he reacted in this way. He was ready to take revenge and he took this matter very seriously.

You might've destroyed his precious evidence but you had a sinking feeling this wasn't going to stop him. In fact, this whole confrontation might add more fuel to the fire. He might end up turning more aggressive and bent on exposing you. He could potentially try to ruin your life. He'd try to take your house from you, get you fired, throw you into jail and end up losing your pets in the process. In your eyes, he was a little monster.

At this point, you weren't going to tolerate this any longer. He was trespassing and he attacked you. It was clear to you that he had no leash and he most likely had no adult supervision in his life. He was allowed to run free, terrorize folks and was out way past his bedtime. You fully intended to give this young man a rude awakening. And you really, really hoped this would get a hold of his negligent guardian's attention.

You grasped onto your cellphone. For a moment, you hesitated, thinking maybe you were going too far with this. He was just a kid. But whoever his guardian was, they were doing a horrible job with raising him. He was an unholy terror. If they weren't going to do something about his atrocious behavior, then you were going to.

With a reaffirmed mindset, you dialed 911.

(somewhere deep in space)

"_Oh, it's all over the Armada now. Thanks to Invader Zim, we know where Tallest Purple is at. Tallest Red tried to blow it off, tried to say Zim was lying or giving false information but it's a lead for you, isn't it?_"

The golden, unscathed bracelets softly clinked against each other. Despite the fact their owner had been burned horribly, her prized jewelry emerged unharmed from the incident. Due to them be comprised of a specific, rare gold alloy, it was almost impossible to melt them. Their owner fully intended for them to be as durable and indestructible as possible. She wanted them to last longer than her own body.

"Now…" Lyn chuckled softly. "That's something I didn't predict. I never would've dreamed Zim would help our efforts."

"_Oh, absolutely_," the spy smiled sharply, displaying her sharp maw. "_Even a uselessly destructive runt like him has his purposes. The other moles and I are ready to act when you command, Commander. I have Squib ready to sabotage the Massive's engines whenever you deem necessary. Loo will attempt to get past Soda Master Bepzee and poison the soda at any moment_."

"No, keep doing what you're doing until I get a hold of Tallest Purple. I will take control of things from here. Let me do my part. When I get back to you, Nix, hopefully I will have separated his head from his body and crushed his PAK."

"_It's nice to see that you're still in on this despite your injuries, Commander. I take it that you've recovered enough_?"

"Yes, I have. It will take much more than that to get me out of the picture. I plan on participating no matter what. There's no way I'm disappearing for good."

"_I've been having to be extremely careful lately. Everyone is on edge. Even the scum loyal to the Tallest are anxious and don't want to anger Red. Everyone is suspicious and scared after Service Drone Neal was executed by Red's own hand following that horrible assassination attempt._"

"This 'Neal' doesn't sound familiar…"

"_That's because he wasn't a part of our ranks, Commander. Neal wasn't a member of the Resisty and yet he lashed out at Red_."

That was something unexpected but quite interesting. Perhaps there were Irken who wouldn't join the Resisty but still wanted the Tallest out of the way. Lyn wasn't exactly astonished but it was still peculiar. It was possible that this emerging third faction was starting to make itself known. It was possible most of them were disorganized but she had a hunch that perhaps there might've been a ringleader for this new breed of traitor. In the future, they might end up posing as some sort of competition. That wasn't an option in her eyes. They would need to be removed from the picture as well. Any Irken that didn't side with her was fair game in her eyes.

"This Neal was brave and I applaud him for it but, yes, he was an idiot," Lyn concluded. "He had spirit though. And not only that, I want to be the one to kill Red. If Neal had stolen that right from me…" Lyn shook her head and smiled crookedly. "I would be very, very unhappy… Since you are the spy ringleader on the Massive, I expect you to coordinate everyone effectively and keep them in line. Don't let them get antsy and eager to act without my command. If they do so, Red will be the least of their problems. Do you understand me?"

Lyn noticed as the shorter, purple eyed, female Irken nodded her head. She could see that Nix was intimidated but she wouldn't admit it. Nix refused to show weakness and kept her head up high. She trusted her subordinate to maintain her façade and continue with spying and collecting information.

"_Yes, Commander Lyn,_" Nix said. "_Of course_…"

"Your intel is wonderful," Lyn smiled. "It's helpful that you're one of the communications officers for the Massive. Thank you for providing that recording of Red and Zim's conversation before you had to erase it."

"_No problem_."

"You've done your part. Let me do mine. Keep communication down to a minimum and only contact me if there's a major development."

"_Absolutely, Commander. Good luck with your mission_."

The feed was then cut. Nix's face on the display visor disappeared and the screen turned to static.

"Wonderful!" Lyn giggled to herself. "I can't believe my luck!"

This was her lucky break. Patiently, she had been biding her time and waiting, relying on her spies and insiders to provide her with any information regarding the absent Tallest. She still desired to hunt down Purple first and kill him just to torment Red. That was a plan she wasn't going to deviate from at all. That was decided and there was nothing that was going to change it.

Lyn knew about Zim. She was from the same generation he was and for the most part, she avoided him. She had survived the destruction he caused during Operation Impending Doom One by simply being away from Irk when that incident happened. She shuddered to think that maybe, if she was there, she would've suffered the same fate as so many other Invaders that Zim had unwittingly killed. Luck was on her side that day.

Luck was also on her side when she had survived the explosion. Lyn liked to think maybe luck would bless her a third time. She hoped that on this occasion, she would quickly find Purple.

Her claws tapped and danced along the control panel, typing in Earth's coordinates. She activated the autopilot mode of her vessel and leaned back in her seat. It would take some time to get to that planet. She had to get comfortable; her destination was a few galaxies away.

She already decided she was going to cut his head off and mail it to Red. But she had yet to ponder over how she was going to kill him exactly. Lyn was torn over the matter. Forcing him to drink acid sounded tempting. Breaking every single joint in his body would undoubtedly sound like music. Skinning him and throwing him into a vat of boiling water seemed almost too good… Whatever his fate would be, Lyn just hoped she'd make up her mind by the time she got to the planet that harbored two infamous exiles.

Her revenge was a road paved by blood and spite. This was her path and she would follow it even if it led to a dead end. It was long and there were many obstacles in the way but in time, she would overcome them. There was no other way. She knew no detour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, please check out TwinklingMayViolet's fic, "Caught Red-handed". She wrote a sweet Tallest/Reader tidbit and I think you guys would enjoy it so give it a chance!
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24983284
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	21. Liars and Weirdoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earth is a crazy place. What an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support and love, guys. Gonna be honest, this chapter was hard to write and is a mess. But hopefully it's okay enough and the next chapters will be much easier to write. 
> 
> Enjoy it everyone!

Chapter 21 Liars and Weirdoes

(Red Leaf State Park)

For an instant, you felt a pang of guilt. When the cops showed up at your residence and you showed them where the little ruffian was, he was knocked out cold. Honestly, you thought you didn't throw him off that roughly. It was obvious that you didn't know your own strength. You were fearful you might've hurt the kid but you were relieved when he started to stir when he heard the voices of the officers.

You indeed called the authorities and they happened to be close by so they made it to your house in under twenty minutes. Apparently, there was a bar fight at the Honey Pot and some officers were wrapping it up when your call came in. One of the officers joked that it was probably the lunar cycle to blame for this insane evening. He also mentioned that crime and unusual behavior seemed to escalate as the moon waxed and it peaked when it was full. The discussion of the moon was the last thing you wanted to acknowledge at the moment.

You gave your statement to the police. You said you caught the boy trespassing on your property and when you tried to get him to leave, he attacked you. Of course you omitted the whole bit about destroying Dib's personal property but hey. They were more inclined to listen to your narrative anyway.

Upon hearing that he attacked you, the cops took no chances and hand cuffed him. You thought it was excessive but you also decided it was for the best. He had a point to prove and he was going to get it across no matter what. Dib was a threat and you knew it. And besides, you feared if he attacked the wrong folks, they'd react more harshly than you did to him.

You could feel his bespectacled eyes glaring at you as he sat in the darkened back of the squad car. You could tell that this youth hated your guts. You had destroyed his irrefutable evidence of alien life and your guilt. Now he was back in square one. With Purple out of the immediate vicinity and supposedly at Area 51, he had nothing to prove. He couldn't prove that Purple was actually here. He couldn't prove that you were more than guilty of sheltering an extraterrestrial being and willingly withheld information from the federal authorities.

Yeah, you were pretty much a felon at this point. But you had gone this far and you wouldn't turn around.

"What is it with all these lunatics tonight?" one of the officers sighed in frustration. "First there was that bar fight in town and then we had to come out here to apprehend some minor who was trespassing and screaming about aliens. What else is going to happen?"

"Nothing, I hope," you said. "I sincerely hope that's the worst of it for you guys."

"Usually crime isn't as bad during the winter," another cop chimed in. "But I guess people get seasonal depression and it gets to folks sometimes."

"You shouldn't have cuffed me!" Dib yelled, pounding on the window. "I'm not the one who needs to be thrown into the back of a squad car! Your real suspect is right there! Ask her about the Tallest! She knows all about him!"

He was determined and hellbent. Even though he was confined and shut up within the car, you knew he would continue to be a threat. They weren't going to throw him into a juvenile detention center and you even told them you didn't want to press charges. You only wanted his parents to wake the Hell up and keep him on a much shorter leash. More than anything else, in your opinion, he needed his ass whooped.

Deep inside, you knew this wasn't going to end. This was far from over. Instead, you knew that this was only the beginning. Now that he saw and knew what you had done, he wasn't going to give up. You had a feeling he wasn't going to be deterred. Dib was going to try to expose the truth no matter the cost. As soon as he'd have the chance, he'd come back and try to make your life a living Hell.

"What's a Tallest?" one cop asked, raising a bushy brow.

"Your guess is as good as mine," you shrugged.

"Don't believe a single thing she tells you!" Dib screamed, pressing his face against the window. "She is working with the alien! She kissed him! She's in cahoots with the Tallest and Zim! She's going to let the Earth be destroyed!"

Legitimately, he unsettled you. You ignored him the best that you could despite the searing stares he was giving you.

"Hey, kid, you were trespassing!" one of the officers scolded him. "You physically attacked a member of the park staff and that's against the law! You should be worried about your dad! He's going to be here any minute!"

The officers managed to get a name and contact information out of Dib when they seized him. His family was going to come and take him home. This was the perfect opportunity to get a load of his guardians and see what sort of negligent dick lets their kid lose and violate several laws. You were looking forward to this.

"She destroyed a vital piece of evidence I had!" he argued. "I had irrefutable proof of the alien that crash landed in this park back in October! He was here, in her house, this whole time! You gotta believe me! He's not here because he went to Area 51 with Zim to get his ship back! He's going to leave, come back with the Armada and do horrible, evil things to Earth! Don't let him win!"

"It's not even a full moon," an officer wrinkled his nose. "I can only imagine what he's like when it is. His dad probably keeps him chained up in the basement. Maybe he's a werewolf?"

You could feel your anxiety snowballing inside of you. You couldn't let the cops know you really were hiding something. They respected and trusted you because you were an official that protected and caretook the state park. You hated to squander that trust but you had to lie. No one could find out about this. And you knew Dib was probably the only person who was capable of pulling the wool away from everyone's eyes.

Everyone's attention was jarred from their current business when lights began to appear in the sky. A cold wave of terror and dread flood over you for a second, assuming Purple was coming back. Oh, God, you hoped it wasn't him. Then the crazy kid would end up being revealed as the sanest individual there.

But your fear melted into relief when you could see it was one of those new-fangled air shuttles. You heard about them and had seen them on the TV. Usually, these aerodynamic buses were only seen in urban areas. On the side of the vessel, you could see "Membrane Labs" etched on it.

Membrane Labs as in headed by Professor Membrane? As in supposedly the smartest man on the planet? Wait, was Dib really his kid? Did you seriously overlook that?

You held your ground as the air bus descended lightly onto the ground. When it fully parked, the door on the side slid open and two figures clambered out.

One of them was a little girl with purple hair. She was wearing dark clothes with a skull necklace. She had a dour look on her face and she seemed like she wanted to be anywhere but here.

The other figure was a tall man. He was taller than you but you could tell that Purple still was taller than him in turn. He was wearing a white lab coat with black gloves and boots. The majority of his face of obscured save for the goggles he wore over his eyes. His hair was black at it looked uncannily similar to Dib's style.

Holy shit. Professor Membrane was his dad. You weren't prepared for that.

"Where is my idiot brother?" Gaz sullenly demanded.

"Right over here, little missy," one of the officers gestured to the car.

Without saying another word, she left her father's side and walked over to the car that held Dib.

"I came as soon as I could," the Professor explained. "Luckily I was home on this night." He turned his attention to you. "Ah, you must be the ranger I was told about in the phone call. My sincerest apologies, ma'am."

You were still shocked that he was still here. You've heard plenty about him and weren't ready to challenge his title as the smartest man on Earth. You knew he outclassed you when it came down to the fields of STEM research and whatnot. But you weren't going to gawk. You had to address him and not call attention to the fact that this celebrity was right here.

"Yes, sir," you said, finally snapping yourself out of it. "I'm glad you were able to promptly arrive."

"My son is insane, I cannot deny it," Membrane shook his head in disappointment. "I merely deemed it was a phase he would grow out of at some point. I was happy he was passionate about something but I despaired over his obsession with this specific pseudoscience. The fact he has attacked someone in an effort to prove some asinine theory and broke several laws is not acceptable."

"Sir, I'll be honest, I felt bad about calling the police to deal with this situation. But I believe you desperately needed to intervene in on this. He needs to be taught a lesson. I wanted this to be addressed before he could repeat something like this again."

"I am ashamed of my boy's actions but I appreciate your reasoning. He has made a fool of himself and I will no longer tolerate this feral behavior. I must thank you for making this choice. It's clear to me that I can no longer turn a blind eye and believe this madness will go away on its own as he grows up."

Truthfully, you were more than miffed that he allowed this to continue for as long as it did. Yes, Professor Membrane might be the most intelligent man on the planet. But good God, he was a shitty father. But at least he acknowledged that Dib's actions weren't acceptable. And you hoped he'd actually do something about this.

You turned around, hearing the girl dragging her brother along the ground. Dib strugglef and flailed, trying to escape and blubbering away while he did so.

"Dad!" he pleaded. "You gotta believe me! I could've showed you true evidence of alien life! You would've believed me! I had it! But that ranger, she destroyed it! She's the key to it! She was sheltering the alien and she's his girlfriend! She's an enemy of humanity!" Then he turned his attention back to his sister who tried her best to tune out his ramblings. "Gaz! You know I'm telling the truth! You've dealt with Zim with me! You know I'm not lying! I'm not crazy!"

Unceremoniously, Gaz threw Dib into the air bus. She strapped him into one of the available seats and hopped up into her own. Then she picked up her Game Slave 2 system and began to play it, ignoring her sibling as he attempted to free himself.

"I don't want to start any trouble," you said. "That's why I don't want to file any charges. I just don't want Dib to cause more trouble. He's only a kid."

"And I appreciate your gesture," he nodded. "I'm sorry he has insisted on picking on and accusing you of something so wild and impossible."

"It's alright. He's young, he has to learn."

Then he redirected his attention to the police officers who were still lingering by.

"Gentlemen, is there anything else I need to be informed of?" he asked.

"No, sir," one of them said. "Just don't let us catch him prowling around here, after hours, on an employee's property."

"Of course. I'll make sure he doesn't create such unacceptable mischief again. Thank you."

You could tell Membrane was angry. He was trying his hardest to not lash out at his son. He allowed Gaz to take care of him. He would ignore Dib until he got him alone and away from this place.

Professor Membrane nodded at them and then to you. Then he turned his back on you and climbed into the air bus. The door slid shut behind him and the transport began to rise up off the ground.

This issue was done, for now. But you had a sinking feeling this wouldn't be the last time you'd see Dib. It was your belief his father had no idea how resourceful and determined he was. Yes, he might punish him or discipline him somehow. But you sensed Dib would still try to unveil the truth. He was still going to harass you.

…maybe you should've taken up Purple's offer.

(…)

"You think this is a cry for help?!" Dib argued. "You think I'm lying?!"

"Son, you've gone too far," the Professor shook his head in disapproval. "You can't be allowed to do this anymore. This is beyond ridiculous and unacceptable! And yes, I do think this is a cry for help! I refuse to let my son become consumed by his insane obsessions and turn into a delinquent because of them!"

"I'm not crazy and I'm not a delinquent! I'm trying to save the world! Dad, you have to believe me! Get in touch with the people at Area 51, they should have an alien right there with them right now!"

"When we get home, we are going to have a very long and thorough discussion about this. I am taking down all those posters and all that junk in your room and you are going to focus on some real, respectable science! Your fantasies are out of control and they landed you in a lot of trouble! You were apprehended by the police and attacked a state park ranger!"

"You trust that lying ranger more that your own son?!"

"You were trespassing and you attacked her. Your shenanigans have gotten you into a lot of trouble before and I simply refuse to tolerate this anymore. This is unacceptable, son. I've tried to be a patient, understanding father. I thought you would grow out of this. But now it's obvious to me that I have to step in and intervene. I'm not going to allow this to continue!"

Dib was simply beside himself and beyond frustrated. The officers at the scene refused to believe him. And now his own father was on the traitorous ranger's side as well. He couldn't believe that they were all naïve and stupid enough to believe her. If that evidence hadn't have been destroyed by her, then he knew things would've been wholly different. He wouldn't be in this situation and the Tallest's girlfriend would be the one in cuffs.

He wasn't going to let this slide. One way or another, he was going to somehow expose her and show that he wasn't crazy. In his opinion, she couldn't be trusted and she needed to go down. Even his dad was going to ground him and confiscate all of his paranormal paraphernalia, he was going to get to the bottom of this. The Irken Empire was indeed interested in Earth and that couldn't be ignored. He already had Zim to worry about and it looked like this ranger was familiar with the Invader as well.

Oh, he was going to get his revenge. He had a mission to complete and wasn't going to let anyone get in the way of it.

The boy whined quietly and shrunk back into his seat. He hung his head low. While he was a paranormal investigator and the unofficial defender of Earth, he was still a twelve year old kid. He still had to go to skool, had to obey certain house rules and certainly wasn't considered an adult just yet.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!" Membrane resumed. "My son should know better than to do things like that! From now on, when you aren't in skool or aren't home with your sister, you'll be spending time in the labs with me! No more adventuring, saving the Earth or running silly little errands anymore!"

"Dad, why do you refuse to believe that aliens exist?" Dib countered.

"We aren't discussing this, son."

"This a serious, scientific debate, Dad, answer me!"

"Because there is not enough hard, qualitative and quantitative proof of them."

"You're kidding me, right? Are you calling all the folks who have claimed to have seen things for centuries are lying? Or crazy? Dad, it's impossible! The universe is so big that there has to be multiple races out there! There's no way we're the only life in the universe!"

The Professor sighed heavily. He remained silent and unresponsive for a few moments. He quietly absorbed everything that was happening.

"This is my fault," he admitted.

Gaz briefly looked up from her handheld console when she heard her father say that.

"No, Dad," she said. "Dib is just insane."

"No, no, daughter!" he corrected. "I know I am very busy and it's too obvious. I try to set aside time to be with my children but your brother requires more care and supervision than what I currently give. I have to be more present in both of your lives. I can't let this negligence continue like this."

"You don't need to be here, you just have to believe me!" Dib yelled. "You just have to trust and listen to your son!"

"Dib, that's enough! Things are going to be different from now on and that is final!"

This wasn't going to stop him or slow him down. He'd deal with these supposed, incoming changes and adapt from there. No one was going to prevent him from what he thought was most important. Dib was going to make sure of that.

Then there was also this supposed civil war happening out there…

(Area 51)

"He's amazing! And so tall!"

"A real life alien?! Here?! In front of me?!"

"Is that alright if I hold your hand? Uh, trust me, I want to see if you have a pulse! I want to know your respiration rate!"

Purple felt increasingly squeamish and uncomfortable. The scientists who swarmed around him and hounded him with all sorts of questions, some legitimate, others wildly inappropriate or bizarre. He would've answered a question or two but before he could even speak, another scientist would shove their colleague out of the way and present their own query to him.

The room he entered with his strange guide was a large, spacious one and it reminded him a lot of a hangar or warehouse. In the middle of it sat his confiscated vessel. He only managed to get a glimpse of it before he was engulfed by a throng of enthralled scientists and technicians. From what he could briefly survey, a lot of wires and cords were running from his ship to some computers and miscellaneous technology that sat about twenty feet away from it. It also seemed that, somehow, the damage to it wasn't as extensive as he remembered it to be. Did these creatures actually manage to repair some of the cosmetic damage it sustained?

"Alright, folks, back it up!" Dr. Jones announced. She began to physically push back some of the individuals who got too close. "Let's not swarm our visitor, alright? Let him get used to things, he's our newest guest and addition after all!" She beamed and turned to the Tallest. "See your ship? We've been running tests on it and we took care of some of the more superficial, outer damage it sustained."

"Gee, thanks," Purple said nonchalantly. He pushed past some rather stubborn, ogling scientists and made his way over to his ship. "I'm surprised you even knew what to do."

"It took a lot of trial and error! But some of the finest minds in the world come here to visit and assist with research so we made some progress! And now with you here, we'll make even more progress and learn more!" She tittered in delight. "You have no idea how exciting it is!"

"Sure! I, uh, can help out with my ship! It's a piece of cake!"

That was a lie. But these creatures didn't need to know about this weakness of his. He barely even passed ship basics during military training. The only reason why he did that was because of Red's constant help and quizzing. He even managed to cheat on the exam thanks again to his co-Tallest's intervention. Ships were not his forte and he knew that. He only hoped that whatever damage was sustained could wait until he rejoined the Armada and it could be repaired by properly trained and qualified mechanics.

He looked over his ship, seeing that it did seem like it was better. Honestly, he was a bit impressed with their handiwork. They even sealed the cracks in the windshield that were sustained in the crash. They also restored the paintjob on some areas where the color had been rubbed off or faded. All in all, they seemed like they did a decent job. To him, it appeared they were trying to restore it to its former, untarnished glory. It was a good effort on trying restore and understand technology they never encountered before.

While it seemed like it was structurally sound and well, there was the most crucial questions of all. Could he commandeer this thing? Could he leave Earth and not explode while trying to escape its atmosphere? Could he make it back to Red?

"It's a wondrous and fascinating piece of technology," the old woman picked up. "We tried to start it up and give it a test run but we had no luck."

That better have been the case. To avoid hijackers and thieves, Purple had a retinal scanner installed in his ship. The ship would only activate and fly if it scanned one of his eyes and recognized his DNA sequence. It was a handy little mechanism and Purple was glad he implemented that feature. It was more than likely that the Earthlings had no idea about this bit of information and he was going to keep it that way. He wouldn't be surprised if they tried to rip one of his eyes out of his skull just so they could start it up themselves.

"Oh, it's fine!" Purple said, putting on a fake smile. "I'll show you how this bad boy works."

First there was the diagnostic scan to make sure everything was alright. He'd have to make sure all the systems were intact or at least minimally damaged. Then he'd bust out of this crazy place and never come back. After that, he'd go back for the female.

"_Come on, ship_!" he thought to himself. "_Don't get me killed!_ _Don't get us killed for that matter. Just hang on so I can get my Earthling… And then get us to the Massive. That's all I want. We just can't be on this planet anymore._"

"There's no obvious ignition system," Dr. Jones continued. "That's the biggest mystery we have right now. We've tried overriding and hacking into it but we've had no luck."

"Irken technology isn't so easy to crack," Purple smirked. "We make it hard for others to figure it out."

"I can just imagine what other amazing things your species has crafted…" She had a dreamy and spellbound look to her eyes.

Purple ignored her and hopped into the pilot's seat. It somewhat stank like one of the Earthlings in there and he frowned in disgust at that. The scent of his female would change that.

Quietly, he initiated the diagnostic scan. He wasn't going to start up the ship until he was absolutely ready to depart. He had to keep them in the dark about how it worked.

"Firstly, I have to make sure everything is alright, this isn't looking good," he clicked his tongue. "I think there may be a problem with the ignition system. That could explain why you had some trouble with starting it up."

When he lifted his head up to look away from the control panel, he wasn't expecting to see Dr. Jones staring back at him intently. He squealed in surprise and sunk back into his seat, his eyes wide and mildly alarmed.

"Take me with you!" she implored. "I want to see what you see! I want to explore the vast frontier of the universe! We know nothing of what's out there! Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be abducted by aliens and whisked around the stars on some crazy, intergalactic adventure!"

Purple swallowed roughly. He shrank back further, trying to distance himself from the enthusiastic old woman. He didn't dare to look away from her, fearing she'd latch herself onto him.

"I…" he almost whispered. "I thought you wanted me to stay here..?"

"I do!" she said. "But I just want to be where you are!"

Hurry up, scan… HURRY UP.

"Yeah, we're not gonna work out," he said, feeling extremely awkward and out of place. "You're really old and scary looking and I already have my own female. Thanks but no thanks."

"Please!" she begged. "If you won't take me away will you take me for a joyride in it?! Just a nice, little stroll in the sky with an alien in his space vehicle!"

"Hey, I want a turn in the space ship with the tall, green freak too!" one random technician blurted out. "Y'know, for science!"

Purple was starting to think that perhaps Area 51 was actually a containment facility for all these crazy Earthlings. Yeah, it might've been a huge base for housing extraordinary, freakish things but the amount of weirdos in here was staggering. Maybe they belonged here and needed to be locked away for their own good. This was way out of his comfort zone and he found himself starting to panic internally. These Humans adoring and wanting to investigate him "for science" was just too creepy for his liking.

"H-hey look!" he said, his smile clearly fake and strained. "How about I do this! How about I get my bigger space ship and I can take every single person in this room on it?! We can all climb aboard and we can take a tour around the solar system! And…!" He waved his hands excitedly, trying to lure them in and get them in on the bandwagon. "We can have a crazy party on one of Saturn's moons! Doesn't that sound awesome?!"

"I always wanted to go to Titan," one staff member blurted. "I heard it rains methane there, that sounds so cool! Can we party there?!"

"No, I propose we go to Europa!" another person argued. "It's closer to Earth! I gotta be home in time to watch my soap operas!"

While most of the scientists and other gathered personnel began to debate over an ideal moon to party on, Dr. Jones remained wholly invested with what was in front of her. She wouldn't be baited. Her greatest wish was in front of her and she wasn't going to part with it so easily.

"So, who is your girlfriend?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

"She's hotter than you, that's for sure," Purple said. "You don't need to know about her other than that."

"But is she smarter than me?"

"Probably, yeah. I think it's safe to say she's probably as smart as me too. Maybe smarter! If you're the smartest out of all these idiots here, then I'm not impressed." He snarled defensively. "Look, Grandma, I'm not interested!"

"But I'm interested in you!"

"Then find a new hobby! I don't care! Cut it out or I'll melt your feet to the floor or something!"

"Please! Take me with you!"

He glanced at the diagnostic screen. It still wasn't done.

Purple let out a cry of frustration and irritation. He slammed his fist into the control console, nearly smashing it in the process.

"Can't you take a hint, you walking mummy?!" he blurted.

The whole room became bathed in a red, flashing light. The sound of an alarm blared out obnoxiously and Purple's whole body tensed. His PAK legs sprung out, reacting on instinct and perceiving that a threat was nearby.

"Oh, no, it broke loose for real this time!" someone cried out.

Purple bristled when he heard the same horrible shrieking that he heard earlier when he first entered the compound. Then, the sound of shredding metal sliced through the air, causing him to feel even more apprehensive. Apparently, the creature the two guards told him about earlier finally escaped from its test tube prison.

He shoved Dr. Jones out of the way and leapt out of his ship, turning to face the aberration. The scan still wasn't done and he had a feeling that things were going to get ugly. It was probably going to go on a rampage and he had to defend himself and his craft if he wanted to get out of here in one piece.

The battle-ready Tallest cringed when his eyes fell on the shape of the escaped experiment. It was definitely in the shape of an Earthling but that was where the similarities ended. Its skin was pale and it looked like its entire body was encapsulated in some sort of insect-like shell. Its eyes were black and looked too lifeless, looking almost like the eyes of a haunted doll. In its mouth were razor sharp teeth that jutted out from its sickly-looking lips. The experiment's frame was also well muscled and it was rather tall, standing at around seven feet. The amalgamation was also completely bald.

"I am Llec!" it bellowed. "Me finally free from puny tube! I crush all of you!"

"Man, you are super ugly!" Purple said, tilting his head to the side, looking more confused than intimidated. "No wonder they tried to keep you contained!"

The rage and macho the creature wielded when it entered the room suddenly seemed to evaporate. Its face softened drastically and Purple somehow swore its eyes looked larger and glassier. Somehow, it seemed like it was as defenseless and helpless as a kicked puppy.

"You big meanie!" it started to cry. "That was uncalled for, big bully! You hurt Llec's feelings! This not my choice!"

"Hey, you're not very nice!" one of the staff accused the Irken. "He just earned his freedom and this is how you treat him?!"

"Oh, that is it," Purple huffed. His PAK appendages retreated back into their containment space and he turned his back on the now crying creature. He shook his head and clambered back into his shuttle, no longer having the patience. "When I come back to reclaim this planet, I'm going to level this entire base and pretend that none of this happened."

He smiled largely when he saw that the scan finally completed when he went out to confront Llec. Without wasting another moment, he initiated the ignition sequence.

He lowered his head, presenting an eye to be scanned. The scanner did just that, registering his unique DNA signature and recognizing the ship's owner. When that happened, the transport whirred to life.

The base personnel hardly paid any attention to the reactivated ship, instead focusing on comforting the escaped asset. They even ignored the hole that was created above them when Purple activated the laser cannons and shot into the roof, creating a path for himself. Their one-track mindset couldn't be diverted as the alien they were so previously enraptured with made his escape in the shuttle they had been so devoted to decoding for the past few months.

Purple let out a sigh of relief. The takeoff was brief and powerful. He couldn't take it anymore and he had to get out. The ship didn't explode while he made his getaway so that was encouraging. And according to the diagnostic, everything seemed to be in shipshape. The Tallest counted himself extremely fortunate thay no significant damage was done and it was still very much functional.

Now that phase one of his plan was complete, he had to move to the next objective. He fidgeted nervously in his seat. Perhaps this part of the mission was going to be the toughest one yet. For this one, he absolutely couldn't fail. He had to be successful.

He felt something suddenly latch onto the back of his head. Spooked by the abrupt and tight feeling, he screamed and flailed about in his seat, almost losing control of his ship in the process. The Tallest smashed the back of his head against his headrest, trying to dislodge whatever was hanging onto him with surprising strength and tenacity.

"What wonders will we witness?!" Dr. Jones enthusiastically demanded. "Where are we going?!

While he was busy investigating the creature, she managed to crawl into his vessel and hide herself in it. Now she was making her presence known. There was no way she was going to be deterred so easily.

"I said to beat it!" Purple growled. "You're too short for my taste anyway!"

He continued to struggle with the old but determined scientist. Purple was somewhat astonished by her strength but in the end of it all, it was pointless.

He succeeded in peeling her off and partially opened up the windshield. Forcefully and mercilessly, he shoved her out of it, letting her plummet. He paid no mind to it, knowing she'd most likely survive it all to begin with. As far as he was concerned, the creepy, old woman wasn't his problem anymore.

"Alright, let's try this again," he exhaled. "I gotta win this time…" He sunk into his seat and his antennae fell flat against the back of his head. Purple couldn't stomach the thought of screwing it up a second time. "Getting the girl is way harder than I thought it'd be…"


	22. Eloping with Aliens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, thanks as always for the comments and kudos and all that fancy jazz. This chapter is a long one but I really didn’t want to break it down into two parts. A lot of stuff (sort of) happens so if it seems a bit chaotic or messy, my apologies. There’s definitely a sense of urgency in it so I tried to capture that. 
> 
> Also, there’s a sweet little treat at the end of the chapter. When you’re done reading, check it out. I’m pretty sure ya’ll will love it. Thank you!

Chapter 22 Eloping with Aliens

(Red Leaf State Park)

You were abruptly jarred from your half-awake, half-dozing state when you heard Bambi creating an unholy ruckus. You were in the middle of a light snore when that snore turned into a full blown snort. Your eyes flashed open and you almost rocketed yourself off the couch as it startled you so badly. For a moment, you sat up, confused and wondering what planet you were even on for the briefest moment.

"Bambi..?" you asked groggily. "What's up?"

The big mutt pawed at the door. His tail wagged and he stood up on his hind legs, trying to get to whoever was outside already. He barked loudly, each and every vocalization causing you to cringe at the volume and wanting to crawl into some dark hole and hibernate.

Right off the bat, you were alarmed. You checked the time on your cellphone, seeing it was quarter after five in the morning. Sunrise was a bit off and everything was still dark outside. The only light you had on in your entire cabin was the lamp that sat on the coffee table.

You had no idea who or what could be outside at this hour except for some random animal. Or a poacher. Or Dib.

With the way Bambi was acting however, it didn't seem aggressive. Instead, he almost seemed eager. It was nothing like the way he acted when he first caught wind of Zim.

"Bambi," you said, clearing your throat. "Come here!"

The dog sat down at the door, his tail still going a mile a minute. He whined quietly and looked back at you, wanting you to get up and address whatever was outside. It was strange but it almost looked like the furry beast was somehow smiling. He didn't seem worried and that helped to soothe you a little in return.

You yawned and got up, making your way to the door. Though it seemed like Bambi was totally trusting and even happy, you would err on the side of caution. It definitely had been a turbulent night and it almost felt like it was never going to end. The sun wasn't up yet so you wouldn't be surprised in the slightest bit if some other insane thing was going to happen. That was the way your luck seemed to run.

You peeked past the curtain that covered the little window on your front door. Your eyes widened when you could've sworn you saw the ship you saw some months earlier. It looked pretty dinged up and damaged when you first saw it embedded in the dirt on that especial night. But now it was sitting on your front lawn.

Your sleep deprived, stressed mind connected the dots and your eyes widened to the size of saucers. A smile broke out across your face and you fiddled with the locks on your door. It looked like fate was throwing you a bone.

As soon as you got the door unsecured and opened it, you were suddenly befuddled. In the short amount of time where you espied Purple's ship and then opened the door, the space shuttle vanished. Where the transport was parked, there was nothing but darkness and forest. You stood in the doorway, having a hard time processing exactly just happened.

"Oh my God," you muttered. You rubbed your eyes. Indeed, the ship disappeared into thin air. "I've officially gone insane."

But as you investigated the empty space closer, there was a tree there that didn't exist earlier. You knew your own property well and there was never a tree in that exact spot before.

"Cloaking device, babe."

Visibly, you jumped when you heard his voice. Your head twisted to the right, looking down your porch. Purple was standing there, looking utterly tickled. He was giggling and smiling away, amused by your astonishment.

Without saying a word, you grasped onto his hand and pulled him into your home. You weren't going to take any chances and risk having anyone catch sight of the two of you together. If you could avoid any more incidents, that'd be great.

Once you got him into the cabin, you shut the door and locked it all up. Bambi barked happily and stood up on his hind legs, licking the Tallest and clearly excited to see him. You smiled when you heard Purple chortle at the canine's enthusiasm.

"Nice to see you too, you big, slobbery beast," he greeted. He playfully ruffled the dog's ears and fur. Then he turned his attention to you. "And it's nice to see your master too."

You were only happy to see he came back. It looked like he survived Area 51 and got his ship back. That caused a lot of stress to melt off your shoulders. He was alive and wasn't imprisoned or dissected.

At first, you couldn't say anything at. All you did was fling your arms around him and jump up into his own arms. He was easily a few feet taller than you but that didn't deter you at all from leaping up and planting your lips atop his.

True, you wanted him to go do his duty and leave Earth for his own safety. But to see him again made you so thankful. It was almost completely contrary to your conversation in the shed. You were just happy to see him and were relieved he was alright. You said it wasn't a good idea to pursue this courtship and yet here you were. You were looking like a pretty big hypocrite in this moment but at the same time, you didn't care.

Purple wasn't expecting this greeting but he didn't fight it at all. His arms encircled around your frame, securing you to him and keeping you close. The Irken returned the kiss, more than happy to melt into it and savor this gesture of Human affection he was quickly growing fond of. He could contently get used to it.

As much as you wanted it to last forever, you knew you couldn't be too much of a hedonist… You did have to have a few words with him.

"Purple, we gotta talk," you said.

"We do," he agreed. "You first."

You didn't know where to begin. But you figured the most logical thing would be discuss the topic that made you the most paranoid.

"Dib knows about us," you revealed.

"The big-headed kid?" Purple asked, making sure he got the right person in mind. "Zim's nemesis?"

"Yeah. Purple, he had a video of us talking in the shed."

"Eww, what a little weirdo!"

"But I destroyed his evidence. There was no way I could let him hold onto it. He was going to use it to expose me or us for that matter. I called the cops and they got his family in here to take him home."

"…looks like a lot happened with you when I was over at Area 51."

"Yeah. What happened while you were over there?"

"Saw a lot of freaks, stupid scientists and I'm pretty sure some old lady wanted to be my woman but I'd rather not talk about that." His stare hardened and he rested his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes. "But honestly, none of that really matters right now. I got my ship and it's ready to go whenever I am. You've got two little weirdoes to worry about instead of one now. That's what really concerns me."

"Zim is Zim so I'm…"

"Yes, which is why I'm not happy about leaving you on Earth with him while I'm gone."

"And Dib is only a kid. He needs more supervision and guidance in his life and I'm…sure he'll end up okay. His dad apologized for everything and promised me he'd never pull stunts like this again."

"I don't think you get that this kid isn't gonna stop. According to what Zim told me about him, nothing will stop Dip."

"Dib."

"Look… With me staying here and hiding with you, I let two dangerous losers into your life. That's my fault, okay? You seriously don't want Zim around you. That's why Red and I got rid of him and exiled him to Earth. And Dib? Since he saw us together, you know he's never gonna back off and give you peace again. I'm sorry but you can't stay on Earth anymore."

You wanted to argue with him, saying he was too serious and grim about the whole thing. But you knew he was being brutally honest and that was a trait you could appreciate about him. As much as you wanted to disagree, you knew it was true. Dib was a kid but he was a scary kid. You got a taste of what he was like and what he prioritized. You didn't want to acknowledge it but you knew Purple was telling the truth.

"I know you don't want to leave," he continued, sensing what was on your mind. "Maybe, if you went with me, maybe Dib will focus solely on Zim and he might forget about you. It's a longshot but with you being away from here…y'know, out of sight out of mind? I'm not gonna keep you from your planet forever. I know you love it. Think of it as a vacation. When was the last time you took one?"

"Uh, a few years," you said, feeling unsure of how to feel next. "Never really saw the need for one…"

"Congratulations, you're due for one! I say you take it now!"

"Purple, I get it, trust me… But this is all way too sudden. I can't just drop everything and run off and then come back and act as if nothing happened."

"Listen to me, babe."

He sat down on the couch, still keeping you close to him. He placed you on his lap and ran his fingers through your hair. The Irken nuzzled your cheek and inhaled your scent, sighing happily at the familiar, soothing aroma.

"You took care of me while I was here with you," he said. "Now it's my turn. Let me take care of you. You taught me a lot about Earth and explained so much to me. You helped me live here and it probably would've gone perfectly if Zim didn't ruin everything…" He growled briefly. "I know there's a lot of strange stuff going on out there now. But I want to show you everything, you'd love it all! We can drink milkshakes together under the light of the twelve moons of Planet Lotsofmoonsa! We can eat junk food and ride on roller coasters all day on the amusement park planet of Amusia-6!"

You loved his enthusiasm. There was something innocent and pure about it all and it lifted your heart. And the best part about it? It was genuine.

"We'll be together and I'll keep you safe during the whole thing," he promised. "You don't have to worry about the weird things going on here on Earth. Dib and Zim will just be bad memories."

"That does sound amazing," you admitted, giving him a smile. "Honestly, I can only imagine what's all out there. It must be filled with all sorts of things I can't even begin to imagine or describe…"

"You better believe it!" He flashed you a large, toothy grin. "You can see it all! And it's all waiting for you. What's that one Earth phrase..? 'The world is your oyster'? But in this case, the universe!"

"I don't know, Purple… There's just too much going on. You have that war occurring and you don't need me distracting you from it and whatnot. That's some very vital stuff you have to take care of."

"You're not distracting me, you're motivating me."

It felt like things were moving back into square one. It was one, big, messy, confusing conundrum. While you wanted to go with him, you knew it was most likely impulsive and dumb. Duty and responsibility were important. You'd be throwing yours away by leaving so suddenly.

You were shaken from your thoughts when he said your name. He placed a finger under your chin and gave you a brief but sweet kiss on your lips.

"This is a lot for me too," he resumed. "But war is coming to Earth, there's no hiding that. I'm sure that my enemies found out and they're probably coming here as we speak. If somehow, they get a hold of Zim and if Zim tells them about you… I'm just not gonna take that chance. If I go and you stay here, I won't be able to protect you. I don't want to end up like Red."

"And you can't stay here with me," you debated. "Purple, you'll be a sitting duck. Zim is your only Irken ally here and if it's the two of you against a whole army of rebels or whatever, things are going to get really, really ugly."

"We have to be together no matter what. We both have our enemies no matter where we'll go. What's the point in us going our separate ways and fighting them without each other? Aren't we better off doing this together? Please. Please, come with me. Come with me for your own safety."

You hated this dilemma. You hated having to make this vital choice with no time to spare. Ideally, you'd want a few days to mull over something so important but you knew there was virtually no time left. You had to make up your mind right now.

There was no way you'd let him stay on Earth. It was out of the question and you refused to discuss it. He had to leave to throw off his trail and make things more difficult for his foes. If he'd remain here, it'd end badly. And with the threat of Dib, it was another factor to consider.

The thought of traversing and seeing what the universe has to offer was fascinating but also horrifying. But if you were going to do it, then you'd want to be by his side. You were his guide, mentor and protector while he sought shelter on Earth. Now it was his turn to return the favor to you. And from what he was saying, he was more than happy to step up and do it.

You had your responsibilities. But now you had another one to tend to. And as it turned out, you became his in return.

You had to choose.

You made up your mind.

"I guess I'm gonna have to see Ted as soon as the sun rises," you said, giving him a tiny smile. "I'll have to tell him I'm going on an extended vacation with a handsome, tall, alien man."

Purple blinked a few times, his eyes growing wider with each blink. His smile became impossibly huge and he let out a shrill squeal of glee. He hugged you to him tightly and kissed you all over your face.

"My Human is coming with me!" he rejoiced. "Yes, finally!" He laughed merrily and he nuzzled your cheek with his. "I'm so happy and relieved…"

"You'll be begging me to stay here when I tell you that you have to help me pack up a lot of stuff," you smirked. You kissed his cheek. "And Bambi and Baby are coming with us. There is no force that is gonna make me leave them behind."

"Hey, the more the merrier, I like the furry beasts anyway." He smirked. "And I guess we gotta start packing now, huh? I wanted to just sit here and kiss you for an hour or two then hit the road."

"We can do that when we get in the ship and leave Earth." You stroked one of his antenna very carefully. "I mean, isn't space huge and it takes a bit to get anywhere? We're gonna have a lot of time on our hands I think… Good things come to those who wait, big guy."

He loudly swallowed at your flirtatious tone and action. His cheeks turned dark green in an instant and he smiled shyly back at you.

"…I love you," he muttered.

"I love you too, Purple," you returned.

Now, you felt like you made the right choice. Actually, you knew it was the right one.

(…)

Senior Ranger Ted wasn't expecting to have someone knocking on his door before eight in the morning. Luckily, he was dressed but he was still trying to wake up. Quietly, he was nursing at a cup of coffee and nibbling at a chocolate biscotti. Before the knock, it seemed like it was going to be a cold but peaceful and quiet February morning.

So, when he looked out one of his windows to stealthily peek out of it to see who was outside, he was a bit surprised. One of his junior rangers was standing at the front door to his cabin. Specifically, it was you. He was confused more than anything else but for as long as the mystery prevailed, he began to feel somewhat nervous and concerned. But then again, if it was a real emergency, you would've called him already to give him a heads up.

While still holding onto his cup of coffee, he unlocked his door and opened it up. He offered you a small but friendly smile.

"Morning, stranger," he joked. "What's up? I'm surprised you're up this early. I know you were supposed to be hanging out with Kendra last night and having some drinks."

"Yeah, but that didn't last too long," you said and cringed inwardly. "Things came up."

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"Ted, I need to talk to you. This is pretty abrupt and important."

"Well, I'm all ears, kiddo. Talk away."

Truly, you didn't know where to begin or how to even introduce it. You never dropped such a bombshell like this before and all you knew was that it wasn't going to go over well. You sure as heck knew that if someone was telling you the things you were about to say, you'd be swift to brand them as some insane liar. It'd simply be unbelievable. But you'd have your ways of trying to convince him.

"Ted, I have to leave," you cut to the chase.

"Leave?" he repeated, wrinkling his nose. "Sure, you're more than welcome to take a vacation! I know it's been a few years since you last had one. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get away."

"It's kind of like a vacation but the thing is, I'm not really sure when I'll be back."

"Is there something going on? You seem tense and anxious." He paused and stepped aside. "Come on in. Get out of the cold, let's come in and talk."

You took a deep breath and shook your head.

"I'd love to but I don't want to get too comfortable and stick around for long," you said, declining his offer.

"Did something happen?" He became increasingly alarmed and suspicious. "Did some government agents crash the party last night or something?"

"I have to leave for a bit. I really don't want to resort to it but I don't really have much of a choice either. I had to call the cops last night, I got attacked. Do you remember that weird kid that was at the visitor's center a few months ago?"

"I think so, yeah."

"He came onto my property, was asking questions about the crash and attacked me."

"You're kidding!"

"I wish I was. The cops came and phoned in his dad and the dad took him away."

"Good. The kid sounds like he needs an ass whooping or sent to boot camp."

"I think this might've slowed down but I highly doubt this will stop him completely. Ted, this kid is determined to make my life a living Hell."

"Why?"

"He's a self-proclaimed paranormal investigator. And he's doing it because I'm withholding information about the crash."

"We're supposed to." The head ranger lowered his tone slightly and leaned in closer to you. "We have our statements we're supposed to divulge to the public and that's that. We can't even really discuss the incident ourselves…"

"I've been lying to you and everyone else."

He was becoming increasingly incredulous and worried. You could see the gears in his head turning and you could sense the confusion amounting in him. While Ted was an overall amiable, approachable and accommodating man, he hated anything that couldn't be explained. He liked to joke around at times but if the situation called for it, he was no-nonsense and hardnosed.

You looked over your shoulder, glancing back at your truck that sat in the driveway. That was the signal.

"I've known you your whole life," Ted said lowly. "I've worked with your dad and grandpa for years. I know I'm not your blood relative or anything like that but you know you can talk to me about what's bugging you. I know something is up."

"Ted, there definitely was an alien at the crash site," you said. "He showed up at my house right before I called you that night."

"Why didn't you disclose that to me?"

"Because I was scared. That and I… I knew that if the feds got a hold of him, they'd do terrible things to him."

"And this thing is a 'he'?"

"I'd certainly hope I'd be aware of his gender by now because he's been at my house for the past four months."

Ted froze when he heard your truck door open and then close. He didn't look away from you and he knew you definitely didn't have psychic powers that enabled you to do something like that. He didn't want to break his stare with you, knowing something was very wrong. He didn't want to see who was in your vehicle and most likely watching everything up until this point.

"This isn't funny," he whispered.

"This isn't a joke," you reiterated. "This is real."

A moving splash of color drew his attention from your face. He looked away at last, seeing a figure colored mainly purple and green, looking like a stark contrast to the white, brown and gray landscape around him. His grasp on his coffee cup loosened and slowly, he began to unknowingly spill the contents of it all over his porch.

You knew you'd be taking a massive risk by doing this but in your mind, you also thought it was necessary. In this way, you could fully convince your boss that you were telling the truth. With the actual alien right in front of his face, there's no way he'd be able to suspect you were pulling a prank or lying.

"So, you're Ted," Purple said, stopping behind you and setting both of his hands on your shoulders. "Took long enough to meet you."

Ted's hold on his beloved coffee cup was entirely relinquished at this point and it dully thumped onto the wooden floor below. He gawked, staring wide eyed at the tall, green, insect-like entity that stood directly behind his junior associate. This had to have been some super elaborate, well made costume… But deep in his bones, Ted knew this wasn't a joke. He knew you well enough. And he did believe something was in the crashed ship that was unaccounted for. He just had no idea it was your guest the whole time.

"This is the alien," he said, wanting actual, verbal confirmation. "This is what the government was looking for?"

"Yes," you nodded. "That kid I told you about? His name is Dib and I bet you any money you'll find him prowling around here in no time at all. He knows about Purple."

"His name is Purple?" Ted questioned.

"I didn't choose it," The Tallest huffed in annoyance.

"I've come to the realization that until things settle down here, I won't be safe," you explained. "Ted, there's a lot of crazy shit going on now. There's stuff going on here and outside of Earth. It's gonna get ugly and with Purple being here, some of those nasty elements are probably on their way here right now. He is leaving and I'm going with him."

"You're literally running off with an alien?" Ted asked, absolutely stunned by all this information.

That was it. There was no other way to put it. Ted hit it on the head.

"I don't know how long this will take," you admitted. "But I do know I will come back to Earth one way or another, I promise."

"What do I tell people when they see that you're gone?" he asked.

"Tell them I got abducted by an alien."

"Oh, you've gotta be shitting me…"

"I'm serious! Zack and Kendra will believe it because they've seen the ship! The government will believe it too because they've been looking for Purple!"

Ted laughed briefly and ran a hand through his hair, trying to grasp onto reality itself and calm down. He shook his head, unable to believe what he was seeing with his own two eyes. There was no way he'd ever be able to predict something like this. It was simply unbelievable. Ludicrous, even.

"So, you off to a trip to Jupiter?" he asked, half joking and half disbelieving.

"Ted, if Purple stays here, he'll probably die," you scowled. "There're a lot of people that want to kill him. If he stays on Earth, he's a huge target. And if I stay on Earth, I will never find peace until certain things get ironed out."

"Okay…okay." Ted took a deep breath. Clearly, he was at a loss for words. "I do appreciate you telling me about this. I wouldn't know what to think or do if you just disappeared out of the blue one day without a word. Do me a favor, alright? Take care of yourself. Be smart and safe and be sure to come back as soon as you can."

"No worries, she's with me," Purple smirked. "I'll take good care of this little ranger!"

You blushed hotly, wishing Purple would shut up and not divulge your exact relationship with him to Ted. You didn't want to shock your boss any more than you already did. His brain might snap in two if he found out you and Purple were officially an item.

"I'll turn off all the utilities to your place," Ted said. "I'll shut it down and keep it locked up and secure for when you come back. What're you gonna do about your animals?"

"They're coming with me," you said.

"Oh, that'll be fun."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't know how long this will be so I'd rather have them with me."

"Okay." His stare on Purple lingered for a few extra seconds then he turned to you again. "You're taking your gun with you?"

"Ted…" You had a feeling what he was on his mind. "Yes, I'm taking it. But I'll be fine."

"Before your grandpa died, I promised him I'd look after you." The expression on Ted's face was soft and sentimental. "Looks like I'm not gonna be able to keep that promise anymore. It's beyond my control and power now. You've grown up a lot and I can't believe you're leaving like this. But I'll take your word for it. I'll see if I can get a transfer ranger to fill in for you for a bit until you come back. Just…come back alive and in one piece, okay?"

"I will. Thanks, Ted. You're a great guy, I'm glad and grateful to have you as my boss and friend."

Neither you or Purple were prepared for when Ted pulled you into his arms. He held you in a brief but firm hug before he let you go.

"Space man, take care of her," Ted addressed the Tallest. "Or you'll have the Devil to pay."

"You think I'll be so careless?" Purple asked. There was an undeniable edge to his voice. He almost sounded offended. "Human-Ted, I am courting this female! She is mine! She is leaving Earth for her own safety and she will be with me." He folded his arms across his chest. "I love her and I will destroy all who try to hurt her!"

The look of disbelief, confusion and befuddlement on Ted's face was hilarious but unmistakable at the same time. Your face turned as red as a tomato and you looked away from him. You wished Purple hadn't blurted that out… You really wished he didn't. Now you were certain poor Ted would get some very embarrassing mental images about you two.

"Yeah, I think it's time we got out of here…" you muttered sheepishly.

"Uh, sure," Ted said, feeling quite uncomfortable now. "Didn't realize he was your boyfriend, I'm sure you'll be in great hands."

"Uh, yeah… I'll seeya soon hopefully, Ted. Take care."

"You too... Just... Be safe and smart."

Purple only smirked away, looking entirely proud and pleased with his announcement. His hands returned to their perch on your shoulders and he nuzzled his cheek against yours. The Tallest had absolutely no qualms about proclaiming you as his female and introducing you as such. He was entirely thrilled with the reality and was eager to share with everyone. Perhaps it wasn't such a smart move…

There was nothing else to be said. You merely gave Ted a nod and then waved to him as you stepped off his porch and made your way back to the truck. The Irken leader stuck close to you, fully intending to be with you every step of the way.

"Really, Purple?" you whispered to him. Your blush remained and you gave him a shy smile.

"The Earthling is someone you like and trust," he said. "I wanted to assure him all will be well because it's true. I fully intend to protect and take care of you." He exhaled heavily. "I know I'm a defective, there's no denying it. But this feels so good and…right. I don't care anymore." He paused for a moment. "I used to think it was dumb and Red was crazy. But I understand it now."

The both of you climbed up into the vehicle. You drove and he was your passenger. You knew that for the foreseeable future, you were going to be the passenger for a while. It was a sobering, somewhat frightening thought but at the same time, it'd be nice.

"I know I feel a lot better by going with you now," you admitted a little bashfully. "I really regretted saying no the first time. I'm happy you came back and I'm excited but a little scared about going with you."

"Trust me, I know it's a bit crazy right now but when it's all done and over with, things will be way better," he smiled confidently. "Honestly, I wasn't going to leave without you. I meant it."

"But here we are."

He chuckled quietly and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"No, you're too sweet to ever give up," he said quietly.

(a few hours later)

It was a task and a half but you managed it. You moved what felt like literally half of your cabin into his shuttle. It was surprisingly roomy on the inside of it and you happily loaded it up. There was the cockpit, a small bedroom, a snack bar or kitchenette of sorts, what looked like a bathroom and a storage room. The interior reminded you somewhat of an RV or trailer but obviously more alien and otherworldly. It was small but it was comfortable enough where you wouldn't be sitting atop each other the whole trip. The animals would be free to roam and could come and go as they pleased.

You grabbed every single pair of clothes and shoes that you could, not leaving anything up to chance and suspecting this venture could take months upon months. The fact that this voyage could even take a year or more intimidated you but it wasn't out of the realm of possibility either. You'd be damned if you had to go into the vast reaches of space without a few pairs of underwear at the very least.

All of the food you could gather and store was brought aboard as well. It was going to be a hell of a long trip and you just hoped all four of you wouldn't succumb to starvation in the middle of this journey. Of course, that would be very bad.

Purple stressed that while Earth was out at the ends of known Irken space, there were other, far flung planets and outposts that you could visit along the way to rejoin the Armada. Those outposts could allow you to stock up on whatever supplies you might've needed and lessen the likelihood of a disaster or hardship. But you still opted to be safer than sorry and decided to take no chance.

You even took your television, gaming system, media player and radio with you in the hopes you could somehow use these things on another planet. Perhaps you were overpreparing by a long shot but again, you chose to be equipped for any obstacle that might present itself to you. Your nervousness and anxiety about the trip caused you to over plan.

"I think that's enough," Purple said, looking somewhat amazed at all the things you managed to collect and haul aboard.

"Toothbrushes, toothpaste, shampoo, soap and sanitary pads are absolutely necessary, trust me," you said firmly. "And so is deodorant. I don't want to smell like a sweaty wildebeest."

"But you smell really nice!"

"Trust me, it's a self conscious thing of mine. It comforts me."

"I think we have everything, babe. I hate to rush too much but we gotta go. I still have to try to contact Red and figure out where he is exactly."

"I know, I know… Okay, I have Baby and Bambi's food, treats, supplies, toys…" You recited these things out loud, trying to make sure you got everything. It was decided that you weren't going to be turning around and pick something up you left behind. "We have glasses, cereal bowls, utensils… Movies, videogames… Purple, are we possibly forgetting anything? Please, let's put our brains together and think hard. Because with my luckvwe'll forget something totally obvious and vital and we end up dying in space because we don't have it."

"Trust me, I have some supplies hidden away inside the ship still. Those scientists didn't uncover all the secret panels and compartments I stowed away some stuff in." He waved a hand dismissively. "Don't worry, we'll be okay. And when we get to the Massive, you won't have to worry about a single thing. You'll be covered!"

You huffed quietly, hoping he was right. Now you were feeling jittery and tense.

"I guess we're ready…" you sighed.

"Hey, it's okay," he hugged you from behind and rested his chin on the top of your head. "It'll be us and the beasts."

"I know."

You looked at the dark and empty cabin you lived in for practically your whole life. It was so unusual and sobering to see it like this. You felt your heartstrings being tugged on the longer you took in the sight. You'd be running off into the expanse of the cosmos. You knew that somehow, someday, you would return. But already, you felt homesick.

Yet you willed yourself to move along. You were doing this for your own safety. Earth was no longer a sanctuary. You needed to leave for a bit. This was necessary.

You lived with your father and grandfather in there. You took those memories and that reality for granted until the moment of parting arrived.

"You will come back," he promised. "I will bring you back here. I'm gonna keep that promise to you, okay?"

"Okay," you sniffled. You felt yourself choking up. "I know, Purple."

He hugged you to his slender shape. You melted into his grasp and his gesture, feeling comforted by his actions. You felt lucky that he was receptive to your feelings. Maybe Irken and Earthlings weren't so vastly different after all.

Your attention was seized when you caught sight of an object descending from the clouds. For a moment, you froze, feeling mortification creep into you as you thought maybe it was the air bus that Dib's family showed up in. You couldn't look away, furiously trying to identify what this flying vehicle was.

But before you could properly tag it, you heard Purple groan in despair and frustration. He pouted and moaned, sounding like a scolded child.

"Seriously?!" he griped. "Zim, go away!"

You'd much rather deal with Zim than Dib at this point. At least Zim was on your side. Sort of. On the other hand, Dib wanted to ruin your life and painted you out to be some sort of traitorous monster.

"Why's he here?" you wondered, genuinely intrigued.

"Who cares!" Purple huffed in annoyance. "He's probably here to torment me one last time before I leave this planet!"

"Maybe it's good news?"

"Pft, yeah right!"

With your curious stare and Purple's impatient glare, the both of you watched as Zim's ship softly landed off to the side of your cabin. You held your ground wanting to know what the small Irken had to say for himself. Purple only didn't ditch Zim because there was no way he was going to leave him alone with you.

When the windshield retracted, revealing the…occupants, you were stunned. Zim wasn't alone. Someone very freakish looking and large was crammed into the tight cockpit with the infamous Invader.

But before you could fully process what the Hell was with Zim, Purple released you and shoved you behind him. You yelped in surprise and weren't expecting to have Purple's PAK limbs spring out and sprawl about in a defensive but poised fashion.

"Get on the ship!" he ordered you. "It's that thing from Area 51!"

"My Tallest!" Zim beamed. "Look what I found! After you took back your ship and fled Area 51, I stepped in to look around! The scientists couldn't believe their eyes when they saw me but they were hardly my concern!" He gestured to the hulking, monstrous passenger. "His name is Llec and he is my servant and minion now!"

"Yeah, we met, Zim!" Purple said hurriedly.

"Llec forgive you," the mutated, mismatched experiment said, offering the Tallest a toothy but friendly smile. "I better now that I no longer live in that place. No more tiny tube! Zim is Llec's friend now!"

"He is impressive but unfinished and needs more work!" Zim said. "I will pick up where the Humans left off! I will use him to help me in my mission to safeguard the planet and keep it out of the hands of any filthy traitors!"

"Sounds great, Zim!" Purple rolled his eyes. "Is he going to attack?"

"Llec no want to fight," the abomination grinned. "Llec want to go to with Friend-Zim and learn and explore and protect Earth! That what I want."

"So, it's on our side..?"

"We friends now!"

Purple narrowed his eyes at the being called Llec. He was still on alert but he noticed that the creature was calm. Perhaps it was docile for now but he was ready to eliminate the experiment if it decided to become hostile.

In the middle of this exchange, all you could do was study the escaped experiment with disbelief and astonishment. Llec smiled goofily, looking totally harmless and carefree despite his intimidating and somewhat hideous appearance. Quite truthfully, you had no idea what you were looking at. And this creature reportedly came from Area 51? Perhaps you shouldn't have been too scandalized by the reveal. Everyone knew insane things went on there undoubtedly but as to what they were, no one knew exactly. You definitely could safely say they were making monsters or creating gene spliced, bizarre entities.

"Llec see new friend!" the hulking figure boomed. He finally acknowledged your presence and noticed you. "Who you?"

"Uh, uh, I don't think so," Purple sternly corrected Llec. He stood directly in front of you, intending to shield you from him. "You can't really meet her because we're leaving anyway. Zim will be your new best friend for forever, okay?" He smiled but it was a sickening and malicious one.

"Llec want lady friend! Zim wouldn't take Jones-Lady with him!"

Purple shuddered at the recollection of Doctor Jones. The whole incident was too fresh in his mind and he knew it was going to take awhile for him to hopefully forget about it entirely. It made his skin crawl. But she was out of his life now despite her being so brief in it.

"No, Llec!" Zim huffed, crossing his arms. "We couldn't take the Jones-Human with us. She almost broke my windshield when she fell on it! Besides, Zim did not appreciate that she kept crying and saying her man-mate dumped her! It was annoying!"

"What the Hell happened when you were there?" you asked Purple, very much mystified by it all.

"I'll tell you when we leave, it's a mess," Purple sighed. "Zim, what do you want?"

"My Tallest, I'm happy I got here before you could leave!" Zim grinned. "I wanted to tell you goodbye and I hope your trip is successful and quick!"

"Okay, Zim, listen to me very carefully." Purple's mechanical limbs folded up and retreated into the PAK. "You still have your mission. Which is..?"

"Protect the Earth from traitors and rebel filth!"

"Good! Keep it up and stay right here!"

"Zim will make sure the planet is secure and perfect for when you return to absorb it into the Empire, my Tallest!"

"By the way… That large-headed freak-child? Dib? Why don't you introduce Llec to him? I'm sure he'd love to meet a new friend!"

There was no way that you could miss the menacing inflection in his voice. You scowled and walked up to Purple's side.

"Uh, bad idea," you chimed in. "Dib's a kid. I don't think he needs to be torn in half by an Area 51 escapee. He needs his ass grounded and under close supervision. That's what he needs. Seriously, Purple?"

"What?" The Tallest complained. "He's the reason why you're going with me! He attacked you and tried to expose you. Him getting roughed up by Zim's new pet is a fit punishment if you ask me! Maybe it's a bit too nice!"

"Yes, one day, I will introduce Llec to the Dib!" Zim nodded enthusiastically. "But Llec needs to be finished and processed more! His growth isn't done!" Then he paused, fully absorbing the words Purple said. "And wait, the Beast-Master is going with you?"

"Yes, I am," you confirmed. "So, you just worry about your new friend and make sure Dib isn't making things difficult, okay? I'm sure we'll meet again soon."

"You will meet the other Almighty Tallest, Beast-Master! I think you'll like him!" He then yelped quietly when he made a realization. "Just whatever you do, stay away from Foodcourtia! You can go to any place else in the universe but there! It's stinky, crowded and full of horrible people!"

"Right…" You paused, a little unsure of what to say with Zim's ominous recommendation. "Thanks for the heads up, Zim."

"You are welcome, Beast-Master!" He suddenly seemed to prick up and he beamed joyfully. "My Tallest, will you and the Beast-Master agree to have smeets created with your DNA eventually? Zim demands to be the official nanny if you do!"

You froze at his questions. Puzzled, you stared back at Zim, just wondering what he was talking about. While you gazed at him questioningly, you failed to notice that Purple was a dark green mess and quivering in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry?" you asked, raising a brow.

"My Tallest has claimed you as his female!" Zim stated matter of factly. "He told me you are his and I know Earthlings engage in filthy acts to repopulate their numbers! Surely you will have smeets!"

Oh my God.

Now you wished you only smiled and nodded and ignored him. You really wished your curiosity didn't get the better of you and coerce you to understand what he meant. Oh, you felt like a colossal idiot. You did recall that Purple told you what smeets were exactly but the lack of sleep and the abundance of stress caused your brain to short out in that moment.

"Uh, Zim?" you said with the volume of a mouse. "That's…that's not gonna happen. I'm pretty sure that's impossible!"

"Okay, we're outta here!" Purple said rapidly. "I'm so done!"

The extremely flustered Tallest scooped you up and flung you over his shoulders as if you were a sack of potatoes. You squealed at the sudden action but secretly, you were pleased he did that. That just meant Zim would be out of your hair that much quicker. Now you were even more eager to leave Earth.

Purple clambered aboard the ship and sat down in the pilot's seat, still keeping you over his shoulder. He activated the retinal scan and the transport whirred to life. He fiddled with a few controls, switches and joysticks, starting it up and desperate to leave the planet at this point. He could only take so much humiliation and weirdness at one time. This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Bye!" Zim waved feverishly. "Happy trails! Keep in touch, my Tallest!"

Purple totally ignored Zim and focused on blasting off from the ground, racing through the atmosphere and drifting through the cosmos. He piloted the ship, maneuvering it off the earth and guiding it through the air. He stared out the windshield, still internally screaming over Zim's ridiculous insinuation. If he wasn't so embarrassed and filled with the desire to flee, he most likely would've duct taped him to the back of his ship and exited Earth's orbit.

"Purple, put me down!" you said, trying to struggle and roll off. "Come on!"

"Wait until we're out of Earth's orbit!" he retorted. "I got you!"

He bit his lower lip and tried to ignore everything Zim said. And even if he did have smeets of his own, there was absolutely no way he'd let Zim near them let alone be on the same planet as he was. That was out of the question. Zim was already a horrible Invader, he'd be an even worse nanny.

Clouds whirred by as the ship continued to ascend. The sky became darker and the stars more visible as he climbed into the outer layers of the planet's atmosphere. The ship held strong and didn't rumble or shake as it made its journey. So far, so good. He was optimistic.

A minute later, the ship finally pulled away from the outermost layer and then he sped up, breaking free from the planet's gravitational pull. Purple slumped in his seat, feeling relieved and happy that his ship emerged intact. He wasn't much of a pilot but he commissioned it to be made by the finest technicians and mechanics in the Armada. It was built to be endurable, fast, comfortable, efficient and reliable. He wouldn't admit it out loud but considering how well it was running despite crashing and being partially repaired by Humans, the Irken mechanics did a fantastic job with it.

Finally, he set you down into his lap. Now the ship was stabilized and was ready to go in whatever direction its owner wanted.

You just couldn't believe you were actually in space. It was exactly as you imagined; frightening, beautiful and fantastical. And you knew that it was only going to be a whole lot more interesting from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank HypnoTonic again so much for creating this hilarious and brilliant fan vine for the story. I freaking loved it and it’s a crime to not share it. Check it out and give them some likes and love!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-Og2Yv8Oas&t=5s


	23. Lovers Amongst the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may have left one set of problems behind on Earth but now you have a new repertoire of issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience and support, guys. I’ve been working a lot more and I’ve been working on other things too so it took away some time from working on this. But I think I did alright with this one. Hope so anyway.
> 
> Enjoy!

Chapter 23 Lovers Amongst the Stars

(…)

"I…"

You hesitated and stared out the windshield. Stars whizzed past you as the shuttle hurtled through the endless expanse. This somehow didn't feel real. This felt like you were dreaming. The only folks on your planet who got to experience something like this were extensively trained scientists and astronauts. And yet here you were, travelling around in some alien's luxury space Corvette or whatever the hell this shuttle was the equivalent to.

You were going to see things no Earthling had ever set their eyes on. You were going to see it all for the first time and it would be unlike anything you ever dreamed or assumed. In reality, you had no idea what exactly was out there but from what Purple had briefly described and mentioned, it sounded mind-numbing. You were truly and literally travelling way out of your comfort zone. But this was way past the point of no return. Earth was behind and the vast, infinite boundaries of the universe and beyond, lain before you.

"I'm really in space?" you asked, wondering if this was really happening. Desperately, you felt like you needed a reality check.

"Geez, your species really needs to normalize space travel," Purple huffed.

"Pardon us for still being in the Stone Age," you quipped back. "Maybe you can help us out of our ignorance when this war is done and over with."

"We'll get there when we get there."

His spindly fingers danced along the control panel and some alien script or language popped up on one of the screens. Apparently, this must've been what the Irken language actually looked like. You quietly sat, observing it and only wondering what it said. It looked somewhat like some ancient script you learned about in high school awhile back. Maybe it was cuneiform..?

There was a healthy chance you were going to have to learn it all. It'd certainly be helpful especially if you were going to be amongst these creatures for an undetermined amount of time. Besides, you always meant to try to pick up a second language. Now this was the perfect opportunity and there was no excuse to not pursue that goal.

"Okay, this thing is on autopilot," he said. "I hate to do this but I really need to contact Red."

"Yeah, go ahead," you nodded.

"Sit here and wait for me to come back. Don't touch anything and if something happens, yell for me."

"Purple, I wouldn't even know what to touch. Trust me, I'm not putting my fingers on any buttons or control panels because the last thing I need is to end up self-destructing this ship somehow."

"You don't have to worry about that since the self-destruct mechanism is remote. I control that with my PAK."

"Okay, I feel a bit better knowing about that…"

"One other thing too…"

"Yes?"

He slid you off of his lap and placed you in the pilot's seat. Nervously, he wrung his hands together and he was obviously blushing. His large, purple eyes were focused on the ground and it looked like he didn't have the guts to look at you.

"Forget about that crazy stuff Zim was talking about," he said.

For a moment, you totally forgot about the insanity Zim spouted that pretty much coerced Purple to leave Earth at that particular moment. While you were busy coping with the reality of being in outer space, it slipped your mind. But now that the Tallest reminded you about that, the embarrassment kicked in and came rushing back in a merciless torrent.

"Purple, don't worry," you said, sitting cross legged in the plush chair. "I know Zim is insane. He just spouts madness and that's that."

"Ha, yeah!" he smiled nervously. "Besides, I don't think we're compatible like that anyway. That'd be really weird!"

"Yeah… I'm pretty sure that's impossible."

"…I'm gonna go talk to Red now."

"Okay."

Purple quickly turned around and hustled out of the cockpit, leaving you alone. You only sat back in the seat and continued to stare out the windshield.

You were only moving farther and farther away from Earth. You were far from everything and everyone you knew. And God only knew when you'd come back. Maybe it'd be a few weeks or possibly some years. There was no telling how long this new chapter in your life was going to play out. All you knew was that you had to try to stay alive and make it back to Earth somehow, some way, some day.

You were already homesick. But again, you reminded yourself it was necessary.

(…)

Purple somehow managed to wedge himself into the storage closet towards the back of his ship. Though the space was tiny and a bit cramped, he felt secure and he believed he'd have enough privacy. He was tempted to take the call in his bedroom but the furry beasts were temporarily locked up in there and he didn't need them clambering over him while he was speaking to his co-Tallest.

He took a deep breath. It'd be a few years since he last talked to him. Even before their days as Tallest, they always kept in close contact, be it physically or through video calls. It would feel so strange to finally reach out after this extended period of silence and exile. He even found himself hesitating and privately wondering if Red would somehow be angry for not getting back to him sooner.

Truly, he disliked being at odds with Red. Training and sparring with him during their Elite days was one thing. They were expected and they enjoyed pushing each other to fight harder and better themselves. But actually getting into a feud with him over some matter was something he hated. All he wanted to associate with Red was good times, sharing power, trips down memory lane and having someone to rely on. The last thing he wanted to be was his enemy and object of his disdain.

Purple slumped to the floor and sighed. He was nervous. He thought he was going to be excited and eager to reach out. Yet now that he was about to do it, he was stalling. Maybe Red would be different. Maybe somehow the years of separation changed him? What if he grew taller?

"Please be the same Red I know," he muttered. "Please, please, please, be Red..!"

He yelped when he heard his PAK beeping. Someone was trying to contact him.

It was Red.

Purple felt like he was going to have a panic attack. He bit his lower lip, hesitating and thinking what he could do. Yet what he did know was that he couldn't put this off. For his own safety, he'd have to rejoin the Armada and Red. There was no way that he could ignore his call.

"You were a soldier, Purple," he told himself. "Now you're a Tallest. Act like one!"

He huffed and mustered up his courage.

A small compartment on his PAK opened up and a small display screen floated out. It glided to face him and the screen displayed static on it. Red still called.

He answered.

All of that anxiety and fear melted away as soon as he saw that familiar face. A huge grin spanned across Purple's face and he visibly shook in glee. He squealed loudly and almost hugged the screen in his joy.

"Red!" he said, his voice breaking.

"Good to see you too, Purple," his dear, longtime friend smiled back at him. "I'm just happy to see you're alive and in one piece!"

"I'm happy to see you're alive too! I was so worried and I wanted to contact you so many times! But I didn't want to blow our cover and end up getting you captured or killed."

"As much as I want to chat more about nicer things with you, things are kinda bad right now. Where are you?"

"I just left Earth. Zim told me he got a hold of you on the Massive and he told everyone where I was."

"Good…" Red sighed in relief. "I'm glad you got out of there."

"Zim was a bothersome pest, I couldn't take it anymore."

"Purple, the Massive is still as dangerous as it was when we left it. I thought Rarl Kove might've cleaned up some of the mess but it's still here. I was almost assassinated as soon as I stepped onboard."

Purple fell silent. That was not good news. It seemed like the rebels were still very much present and hadn't been weeded out during his absence. They weren't going anywhere.

"Is that how you got that cool scar on your face?" Purple asked, finally noticing the blemish on his cheek.

"No, that was something else entirely," Red sighed. "I'll tell you about that later. Look, I called you to tell you to get off Earth but you beat me to it. There's no way I'm communicating you through any channels on the Massive because any spies can possibly trace our calls. So, if we're gonna contact each other, it needs to be on our private lines. Even then there's a chance for some sort of… I don't know, sabotage. Just look at me! I'm contacting you from my closet!"

"I'm…doing the same thing."

"We can't afford to be cowards anymore, Purple. After that attempt on my life, I let everyone know that I wasn't going to back off. I'm not going anywhere and I am going to win this war. I refuse to lose."

"I know, Red. I know that we can't let these people get away with things anymore."

"We're going to destroy the Resisty and all of these rebellious defectives. We're gonna do it together and we're gonna be the greatest Tallests that ever reigned!"

"Yeah, I like the sound of that! Count me in!"

"I have to ask you about one other thing."

"What is it?"

"Zim told me that you were sheltering with an Earthling. A female Earthling actually."

…Zim did not tell him that he told Red about this. This was not how he wanted to Red to find out about his female's existence. He wanted to rehearse and prepare for this reveal. At this moment, he was granted no time to explain himself. He was caught and he didn't know what to do or say.

"Judging by the look on your face, you know exactly what I'm talking about," Red deduced. "You make the same face when I catch you swiping my donuts from me."

"Ah, yeah," Purple laughed nervously. "But I'm not gonna try to lie about that! But, uh, the Human… She willingly helped me and hid me from her Earth government! Red, she shielded me from them."

"As she should because I'm sure she knew what would happen if she betrayed you."

"Trust me, Red, she's the best Human on that planet."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I made her part of my staff! She's got some…talents."

"Okay, wait. So, you left Earth? And she's still there? You didn't kill her or erase her mind or anything? You made her part of your…or our entourage?"

"She… She's with me. I welcomed her into our service. She's on my ship."

"…what? Are you serious?"

Red looked and sounded like he was becoming increasingly confused. Purple didn't understand how Red seemed so incapable of processing this information. In fact, it was starting to sow some seeds of paranoia in him. There was no reason for his friend to be reacting this way.

"I brought her with me," he reiterated. "She's coming with me to the Massive."

"Have you lost your mind?!" the scarred Tallest blurted. "Are you crazy?!"

Purple cringed at the loudness even through the monitor. It was so loud that he thought the speakers were going to be blown out. He was stunned for a moment but he quickly snapped out of it. He cleared his throat.

"Red, you gotta trust me on this," he urged. "This Earthling is okay. She won't betray us or cause any problems. I told her to come with me because Zim's nemesis was harassing her."

"You should've just killed her before you left, it would've made things so much easier!" Red lectured him. "Purple, sometimes, when you don't think before you act, bad stuff happens to you!"

"I'm not killing her, Red, there's no way I'm doing that! And don't scold me or treat me like I'm a smeet, I'm not one anymore!"

"Earthlings are the enemy! You've seen and heard about them even before you went to their planet! They're ugly, stinky and stupid!"

"Not this one! She's mine!"

"Purple, this creature isn't a toy, it's an enemy and it could ruin us all!"

"Don't talk about her like that! She is not my enemy! She isn't your enemy! She's on our side! Look, I've made plans that for when this is done and over with, Earth is going to be a part of the Empire. They make the best snacks in the universe and I've decided to make it my own personal bakery and retreat."

"…you claimed a planet for yourself?"

"Uh, yeah." Purple's tone was deadpanned and he narrowed his gaze at Red. "Earth is mine."

An exasperated and tired sigh came from Red. He couldn't believe the things that were coming out of Purple's mouth. He was definitely speaking to his friend but it seemed like his co-Tallest became possessive and obsessed with this Human he spoke of. Red was definitely concerned. This was what had happened whenever he shuttered communications with him. This was going to be a mess he'd have to sort through whenever he'd get a hold of Purple in person.

"Okay, okay," Red conceded. "Look, I'm no mood to argue with you, Purple. I haven't spoken with you for a long time and this is the last thing I want to do. I don't want to be mad at you."

"I get it," Purple nodded. He could feel himself calm down steadily. Just like with Red, he also didn't want to fight with him. "I don't wanna be angry with you either."

"Just get to the Massive, okay? I'll give you my position and you give me yours. From there, we'll try to meet at a halfway point to make it easier for both of us?"

"I agree, sounds good."

"Let's keep communication shuttered again unless if we absolutely have to talk to each other about something. Let's make your arrival a surprise so we can keep the assassins and spies guessing. Also, promise me something."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Watch your back, okay? The traitors are looking for you, Purple. They know I'm on the Massive now so they're looking even harder to find you. If they find you, they'll kill you. Promise me you'll make it to the Massive alive."

Purple nodded his head solemnly. Clearly, he could see the concern etched onto his features. Red wasn't joking about this thing. He was completely and wholly serious.

"I'll be there, Red," Purple remarked. "We have a lot to talk about when we finally meet up. We'll iron things out and make sure we're on the same page."

"Fair enough," Red said. "Good luck."

Red was the one who hung up. The screen turned to static and the display screen floated back into its compartment in his PAK.

Purple rested his back against the wall and let out a small sigh. It could've gone better but it could've been way worse too. The news about his travel companion obviously angered Red but Purple was steadfast. He wasn't going to pressure him to feel guilty or force him to take her back to Earth. She was on the ship and was en route to the Massive. There was no changing that.

The best part about it was that Red had no idea of Purple's exact relationship with her. The Tallest was finally going to divulge that piece of information whenever he'd see his coruler in the flesh. And Red was going to accept that fact no matter what. He only hoped Red would respect his choice in a female as much as he did with Pax. Although the concept of Red and Pax together confused him immensely, he accepted it. But now he fully understood what it was.

It was a leftover, repressed trait from his species' past. It allowed them to thrive and continue. It was closeness, intimacy, companionship.

And eventually, they betrayed their own origins. These urges to establish relationships, be it romantic or platonic, were cut out. They were deemed undesirable and inefficient. They were stigmatized and seen as a weakness.

But Irken technology was not perfect. PAKs were capable of malfunctioning and were vulnerable to trauma like any other piece of machinery. Defects of many sorts and categories were present in almost every Irken. Some were simply more acceptable, were ignored or brushed under the rug especially if they were tall. Other defects were labeled as more detrimental and costly to the progress of the Empire and so the defective Irken would be promptly culled.

Purple knew he was a defect. But this was a defect he was going to happily embrace. And if the Control Brains were to question him or imply termination, well, they could certainly try it. He wasn't going down without a fight.

(…)

"Are things okay? I heard raised voices."

You posed that question to him when he reentered the cockpit. Purple quietly walked in and you moved aside for him. When he reclaimed his seat, he pulled you into his lap. He rested his chin on the top of your head and idly ran his fingers through your hair.

"I can't lie to you about this," he said. "So…as it turns out, Red found out about you even before I could tell him. Zim happened to talk about you when he contacted him earlier."

Inevitably, you knew you were going to meet Red one way or another. That was a reality you couldn't escape. You were trying to mentally prepare for this meeting but in the pit of your stomach, you had a suspicion it probably wasn't going to be particularly pleasant or smooth.

"Oh…" you mumbled, feeling anxiety ferment in your gut. "That's convenient."

"Next time I see Zim, he's dead," Purple decided. "But now Red knows about you."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him you're with me and that you'll be on the Massive with us as a member of our staff."

"You know, since we're on the subject, who exactly are the other members of your staff? I think it's safe to assume I'll probably be working with these folks if they're going to be my…coworkers, sort of."

"I guess it depends if they're even still alive. But there's Rarl Kove, our advisor and regent. He was taking care of the Empire while Red and I were absent. There's also Soda Master Bepzee, he's our beverage specialist. He makes pretty awesome mix drinks too! And there's our tailor, Spindul. He does a real good job of keeping our garments clean and sharp for all the right occasions! And last but certainly not least there's our Snack Specialist, Kookee. Her job is to prepare all of our snacks."

"Lord, I hope Kookee is paid the best out of all of them. I've seen the way you eat so I can just imagine what Hell she has to go through by making food for two Tallests."

"She's a great snack maker! But she might be out of a job if she can't replicate her donut recipes to match the donut-witch's creations!"

You laughed out loud at his insinuation.

"I don't think Mrs. Colacci will be willing to go on board a space ship and make donuts, cookies and sweets for two alien emperors all day," you snickered.

"Why not?" Purple asked, cocking his head to the side. "She likes making sweets and treats! Isn't that why she sells them? I bought all of her donuts every time we went there! I'm definitely hiring her if Kookee fails!"

"Because she's old! She can't move as fast as she used to and she'd be overwhelmed by cooking for the both of you! Your demands would exceed her capabilities. Besides, the trip will probably kill her."

"She seems tougher than that!"

"Purple, come on…"

"Well, if I'm claiming Earth as my own, she'll be my chef for when I'm there." He beamed happily. "There, problem solved!"

"Alright…" You sighed. "There's Rarl Kove, Bepzee, Spindul and Kookee. I'll have to remember them. Is there anyone else? Four people on your staff seems kinda small. I thought you'd have more folks to serve you personally."

"Pax was our PAK Technician. She was the fifth member of our entourage too but then she got killed. She maintained our PAKs obviously."

"I see." A thought occurred to you. "So, the raised voices. You and Red argued?"

"He doesn't trust you." Purple wasn't going to cut corners. "He thinks you're an enemy. But I told him to back off and I vouched for you. I told him you're not an enemy. But I didn't tell him we're a couple."

"Hey, one step at a time, right? Maybe it's better to tell him about our exact status when we see him in person. I don't think Red trusts me because, well, I'm an alien to you guys first off. That and I think he's worried about you. He doesn't want you to get hurt. I think it's natural for him to be fishy of me. I mean, he's never met me to begin with so I get it. I'd be suspicious and worried too if my best friend showed up out of the blue after no contact and saying they're driving across the country with someone they met a few months earlier."

"Red has nothing to worry about. If I trust you, then he should too. When we meet him, it'll be good. He'll see there's nothing to freak out over."

"I'm kinda scared over everything." You admitted it outright to him. "This is all so new, strange and weird. And I just hope I don't fail spectacularly or get myself killed."

"Hey, I got you." Purple removed his head from its perch and he looked back at you. He smiled at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you. Remember what I said? You looked after me and I'll look after you. That's a promise."

You did feel lucky. A few months earlier, you hated his guts. You wanted to shoot him and dump his corpse in some particularly secluded, little travelled section of the forest. He was piggish, selfish, arrogant, entitled and a general piece of shit. And you never imagined you'd be in this position later on. You never could've predicted it.

But he softened up and opened up as well. There was more depth to him than you previously assumed. Beneath that haughtiness and spoiled façade, he was quite awkward and also very sweet. He was affection starved and emotionally constipated. You pitied him.

And before you knew it, you fell hard for him. You also didn't realize it until you began to develop these feelings for him that you were as much as a mess as he was. He wasn't perfect, he was far from it. But that was alright. You weren't the epitome of excellence either. The both of you could be two, awkward, imperfect, losers in love together. You were sure you'd get through whatever the universe threw at you. Somehow.

"I couldn't ask for a better guide," you smiled shyly. Your cheeks darkened. "I expect to be taken on plenty of fantastic and romantic dates to all sorts of cool planets."

Purple nodded dumbly at you and his cheeks became darkened like yours. His antennae fell flat against the back of his head, belying his embarrassment. Despite it, he smiled goofily and looked more than eager to carry out your wishes.

You laughed at his reaction and granted him a kiss.

"I'm joking," you chuckled. "I'm not a high maintenance woman. Just don't cheat on me and I think we'll be okay."

"Pft!" Purple scoffed. "No other female in the universe smells as good as you. Nor is she as comfortable, warm, cute and smart. I'm happy with my choice."

"Good. I know I'm quite honored to have such a tall, handsome and strong Irken on my side."

His antennae pricked upwards, almost perfectly erect. His smile was large and proud and he almost looked like he was overwhelmed for an instant.

"Really?!" he beamed. "You really think I am?" His expression turned shy. "I know I said Red was considered more handsome…"

"Then that's their fault for not realizing how attractive you are," you smirked. "They missed out."

"Yeah, maybe you're right! They snoozed so they lose! But even if they were interested in me, it probably wouldn't work. I had no idea no idea Earthling females were so…right."

His meek but genuine smile became tainted with something else in that exact moment. Some sort of mischievous hint crept into it and he growled quietly. His antennae twitched as he stared back at you.

You returned the stare. You gazed into those huge, purple eyes, unable to make out what was on his mind exactly. There was a suspicion you had but you weren't sure…

Then he blinked and it looked like he was snapped out of whatever was going on with him. He paused and it seemed like he was quietly processing something for a moment.

"You okay?" you asked, raising a brow.

"Hold on, babe," he said softly.

With one hand, his fingers fluidly danced over the buttons and controls. He was inputting something. Then a display screen popped up, showing the figure of an oddly shaped, pinkish spaceship. An icon that looked like the shuttle you were in appeared as well and it looked like the two transports were heading directly for one another. The distance between them was significant.

"Is that the Massive?" you asked, taking a wild guess as you studied the star map.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Red and I exchanged coordinates and now we're moving towards each other."

"And do we have an estimated time of arrival of sorts?"

"Earth is a backwater planet. The closest, most civilized world on the outer most fringes of the Empire is about ten days away."

Okay. That was fine. At least it wasn't fifteen years. This was alien technology you were dealing with and it was infinitely faster and more powerful than any spacefaring vehicle Earth had produced.

"That's not so bad," you said. "I think we'll survive."

"We've got plenty of snacks til we make it to that world and we can restock on supplies while we're there," Purple assured you. "Plus, we can play video games, watch movies, talk…and other things."

Of course, something popped up inside your he said "other things". You really needed to get your mind out of the gutter. But you also couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was like. It could either be harmless intimacy or you'd end up with your organs spilling out of you. You had no idea what Irken mating was like and you were pretty certain Purple had no idea about the matter as well.

"Well, uh…" you scratched the back of your head. "Do we have an estimated time as to when we'll be meeting up with Red?"

"That's why I almost failed piloting basics," he shrugged. "I only passed because Red helped me cheat."

That was something you didn't need to hear. Traveling with an alien who could barely drive his own ship… And this creature also wanted to drive your truck around when you were on Earth with him? You were so glad you never granted him that opportunity.

"But it shouldn't take more than a year," Purple elaborated. "The Massive is way faster, sturdier and better equipped than this ship so we should be able to meet up with Red in no time, don't sweat it."

"Right," you noted.

You were a frayed ball of nerves. It was a lot to process and take in already and you weren't even on the Massive yet. You could only imagine what you'd be like at that exact moment of truth. Maybe you'd literally die from culture shock. Or you might end up dead before you even arrive at the warship.

"What can I do to help you calm down?" Purple asked.

"Maybe some chocolate and a movie?" you suggested. "I still gotta check on Baby and Bambi too."

"We'll do that together. And we'll sit down and watch a movie or two. And we'll eat some snacks together." He blinked when he realized something. "Wait. Humans need sleep… Did you sleep at all when I was at Area 51?"

You were so worked up and worried that you only power napped a few times and even then, they were light, fitful rests. Honestly, you didn't realize until he mentioned it that you were pretty wiped out. Maybe some deep sleep would help out with your stress and anxiety.

"Hardly," you confessed.

"Then you gotta be running on fumes!" Purple said. "Earthlings need their sleep or they suffer. Sleep first, movies and snacks later, okay?"

"Fine." You let out a yawn. "I guess I do need it."

"You just yawned, yeah, you need it. So, don't argue with me."

You snorted but didn't debate with him. Purple exited his seat and carried you off to his resting quarters.

The door to the room opened up and you could see the Baby and Bambi snoozing together in the dog bed on the floor. It eased you to see that they had one another to give comfort and you were happy to see they were resting for now. Perhaps they were as stressed and tired as you were.

Purple laid you down on the long and narrow bed. And wow was it comfortable and plush... It was as if you were set down on a fluffy, flawless cloud. Now that you were on it, you were pretty sure you never wanted to crawl out of it.

"I'll be busy making sure everything is running smoothly and maybe I'll watch some movies or something, I don't know," said Purple.

"You can always join me," you offered. "I mean, this is your bed."

Purple shook his head but he smiled as he did so.

"Thanks but no thanks," he said. "You need sleep more than I do. Besides, you need to get as much rest as you can." He grabbed the quilt you brought with you and threw it over you. "I can go a few weeks without sleep if I absolutely have to."

"There's zero fun in that," you huffed. You burrowed beneath the quilt, getting comfortable and poking your head back out.

"You're pretty much the only reason why I want to sleep." His face turned a darker shade of green. "I can at least hold you and join you."

He knelt down and kissed you and you happily returned the gesture to him. Yeah, maybe you really were lucky…

"Yell if you need me," he said. "I'm stuck here so I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, thanks," you smiled. "Night, Purple."

"Night, babe."

He turned and quietly left the room, granting you your peace and solitude.

(The Massive)

His chambers were the only havens of sanctuary and peace he had onboard the Massive. He could decompress, think and sulk as need be in his quarters and no one would disturb him unless if an absolutely necessary matter popped up that he couldn't ignore. Sometimes he needed to take a break from the madness and chaos in his midst. Nothing had changed in his absence. It was in these rooms where he felt he could safely reach out to his co-Tallest with the risk of interception or sabotage being less likely.

Red remained huddled in the corner of his closet, disbelieving the conversation he had with Purple a few minutes earlier. He was astonished and more than anything else, concerned. He couldn't believe that Purple developed this strange, weird fascination with a female Earthling. He almost didn't want to believe that Zim's yammering was actually the truth. But his friend indeed confirmed he had a Human travelling with him.

Admittedly, Red was curious about the dominant race that Zim was studying. He always wanted to see one in person and confirm what Zim claimed about them. They were an interesting species and the Tallest was intrigued by them. But this? This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want a Human on the Massive and potentially make things worse than they already are.

"Ugh, Purple, you idiot!" he muttered. "What parasite lodged itself in your brain when you were on Earth?! Do they even have brain parasites there?!"

He sighed exhaustively and cradled his head in his hands. Granted, he was happy Purple looked and sounded like he was alive and well. His eyes looked bright, his color was healthy and he seemed unchanged other than the fact he had a Human accompanying him. Clearly, he didn't seem like he was suffering too much during his exile.

Red couldn't stop thinking about the exchange. In the pit of his spooch, he had a feeling Purple was attached to this creature. He knew his friend was greedy and didn't like to share but there was something strange in his voice when he claimed the Human was his. And then he said he claimed Earth as his own personal retreat?

He'd have to let it go. It was beyond his control for now. He trusted Purple to be smart. So far, he managed to survive exile and being on the run. He was doing something right if he was still alive. All he could do was wait for to reunite with him. He would address everything when the time was right. He was already stressed enough as it was.

Red finally got up and left the dark space of the wardrobe. He exited it and knelt down beside his bed. He reached under it and pulled out the box that held his beloved puppets.

The Tallest opened it up and beheld the three figures that he had crafted. The fake, glossy, red, purple and ruby eyes of the puppets stared back at him. Gingerly, he plucked the effigy of Pax out of it.

"I didn't do a bad job with making you," he said to himself. A ghost of a smile was on his face as he admired his handiwork. "I worked the hardest on you."

He exhaled and laid back on his bed. He rested the puppet of his late female against his chest. It felt like centuries ago but only a few years passed since they once rested like this. Deeply and truly, he missed it. He missed her.

He still remembered her face, her eyes, her voice… But it seemed like that every time he reflected on Pax, his memory of her became a little cloudier. It frightened him. He couldn't and wouldn't forget her. At least with her puppet, he captured her likeness just in case if his memory failed him for whatever reason.

Intently, he stared at the puppet, almost hoping and wishing it'd somehow talk and come to life. Somehow, he wished a piece of her being was in this doll and he could interact with her again. He missed everything about her.

"_Did you seriously have to eat almost all of my chocolate covered popcorn? Why?"_

_"What a shame, I guess we'll have to share the rest of it. How silly of me!"_

_"Red, I know you did it on purpose… You can say goodbye to those nachos of yours because I'll eat them out of pure vengeance now."_

_"Oh, are you threatening your Tallest? Am I supposed to be scared?"_

_The female technician smirked playfully and leapt at him. She pinned him beneath her and gave him a stony, unamused stare. But then her front dropped completely and she smiled at him. A few seconds later, she began to mercilessly tickle his sides._

_Red erupted into laughter and flailed about recklessly, trying to free himself from Pax's grasp. Her own laughter mixed in with his and the two tall Irken harmlessly struggled against one another._

_"That's not fair, cut it out!"_

_"It's more than fair, you big bully! This is payback! And you sound like the tiniest smeet with that laughter, my Tallest."_

Eventually, as time wore on and as he got older, his mind would start to fail him. That was inevitable. It was an ugly and disquieting thing but it was reality. One day, he would look at her puppet and wonder who she was.

And honestly, Red hoped he would be dead before the day he'd completely forget about Pax.


End file.
